When people get the wrong idea about you

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,012
1,969
113
#1
I dont know if this happens to any of you a lot but just want to know how you handle it when it does.

I had a neighboour email me the other day saying a mutual neigbour said I might be interested in renting his place and he was going to offer it to me when he moves down the country with his new wife. They are both neighbours but I live further down in another street. we all garden down at this shared community garden.

The thing is I was not even looking for a place and never given the impression I was. So I had to email him back and say sorry the other neighbour was mistaken I wasnt looking for a place. But if I know of anyone whos interested I will let him know. he said well that funny but he accepted that our neighbour must have got the wrong idea about me.

no big deal right, but, Im now wondering if I should say anything to the neighbour who suggested me. I just think its weird and a bit controlling in a way, as she has a somewhat controlling personality. You could say she was trying to be helpful but in what way??? nobody goes to rent out a place when they already living somewhere or moves when they dont need to.

is it because I live with my folks? Do other people think its weird that people still live with their family? Why do people think its helpful for other people to move out of their own home? Or even in a position to afford to do so. Its not like I'm living in a garage! anyway apart from being a bit indigant about that I wonder what gives people the right to judge other peoples living situations. I have come across a lot of people who think that living with your family is somehow wrong and you shouldnt be doing so. Im dont know whether to be flattered that sometone thinks I would make a good tenant or just annoyed that someone thinks I actually want to be a tenant. The house is fine Ive been to it before but Ive never expressed anything about coveting what my neighbour has. I actually have my own family, pets and garden to look after!

Not sure what I should say to my neighbour about this, if anything. She had done on another occasion when I was looking for work saying I would be great for this job or something and emailed me about certain jobs but I find myself annoyed when people do this because often they suggest outragous things they think you would be perfect for when you really wouldnt do that job in a million years and totally unsuited for it. work in a chicken factory? be a secretary? mow lawns? sure I take any job. Not! Im actually gainfully employed or if Im not Im training, volunteering or taking a break.

I am probably over anlysing this. Is it because I offered to housesit for someone but it doest mean I want to stay there and rent or that I am homeless. Or Maybe I just dont like it when people suggest stuff saying I ought to do this or that or presume I am interested in such and such cos I want things to be my own idea. lol
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,355
3,019
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#2
What I would say to Lanolin if she could read this:

HOLY CRAP! Your neighbor was trying to be helpful! Maybe she honestly thought you were in the market for a house. Maybe she overheard something you said that, taken out of context, made her think you were planning on moving.

And here you are talking about her being controlling, and imagining all the things you think your neighbors might think about you...

Gee, remind me to never offer to do ANYTHING for you! Who knows what you might start imagining about my intentions.
 

TamLynn

A heart at rest
Nov 27, 2014
475
615
93
#3
I think when you see the neighbor the other neighbor said suggested you might be interested, you approach them with a smile and say...

" *Insert neighbors name* mentioned that you thought I may be interested in an upcoming rental. That was very thoughtful of you.
I'm currently not looking for somewhere else to live,but thanks!"

I'm sure there are people out there that have no ill will towards you and are simply trying to be kind and helpful. ❤
 

love_comes_softly

Well-known member
Feb 13, 2019
456
501
93
#4
@Lanolin your neighbors are just being kind and friendly. Even if you aren’t looking for a new place, you should be feeling honored that they care enough to think about you.

Perhaps they’ve heard you talk about your mom and took that for being unhappy. Maybe they just assume that everyone wants their own place eventually, there is no harm in thinking that.

My advice, be grateful for such kind, thoughtful, loving neighbors. They aren’t being controlling because they have no say in whether you move, they were just letting you know it was open.

Believe it or not, most people are actually kind and have good intentions. I pray that your eyes will be opened to that in your interactions with them.
 

TamLynn

A heart at rest
Nov 27, 2014
475
615
93
#5
What I would say to Lanolin if she could read this:

HOLY CRAP! Your neighbor was trying to be helpful! Maybe she honestly thought you were in the market for a house. Maybe she overheard something you said that, taken out of context, made her think you were planning on moving.

And here you are talking about her being controlling, and imagining all the things you think your neighbors might think about you...

Gee, remind me to never offer to do ANYTHING for you! Who knows what you might start imagining about my intentions.
I've met people who seem to be suspicious about everything.
They have a hard time believing someones intentions towards them could be pure.
There have been times I've been apprehensive and thought someones comments or actions were a bit sketchy, only to find out I was over reacting and was really reacting to being hurt before.
It's not a nice way to live.
:(
I'm so thankful that Jesus has helped me to be discerning (instead of suspicious) and helped me see others through His eyes, as I make things like this (when they come up...which is hardly ever now) a matter of prayer. 🙏🏼
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,355
3,019
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#6
@Lanolin your neighbors are just being kind and friendly. Even if you aren’t looking for a new place, you should be feeling honored that they care enough to think about you.

