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Desdichado, in a hurry to get the Hopps and Barley back to his place to make his homemade brew, failed to see the Speed limit sign next to the Baptist church. An officer in that town was out of bullets, so he hired some Longbowmen to shoot Desdichado's tires.
Banana peel
Rice pudding
Figs
Chicken feathers
Voodoo doll
Banana peel
Rice pudding
Figs
Chicken feathers
Voodoo doll
Sovereign Grace pulled out a voodoo doll shaped like Abraham Lincoln. His scheme unfolded while chomping on figs and Rice pudding.
"A banana peel to make the drunkard trip...."
"No, no, no, no, precious. He doesn't need help tripping!"
"Yes, Sovy, yes. We'll stick him with chicken feathers. Then he'll lay eggs!"
"Precious!"
Sacramental Wine
Baptismal Font
Sprinkles
Jerry Lee Lewis
AR-15
"A banana peel to make the drunkard trip...."
"No, no, no, no, precious. He doesn't need help tripping!"
"Yes, Sovy, yes. We'll stick him with chicken feathers. Then he'll lay eggs!"
"Precious!"
Sacramental Wine
Baptismal Font
Sprinkles
Jerry Lee Lewis
AR-15
Jerry Lee Lewis was driving down the road when he saw Desdichado dangling a baby by its feet over a Baptismal font. That threw him into a rage, so he slammed on his brakes, got out his AR-15, loaded it with sprinkles and blew Des in half. He celebrated saving that baby's life by drinking some Sacramental wine.
S.D. Jones
Alaskan King Crab
Club foot
Fifth of white pour wine
Strainer
S.D. Jones
Alaskan King Crab
Club foot
Fifth of white pour wine
Strainer
T
I blame my parents. I was unchurched as a child, so I honestly didn't know better. It was the first time I had ever been in a Church and I didn't even know that's what it WAS. Everything I did was wrong. I served the sacramental wine with dinner, used the baptismal font for bathing. Danced to Jerry Lee Lewis songs in the sanctuary, and put AR-15 sprinkles on the cupcakes. But to be honest, I should have known better when it came to the cupcakes.
Kerfuffle
Flibbertigibbet
Melodious
Discombobulated
Sesquipedialian
[h=5][/h][h=5][/h]
Kerfuffle
Flibbertigibbet
Melodious
Discombobulated
Sesquipedialian
[h=5][/h][h=5][/h]
I was discombobulated, because when I tried to start my 1980 Ford Pinto, it kept making a kerfuffle sound. Des came over and said my Flibbergibbet was out of line. But it made a Melodious sound after a Sesquipedialian talked me into having him fix it for only $1,599. Not bad for a 1980 Ford Pinto, right? Right???
Robot
Rusty bucket of bolts
WD-40
Liquid Wrench
Bubble gum
Robot
Rusty bucket of bolts
WD-40
Liquid Wrench
Bubble gum
*Scratches head. Okay.
Tinuviel heard the melodius kerfuffle between Des and a Starfish who thinks he looks like SD Jones. Discombobulated, she took a nervous bite out of an Alaskan King Crab and downed a fifth of white pour wine.
"By my maternal grandfathers sesquidpedialian name! I will put this to an end!", she howled.
Grabbing the nearest weapon she could find (a strainer), she bopped Des in the face! That obnoxious flibbertigibbet didn't see it coming.
Sovereign grace attacked her with his club foot, but it was to no avail as she strained his face into oblivion.
Tinuviel heard the melodius kerfuffle between Des and a Starfish who thinks he looks like SD Jones. Discombobulated, she took a nervous bite out of an Alaskan King Crab and downed a fifth of white pour wine.
"By my maternal grandfathers sesquidpedialian name! I will put this to an end!", she howled.
Grabbing the nearest weapon she could find (a strainer), she bopped Des in the face! That obnoxious flibbertigibbet didn't see it coming.
Sovereign grace attacked her with his club foot, but it was to no avail as she strained his face into oblivion.
"The building is gonna blow !" I screamed as we made our way down the never ending staircase. MacGyver says "I have an idea...I'll need a rusty bucket of bolts, some WD-40 the bubblegum out of your mouth and... hmm.. I know.. I've got a tube of liquid wrench in my back pocket." I quickly helped him gather everything he requested and watched in amazement as he built a bomb deactivating robot right before me eyes . Within 2 minutes the ordeal was over and the entire building was saved. "Thank you so much.... How can I ever repay you?" "Don't worry about it sweetheart " he proclaims " it's all in a days work."
Swamp
Nap
Tidbit
Chortle
Flop
Swamp
Nap
Tidbit
Chortle
Flop
T
I think it was my idea to wrap Mother's gift in the toilet paper. It was a book on Richard Nixon. My brother's idea was to put it in an aluminum keg and throw it in the swamp, but Sue said these days mother would prefer to take a nap instead of going diving. My brother gave a chortle and responded that it would be a nice tidbit for her to find, but we won out. In the end, it was a flop. Mother didn't like it wrapped in toilet paper and it turns out she wanted a fruit bowl.
Saturday
None
Forever
Death
Haven
Saturday
None
Forever
Death
Haven
On Saturday, we packed for our trip although none of us really wanted to go. The traffic seemd to take forever. I'm sure that having a recent death in the family made it seem longer... At least Granpa's house has that big playroom so the kids can have a safe haven to play in while the adults can spend some quiet time with each other...
plane
storm
flying
turbulence
scared
plane
storm
flying
turbulence
scared
So our plane was flying into a storm. The turbulence was terrible. I had never been so scared before. It reminded me of Jona. I knew at that moment God wanted someone thrown off. I didn't want to waste time casting lots so I made a decision to throw grandma out at 30,000 feet. I told her to flap her arms and hope for the best.
Impact
Crater
Thud
Fracture
Giggle
Impact
Crater
Thud
Fracture
Giggle
A
I'll do both. 
The impact of the meteorite made a huge crater in the ground and the loud thud fractured the well. This made Little Lulu giggle.
Lulu wasn’t a bright gal. She would play with a venomous snake on occasion. The old maid who took care of her finally resigned as Lulu’s behavior was much too irrational.
Polyester
Bathtub
Spaghetti
Slippers
Cash
The impact of the meteorite made a huge crater in the ground and the loud thud fractured the well. This made Little Lulu giggle.
Lulu wasn’t a bright gal. She would play with a venomous snake on occasion. The old maid who took care of her finally resigned as Lulu’s behavior was much too irrational.
Polyester
Bathtub
Spaghetti
Slippers
Cash