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G
Playing with my dog now, uhhh, yeah, after this moment typing to you all, and, then, , going to the car races with my dad later. been an interesting work week ( i do appreciate your prayers all of my work stuff going on now, so, thanks 
), seems like the Enemy is attacking me and God is blessing me at the same time. I guess, that's how it works, sometimes. The Lord leads, and, sometimes, He allows Satan to do something to us, ala Job. But, God is in control, I always try to keep in mind what I have--money, etc---is not mine, it's all His. He gave it to me, I want to use it as I feel led by Him and I learn how to use money and everything else by prayer to Him. I'm working on devotions more now, really, putting them into my life more, mornings. To start my day out RIGHt !! And, 'right' is ONLY starting our days out with Him. Right?
I know that, He is winning all my battles, but, yeah, it's the way He works in my life that I embrace and I continuously DO shut Satan right out of the fold, I LOVE to do that, too. His power empowers us all. God bless your days, I hope and pray, they, and, evenings, are just like julieannie said (but arwenbaggins I am not responding to anyone ): fantastic
), seems like the Enemy is attacking me and God is blessing me at the same time. I guess, that's how it works, sometimes. The Lord leads, and, sometimes, He allows Satan to do something to us, ala Job. But, God is in control, I always try to keep in mind what I have--money, etc---is not mine, it's all His. He gave it to me, I want to use it as I feel led by Him and I learn how to use money and everything else by prayer to Him. I'm working on devotions more now, really, putting them into my life more, mornings. To start my day out RIGHt !! And, 'right' is ONLY starting our days out with Him. Right? I know that, He is winning all my battles, but, yeah, it's the way He works in my life that I embrace and I continuously DO shut Satan right out of the fold, I LOVE to do that, too. His power empowers us all. God bless your days, I hope and pray, they, and, evenings, are just like julieannie said (but arwenbaggins I am not responding to anyone
): fantastic
I
I found some extra coins for the meter! I just finished part 4 of a friends' testimony that he is sharing weekly about things in his life & a relationship with a woman. Little bit's & pieces of this sound so much like a girl I was close to as a young teen. I watched her head down a horrible path for most of her life. I think I had mentioned her once in a thread. Anyways,it's heartbreaking when someone you care so much for goes through so much pain,and then as a result of that pain,you many times watch them try to destroy themselves.
I can't even imagine if I am grieved so much by something like that,how much more must God be? We are his children,and so many times we make the choice to run as far as we can from his love & tender mercies. I still can't fathom just how much God loves me. I don't think I ever will until I am with him one day.
It is soon coming up on the 1 year date of the passing of my Mom. The 90 degree weather we've been having has made me think about it again. It's funny. Many people say that it's ironic that loved ones always pass away around the holidays..thanksgiving,christimas...which makes people more sad instead of joyful anymore during the holidays. For me it's May/June/July...withing the last week of May were the last times I spoke to my Mom,then May 31st the day we met with the people at the lawyers to sign over the house & collect payment,not even minutes before I was in tears having just spoken to my Mother,knowing how sick she was....then she passes away in June,maybe a few weeks later...then not even a week or two after that,I feel like I'm getting a flu..but it turns out I had an infection in my blood from a wound on my leg that bacteria had gotten into retaining water...I nearly died according to the doctor if I'd waited much longer...hospitalized for 17 days...multiple times relocating to an apartment that would hold all the garbage I now owned due to the divorce...so on & so on. So these summer months are not a happy time for me. It seems like yesterday,but almost like a dream.
I thank God for certain people in my life that let me just share all those things I just did & more. No judgment...just there to listen,even if they are up way past their bedtime & are exhausted..they still are there. Many times I know I can be quite possibly moody on here to people. It is never my intent. I have just been trying to juggle a great many things,as I have read many of you are also..some things that I can't even imagine having to deal with. Life is surely hard at times...but I suppose Jesus never said it would be easy. My heart's cry lately has been that the Lord deliver me out of this pit I am in,but the more I am here,the more I feel I am asking God to walk me through this adversity. Maybe I will come out the other side more refined...closer to him. I want to be a better man. I feel funny even saying that,because a part of me always tries to tell me that it's over...you can't teach an old dog new tricks,yer' not going to do any of those things you thought God had for you when you were younger...you blew it by wasting the past 11 years living for yourself...give up!
