Why do we have to go and be so bitter and angry?

[Theygaveutheirworst]

This is the one thing that has definitely made my life suffer in a negative way. It has affected my friendships, relationships, and family members. I'm sure most of us can relate to a bitter person, or the affects of one in our life. I can honestly understand if a worldly person can become infected by someone else's hurt, but I can't understand how Christians think they're are justified in being bitter towards something(or someone) and takes it out on someone close to them because a person once-upon-a-time-ago hurt them. Why is there such a need in us to hurt others the way we've been hurt? Nobody just simply wakes up bitter and sour towards people. Something had to have had happen in order for someone to intentionally say or do something to tear others down. How in the world can someone go from victim to villain in what seems like a short time? Is it to just gain back the pride we think we lose when someone close to us does something to hurt us? Do we consider it a form of pay back? Even when we take it out on someone who didn't do anything wrong? Imagine, as a follower of Christ, one day trying to convince God that it wasn't my fault I tore others down, it's the person/thing who hurt me who is to blame for what I did that hurt others!

Personally, at this time in my life, I'm afraid of becoming that bitter person. The hurt I've experienced from bitter and angry folks seem to be piling up, and I'm worried that I'll end becoming bitter and angry myself, or someone who distances himself from others because I'm afraid of opening myself up to the risk of befriending the wrong person and cause more hurt. I don't want to become either of them. Anybody got any words of advice on this topic?

 

[JustAnotherUser]

Hurt people, hurt people. Misery loves the company. Chances are the person is lashing out because they haven't had productive ways to take the criticism and hurt received to them and of course it would not make it any better or seen as any justification to be nice to someone who has done something to contribute to their hurt. Can't say I'm never guilty on that, so I don't know what to tell you other than to surround yourself with people who care about you more so you won't withdraw yourself.

 

[Tintin]

I suggest that you read "The Bait of Satan: Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense", by John Bevere. I haven't read much of the book yet, and I can't pin down any specific people in my life that I'm still bitter with but I'm sure I'll learn some things about myself along the way and learn that I do have roots of bitterness to work through with God. This book isn't an easy read, it's rather convicting, but it's also very powerful and worthwhile. I've read that many families, marriages, friendships etc. have been saved when people read "The Bait of Satan" and put what they learned into practice. God can work powerfully in your life, if you let Him. Don't give Satan a foothold, give Christ your everything. God bless you, brother.

 

[Theygaveutheirworst]

@Justanotheruser Thanks for kind words! Finding those friends who can hold us accountable are hard to find.

@Tintin Thanks, brother. I actually felt a whole better writing all that out and getting off my chest.lol

 

[Roh_Chris]

Hey Theygaveutheirworst, I know how it feels. To be honest, I am not completely free of bitterness but I do my best to not let it affect my relationships with others. Here are some things I do -

- I pour it all out in God's presence when it gets too much. When was the last time you cried out the hurt you felt, during prayer? It is much better than in crying out to a friend.
- Master the art of forgiveness. Let those incidents be bygones. What you have is the present. Make that count.
- Realize that apart from God nobody is worth suffering for. Yes, bitterness and anger are a form of personal suffering. These negative emotions will affect you in so many ways - spiritually, psychologically and even physically. You need to tell yourself that no matter how significant the person was, he/she is not worth suffering for because you are the only one who will be suffering if you harbour those feelings.

As I said earlier, I am not entirely free of these negative emotions. But I am getting there ...

 

[Theygaveutheirworst]

All three are helpful, Chris. It's always good to have people on here that encourage others. Today was definitely not my day.

 

[JesusLives]

I was going to say we need to learn the gift of forgiveness. I know our first reaction to being hurt is to lash out and get angry.

I just a couple of days ago wanted to post some mean posts to lash out at another on CC and I literally argued with God about it as He kept me from typing the mean post that wanted to be typed....

But then God made me think about the other person... What is going on in their life that is making them mean/grumpy toward me? Do they really know or have a relationship with God? Do they have anyone praying for them?

God has also been making me taking a look at myself as to Why am I getting upset/angry? Am I in a close enough relationship with God? Am I praying enough? Maybe I should pray for this person who is hurting me and maybe I need to forgive this person so that I won't become angry and bitter toward them.

I have a half sister Linda who is very bitter and angry over what I don't know as I don't know her. She has a different Mother than me and we did not grow up together and I didn't know she existed until I was around 12 years old and as our Father was dying in the hospital we were in the same room with him and Dad said to us girls I hope you can just get along. Linda was 24 years old and I believe Dad was talking mostly to her.

I ran across her address and phone number that I had misplaced a few days ago and tourist encouraged me to call her. We had not been in contact for many years in the call I identified who I was and she said What do You want? and I replied just to be able to connect with you and she hung up the phone on me... She is bitter and has anger and I don't know why because I really don't know her.... It makes me feel sad because I don't believe she knows God and all these years she has resented and hated me and I don't know why.... So I pray for her because I don't know what else to do. I pray for her salvation because I don't believe she knows God.

So just pray for these people and try to learn to forgive them because harboring bitterness and anger does not hurt them at all it only hurts you. God will help us to forgive and He will welcome our prayers for these people and who knows but if our prayers will be instrumental in helping these people to find Jesus and salvation. We may find out in heaven someday......

 

[AbbeyJoy]

Hi gave, yeah I know what you mean.. I grew up in church and my dad is a pastor, you see people even get bitter toward us kids too..expect us to clean up after other kids mess like in Sunday class rooms and never made their own kids help out, I also see new people get criticised by some people who are so call Christian..I got mad at this one person for nagging about my 14 year old sister at the time now she's 28, playing with the guitar which she had permission to cause she was going to do a song for our youth group. But my dad always says just loved them and pray for them too.. we later on moved from that church to a church were I was at when I was 5. It's lot more loving people here then the others..well we still get people who are cold hearted but still at least we had better deacons then the church we had...

 

[HLR]

I was once this very bitter person you're speaking of. I carried this bitterness around with me from previous events in my life; And I couldn't shake it. I woke up most mornings and I was mad at the world. My aim each day was to bring the people the closest to me down, and bring them down to the level of misery I was living in. Even when I was happy, I had that bitterness in me and I could not shake it. I wanted everyone around me to be exactly like me. Hate filled, bitter, and just miserable. As someone else in this thread said, I wanted the company.

You know what though? My Lord, My Lord, delivered me from this awful bondage. He showed me how to forgive the person I was so bitter towards which allowed me a better quality of life. Does that mean I never wake up in a foul mood? Certainly not, but I'm not the person I was before. I have been redeemed. I wake up each morning... And when I feel that hint of bitterness trying to sneak up on me I turn on some Praise and Worship music on, and I pray and I run satan off.

My basic answer to this question is this: I don't see how a Christian should be bitter either. Not when they sit down and think about how loved we are.

"Who was delivered for our offences, and was raised again for our justification." Romans 4:25.

 

[Theygaveutheirworst]

I don't know how many hours of sleep I've lost over this the past few years. I do appreciate the honesty you guys are bringing on the subject.

 

[dalconn]

The carnal mind is emnity to Christ so we must learn the mind of Christ and wear the helmet of salvation, fight on my brother, the victory is already yours!






Proverbs 23:7
7 For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.

 

[MisterHarmony]

I think if you are bitter to someone and you fear God you will be sorry for it and repent. And if you see someone who is hurt and bitter and you fear God you will have compassion on them.