Sometimes my life gets so far beyond derailed that even so much as finding the track again seems impossible. I can be really, stupidly stubborn. I have an optimism streak that I allow to mislead me. I have precious little work ethic, and far too much free time.
Sometimes I can counteract those things, rise above them, do what I know is right instead of what I feel like doing.
Feelings, emotions, they can set pretty stealthy traps. "I feel this is right or good" vs. "I know this is right". Feelings come and go, they change, they're fickle. Truth? Remains the same, no matter how I feel about it.
I hurt people. That's the truth of much of my past. Mainly, I've hurt myself, and my God. I've willfully ignored what I know to be right, and done more damage than I can apologize for. There are people who tried to help me, tried to prevent me from going down the paths I have- my feelings told me they just didn't understand, but the truth is they understood better than I did.
It's annoying to realize I have nobody but myself to blame.
It's confusing to try to figure out what God wants me to do to fix things, and what I need to leave up to Him.
There are chickens all over my living room floor...that, at least, I know how to take care of on my own.