waiting till marriage???

Lynx · Jan 20, 2015

I dunno Shour... I currently work at a fast food factory. I work on the grill and usually two to four people are working right near me on the line where they assemble the food. They talk about sex often, at length, in graphic detail. They are aware that a pentecostal minister is working on the grill because occasionally one of them will stop and mention I'm standing right there, but it never seems to phase them because they keep right on talking. So I can see how the topic could come up a lot.

I learn so much at work... sometimes it takes me weeks to forget it. :-/

I always take my phone with me and if they start in on that same old topic again I put in my earbuds. We're not supposed to listen to music at work, but none of the managers has ever said anything when I resort to that - they know why I have my earbuds in.

I'm gonna have to remember wisebeardman's retort.

Tintin · Jan 20, 2015

I've never brought up the topic myself.

I really feel for you, Lynx. That's not cool at all.

gypsygirl · Jan 20, 2015

opal, i have to echo sentiments stated here. i was part of an active youth group in my church, signed the purity pledges and had every intention of abstaining from premarital sex.

unfortunately, at the age of 26 i allowed myself to remain in a relationship where i was being pressured for sex, and ultimately gave in. this choice became only one of many that led me away from Christ. i can't stress just how difficult these kinds of decisions make one's life. if i had to do it over, i would have never stayed with my boyfriend, and developed a better strategy for dealing with these kinds of situations.

as has been alluded to, it's a choice that is far from lacking consequence. while i have been abstinent for many years now, it does complicate things. before, sex was something that i simply looked forward to, but practically speaking, had a great deal of mystery about. well, you lose that innocence after a sexual relationship. you know exactly what you're missing, unfortunately.

there is so much more i could say about this--but suffice it to say, i strongly implore you to do whatever you need to build your resistance and choose to honor God and yourself with your sexual purity. i'm not one to live with many regrets, but that is definitely at the top of the list.

there are a lot of good reasons to hold onto your virginity, but a few of the best ones i know are:

1) because you deserve the self respect knowing that you're worth the wait

2) we are obedient and honoring of God because we love Him, and because it delights Him when we keep His commands

3) there is no fleeting pleasure that you can gain for yourself rebelliously that will exceed the contentment and joy that comes from choosing what God has in mind for His children

Lynx · Jan 20, 2015

Or in Tennessee hillbilly words, you don't really know what you got till you ain't got it no more. Including purity.

MissCris · Jan 20, 2015

First, I want to say how awesome it is that so many of y'all have waited/are waiting/are practicing abstinence. Maintaining sexual purity in this day and age is a super difficult thing to do, for the reasons that have been mentioned in this thread, and also due to the fact that we live in a sex-saturated society (say that three times fast). If you've felt the pressure to give up your virginity and stayed strong, that's a big deal. If you've given in at some point but changed course and are now abstaining, that's a big deal. I would give ya'll two thumbs up, but I haven't got any thumbs (ok, I do, but that seems so cheesy so I'll just...not).

The second thing I want to say isn't directed at anyone who's posted in this thread, but is more just a thing I've noticed about people I've personally known-

It seems like sometimes people end up turning their virginity into a type of idol, a thing that makes them better or above others, and a thing that they place such a huge amount of importance on that it's like they can't see around their own ego about it to the real reason they decided to remain pure in the first place- Jesus. There was one girl in particular that I grew up going to church with; by the time we were 18, 19, 20...she was still a virgin, and I wasn't. It was a thing she often threw in my face when we'd argue- she'd say things like "Fine, I gossip. So? At least I don't sleep around." (which was unfair because I wasn't sleeping around, but hey, once you lose your virginity, apparently your entire reputation is up for speculation and ridicule).

Anyway, my point is, it's wonderful to wait until you're married to have sex. It's the right choice. It's difficult, and therefore a commendable thing. But it seems like it also can result in a lot of pride and arrogance for some people.

^^^Bit of a tangent, sorry.

As for people treating you differently or making fun of you for your choice to remain a virgin...I dunno, people will find anything- anything- to pick on others about, whether it's the way they look or the music they like or the food they eat or...honestly, the list is ridiculously long. It's annoying, yes, but their opinions don't mean diddly squat in the grand scheme of things, so it's best to just brush it off and ignore them.

christian74 · Jan 20, 2015

Encouraging, personal, and insightful comments. (*thumbs up)

Lynx · Jan 20, 2015

MissChris: Good points, and one might in fact invite mockery by throwing his virtue in the face of others all the time. In fact I think the Bible says something about that... something having to do with Pharisees.