Perhaps they’ve heard you talk about your mom and took that for being unhappy. Maybe they just assume that everyone wants their own place eventually, there is no harm in thinking that.

My advice, be grateful for such kind, thoughtful, loving neighbors. They aren’t being controlling because they have no say in whether you move, they were just letting you know it was open.

Believe it or not, most people are actually kind and have good intentions. I pray that your eyes will be opened to that in your interactions with them.
Yeah, I've found about 98% (roughly) of people are good folks. It's that other 2% that makes us have to be on our guard against everybody.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,355
3,019
113
#7
Excuse me for a moment... I want to take a bit to appreciate the irony of a thread where we get the wrong idea about people getting the wrong idea about us. o_O
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
935
1,028
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#8
I'm so thankful that Jesus has helped me to be discerning (instead of suspicious) and helped me see others through His eyes, as I make things like this (when they come up...which is hardly ever now) a matter of prayer. 🙏🏼
Beautifully said... if only everyone can see others through His eyes this world would be a much better place to live in (almost like Heaven 🤔)
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,012
1,969
113
#9
aw yea thats what I should say, that its nice she was thinking of me.

My neighbour who has the house is a really nice guy and it was lovely that he offered and if I was looking for a place it would be ideal, maybe I might have remarked when I was visiting this is a really nice place.

But maybe am just irked that the other neighbour thought I was looking when I wasnt. Maybe cos I dont like to let people down and say no if they really hoped I would go for it.

I think many people complain about their mothers even when they dont live with them thats just the way it is. doesnt mean they are necessarily wanting to move out. My friends mum lives in another town but shes still relentless with her daughter so it doesnt make much difference lol. I think people forget we have dads and other members of the family to think about too.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,012
1,969
113
#10
On topic of people getting wrong idea, I mean really wrong about people..
I remember one of my workmates, I invited her and several workmates over to my flat for a party (when I was flatting) and this workmate said something really weird about my flatmates boyfriend like she was suspicious of him or that he was like a child abuser or something.
And I was like what?! and she goes Oh I just got this vibe...

my flatmate had two children from a previous relationship and she was somehow suggesting my flatmates boyfriend was only getting close to my flatmate so he could be around her daughter, who was around 14 at the time.
she said this only after seeing him that ONE time at my party. Well at that point I had known him as her boyfriend for about a year or so, I stayed there two and. half years till they moved and got their own place and eventually had another child (daughter) and married. Amd he had never done anything to warrant that suspicion.

I dont know how she came to this conclusion. But it didnt affect my relationship with him as someone who came and visited from time to time. Its just weird how some people get things wrong and wonder how they think that way unless something happened to them to. make them suspect everyone else. It seems she was like that with a lot of people and even asked me why I was being so nice to her once! uM cos thats just me I dont have ulterior motive? and yes I put on parties and invite my workmates over its just called being friendly.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,012
1,969
113
#11
of course I did not say anything about this to my flatmate or her boyfriend..I thought was rather rude of her to talk about someone she only just met as a guest at a party.

I dont work with her anymore but do just recall at times working with her and she was kinda controlling too and often make really odd remarks especially if she thought people werent working as hard as she was i.e making you feel like you were slack when you were just having downtime at work.

I find it hard to work with controlling and judgemental people especially when they make snap judgements like that.
 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
779
780
93
#12
My best friend and I frequently talk about attitude of the heart being what is most important. Sometimes she will tell me something and instead of just listening I might start spouting ideas. I will usually catch myself and stop. I will apologize and say I hope I haven't overstepped or offended. She will laugh and say she knows my heart. She knows anything I say to her comes from a place of love.
This lady who spoke out of turn may have missed the mark, but it sounds like the attitude of the heart was good. She heard of an opportunity and wanted you to have the first shot at it. It wasn't something you were looking for, and so yes it would seem odd, but I'm thinking it was well intentioned. If it really bothers you, you could always ask her why she mentioned you to the fellow. After she tells you, give her a gentle reply. It will be a kindness you can give her. All the best.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,012
1,969
113
#13
thanks I will smooth things over it just caught me a bit off guard Im sure her intentions are good, it is just sometimes her intentions can just go awry abit. another friend has had similar issues with this neighbour when she gets the wrong idea about something we do in the garden at times.
eg we will plant something cos we are gardeners, but this neigbour wants everything kind of controlled. she will say no if I ask to plant anything she wont eat.
so we end up sneaking plants in and just not telling her. Because the rest of us want to eat as well not just not veges she wants to eat lol.
 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
779
780
93
#14
thanks I will smooth things over it just caught me a bit off guard Im sure her intentions are good, it is just sometimes her intentions can just go awry abit. another friend has had similar issues with this neighbour when she gets the wrong idea about something we do in the garden at times.
eg we will plant something cos we are gardeners, but this neigbour wants everything kind of controlled. she will say no if I ask to plant anything she wont eat.
so we end up sneaking plants in and just not telling her. Because the rest of us want to eat as well not just not veges she wants to eat lol.
lol I am a visual thinker and the image of you and your neighbours sneaking in veggies that she doesn't like is hilarious. That is great!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,012
1,969
113
#15
yes like who planted these tomatoes?? she will get into a tizzy because she thinks its too much to water. But sometimes we need extra tomatoes, and even if we dont eat them all, we can give them away.

