there is something "really awesome" being alone with God... I think to myself.. There isn't "one person" who knows "really" where I'm at .. It makes me smile .. we out on our outfits, do up our hair , hide behind fig leaves in all sorts of scripture, paint our lipstick smiles , straighten up our ties , and walk into the world looking happy, laughing , joking ..hanging with friends , with family ... And in all the middle of all that .. Not one person "really" knows ... beyond places hugs can not reach, kisses can not get too, a smile can not penetrate...and groups gathered together can not reach ....
BUT GOD....
Oh yes, but God...
I have scratched people off because I thought I could trust them and could not
Because I thought I could tell them something in confidence and it be kept there,
Because I thought I could trust their honesty ...
Scratched people off to such a degree that all I had left was a solitary place, quietness, no interaction with people ...
I was left alone
With God...
Naked before Him..
in all my mess, my failures , my inconsistencies , me..
What I found was a God who is not perched up on His throne ..
But "RIGHT HERE" with me in the middle of all my mess..
The only one who really knows where Im at right here right now ..
I talk to Him like Hes a living, walking, talking, breathing, eye blinking , person ..
I feel like Jacob, who went all the way back . .. As it was to suppose to be all along .. In the beginning ... But God ...
But God , but God ...
I dont have to hide from Him, I dont have to search for Him, I don't have to go looking for Him...
Because He knows "exactly" where I'm at..