Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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CatHerder

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
48
Jullianna;1359874]Might not be you at all, you know? Some people like drama. Some people like being upset. Some people look for reasons to have their feelers hurt.
This is also good to remember when dealing with some of the more difficult personalities in CC.
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,392
434
83
Have you ever felt in your life,sometimes even more so as a Christian that you find yourself feeling like you always have to apologize to someone for "something" you may or may not have said or done? That you may have inadvertently stepped on someones toes & not even known until it becomes glaringly obvious that they really dislike you or that you've upset them?

I feel like that. More times than I care to. I ask myself & God..."is it me?"..."do I do this?"..."am I this horrible monster that some feel as though I am?"
I am not perfect. Not by a long shot. I do try to live in peace with others and I really do try to take into consideration other people's feelings,even if I don't fully understand what or why they feel the way they do.

I suppose I should trust God more. Pray for those people. Even more so..pray for myself.
What do you do when you know someone can't stand you,but they themselves even admittedly have told you that why they dislike you has no foundation in anything other than their own insecurities or personal demons? What then?

I find my self apologizing for thing's I never did or said just to keep the peace. I used to do this near the end of my marriage.
I thought it must be "me"... "I am this horrible person & I make this woman feel horrible."
I know now that that was a lie that I bought into..even she,herself told me that I did nothing wrong,that she still loved me & felt 100% responsible for the ruin of our marriage.

I don't hold her responsible. I do however believe that I accepted way too much self inflicted self loathing & critical self-evaluation from myself.

I realize in my heart that the only person that I need to have acceptance & good standing with is God.

I know that because of the sort of person I am...I put myself out there. People look at me and see one thing,but only those who I have truly let into my heart know the real me..they love me despite my flaws and glaring imperfections. They don't mind if I'm having a bad or a good day...if I am super spiritual God squad dude one minute & then banging my head singing Reign In Blood by Slayer!

I can barely count on one hand those people currently in my life. I'm actually more than ok with that.

I suppose my human "why can't everyone just like me & we all get along" side rears it's head once & awhile.
I start to question my validity. I start to question my place.
Worst of all,I start to question if I am worth even being known by anyone...yanno...just wanting to disappear.

So on this arctic 3 degree morning here I am thinking about one of a million things...just venting,rambling...having a "Jim moment",and sipping my coffee. Just was wondering if anyone else feels the same way? I can't really be alone in how I feel at times,can I?
Been in your view, and it is debilitating. Learned this, the devil can care less if I go to Church, read the word, dance in the streets, get married or divorced. Be on fire for:

The enemy, works on guilt, and if one gets past that, then pride and prejudice over things bad that have happened, getting one to think to avoid any of those bad things again
Bottom line, as long as the enemy can keep anyone off of the finished work of Christ at the cross, first the death that reconciled us to Father as perfect, then we can' see the new life in the resurrected Spirit of Christ for us here and now
Praying this might help you or anyone reading here to see though to the other side
 
I

iTOREtheSKY

Guest
You know if I had the choice between having a family, or becoming a writer and writing several successful books but remaining unmarried. I would be fine with being a writer.
Put me down for a copy...and let me know when yer' 1st autograph signing is. :)
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,392
434
83
Might not be you at all, you know? Some people like drama. Some people like being upset. Some people look for reasons to have their feelers hurt.

good gravy, that's true.

i grew up in a family of drama-aholics.

now i'm allergic. maybe that's why i'm single. :)
So you are pretty much like many that have the sign on there door that says welcome, underneath, relatives by appointment only
 

just_monicat

Senior Member
Jan 1, 2014
1,284
17
0
one of my favorite things is listening to the conversations kids have with each other. sometimes i give riding lessons, and occasionally i do classes at the equestrian center. currently, i am teaching a juvenile horsemanship now and we met last night for our second class. this is the youngest class i've ever taught, like 7-9 year olds, mostly girls, and for the most part i'm loving it. anyway, there is this adorable girl (missing most of her front teeth) and has a cute lisp. she kept referring to posting as "posing", due to her lisp. but her mom clearly didn't understand when she picked her up last night.

for you who don't horse, posting is a technique of rising in the saddle with the rhythm of the horses gait. it is a much more comfortable way to ride a trotting gait.

anyway, at the end of the night, the youngest of the girls was talking to her mom.

