This is my 603rd post in this thread.
Yeah....I'm back earlier than I expected. These past few days have been a real struggle for me, and I thought maybe I needed to take a break from Social Networks (unfortunately, though, I can't take a break from Facebook, I need to make sure I'm up to date with all the praise and worship stuff), hoping I'd feel okay eventually.
And honestly? I don't feel okay right now. I can't say I'm barely keeping my head above the raging waters, but I sure as heck am not doing a good job keeping afloat, either. So I've decided I might as well cut my break short...I know it didn't last very long. But it didn't take very long for me to realize I wasn't getting anywhere.
Yesterday, I went to the dentist for the routine cleaning. Got an x-ray done. I saw that my wisdom teeth in the bottom of my mouth are coming in at an angle, and she was going to completely ignore that (I might be a teenager, but I'm not THAT stupid). And then my mouth hurt for 3 hours after because the hygienist was really rough when she cleaned them, but that's not relevant.
I just need prayer. A lot of it. I feel like I'm either doing something really right, or really wrong, and I'm not sure which, and that's why this is all happening.
I have to say, I feel really bad for posting all of this negativity. But some days, it just feels like I can't tell anyone else besides God how I feel.
The good thing is, my friend that had the stroke is doing better. God's bringing her through. She'll need some physical therapy, but I think she'll be fine and will recover fully.
I also had my first praise and worship practice for church services yesterday.
It's going to be a lot of work, getting coordinated and learning their styles, and how they do things (which is VERY different. They do almost everything differently). But it's going to be worth it, if it means giving them live worship. For a while they've been using a CD and singing along with it, and it's not personal at all.
For the time being, I'm greatly needed at this church. I just hope and pray that if it's God's will for Him to bring us together as a group, and just let the Holy Spirit guide us, and make His presence known in the practices AND in the services. Worship has fallen flat lately. It felt flat last week. I'm not sure what we did wrong, but something was missing. I'll talk with the others Sunday to see what they think.
Whew, that was a long post...and with this post, I think I'll be heading off to sleep. God bless you all.
And thanks for tolerating me so far!! No, seriously. You all have been awesome (even through this very emotional time for me. Man, Christmas is gonna be tough and busy, and you may or may not see me much at all, if any, from the 22-26th). I wish I could repay you all somehow for your kindness towards me.
May God's love and peace surround you all. ♥