I know Jesus doesn't want me to give up. I certainly know my Mother would have never wanted me to give up. Last but certainly not least,the future woman I want to be with would not want me to give up.
The heat certainly brings out the crazy in me...crazy from the heat? There goes my meter...times up.
I can't even imagine if I am grieved so much by something like that,how much more must God be? We are his children,and so many times we make the choice to run as far as we can from his love & tender mercies. I still can't fathom just how much God loves me. I don't think I ever will until I am with him one day.
It is soon coming up on the 1 year date of the passing of my Mom. The 90 degree weather we've been having has made me think about it again. It's funny. Many people say that it's ironic that loved ones always pass away around the holidays..thanksgiving,christimas...which makes people more sad instead of joyful anymore during the holidays. For me it's May/June/July...withing the last week of May were the last times I spoke to my Mom,then May 31st the day we met with the people at the lawyers to sign over the house & collect payment,not even minutes before I was in tears having just spoken to my Mother,knowing how sick she was....then she passes away in June,maybe a few weeks later...then not even a week or two after that,I feel like I'm getting a flu..but it turns out I had an infection in my blood from a wound on my leg that bacteria had gotten into retaining water...I nearly died according to the doctor if I'd waited much longer...hospitalized for 17 days...multiple times relocating to an apartment that would hold all the garbage I now owned due to the divorce...so on & so on. So these summer months are not a happy time for me. It seems like yesterday,but almost like a dream.
I thank God for certain people in my life that let me just share all those things I just did & more. No judgment...just there to listen,even if they are up way past their bedtime & are exhausted..they still are there. Many times I know I can be quite possibly moody on here to people. It is never my intent. I have just been trying to juggle a great many things,as I have read many of you are also..some things that I can't even imagine having to deal with. Life is surely hard at times...but I suppose Jesus never said it would be easy. My heart's cry lately has been that the Lord deliver me out of this pit I am in,but the more I am here,the more I feel I am asking God to walk me through this adversity. Maybe I will come out the other side more refined...closer to him. I want to be a better man. I feel funny even saying that,because a part of me always tries to tell me that it's over...you can't teach an old dog new tricks,yer' not going to do any of those things you thought God had for you when you were younger...you blew it by wasting the past 11 years living for yourself...give up!
I know Jesus doesn't want me to give up. I certainly know my Mother would have never wanted me to give up. Last but certainly not least,the future woman I want to be with would not want me to give up.
The heat certainly brings out the crazy in me...crazy from the heat? There goes my meter...times up.
Streams of consciousness and thought based on the previous post. But even more so than that, is the power of God and leading of the Holy Spirit.
Today there will be a trial, a test, a struggle. Watch for it warily. Stand in preparation. When you see the fiery furnace set before you, remember the three Hebrew boys and how they refused to bow to any other than God Almighty. Do not bow to the trials, the stress, the worry, or any other thing that exalts itself against God. Walk peaceably into the fire. Stand in its midst with the peace of God upon you in all of His glory. Know that despite the flames, the smoke, the heat, the visible pressure of all of it, that God shall surely deliver you. Stand firmly and just watch what God shall do knowing that He is able to do all things.
Through this fire you shall be delivered. In each day that passes thereafter, it will be in your memory of what God has done for you and you will more boldly face each challenge each day with the peace of God that goes beyond all understanding.
Today there will be a trial, a test, a struggle. Watch for it warily. Stand in preparation. When you see the fiery furnace set before you, remember the three Hebrew boys and how they refused to bow to any other than God Almighty. Do not bow to the trials, the stress, the worry, or any other thing that exalts itself against God. Walk peaceably into the fire. Stand in its midst with the peace of God upon you in all of His glory. Know that despite the flames, the smoke, the heat, the visible pressure of all of it, that God shall surely deliver you. Stand firmly and just watch what God shall do knowing that He is able to do all things.
