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Yes, absolutely. Or they just put pressure in General. I admit that Relationships do not occur in a Vacuum but, sometimes. It is as if everyone and their brother is insistent on giving advice or critique about every nuance that pops into their mind concerning the relationship.
A relationship is not a Committee. It does not take a Village. It does not need a Timeline of events to be broadcast to the public in order to be successful.
But the biggest thing is the timing. "You guys sure are moving fast." "Boy, you guys have been together forever, so when are we going to see a rock?"
Though, sometimes meant in fun, sometimes not.
Add Facebook, and suddenly everyone has a theory. I think the important part is being in a relationship with someone who understands that they are not in it for everyone else, but to be with you. They should not be swayed to schedule your relationship according to everyone else's ideas.
And if it becomes apparent that your relationship is doomed to be scheduled in accordance with the wishes and expectations of people watching, perhaps being with someone less controlled is better for your future in general.
A relationship is not a Committee. It does not take a Village. It does not need a Timeline of events to be broadcast to the public in order to be successful.
But the biggest thing is the timing. "You guys sure are moving fast." "Boy, you guys have been together forever, so when are we going to see a rock?"
Though, sometimes meant in fun, sometimes not.
Add Facebook, and suddenly everyone has a theory. I think the important part is being in a relationship with someone who understands that they are not in it for everyone else, but to be with you. They should not be swayed to schedule your relationship according to everyone else's ideas.
And if it becomes apparent that your relationship is doomed to be scheduled in accordance with the wishes and expectations of people watching, perhaps being with someone less controlled is better for your future in general.
In general, I'd agree that it is damaging, but it depends on the person.
Some people have the capacity to lift the books, but others nearly suffocate themselves.
It's hard to say what's 'fast' or 'slow' as each person holds different 'norms' or 'standards'.
I know some who've dated for years, and then been happily married.
I know others who dated (as in...weren't even friends really) for 6 months, and then gotten happily and lastingly married.
Though generals apply in general, almost everything largely depends on the specifics (people, time, society, situation, nature, ext...).
Some people have the capacity to lift the books, but others nearly suffocate themselves.
It's hard to say what's 'fast' or 'slow' as each person holds different 'norms' or 'standards'.
I know some who've dated for years, and then been happily married.
I know others who dated (as in...weren't even friends really) for 6 months, and then gotten happily and lastingly married.
Though generals apply in general, almost everything largely depends on the specifics (people, time, society, situation, nature, ext...).
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I think it depends on the reason why someone is trying to rush things. If its because someone has a terminal disease that's one thing, but if its because they are afraid that the other person might start having second thoughts then that is just selfish and will probably end up straining the relationship, maybe even to the point of dissolution. If it's just run-of-the-mill impatience, then it depends on how willing the person is to stop being impatient.
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Some people, if they've been in a given "stage" for a LONG time, in their opinion, they may start to wonder if the other person is just messing with them or wasting their time.
Also this comment...
What do you mean by the next level? Exclusive/goin steady? Engagement?
I mean for Christians there really aren't that many official levels are there?
1.Meetin.
2.Gettin to know.
3.Going steady.
4.Engaged.
5.Married.
Did I miss anything?
So I guess in answer to why some may put on pressure. They simply want to get on with things. They feel like they know you enough. They feel like they don't want to be lead on. Some have a low tolerance for relationship dilly-dallying around.
Also this comment...
What do you mean by the next level? Exclusive/goin steady? Engagement?
I mean for Christians there really aren't that many official levels are there?
1.Meetin.
2.Gettin to know.
3.Going steady.
4.Engaged.
5.Married.
Did I miss anything?
So I guess in answer to why some may put on pressure. They simply want to get on with things. They feel like they know you enough. They feel like they don't want to be lead on. Some have a low tolerance for relationship dilly-dallying around.
J
What if the other person isn't ready? Should they agree to more than they are ready for just because the other person is? What if they discover things along the way that they think deserve a bit more attention?
What if the other person has been "messed with" as well and prefers to be a little more cautious this time around?
What if the other person has been "messed with" as well and prefers to be a little more cautious this time around?
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If person A wants to move on with things faster, and isn't willing to adjust, and if person B wants things at a slower level and isn't willing to adjust, then I reckon you got a mismatch, and both need to decide whether to stop it and move on, or keep going in their mistmatched frustration. If they choose to keep on with the mismatched frustration, then it's not a relationship, it's just an endurance contest between two mismatched people with clearly conflicting goals on how to have a relationship. <--All said with the assumption neither is willing to adjust.
J
Maybe it all comes down to how long each person feels is long enough/too long. I can't imagine that to be boilerplate for everyone.
You know how relationships go... You hit it off very well, but along the way they learn things about you/you learn things about them that may you think....hmmmm...so you pause for a moment to take a look...ponder awhile, while they keep moving along. Not dealbreaker things necessarily, just things you'd never thought about before.
There can also be times when you get the impression that there may be things about you that might not jive with the other person or that they may not like about you for whatever reason, so you stop to consider those things as well.
And sometimes you realize that you were both completely wrong about everything you thought about one another.
Sometimes you pause long enough to take a breath and realize you really need to communicate better. Sometimes you realize you may be putting too much pressure on one another and realize how stupid that is, especially when you really care about that person.
I'm just not sure that it's not a good idea to simply stop from time to time and appreciate the person for who they are and enjoy being with them rather than focusing on where it is all leading.
And sometimes I think too much. Sometimes I wish my brain didn't work as it does.
And sometimes I intentionally use the word "sometimes" a lot to annoy Stilly.
P.S. - Popclick, I agree that if someone becomes overly aggressive in that way, it strikes me as a manipulative behavior as well, and would lead me to wonder what would come next.
You know how relationships go... You hit it off very well, but along the way they learn things about you/you learn things about them that may you think....hmmmm...so you pause for a moment to take a look...ponder awhile, while they keep moving along. Not dealbreaker things necessarily, just things you'd never thought about before.
There can also be times when you get the impression that there may be things about you that might not jive with the other person or that they may not like about you for whatever reason, so you stop to consider those things as well.
And sometimes you realize that you were both completely wrong about everything you thought about one another.
Sometimes you pause long enough to take a breath and realize you really need to communicate better. Sometimes you realize you may be putting too much pressure on one another and realize how stupid that is, especially when you really care about that person. I'm just not sure that it's not a good idea to simply stop from time to time and appreciate the person for who they are and enjoy being with them rather than focusing on where it is all leading.
And sometimes I think too much.
Sometimes I wish my brain didn't work as it does.And sometimes I intentionally use the word "sometimes" a lot to annoy Stilly.
P.S. - Popclick, I agree that if someone becomes overly aggressive in that way, it strikes me as a manipulative behavior as well, and would lead me to wonder what would come next.
C
It can ruin a relationship that otherwise might have turned out alright. If God is in it, you don't need to rush... just enjoy the journey... No need to try to confirm and solidify everything.. have the confidence in God to know that if you just take things slow and do things the right way, it will turn out just fine.
R
[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gpn8MANhdLU[/video]
(No, it's not Ice, Ice Baby)
How damaging have you found it to be when people involved in a relationship put too much pressure on one another and attempt to rush things?
(No, it's not Ice, Ice Baby
)How damaging have you found it to be when people involved in a relationship put too much pressure on one another and attempt to rush things?
that is the question..