the patroniser

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,214
4,398
113
#1
I wonder if anyone of you have ever dated 'the patroniser'. It will be someone who looks down on you in every way, maybe because they think they know better or are older or simply becaus they are of the opposite sex. Or they may consider themselves high class and you much lower. They will seek to comment on everything you say or do, and give you helpful hints on stuff you already know....
They will tell you how they think you ought to think or feel or behave in every given moment.
To them, you are their protege and through association with them they are meant to mould you and shape you so they can show you off to their friends...

They are Trilby to your Svengali, Professor Higgins to Eliza Doolittle, Norman Maine to Esther Blodgett or Simon Cowell to whoever the current wannabe pop Idol is
They will call you 'baby' even though you are grown up and feed you lots of sugary words...that end up rotting your teeth

If you ever find yourself being treated like a child...dont hestitate to break the news to them that you are not. Then keep moving cos God has something better for you than that kind of bondage!
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
7,829
7,320
113
#2
Yes I met a few guys who rated themselves too high. Needless to say that's like the opposite of what I admire, lol.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,214
4,398
113
#3
Online I found out there is a name for this...mansplaining. I dont know if there is a reverse gender term for it....lol
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,460
6,580
113
#4
I wonder if anyone of you have ever dated 'the patroniser'. It will be someone who looks down on you in every way, maybe because they think they know better or are older or simply becaus they are of the opposite sex. Or they may consider themselves high class and you much lower. They will seek to comment on everything you say or do, and give you helpful hints on stuff you already know....
They will tell you how they think you ought to think or feel or behave in every given moment.
To them, you are their protege and through association with them they are meant to mould you and shape you so they can show you off to their friends...

They are Trilby to your Svengali, Professor Higgins to Eliza Doolittle, Norman Maine to Esther Blodgett or Simon Cowell to whoever the current wannabe pop Idol is
They will call you 'baby' even though you are grown up and feed you lots of sugary words...that end up rotting your teeth

If you ever find yourself being treated like a child...dont hestitate to break the news to them that you are not. Then keep moving cos God has something better for you than that kind of bondage!
I’ve never dated guys like that, but know a few. Also, I’m not afraid to let them know what’s on my mind if they ever try me 🤣 but in fairness, women can be like this too - perhaps even more cattier than dudes.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
17,962
4,771
113
#5
Online I found out there is a name for this...mansplaining. I dont know if there is a reverse gender term for it....lol
No, mansplaining is different. Patronizing is condescending. Mansplaining is what women call any argument men make when the women don't agree with the argument the men made.

And Lanolin, as far as being patronizing... All I'm gonna say is, it's a lot easier to see a fault in others than to see the same fault in oneself. :rolleyes:
 

G00WZ

Senior Member
May 16, 2014
1,099
345
83
35
#6
"The Patronizer".. Sounds like a wrestling move lol.
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
1,103
655
113
#7
You know, there's the overt patronizer whose language is directly condescending and hurtful and is meant to be just that. They have one purpose; to make themselves better than the one they're hurting. But the one's I think cause the most long term damage are the passive/aggressive patronizers. These are the ones who think they've got to explain things to you which are generally common knowledge. "Do you know what social media is?" or "the man who spent 30 years in jail before receiving the nobel peace prize of course was Nelson Mandela". I mean, of course you know who that is (and if you don't know who that is he's the bald guy on America's Got Talent) I"m not stupid! ....yes i am. Anyway, there's also the person who says things like "Did you actually write that?" like they think they're complementing you, but in effect they're saying "you're such a loser I"m surprised you actually wrote that". Or - and this is classic - I had a boss who would complement you personally or a team on how good someone did something or how successful a proect turned out, then go about critiquing the heck out of it till it was a little pile of crumbs. Then at the end complementing you again on taking the initiative on such a loser project and it's ok you're a failure. You get a trophy for trying.

Correcting language is another. I'll never forget I was first year in highschool and had to read something outloud which is bad enough, but one of the words was "debut". I pronounced it "de-butt". I just did. The teacher says "It's day-bue" Einstein and the whole class erupted in laughter. Course, probably 90% of the class didn't know that either, but the damage was done.

The last is in closer relationships like "you never do this" or "you always do that". Never? Really? So that makes you feel like "I guess I will make it a point then to never do that again (like cleaning up after yourself).
 

Didymous

Senior Member
Feb 22, 2018
5,047
2,086
113
#8
Nope, can't say that I have. :cool:
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,214
4,398
113
#9
correcting language is something that ought to be done gently because...not everyone speaks english as their first language, and even the experts can get it wrong! Spelling nazis are also annoying, yes, engrish can be funny but hey why dont YOU try writing in chinese or japanese or another language YOU dont know.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
17,962
4,771
113
#10
Good grief, who peed in your cheerios this morning?! You're complaining about stuff even more than usual today. Did somebody kick your cat?
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,214
4,398
113
#11
You know, there's the overt patronizer whose language is directly condescending and hurtful and is meant to be just that. They have one purpose; to make themselves better than the one they're hurting. But the one's I think cause the most long term damage are the passive/aggressive patronizers. These are the ones who think they've got to explain things to you which are generally common knowledge. "Do you know what social media is?" or "the man who spent 30 years in jail before receiving the nobel peace prize of course was Nelson Mandela". I mean, of course you know who that is (and if you don't know who that is he's the bald guy on America's Got Talent) I"m not stupid! ....yes i am. Anyway, there's also the person who says things like "Did you actually write that?" like they think they're complementing you, but in effect they're saying "you're such a loser I"m surprised you actually wrote that". Or - and this is classic - I had a boss who would complement you personally or a team on how good someone did something or how successful a proect turned out, then go about critiquing the heck out of it till it was a little pile of crumbs. Then at the end complementing you again on taking the initiative on such a loser project and it's ok you're a failure. You get a trophy for trying.

Correcting language is another. I'll never forget I was first year in highschool and had to read something outloud which is bad enough, but one of the words was "debut". I pronounced it "de-butt". I just did. The teacher says "It's day-bue" Einstein and the whole class erupted in laughter. Course, probably 90% of the class didn't know that either, but the damage was done.

The last is in closer relationships like "you never do this" or "you always do that". Never? Really? So that makes you feel like "I guess I will make it a point then to never do that again (like cleaning up after yourself).
lol sounds like some parents.
Dont date your mum. Or dad. or anyone whos old enough to be.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,214
4,398
113
#12
FYI Bucket is pronounced boo-kay....

its boo-kay alright? of course! *face palm. *

I had australians say its orstrallia not austraylia. But then they probably get people confusing their country with Austria.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
12,214
4,398
113
#13
I found the reverse gender term...'the matroniser'. But I havent heard it used that often cos men dont often go after women who are like their mums. Or do they???