mom: so what you learn tonight?
girl: i learned to pose
mom: you learned how to pose?
girl: yeah, posed, miss monica posed, everybody posed!
mom: what did you pose for? a picture?
girl: nooooo. we posed because it hurts not to! you can't learn to ride horses if you can't pose!
mom: <confused look> ok, we'll go home and work on our posing...
girl: YAY! oh wait... i can't pose without a horse
mom: no, you can pose with your sister, instead.
girl: confused face

so funny... sometimes i love little kids. like any little girl needs help working on their "pose"
 
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CatHerder

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
48
one of my favorite things is listening to the conversations kids have with each other. sometimes i give riding lessons, and sometimes i do classes at the equestrian center. currently, i am teaching a juvenile horsemanship now and we met last night for our second class. this is the youngest class i've ever taught, like 7-9 year olds, mostly girls, and for the most part i'm loving it. anyway, there is this adorable girl (missing most of her front teeth) and has a cute lisp. she kept referring to posting as "posing", due to her lisp. but her mom clearly didn't understand when she picked her up last night.

for you who don't horse, posting is a technique of rising in the saddle with the rhythm of the horses gait. it is a much more comfortable way to ride a trotting gait.

anyway, at the end of the night, the youngest of the girls was talking to her mom.

mom: so what you learn tonight?
girl: i learned to pose
mom: you learned how to pose?
girl: yeah, posed, miss monica posed, everybody posed!
mom: what did you pose for? a picture?
girl: nooooo. we posed because it hurts not to! you can't learn to ride horses if you can't pose!
mom: <confused look> ok, we'll go home and work on our posing...
girl: YAY! oh wait... i can't pose without a horse
mom: no, you can pose with your sister, instead.
girl: confused face

so funny... sometimes i love little kids. like any little girl needs help working on their "pose"
haha! This cracked me up.

I've spent a lot of time with horses recently. A developmentally delayed gentleman that I support volunteers at a ranch where disabled kids have riding lessons. He cleans the stables without much help needed, so I get to visit the horses while he does that. I've gotten to know their personalities quite a bit. One is obnoxious in the stable, but sweet, gentle and compliant when out. One shies away from other people, but with me, he thinks he is a lapdog and loves to have his head cuddled. One doesn't want anything to do with me unless I have carrots. And a female mule is the smartest of the bunch. To me, it's kind of like a petting zoo.

Haven't been on one since a kid (only a couple of times). I think it would be fun to take lessons sometime.
 

Loveneverfails

Senior Member
Feb 18, 2013
1,294
26
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Well done, Love! Now, if only you could teach your brother to make it for himself.
Thanks! I wish I could, but he won't cook anything that can't be prepared in a microwave. Last time he used the stove he almost burned the house down.
 

just_monicat

Senior Member
Jan 1, 2014
1,284
17
0
haha! This cracked me up.

I've spent a lot of time with horses recently. A developmentally delayed gentleman that I support volunteers at a ranch where disabled kids have riding lessons. He cleans the stables without much help needed, so I get to visit the horses while he does that. I've gotten to know their personalities quite a bit. One is obnoxious in the stable, but sweet, gentle and compliant when out. One shies away from other people, but with me, he thinks he is a lapdog and loves to have his head cuddled. One doesn't want anything to do with me unless I have carrots. And a female mule is the smartest of the bunch. To me, it's kind of like a petting zoo.

Haven't been on one since a kid (only a couple of times). I think it would be fun to take lessons sometime.
yeah, i can't remember laughing so hard once that class was over. i wish i had taped the kids trying to post. a few of them were hopelessly lost, and they were just bobbing up and down like a cork in the ocean. too funny.

horses are the best. i grew up riding and got my first horse when i was 9ish. her name was daisy and she was waaay too big for me. she was the crankiest geriatric mare, trying to wipe me off every fence post, branch, tree, and building. she had a lot of bad habits and i think you can still see a faint impression of her teeth somewhere on the back of my shoulder. she threw me so often that i have a roadmap of calcified skeletal scars all over my body. the upside is that every horse that has followed is pretty much a cake walk (and now i have mad skills for not getting tossed).

as for lapdogs, my sweet boy, max is a doll. i've had him since he was a yearling and have done the bulk of the training myself. he can fall asleep with his head pretty much in my lap and is definitely the most even tempered of all the horses i've had.

i'm so glad you get to spend time around the barn, that must be a wonderful experience for you both. clean barn is definitely my favorite smell.

p.s. lots of barns and centers offer adult beginner lessons. i'd definitely recommend it. most are really good at finding a good match for your personality and skill/experience level.
 
