Talking to someone

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Calmador

Senior Member
Jun 23, 2011
949
43
28
#21
Thanks. No that thing works in the States. I live in Holland. My ex is Indian and he pursued and stuff but I read some tips from an English guy on how to date Dutch guys because they were never interested in me and I was always shy. Dutch guys want women to bluntly tell them they like 'em. Serious. When I was married a guy from school turned out to have been interested. I never noticed because we were both shy. And in general Dutch people are really blunt. It's a culture shock really. I don't want to go after someone but this guy showed interest, great conversation, then he said nothing for a week. Ehm okay what do you expect? Should I now contact you? My. So I thought well I'll never know since I'm not gonna respond. Then he posted a song on Facebook, it was something like you ignore me. So ehm was that meant for me? No idea, but then I just said something random and then he started talking again. Lol I now just said I didn't want to chat anymore because I was too clingy for most guys. He said no not at all but I can't always respond. He chats with a lot of guys, he's evangelizing on Facebook and has a lot of Facebookfriends he chats with and they also need his attention. Oh okay, well I said maybe you can say hm hm then next time if I send you something. My brother does that too if I talk too much. I don't expect you to chat for hours if I just say something. It gives me the impression that it's interesting what I say lol. But I got the idea he just chats with everyone just for friendship and that's perfectly fine, but I just told him since he's 38 and I'm 45 and feel like an old cow that he can't just chat so much with those old cows since I saw another 55 year old posting a lovesong on his wall. I just said yeah sorry but that's what you get when you do that. Then he said who's an old cow? And then that it was up to me if I wanted to chat. So I said no it's up to you. Friendship is fine, no problem if you also chat with all your male Facebook friends for hours but with just friendship you can't chat so much with me, not chat one night for hours and with Christmas you say nothing, sorry and I told him about that other guy that apped the whole day though and it was just friendship and then I had to shut up. That doesn't work with me. So blunt and clear in your face. Lol he gave me his phone number and said I could call him. Unfortunately I'm only blunt if I type and way too chicken to call lol. So he got no response. I know him from a Dutch forum from years ago.
I like that your just you. That's something not everyone has. I can see who you are, but it's sort of just like your a facet... and your on full blast. I think you just gotta slow down a bit.

Proverbs 13:3 Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.

^^^ If you don't trust me, trust G-d... it's so important for you to be careful what you say.

About your situation... it's between you two... he's dealing with you as he thinks is best... and you are doing the same. If you two can't understand each other then maybe you two not being together isn't a good idea. The issue looks like communication. I hope for the best for you
 
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
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#23
The last guy I dated thought I was too clingy
My ex always thought I was too clingy. He just didn't love me. Next guy same thing. Wanted space and go out with his friends on his birthday. Well after complaining and asking for attention for 12 years I just accepted the fact and went doing fun things with my baby who did appreciate it. Next guy I said it a dozen times. No reaction.
hm whatever, friendzoned, talking to my collegue now. He's more interested lol.
Needing so much attention sounds like a self-esteem problem to me.

Please do not lead your colleague on just so that you can get him "saved". Do not use him for attention. If you aren't interested in him romantically, tell him so. Don't play with his heart that way.
 
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coby

Guest
#25
Needing so much attention sounds like a self-esteem problem to me.

