The mess cheating makes.

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Mattegiho

New member
Jul 3, 2018
6
2
3
#1
Hi all im prity new here and still felling out the waters but ill give this a shot.

The first girlfriend that i had was from high school, she had come from a Christian home, was a beliver herself and regularly attended church. We were together for about 4 years in total but towards the end when we had left school she was starting to give into her lust but i turned down her advances as wa had both agreed that we were waiting for marriage. But she went of to uni and regularly cheated on me but kept me in the dark.
When i found out 6 months down the line it destroyed me.

Years later i was asked out by a fellow youth group leaderthat i had known for a few years, so i decided to give love another go, she new my past and assured me that she would never do anything like that.
She told me what i wanted to hear and i lowered my walls. And about a year in she cheated in me aswell.

In both relationships we both wanted to wait till marriage as we both saw how special sex is ment to be, and when i say the cheated they both had sex.
Naturally this devastated me.
Especially as i am that loyal that i genuinely dont understand how people cheat

One of my deepest desires is to have someone that i can wholeheartedly trust. But i am terrified of this happening again as i strugle with emotional pain.

This next statement might sound exaggerated but i assure u its not.

I broke every vertebrae in my back along with dislokating my shoulder and breaking my colour bone in a motorbike crash (its ok i can walk)
My shoulder was relocated at the scene with no painkillers.

Id rather do that again than get cheated on again.

My worrie is that i know that i will have trust issues and she wont desurve it.

But i really want to find a wife that i can trust, so so much.
I just dont know if i can

And of course I have put many hours of prayer into this ots just hard.
:cautious:
 
Jul 6, 2018
7
19
3
#2
I’m sorry your heart was invested in these women who used you and gave into their passions. Although heartbroken you walk away a champion in Gods eyes. These women less so, but may God deal with them. You held onto a real value that we are commanded to do and these women broke that and you were sinned against. Know deeply that even though you were hurt none of this is your fault. This is how Satan tries to divide and conquer this world, by attacking Christians and even leaders in the church can go down a dark party.

Forgiveness is key here for these women. It’s a choice, not a feeling. God forgives those if they repent of their sin, but their sin is not your problem anymore.

That being said, this is a testing time for you. Hang on to God with all of your heart. Humans will hurt you, even when they claim to be for Christ, but He will never cheat you or turn away from you.

Sexual sin is the biggest battle to our souls especially as young adults! Believe me, there are so many women who will wait with you. Walk away from the ones who won’t.

Sending love and prayers your way!
 
Aug 12, 2015
105
52
28
#3
Hello, bro, God's will is wanting us to live a holy life. I know it's hard to keep it before marriage, and sorry for that you feel hurt by her cheating. But I know God wants to bless you a lot by some trails even things look so tough and terrible. If only we keep his words in our hearts, and live as he teaches us, we will see what he prepared for us is so glorious and rich including your future marriage and wife.

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.
1 Tessalonians 4:3,7

However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived” — the things God has prepared for those who love him— 1 Corinthians 2:9
 
Aug 12, 2015
105
52
28
#4
And you will be healed by Jesus completely.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
18,906
10,440
113
#5
Hi all im prity new here and still felling out the waters but ill give this a shot.

The first girlfriend that i had was from high school, she had come from a Christian home, was a beliver herself and regularly attended church. We were together for about 4 years in total but towards the end when we had left school she was starting to give into her lust but i turned down her advances as wa had both agreed that we were waiting for marriage. But she went of to uni and regularly cheated on me but kept me in the dark.
When i found out 6 months down the line it destroyed me.

Years later i was asked out by a fellow youth group leaderthat i had known for a few years, so i decided to give love another go, she new my past and assured me that she would never do anything like that.
She told me what i wanted to hear and i lowered my walls. And about a year in she cheated in me aswell.

In both relationships we both wanted to wait till marriage as we both saw how special sex is ment to be, and when i say the cheated they both had sex.
Naturally this devastated me.
Especially as i am that loyal that i genuinely dont understand how people cheat

One of my deepest desires is to have someone that i can wholeheartedly trust. But i am terrified of this happening again as i strugle with emotional pain.

This next statement might sound exaggerated but i assure u its not.

I broke every vertebrae in my back along with dislokating my shoulder and breaking my colour bone in a motorbike crash (its ok i can walk)
My shoulder was relocated at the scene with no painkillers.

Id rather do that again than get cheated on again.

My worrie is that i know that i will have trust issues and she wont desurve it.

But i really want to find a wife that i can trust, so so much.
I just dont know if i can

And of course I have put many hours of prayer into this ots just hard.
:cautious:
Welcome, and thanks for sharing. That takes courage.

I can't relate as I haven't had such experiences. I do know that God is good, and that He is capable of taking those painful situations and making something good with them (Romans 8:28). It's not up to us to determine when or how though.

I would encourage you to ask Jesus to show you how to process your pain and 'fear' (loss of trust). I am certain He can and is wiling to do so. :)
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
18,906
10,440
113
#6
I’m sorry your heart was invested in these women who used you and gave into their passions. Although heartbroken you walk away a champion in Gods eyes. These women less so, but may God deal with them. You held onto a real value that we are commanded to do and these women broke that and you were sinned against. Know deeply that even though you were hurt none of this is your fault. This is how Satan tries to divide and conquer this world, by attacking Christians and even leaders in the church can go down a dark party.