Through this fire you shall be delivered. In each day that passes thereafter, it will be in your memory of what God has done for you and you will more boldly face each challenge each day with the peace of God that goes beyond all understanding.
There's a disconnect between the way we see ourselves, and the way others see us. It has to be this way, since people are not all-knowing.
On one side of the coin, we will sometimes do things that seem "out of character" to other people. And it's not so much because it IS out of character, but because the observer doesn't know us that well. Our actions don't match their expectations, so it's out of what they think our character is.
On the other side of the coin, some people see themselves as much more, or much less, than they really are. Others will never see them as they think they are, simply because their view of themselves is so inaccurate. This frustrates the person who thinks other people refuse to see them as they "really" are, when in fact it is they who need to adjust their perception.
On one side of the coin, we will sometimes do things that seem "out of character" to other people. And it's not so much because it IS out of character, but because the observer doesn't know us that well. Our actions don't match their expectations, so it's out of what they think our character is.
On the other side of the coin, some people see themselves as much more, or much less, than they really are. Others will never see them as they think they are, simply because their view of themselves is so inaccurate. This frustrates the person who thinks other people refuse to see them as they "really" are, when in fact it is they who need to adjust their perception.
I find some people very draining. I'm a pretty patient person but I'm not a doormat, nor do I not have things in my own life that I deal with. If someone asks me for advice, not me just giving unwarranted advice but them asking, what would you do? Then you honestly tell them and they basically poo poo your advice and do what they where going to do in the first place, then why ask????
I
Been feeling really a bit exhausted today...I've tried to "wake" myself up,but just felt groggy. It's been hard to motivate myself to do much today,I'm in a bit of a daze. Sometimes when I feel a bit overwhelmed I get like that. The heat isn't helping either...it can never be that nice dry heat,it always has to be mixed with humidity. That's summer in Maine for ya'. I suppose by the coast it's not that way,but only rich folk get to live there. I have a lot of time left on the meter,but I think I'll let someone else use the rest of my time.
C
Well, I made some major decisions for my life today. It is time to weed out what does not
belong. I have had to look at my life over the past couple weeks and saw some things that
I am not happy about them being there. I want my life to praise God and if it is not doing
that then it needs to be removed. There are things that I have been trying to let go of that
have affected my life and made a lot of confusion. I know what it is I want and where I see
it going, so why do I let these things in my life that aren't what I see for myself later on?
It has troubled my spirit that I let people disrupt my life to the point of causing me stress.
There are so many verses that would support cutting off what tries to destroy you or
take you down. I want to know that every step I take is being directed by God and glorifying
Him. I want to be an example of Him.
Why is it that even in a journal I can not feel free to express myself openly?
Why do I hold back?
When will you walk out of my life?
belong. I have had to look at my life over the past couple weeks and saw some things that
I am not happy about them being there. I want my life to praise God and if it is not doing
that then it needs to be removed. There are things that I have been trying to let go of that
have affected my life and made a lot of confusion. I know what it is I want and where I see
it going, so why do I let these things in my life that aren't what I see for myself later on?
It has troubled my spirit that I let people disrupt my life to the point of causing me stress.
There are so many verses that would support cutting off what tries to destroy you or
take you down. I want to know that every step I take is being directed by God and glorifying
Him. I want to be an example of Him.
Why is it that even in a journal I can not feel free to express myself openly?
Why do I hold back?
When will you walk out of my life?
A
Ok I'm Christian and everything but I gotta say, some pastors and preachers are annoying. They shout sermons at you like he's a football coach in a prep talk, in a nice lecturing tone of voice. It's obnoxious. It's not how I draw close to God; being in that environment makes me cringe and (if i am going to be completely honest) feel embarrassed. When i hear that type of preaching on the radio or tv, I change the channel, not because of the message but how its being spewed out to the congregation. That we must yell at the sheep, because either we're asleep or too dumb for it to sink in otherwise. I think that's why church as a building/ congregation doesn't appeal to me. I'm too bloody anti-establishment, I don't feel close to God there, it doesn't feel real or transparent. Sunday smiles and all.