Please do not lead your colleague on just so that you can get him "saved". Do not use him for attention. If you aren't interested in him romantically, tell him so. Don't play with his heart that way.
Why is it so much? He just want to Facebook chat for years. Really I want to know, is is so much to ask that he just calls you or asks you out after 2 weeks of chatting or at least say he likes you too? He comes over as an addict to chatting. I don't want someone who Always sits behind his computer. I got addicted myself to posting on forums because my ex just Always played WOW and was playing with his friends. I was Always alone with the kids, he didn't like going out with them or doing fun things, he just wanted to play WOW. So when the kids were with my ex and we were together I'd go on forums and got addicted too. I don't want that anymore. I won't play with his heart. God gave me a dream about him years ago that we biked together and I told him about Jesus and he got saved. I had an amazing talk with him the first conversation til 5 oçlock in the morning. I told him I had tried to commit suiside and just how I am, that they think I'm nuts and want me tested. They Always said I had borderline traits. I believe God healed me, but I do act like that if a guy is distant and unavailable and doesn't feel that I now need to hear if he is interested or not. If a guy is interested he makes a move or just not talks to that friend or not go to sleep and then wake up at 4 to chat with his friends again. He chats the whole night and day. Lol I'm busy he says. The collegue just has a social life and isn't accicted to the computer. When I was married I didn't even know these things existed, now I'm on them 24 hours a day. I also am addicted, but I want to change it. I'm afraid to go out with him, that he'll ask me to go to his apartment, because he's that kind of guy. When he was my collegue we were both married, I was married to a pastor, went to church 4 times a week and he'd ask me out with two other collegues who later got married, so I said no and he thought I was boring and asked another blonde collegue who really liked to hang out with him and later he got divorced of course. But God really now put him on my heart and told me to contact him. Lol I didn't expect this to happen. He asked me to go out yesterday. I said no, I don't have time. When are your kids with you? Oh so you do have time on monday evening. LOL he just says monday 4th of january. I said okay. I can't say no. I'll just tell him that I don't want something from him but just want to hang out. It's not that I don't like him, but I know how that will go. He just said come over, there's place in my bed. So it's that type of guy, I've been bad too, I just told him I was even worse than him. When my ex dumped me within 2 weeks I had someone else whom I later married. I met him in the mental institution after the suicide attempt. Married him too later, that was the one with WOW. I'm not gonna fall for that again. I dated one other who said he was christian and wasn't decent. God said if you go back to him you will both fall in hell, really I saw it, He gave me a vision. I don't know if it's wise to go out. I better avoid that or just pray for strength. I'll just tell my collegue that I just want to hang out and chat but that I'm not interested and was angry with that other guy. Who knows, maybe if I honestly tell him how rotten I am he'll get saved. For me to marry him God would really have to say yes, it never works like that, that's a trap from the devil I fell for twice. I really love my collegue, I want him saved and not end up in hell with him. He has been almost dead. The woman at the well had revival in the town. That's what I want. I also once had a dream that all my collegues got saved.
 
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coby

Guest
#26
And I really want to stop chatting to guys and give my kids much more attention, so they won't end up like me and Always look for someone who has no time for them.
 
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coby

Guest
#27
Lol I'm Facebook chatting a lot with another guy now, my son, only way he can talk to me when he is with dad and dad sleeps now
 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
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#28
Sorry, I have to go with what Grace-like-rain has posted. I don't think you are serious about this. Reading your posts, it looks like you just need the attention from a guy. Once you get that, you either get bored of him or you expect him to give you more. In case the guy does not give you the attention, you move on to the next guy.

I don't think this is a healthy behaviour. You need to spend time with yourself first and, as you rightly said, with your son who requires you a lot.
 
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coby

Guest
#29
Sorry, I have to go with what Grace-like-rain has posted. I don't think you are serious about this. Reading your posts, it looks like you just need the attention from a guy. Once you get that, you either get bored of him or you expect him to give you more. In case the guy does not give you the attention, you move on to the next guy.

I don't think this is a healthy behaviour. You need to spend time with yourself first and, as you rightly said, with your son who requires you a lot.
No I just thought he was the one. Normally I don't talk to guys but I felt lonely when they banned me from cf singles and my pastor told me to go to a dating site. I don't want anything from my collegue, just bring him to the Lord, no relationship. I was like that. Not anymore. I even left dating sites and had a monkey profile pic but he started to chat all of a sudden after I had that dream. Well false alarm. No problem.
 
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coby

Guest
#30
He's 38, never married, too occupied with his hobbies and online friends since he got banned from a Dutch forum 3 years ago. That's where I know him from and just befriended him on Facebook years ago where I just follow people who evangelize on the street. I never chatted there or posted much and he never talked to me. He likes kids. He wants kids himself. I'm 45 and sterilized lol. I just thought if God wants that I'll be like Sarah. Lol I just don't use my brain a lot of the time.
 