Forgiveness is key here for these women. It’s a choice, not a feeling. God forgives those if they repent of their sin, but their sin is not your problem anymore.

That being said, this is a testing time for you. Hang on to God with all of your heart. Humans will hurt you, even when they claim to be for Christ, but He will never cheat you or turn away from you.

Sexual sin is the biggest battle to our souls especially as young adults! Believe me, there are so many women who will wait with you. Walk away from the ones who won’t.

Sending love and prayers your way!
Great response! I appreciate seeing wisdom and godly counsel, especially from newcomers. Welcome to CC! :)
 

Mattegiho

New member
Jul 3, 2018
6
2
3
#7
I’m sorry your heart was invested in these women who used you and gave into their passions. Although heartbroken you walk away a champion in Gods eyes. These women less so, but may God deal with them. You held onto a real value that we are commanded to do and these women broke that and you were sinned against. Know deeply that even though you were hurt none of this is your fault. This is how Satan tries to divide and conquer this world, by attacking Christians and even leaders in the church can go down a dark party.

Forgiveness is key here for these women. It’s a choice, not a feeling. God forgives those if they repent of their sin, but their sin is not your problem anymore.

That being said, this is a testing time for you. Hang on to God with all of your heart. Humans will hurt you, even when they claim to be for Christ, but He will never cheat you or turn away from you.

Sexual sin is the biggest battle to our souls especially as young adults! Believe me, there are so many women who will wait with you. Walk away from the ones who won’t.

Sending love and prayers your way!
Thank you, you are a amazing person.

C.S. Lewis wrote "To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."

I have forgiven these two because Jesus has already paid the price for thier sin so who am i to hold somthing against them that has allready been rectified, i now need to not let the devil twist this fear into my heart.

And again, Thankyou, i ment alot yeading this when i woke up thismorning.

I would like you to know that your words were better than my pastor's
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#8
Hi all im prity new here and still felling out the waters but ill give this a shot.

The first girlfriend that i had was from high school, she had come from a Christian home, was a beliver herself and regularly attended church. We were together for about 4 years in total but towards the end when we had left school she was starting to give into her lust but i turned down her advances as wa had both agreed that we were waiting for marriage. But she went of to uni and regularly cheated on me but kept me in the dark.
When i found out 6 months down the line it destroyed me.

Years later i was asked out by a fellow youth group leaderthat i had known for a few years, so i decided to give love another go, she new my past and assured me that she would never do anything like that.
She told me what i wanted to hear and i lowered my walls. And about a year in she cheated in me aswell.

In both relationships we both wanted to wait till marriage as we both saw how special sex is ment to be, and when i say the cheated they both had sex.
Naturally this devastated me.
Especially as i am that loyal that i genuinely dont understand how people cheat

One of my deepest desires is to have someone that i can wholeheartedly trust. But i am terrified of this happening again as i strugle with emotional pain.

This next statement might sound exaggerated but i assure u its not.

I broke every vertebrae in my back along with dislokating my shoulder and breaking my colour bone in a motorbike crash (its ok i can walk)
My shoulder was relocated at the scene with no painkillers.

Id rather do that again than get cheated on again.

My worrie is that i know that i will have trust issues and she wont desurve it.

But i really want to find a wife that i can trust, so so much.
I just dont know if i can

And of course I have put many hours of prayer into this ots just hard.
:cautious:
Relationships are risk. Period. It's a choice, play it safe and don't have a relationship or risk being devastated and have relationships. There is no middle ground.
I have a long string of painful relationships. An ex-fiance ghosted me, one ex chose another guy over me, one promised she would make no decisions on our relationship for a little while, broke her promise and dumped me the next day, one left me homeless for four years and nearly disappeared on me, when I announced I was moving out of state she begged me to stay and move in with her, I could go on.
Sometimes I'm not even sure if I could trust anyone romantically again. So it's up to you to decide if its worth the risk or not.
 
Jul 6, 2018
7
19
3
#9
Much love to you! I’m happy those words helped you, all credit to God who helps me speak when I’m a loss for words and wisdom ❤️

Well... your pastor is human too and they don’t always have the best answers even when we kind of expect them to! That’s too bad though.

Thank you, you are a amazing person.

C.S. Lewis wrote "To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."

I have forgiven these two because Jesus has already paid the price for thier sin so who am i to hold somthing against them that has allready been rectified, i now need to not let the devil twist this fear into my heart.

And again, Thankyou, i ment alot yeading this when i woke up thismorning.

I would like you to know that your words were better than my pastor's
 

garet82

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2011
680
93
28
#10
Its said when you love someone dont let him 100%. Do it 50% so when the worst things happened between two of you, you still hv power to survive and continue your live well.
Love God with all your heart, with all your mind and all your soul amen coz He is your true love and before you can love others, love yourself first so you will understand how to love others.

I deffinatelly aggree love mean wait n no sex before marriage coz marriages is holy and its blessed by God amen.

