i've been trying to answer this question for like, a day now. here's my best shot:
1. how important are relationships, and making a marriage successful to you? i mean, to what lengths are you willing to go? are you willing to build a plan, follow through, and nurture a marriage? i need to understand that we share similar levels of priority not just the stability of a marriage, but also in its success. even though relationships have ebbs and tides, do you want a great marriage and the work it takes, or are you able to admit that you will be ok with an "ok" marriage so that you can nurture your dreams of becoming or accomplishing [insert dream or priority here].
2. how do you envision your life as it relates: growing in Christ, participating in church and a body of believers, involvement in a home church.
also, in what ways do you see yourself serving others, and serving others as a couple? what are your dreams as they relate to ministry, and the opportunity to "join forces" as well as individual contributions in serving others? what ministries are in your heart, and how do you see your life (and our lives) serving God in the future?
3. communication/conflict: how capable are you of being able to resolve conflict without tactics, yelling, fighting dirty? are you willing to be seen, fully, and capable of emotional intimacy? would you rather discuss things, or keep them to yourself? when you're upset, will you turn to God, be open with me, or will you stay bottled up? do you utilize the silent treatment?
this subject in general is a huge one for me, and has quite often been the deal-breaker in different kinds of relationships for me. i believe that every problem can be resolved, with time, patience, loving words, honesty and without yelling, berating, bullying, coercion and a sincere desire to understand where one is coming from, and desire to honor God with words and actions. to me, this is a huge part of emotional intimacy. can i count on you for the same emotional transparency that i am prepared to offer to you?
4. what are the most important things you are seeking in a spouse? what are the things that you most greatly desire and long for in a spouse? is it affection and nurturing? stability and routine? co-adventuring and companionship?
additionally, what kind of spouse do you hope to have? is it your dream to have someone help you accomplish your dreams and lend stability in your life? are you looking for someone who will be a good mother to your children? do you hope to find someone who will find joy in keeping your home and and the home fires burning? are you desiring someone who will bring financial stability to your life? not that there isn't overlap in some of these kinds of roles, in my experience, it seems like some guys seem to have a very clear and sharp vision of the spouse they hope to acquire.
in essence: what kind of spouse are you longing for? and where do you priorities lie?
5. what are your limitations and vulnerabilities? what do i need to to know about you and your past and current self that might be relevant? what kinds of things do you need to know from me that would present as dealbreakers? what things do you anticipate might provide the greatest difficulty in being married, or with me in specific?
note: i'm well aware of the fact that i pretty much turned ten questions into five multi-part questions. : D
That will keep the conversation going for hours.