I thought about this topic and just to sum up its really not good to jump to conclusions about people.

Hear them out first.

For us singles, often people jump to the conclusion that just cos you are single you are looking for someone to marry. its often hard to correct people and convince them you really are content being single them especially when they start matchmaking you without your permission, or making pitying noises when they hear you are single and past a certain age, or they might say oh you are young. Plenty of time.

well nobody really knows just when someone else is going to die are they unless they are clairvoyant, in which case steer clear because clairvoyants relish knowing abut the tragedies ready to befall you if you dont pay up their consulting fee.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,355
3,019
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#16
Extra tomatoes? Who has extra tomatoes? How can that be possible?

As thick as I like to make my tomato sandwiches (with whole wheat sourdough bread and a bit of mayo) I have never seen where having too many can even happen, much less be a problem.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,012
1,969
113
#17
update when asked about it she said someone else said I might be interested..grr but who would that someone else be I have no idea or why they would say that so I just let it drop.

I have not ever said I would be interested in renting a place its just rather annoying to have to correct people. You would forever be playing chinese whispers with this one. Or as some people call it, 'chinese whiskers'

its like when someone said to me are you leaving? and it turns out the school had not updated their staff vacancy page since I got the job.
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
4,253
3,936
113
#18
update when asked about it she said someone else said I might be interested..grr but who would that someone else be I have no idea or why they would say that so I just let it drop.

I have not ever said I would be interested in renting a place its just rather annoying to have to correct people. You would forever be playing chinese whispers with this one. Or as some people call it, 'chinese whiskers'

its like when someone said to me are you leaving? and it turns out the school had not updated their staff vacancy page since I got the job.
I understand what you are saying. I don't think someone should assume you should move out of your place when you are fine there. Why spend extra money and deal with landlords when your comfortable at home. I and my son moved into my dad's home when I had a short split with my 2nd hubby and we got along great. My dad cried when I decided to go back.
Maybe the lady has nothing else to do or is trying to be helpful but it does sound out of line to me to assume things w/o being sure. God bless you, it sounds like you have it under control:).
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,012
1,969
113
#19
I think if she wasnt sure she could have asked me first or checked and maybe sent me a email or txt saying Would you be interested in renting xxs place? He's going away and needs a trustworthy tenant and you would be ideal. Get in touch with him if you are.

I think she approached this a bit backward without really thinking it through.

its ok now though I hope she doesnt do this kind of thing again...!
Its like when people assume you are free and rope you into commitees etc. it feels like you being railroaded into deciding about stuff that you dont really want to do.

one golden rule,..never ASSume.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
5,012
1,969
113
#20
just been reading this book called "A mothers reckoning' by Sue Klebold who's son mass murdered students and one teacher with another boy at Columbine High School in 1999.

she claims she, as his mother, had no idea that he would do such a thing. ?! so blind! All through the book she was in denial that he could be capable of doing this as she had this idea that he was a 'good kid' and she was a 'good mother' when in fact it seems she was a perfectionist and cared way more about herself and appearances then what was really going on, right under her nose.

A full two years before the massacre, Dylan and his mate were plotting to blow up the school. They had gotten in trouble before by stealing and the parents just bailed them out, no consequences, because they were wealthy and priveliged. They lived in a huge house and just assumed that because they were 'normal' or that teenager do stuff like that, that they were good.

Um never assume. Everyone sins and is capable of doing terrible things. Just cos on the surface things seem benign doesnt mean things are not wrong on the inside.

but unlike my workmate who assumed my flatmates boyrfriend was some sort of abuser with no evidence, this mother had heaps of evidence that her own son was a criminal but she chose to overlook it and he wasnt even jailed for his own safety and those around him but let go to commit even more crimes.