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coby

Guest
#31
I'm a dumped ex pastor's wife. The whole church exploded. Half took his side, other half took my side. Really. So I simply don't have real friends left. We could always fix everyone's marriage. When we got trouble there was absolutely noone. So I just look for friends to not be too lonely. I don't need a man. If God wants me single it's perfectly fine. One preacher I met on Facebook and whose Bible study I went to said after I met those love scammers on dating sites and gave up: The Holy Spirit is madly in love with you and wants a relationship with you. It's just sometimes hard to pray alone but I'll learn that. A pity I can never go to the prayer meeting because I'm with the kids.
 
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coby

Guest
#32
I go to my ex's new small home church. He's my pastor now. We forgave each other. It's weird that he got that God has someone, I didn't even want a man. I asked God 3 years ago or more when I was on that Dutch forum and asked Him if I should go back to my first ex second ex or marry another guy there. He said: Marry Me. Time is short. They were marrying and giving into marriage. I said if You really want that I stay alone and only marry You at least I want it to be romantic and I want to see Your Face. That night I dreamed that someone posted on that forum and posted funny pics of me and he enjoyed our sail trip so much. I thought: Who is this? I saw us on that ship, He was the Captain. I saw His Face. So I think that one was quite clear and I am really clingy and He doesn't care. He actually likes it if I spend so much time with Him, so what on earth do I need a man for? What's the use? Corrie ten Boom was fruitful. No it's okay. When I need a hug I ask Him or I hug my kids.
 
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coby

Guest
#33
Oh yeah and in that time he was on that forum, showed no interest whatsoever and God could just have said that he was the one. He didn't. I just thought it because God lately said: Why don't you ask Me? And then I got those dreams and one about a younger guy with a big nose and the next day he started to chat. But now God doesn't say he's the one, there's no peace, no new dream. Tonight I dreamed that I was in the cafe with my collegue. There were 2 chairs between us and it was good, no weird stuff. He's just also just dumped and lonely too. He knows how I feel. He said I shouldn't hang on internet so much anymore. He doesn't chat much. I don't chat with him, I just answer hours later. I pray for some courage to say he's a real nice guy but that's it.
 
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coby

Guest
#34
Talking to myself now lol. Noone throws their whole life on the internet but I needed a place to vent. Hope you all don't mind. Nice introduction, not as the usual ones lol. I know what I'll do. I text the collegue that to be clear I like to hang out once since I never did that but I'm interested in someone else. Lol he, the one I got interested in, chats just to be nice with older women and one posted a love song on his wall. I think I'm gonna post this one beneath it, since he only gives his and doesn't ask for mine.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hX1YVzdnpEc
 
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coby

Guest
#35
Ah removed it again but maybe he understands now that one doesn't simply mess with my feelings. Guess he won't anymore. Well at least thanks to him I could be clear to my collegue. He wanted to say the same and not lead me on so I'm glad that's out of the air. Why can't someone just be clear when you ask? Oh well never mind. This one is better:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GPEojr7E3do
 
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coby

Guest
#36
Update: I had him on the phone today. He doesn't chat about such stuff, only on the telephone. Oh my, why can't I sometimes just not keep my mouth shut. With chat I told him the same I did here and then you have him on the phone. Total serious guy oh my, not one joke, I can't even make a sentence without laughing nervously through it hahaha. Well it was a good clear conversation. Oh totally honest. First he asks: do you have feelings for me? Really. So I mumble something. I don't know what you're saying. Oh my I thought I was quite clear but I really had to spell it out for him. He chats with much more women. He couldn't choose he says hahaha. So I said I had a dream but that I think that was just from myself and not from God. I would need some more confirmation. Well real good serious talk. I said he'd better not chat with so many ladies and just ask God and that if he wants kids maybe a 35 year old is handier and that he has no idea of all the stuff you get when you have a divorced woman with 3 kids. I said I tell most guys don't be so stupid. You can find something better and get your own family unless God wants me to be like Sarah or something. Well in the future I just wait with responding if I'm busy and he just wants to chat and we'll see. That's okay. We'll see. I'll keep it light in the future. Oh my. Really. Do you have feelings for me? Funny guy.