I
I'm taking a moment to derail this thread because I cannot PM said person I promised to thank...
arwen, I'd just like to personally thank you for creating "streams". I know myself & many others here use this thread as a form of therapy when we need to vent or just ramble about the day we've just had. I know I've read many things in this that people have posted that have really helped me or even made me laugh if I was bummed out. Anyways,I made a promise to myself that if you ever made another appearance back in CC I'd thank you...so,I am. Peace.
arwen, I'd just like to personally thank you for creating "streams". I know myself & many others here use this thread as a form of therapy when we need to vent or just ramble about the day we've just had. I know I've read many things in this that people have posted that have really helped me or even made me laugh if I was bummed out. Anyways,I made a promise to myself that if you ever made another appearance back in CC I'd thank you...so,I am.
Peace.
I
I can do nothing in & of myself. I cannot be someone I am not. I cannot be something to others that they need. I can only be what God has made me to be. If that is not enough for the world then I need be content in that & press on. Whatever God's direction for me I pray to hear & obey because my own understanding of things is weak. I need the mind of Christ. I need the heart of Christ. I need the eyes of Christ. I need the hands of Christ. I need the speech of Christ. I say I "need" but hasn't he already given that to me and so much more? Why do I not accept & embrace these things? What is my malfunction? Am I one of those who sees himself in the mirror,walks away & forgets what he looks like?
The only acceptance I need...the only validation of my life,be with Jesus. My heart is a strange creature. It seems like it has a mind & will all it's own. I want my heart to have the clarity of the Holy Spirit. Maybe I don't understand what I even ask of God...maybe he knows I am not ready...maybe I never will be.
The only acceptance I need...the only validation of my life,be with Jesus. My heart is a strange creature. It seems like it has a mind & will all it's own. I want my heart to have the clarity of the Holy Spirit. Maybe I don't understand what I even ask of God...maybe he knows I am not ready...maybe I never will be.
Alright, this has been on my mind on and off recently so I figured I would go ahead and let it out. It's rather philosophical, if you're into that kind of thing.
There are people out there who deny that free will exists. Usually they are also atheists who promote evolution. Somehow our consciousnesses are the by-product of very advanced brains, yet all we think and do are simply chemical reactions in our bodies and responses to our outside environment determined by said chemical reactions. According to them, if you are a Christian it is not due to free will or evidence. Rather, you are one because of your environment and the way chemicals in your brain reacted to whatever events happened in your life. Likewise if you are not any particular religion - it's just chemicals. I've also heard theories of tiny black holes coming to life and disappearing. That would further influence our decisions.
This lends itself to an incredible paradox. If our choices are not truly our own then things like morality, justice, and purpose are meaningless. Even if objective morality did exist, how could we ever be held accountable for our actions? I didn't decide, after all, to commit a particular sin. It's just chemicals reacting. Nor could we truly have justice since again, a criminal is just the result of social conditioning and chemical mixtures, so it's not like they're really guilty of a crime. They may have done it but they didn't personally choose it. And what about purpose? I would say that in such a universe, we wouldn't have a purpose. After all, we'd just be biochemical robots.
So why then do we go after justice? Why do we think about morality, or search for a purpose? Because, if there is no free will, we are just robots. Robots to be pitied, because we desperately strain and reach for things that just aren't there. To me, that sounds horribly distressing and purposeless. But maybe that's just how the chemicals in my brain respond to such an idea.
There are people out there who deny that free will exists. Usually they are also atheists who promote evolution. Somehow our consciousnesses are the by-product of very advanced brains, yet all we think and do are simply chemical reactions in our bodies and responses to our outside environment determined by said chemical reactions. According to them, if you are a Christian it is not due to free will or evidence. Rather, you are one because of your environment and the way chemicals in your brain reacted to whatever events happened in your life. Likewise if you are not any particular religion - it's just chemicals. I've also heard theories of tiny black holes coming to life and disappearing. That would further influence our decisions.