To those who have done things you regret, I like to mention Ezekiel chapter 33. Basically what it says is whatever is in your past doesn't matter. What you are NOW, what you are doing NOW, where your heart is NOW is what matters. (There are a lot of other parts of the Bible that could be used to back this up but I'll spare y'all.)

MsMcGyver · Jan 20, 2015

I see the biggest problem in a new kind of pressure: you actually have to be ashamed of yourself nowadays for not having any "sexual experience" yet.
I for my part made the decision to wait quite a while ago. (We don't have any of these purity vow movements or such where I live, just a highly "worldly" youth; but i saw the good example of christian friends who encouraged us to do the same. They did so without adding any pressure, so it was my free choice all along.)

Yes, it is uncomfortable to be ridiculed, and the worst part of it: it's gnawing on a subconscious level. So you are starting to feel ashamed all by yourself even, and you can't do much against it. It's such a twisted world we live in...

Just lately something made me laugh: On the internet i found a new "rumor", stating that if you turn 30 and still are a virgin, you automatically become a wizard. Made my day. Well, I guess, I'm magical now

I know the stress and strain of a "demanding" relationship, and I could not bear the discomfort and escaped from mine with the help of God only, just in time. That little stroll away from God's path even reinforced my decision, for I learned that what the world is showing to be desireable and good is really just all fake and empty. There is no joy, no fulfillment in it. You basically give your most inner vulnerability over to rotating blades, and they are gonna cut you bad.

Now i can see the good in God's plan even clearer, his amazing plan. And I trust him even more.

I'd rather stay alone for the rest of my life, resting in Jesus, than be with the wrong man. I want the one He picked for me and no other, for Jesus loves me so much he picks only the best. I trust him with all my life now, literally.

God has even shown me why it would be best to have no other relationship before that one, since the less pain and emotional bondage you've had (or still have), the more free you are to love and just give all. Love like it is the first time you ever love, like you've never been hurt before. And that is just such a blessing. There is so much wisdom in him that is hidden from the world, or even directly contradicting the world.

Now I've stopped trying. I've stopped trying to find a partner, trying to make things work that should not, trying to give it all without ever getting anything back. I have his peace now, for i rest in the reassurance that He will make his plan come true, whatever it may be. As it says in Isaiah 14,27: For the Lord Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him? His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?

And if it is his plan for me to stay alone for any given time, then i will use that time to learn as much as i can about him. Because I know that even THAT (being alone) is the best for me.

Just my 2 cents.

MsMcGyver · Jan 20, 2015

Lynx said:

I absolutely agree. The blood of Jesus washed away your past. He took all your sin. Or at least all the sin you gave him. (Don't keep anything back.)
So it is in fact as if HE had commited the sin, not you. He took your past, and he nailed it to the cross. Give it to him and you are made free.

And if any voices ever try to whisper in your mind and try to remind you of what you did to make you feel guilty and ashamed and condemned, you better tell them to shut up or they will have to deal with a very angry Jesus himself defending you and kicking them out of his temple. You have HIS purity. You are made whole in him, by him, through him. That's what his righteousness is, the one thing we should seek with all our heart.

Anomaly1964 · Jan 20, 2015

This is a very difficult topic for Christians, the Bible does tell us to wait but then sexual incompatibility can cause MAJOR issues once you are married. One who wants it more or differently than the other can be the cause of much strife...

MsMcGyver · Jan 20, 2015

I don't think there is such a thing as sexual incompatibility. This term has been invented.
Just like in music, when you start off playing an instrument, you usually don't know what you are doing. You learn and practice and over time, you get better.

If you start off together, you learn together. It's art, not a jigsaw-puzzle.

We have a world-famous riding school in Vienna, the "Spanische Hofreitschule" with their very own breed of horses, the Lippizaner. They are born black and turn all white when growing up. The male ones are trained in this school to become very unique and highly skilled performers, it's more like a circus show and horse ballet.

