A few years ago, I was in a shopping center and saw a woman who was desperately trying to get someone to stop. I felt like a tug to stop, but didn't because I was more afraid for my safety then possibly what her need was. This was really late at night, and she appeared to be homeless. For days afterwards, I felt so guilty for not stopping, despite the fact that I asked God for His forgiveness. But for some reason I couldn't accept it until, I saw a woman at church that looked like her. I said something to her and was going to apologize, but it wasn't the same woman. After that, I didn't feel guilty anymore.
While it's not the same scenario, it's a similar situation. You feel guilty for tricking him by not being truthful, yet you have asked for forgiveness. I'm suggesting that you write a letter and pour out everything you want to say to him. By writing it out, you will at least have had a chance to get it out of your heart. As for sending the letter, that's up to you. You could send it, or you could burn/tear up the letter. Personally, I would suggest the latter since he doesn't want to hear from you. The other alternative is to write the letter to God. And actually, now that I think about it, have you asked God for His forgiveness? If not, then that might be why you are having such a hard time with this.
While it's not the same scenario, it's a similar situation. You feel guilty for tricking him by not being truthful, yet you have asked for forgiveness. I'm suggesting that you write a letter and pour out everything you want to say to him. By writing it out, you will at least have had a chance to get it out of your heart. As for sending the letter, that's up to you. You could send it, or you could burn/tear up the letter. Personally, I would suggest the latter since he doesn't want to hear from you. The other alternative is to write the letter to God. And actually, now that I think about it, have you asked God for His forgiveness? If not, then that might be why you are having such a hard time with this.