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rachelsedge

Senior Member
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
81
48
34
Today I am sending a message to the woman who hurt me deeply 1.5 years ago. I am sending her a message of forgiveness, both that I have forgiven her and that I pray she can forgive me. I don't want to rehash or accuse. Only own up to my part and attempt to mend the relationship. After all this time, I feel that I am ready. I am still not completely healed. But I have made significant progress, I think. I have prepared myself for no response, or for a response of unforgiveness/unloving. I do not expect anything in return, and I think that is best. I can only do what I can do. The rest is up to her and God.

I have only written two lines, a nice small-talk sort of introduction, but my heart is already pounding. Lord be my strength.
 

Loveneverfails

Senior Member
Feb 18, 2013
1,294
26
0
Today I am sending a message to the woman who hurt me deeply 1.5 years ago. I am sending her a message of forgiveness, both that I have forgiven her and that I pray she can forgive me. I don't want to rehash or accuse. Only own up to my part and attempt to mend the relationship. After all this time, I feel that I am ready. I am still not completely healed. But I have made significant progress, I think. I have prepared myself for no response, or for a response of unforgiveness/unloving. I do not expect anything in return, and I think that is best. I can only do what I can do. The rest is up to her and God.

I have only written two lines, a nice small-talk sort of introduction, but my heart is already pounding. Lord be my strength.
Ive done the same thing. It is both relieving and terrifying. Praying for guidance and strength. :)
 
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persNickety

Guest
I don't why I am so exhausted lately. Maybe it's the weather. I've finally started to wake up an it's after 12. I'll get sleepy again by 4. Nap for a few hours, wake then sleep again by midnight. I could never have kids, simply don't have the energy for them.
 
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persNickety

Guest
Today I am sending a message to the woman who hurt me deeply 1.5 years ago. I am sending her a message of forgiveness, both that I have forgiven her and that I pray she can forgive me. I don't want to rehash or accuse. Only own up to my part and attempt to mend the relationship. After all this time, I feel that I am ready. I am still not completely healed. But I have made significant progress, I think. I have prepared myself for no response, or for a response of unforgiveness/unloving. I do not expect anything in return, and I think that is best. I can only do what I can do. The rest is up to her and God.

I have only written two lines, a nice small-talk sort of introduction, but my heart is already pounding. Lord be my strength.
I believe that this will be healing for you, regardless of the outcome. Even the choice to write says so much about how you've grown.
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
Today I am sending a message to the woman who hurt me deeply 1.5 years ago. I am sending her a message of forgiveness, both that I have forgiven her and that I pray she can forgive me. I don't want to rehash or accuse. Only own up to my part and attempt to mend the relationship. After all this time, I feel that I am ready. I am still not completely healed. But I have made significant progress, I think. I have prepared myself for no response, or for a response of unforgiveness/unloving. I do not expect anything in return, and I think that is best. I can only do what I can do. The rest is up to her and God.

I have only written two lines, a nice small-talk sort of introduction, but my heart is already pounding. Lord be my strength.
Just remind yourself that no matter what this person does or does not say, it cannot change the fact that you know Christ.

It takes a lot of the pressure off :).
 
T

Tintin

Guest
Today I am sending a message to the woman who hurt me deeply 1.5 years ago. I am sending her a message of forgiveness, both that I have forgiven her and that I pray she can forgive me. I don't want to rehash or accuse. Only own up to my part and attempt to mend the relationship. After all this time, I feel that I am ready. I am still not completely healed. But I have made significant progress, I think. I have prepared myself for no response, or for a response of unforgiveness/unloving. I do not expect anything in return, and I think that is best. I can only do what I can do. The rest is up to her and God.

I have only written two lines, a nice small-talk sort of introduction, but my heart is already pounding. Lord be my strength.
Very powerful, Rachel. Yes, God is your strength! He will (probably already has by now) guide you in what to write. God Bless, mate.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
I made a really poor, snap decision this morning to share some of my Mtn Dew with my 2 year old son. I mean, he doesn't get to drink soda like, ever...and I was trying to do something else, and he was just losing his little kid mind about who knows what...so I gave him a little of it.

And then at nap time, he wouldn't sleep. And wouldn't sleep. And wouldn't sleep.

I couldn't figure it out. I got so frustrated...

It didn't even occur to me until just now...DUH Cristen! No wonder he wouldn't sleep!

My friend even warned me about it. Do I listen? Ever? Nope.

'Scuse me while I go simultaneously beat my head against the wall and crack up laughing at how dumb I can be....
 
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iTOREtheSKY

Guest
Oh man..Cristen!!! laffin' (sorry) Mountain Dew is like radioactive & junk. Do me a favor...later tonight when you put him to bed & turn off the lights come back on CC & let us know if he glows! :p j/k
(see why I'd be a bad parent??) lol