This school has quite a couple of traditions, amongst them are these:
Only male horses are performing, the female live on one of the generous farms and are used for breeding.
Only male riders are performing.
At the beginning of the training, both the horse and the rider have to be "a virgin" - the horse never been ridden before, and the rider never to have ridden before.
They get to know each other, they train together, they learn together, and they perform the most magnificent shows together. And nobody else is ever allowed to ride that horse. A very unique bond.

If it works with horses, why should it not work with humans, who are a lot smarter even?

Anomaly1964 · Jan 20, 2015

MsMcGyver said:

I don't think there is such a thing as sexual incompatibility. This term has been invented.
Just like in music, when you start off playing an instrument, you usually don't know what you are doing. You learn and practice and over time, you get better.

If you start off together, you learn together. It's art, not a jigsaw-puzzle.

We have a world-famous riding school in Vienna, the "Spanische Hofreitschule" with their very own breed of horses, the Lippizaner. They are born black and turn all white when growing up. The male ones are trained in this school to become very unique and highly skilled performers, it's more like a circus show and horse ballet.

This school has quite a couple of traditions, amongst them are these:
Only male horses are performing, the female live on one of the generous farms and are used for breeding.
Only male riders are performing.
At the beginning of the training, both the horse and the rider have to be "a virgin" - the horse never been ridden before, and the rider never to have ridden before.
They get to know each other, they train together, they learn together, and they perform the most magnificent shows together. And nobody else is ever allowed to ride that horse. A very unique bond.

If it works with horses, why should it not work with humans, who are a lot smarter even?

Are you married or single...?

That sounds good on paper but I know plenty of strong Christians who are married and struggle with sexual compatibility...

MsMcGyver · Jan 20, 2015

Oh and by the way - if you go into a marriage mostly concerned about all the things YOU need and want, that marriage is going to fail. Guaranteed.

Just like this young man nailed it right down:
Marriage Isn't for You

Anomaly1964 · Jan 20, 2015

MsMcGyver said:

Again, are YOU married? And quoting the Huffington Post...LOL!

MsMcGyver · Jan 20, 2015

Anomaly1964 said:

If you had read the earlier post, you'd know I'm single. (btw this is a Singles thread

) I also know a lot of married christian couples and not one of them ever had "incompatibility". Not even my friend in the wheelchair and his wife. You live in a marriage to give, not to receive. Once you go egocentric, you get in trouble...

MsMcGyver · Jan 20, 2015

You are aware that the Huff Post is just quoting his blog, right? So 'lol' yourself

MissCris · Jan 20, 2015

Anomaly1964 said:

"Sexual incompatibility" sounds like a man-made excuse to have sex with at least a few different people before finding one that "works".

Honestly, this is more about sexual purity than virginity. Two virgins who get married may not know exactly what they're doing right off the bat, but if they're communicating with each other about it, and, you know, practicing....they'll probably be fine.

However, if two virgins get married and one or both of them have spent a lot of time "fooling around" with past girlfriends/boyfriends, or else watched a lot of porn, or any number of other things that skew/change a person's perception of what sex is/should be...there are going to be problems.

That's something I don't think has been emphasized enough in Christian circles; virginity is all well and good, but should go hand-in-hand with sexual purity (as in, NOT going as far as possible with someone without "actually" having sex, abstaining from porn, etc).

MsMcGyver · Jan 20, 2015

The influence of porn is one of the biggest problems of our times... it's twisting the minds of viewers in the most absurd and unnatural way. Like a drug addiction, even (proven..)
Cambridge Study: Internet porn addiction mirrors drug addiction (2014) | Your Brain On Porn

And don't even mention the absolutely unrealistic standards and ideas planted into their brains.

wisebeardman · Jan 20, 2015

MsMcGyver said:

I think that phrase comes from the fact once you have had sex with more then 1 person people begin to compare the current partner with past partners. If the current don't add up to be "as good or better" as a previous then the problems start.

Lynx · Jan 20, 2015

So... if I do get married and I'm not satisfied with my wife in the bedroom... say because I slept around or had a porn problem or something... I can claim sexual incompatibility and go find another? Alright!!!

Seriously. That is the most ludicrously sophistic argument I've ever heard on this topic. I've heard some worse arguments about other topics, but that takes the cake on this topic.

Quote for the day: "Marry, divorce, marry again, divorce, marry again... polygamy on the installment plan."

waiting till marriage???

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