You hv cheated by her twice and probably be she will do it in future. Not judging, but men or women that ever cheat with their supposes ( bfs/gfs/husbands or wives ) its possible they will do it. My suggestion is let her go n find other. Love is unconditionally but we are taught tobe wise either. Dont let you fell in the same pain n dissapointed with same women for the third times.

God bless you amen
 
S

Sweetmorningdew78

Guest
#11
Hi all im prity new here and still felling out the waters but ill give this a shot.

The first girlfriend that i had was from high school, she had come from a Christian home, was a beliver herself and regularly attended church. We were together for about 4 years in total but towards the end when we had left school she was starting to give into her lust but i turned down her advances as wa had both agreed that we were waiting for marriage. But she went of to uni and regularly cheated on me but kept me in the dark.
When i found out 6 months down the line it destroyed me.

Years later i was asked out by a fellow youth group leaderthat i had known for a few years, so i decided to give love another go, she new my past and assured me that she would never do anything like that.
She told me what i wanted to hear and i lowered my walls. And about a year in she cheated in me aswell.

In both relationships we both wanted to wait till marriage as we both saw how special sex is ment to be, and when i say the cheated they both had sex.
Naturally this devastated me.
Especially as i am that loyal that i genuinely dont understand how people cheat

One of my deepest desires is to have someone that i can wholeheartedly trust. But i am terrified of this happening again as i strugle with emotional pain.

This next statement might sound exaggerated but i assure u its not.

I broke every vertebrae in my back along with dislokating my shoulder and breaking my colour bone in a motorbike crash (its ok i can walk)
My shoulder was relocated at the scene with no painkillers.

Id rather do that again than get cheated on again.

My worrie is that i know that i will have trust issues and she wont desurve it.

But i really want to find a wife that i can trust, so so much.
I just dont know if i can

And of course I have put many hours of prayer into this ots just hard.
:cautious:

Yeah,it is a terrible feeling when someone cheated on you...I understand that... i gave my 100% trust in my previous relationship and this ex lied and cheated on me...i have trust issues not so bad but I know I was not like this before... So I can relate to you...it is hard to trust again after you've been hurt....the best way is let yourself heal first before u accept someone new into your heart again...because if not it will probably will affect your new relationship...and if you are in a new relationship already just be open and don't hold back yourself tell her about your past and ask her to understand you more but listen and learn from her too...talk to her tell her if you feel jealous and ask her to understand you a little bit more...but slowly change for the better don't remain in that state... Leave what is not necessary and take what you learned from every mistake....

Every failed relationship brings u closer to your "forever" One day you will meet somebody who will make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else... Keep praying you'll never know....maybe she is out there waiting for your too :) and soon you will bump into each other yayy!

Keep asking what is God's will for your life ❤ God bless you ❤
 
May 12, 2016
443
365
63
#12
Hi all im prity new here and still felling out the waters but ill give this a shot.

The first girlfriend that i had was from high school, she had come from a Christian home, was a beliver herself and regularly attended church. We were together for about 4 years in total but towards the end when we had left school she was starting to give into her lust but i turned down her advances as wa had both agreed that we were waiting for marriage. But she went of to uni and regularly cheated on me but kept me in the dark.
When i found out 6 months down the line it destroyed me.

Years later i was asked out by a fellow youth group leaderthat i had known for a few years, so i decided to give love another go, she new my past and assured me that she would never do anything like that.
She told me what i wanted to hear and i lowered my walls. And about a year in she cheated in me aswell.

In both relationships we both wanted to wait till marriage as we both saw how special sex is ment to be, and when i say the cheated they both had sex.
Naturally this devastated me.
Especially as i am that loyal that i genuinely dont understand how people cheat

One of my deepest desires is to have someone that i can wholeheartedly trust. But i am terrified of this happening again as i strugle with emotional pain.

This next statement might sound exaggerated but i assure u its not.

I broke every vertebrae in my back along with dislokating my shoulder and breaking my colour bone in a motorbike crash (its ok i can walk)
My shoulder was relocated at the scene with no painkillers.

Id rather do that again than get cheated on again.

My worrie is that i know that i will have trust issues and she wont desurve it.

But i really want to find a wife that i can trust, so so much.
I just dont know if i can

And of course I have put many hours of prayer into this ots just hard.
:cautious:
I understand completely. I to described something I would have rather gone through than that betrayal. I was married to him. And it took me a good 6 months to get past the Avalanche of emotions. Some days I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Unless one goes through it, there is no way they can comprehend the pain. And we each handle it differently. Mine was similar to yours.

It has been roughly 6 years I don't keep up anymore. I spent time working on me and my relationship with the Lord. I have learned many valuable lessons. I know to rely on the Lord and what to watch for. I have not started dating yet. I am confident in me and my healing that I won't see every man as a cheater. If they earn my trust, they will have it till the break my trust, if they ever do. As long as you have someone who is open, honest and transparent with you. I don't think you will struggle as much as you fear with trust. In today's world to many have this idea of his hers and mine. They are not willing to be open and honest or transparent. If you do find an honest Godly woman, I believe you will have your peace.