This lends itself to an incredible paradox. If our choices are not truly our own then things like morality, justice, and purpose are meaningless. Even if objective morality did exist, how could we ever be held accountable for our actions? I didn't decide, after all, to commit a particular sin. It's just chemicals reacting. Nor could we truly have justice since again, a criminal is just the result of social conditioning and chemical mixtures, so it's not like they're really guilty of a crime. They may have done it but they didn't personally choose it. And what about purpose? I would say that in such a universe, we wouldn't have a purpose. After all, we'd just be biochemical robots.
So why then do we go after justice? Why do we think about morality, or search for a purpose? Because, if there is no free will, we are just robots. Robots to be pitied, because we desperately strain and reach for things that just aren't there. To me, that sounds horribly distressing and purposeless. But maybe that's just how the chemicals in my brain respond to such an idea.
He ran through the thorn bushes ignoring the sting of the thorns and finally caught up with her again huffing and puffing hoping that maybe they would stop long enough to catch his breath.
She smiled seeing that he was still on her heels. He smiled back and that look of fear came on her face again. He ignored it and looked up for a moment. "Wow." He said. Look at how beautifully blue the sky is today. He turned to get her response but realized that she was off and running again. He sighed in disappointment that they could not stop and enjoy the beauty of the sky together and then continued his pursuit.
He struggled through the mud with a great deal of difficulty before catching up to her again. Again she seemed pleased that he was still in pursuit. He turned this time to take in the overwhelming sight of the sun setting across the lake they were standing near. "Look at that. Isn't it awesome." He said only to turn and discover that she was off and running again.
He clambered up a difficult slope grasping at the stones and small trees as he tried to find his footing. She stood at the top of the hill panting heavily. Once at the top, he looked out realizing that you could see everything for miles around. He began to point in a circular motion to share it with her. She had already started running again, this time slipping and sliding down the hill to the bottom.
He followed her again still believing that one of these times they would stop running and that she would not make him chase her anymore. He kept hoping they would just walk together and enjoy all there was to enjoy and find some rest.
He caught her at the bottom of the hill once again. She smiled but then looked at him curiously and asked, "Why are you doing this? Why do you keep putting us through this?"
Perplexed he responded, "Me? You're the one running."
"But your the one chasing." She replied.
"Well, it hasn't been all that bad." He said. "I mean, just think of all the beautiful things that we have been able to see along our journey; like the beautiful sky, the sunset on the water, the view from the top of the hill."
"What are you talking about?" She demanded. "All I remember are thorns, mud, and difficult hills to climb and fall down."
Stop chasing! Stop running away!
She smiled seeing that he was still on her heels. He smiled back and that look of fear came on her face again. He ignored it and looked up for a moment. "Wow." He said. Look at how beautifully blue the sky is today. He turned to get her response but realized that she was off and running again. He sighed in disappointment that they could not stop and enjoy the beauty of the sky together and then continued his pursuit.
He struggled through the mud with a great deal of difficulty before catching up to her again. Again she seemed pleased that he was still in pursuit. He turned this time to take in the overwhelming sight of the sun setting across the lake they were standing near. "Look at that. Isn't it awesome." He said only to turn and discover that she was off and running again.
He clambered up a difficult slope grasping at the stones and small trees as he tried to find his footing. She stood at the top of the hill panting heavily. Once at the top, he looked out realizing that you could see everything for miles around. He began to point in a circular motion to share it with her. She had already started running again, this time slipping and sliding down the hill to the bottom.
He followed her again still believing that one of these times they would stop running and that she would not make him chase her anymore. He kept hoping they would just walk together and enjoy all there was to enjoy and find some rest.
He caught her at the bottom of the hill once again. She smiled but then looked at him curiously and asked, "Why are you doing this? Why do you keep putting us through this?"
Perplexed he responded, "Me? You're the one running."
"But your the one chasing." She replied.
"Well, it hasn't been all that bad." He said. "I mean, just think of all the beautiful things that we have been able to see along our journey; like the beautiful sky, the sunset on the water, the view from the top of the hill."
"What are you talking about?" She demanded. "All I remember are thorns, mud, and difficult hills to climb and fall down."
Stop chasing! Stop running away!
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