YOUR HUSBAND DOESN'T HAVE TO EARN YOUR RESPECT

[Hoffco]

LOL. SORRY, my testimony is on Christian women who don't respect their husbands. Hoffco

 

[maxwel]

No, I have a double standard there. It's an awful experience for anyone who finds themselves in that situation, but I'm much harder on the man either way the cookie crumbles. lol, not that my opinion has any effect on the world. It's the man's job to lead and treat the lady (and himself) with respect.....that's our responsibility, even in the secular world. If he's being verbally abused like trip 7 described, I don't feel sorry for him one bit if he's allowing it to continue. If he's the one doing the abusing, he's a scumbag. I wouldn't place any blame on the woman either way the situation goes.

Well, despite the man's role, women are still fallen humans, and sinners.
They sin.
The husband can lead, but cannot FORCE them to act right.
They have to answer to God for their own behavior.

In a relationship, each has a responsibility to nurture the relationship; the woman doesn't get a free pass; she doesn't get to go around having ZERO responsibility for her actions. It IS true that the man has MORE responsibility, biblically, but that doesn't mean the woman has ZERO.

It works something like this.
1. From the Man's point of view
He should take responsibility for his actions, and also for his wife's actions, good or bad.
As the leader, he should take responsibility for anything she does... because he is the leader.
2. From the Woman's point of view
She has to take responsibility for her own actions, before God, between her and God. Each individual is always responsible before God for their own actions.
Period.

There are TWO perspectives... and each one is correct and necessary... IN IT'S PLACE.

So the truth is... BOTH people have responsibility for their actions.
But the man, being the leader, has DOUBLE.

What we tend to do, is let the woman completely off the hook, but that isn't right.
She IS responsible before God for being a good wife, and doing right.

 

[Hoffco]

To Maxwel, that is excellence, each has their own resp. to be God's person, that God wants. The paradox of Bible teaching needs to be kept in mine; It is both unconditional and conditional at the same time; So we are commanded to keep ourselves in the love of God, but from God's perspective, we can never get out of God's love for His "elect". The question is , are we God's "elect". Love Hoffco

 

[GaryA]

YOUR HUSBAND DOESN'T HAVE TO EARN YOUR RESPECT

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Respect is our language. If it isn’t said with respect, we can’t hear it. This is why nagging is ineffective and self defeating. This is why statements made in sarcastic tones, or with rolling eyes, will never be received well. We have a filter in our brains, and a statement made in disrespect will be filtered out like the poison it is.

Men are notoriously reluctant to share feelings or display vulnerability. Many times, we keep those inner thoughts locked away — our feelings guarded and hidden — because we know we are not respected. A man will never be vulnerable to someone who doesn’t respect him. Never.

A man isn’t satisfied or content if he isn’t respected. If he can’t find respect where he is, he will seek it somewhere else. This can have disastrous implications for a relationship, but it applies in other areas of life as well. A man is much more likely to stay in a low paying job, a physically demanding job, a dangerous job, or a tedious job, than a job where he isn’t respected.

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Very well said!

 

[Covo]

Men allow this to happen to them, I don't think blaming it on the woman is healthy (Not that any woman that would do this is a healthy human being, or is somehow excused).....if a man's self respect as gone so low that he will put up with that, I would argue that he is more guilty than she is.

As far as society not permitting men to speak about their need for respect.....Men don't "Need" respect from anyone but themselves. That self respect is what's missing.

I highly disagree with this. Placing the blame on husbands for the way their wives treat them would be like blaming wives when husbands call them whores and beat them. Judge a tree by the fruit that it bears, not by the fruit that the tree next to it bears.

This kind of errant and prideful thinking is exactly what makes a sinful and equally degrading lifestyle of womanizing so appealing for many of us men. Smh. Smh til it falls off.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Simply stated, respect is EARNED, not expected or demanded. Period. Case closed.

 

[zeroturbulence]

...............

 

[Covo]

Simply stated, respect is EARNED, not expected or demanded. Period. Case closed.

By that measure of logic, any time I meet someone I should have absolutely no respect for them since I haven't observed any of their actions?

As a Christian, respect, as a by-product of love, should be FREELY GIVEN.

 

[Oncefallen]

Simply stated, respect is EARNED, not expected or demanded. Period. Case closed.

Ephesians 5:25-33 NIV

[SUP]25 [/SUP]Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [SUP]26 [/SUP]to make her holy, cleansing[SUP][b][/SUP] her by the washing with water through the word, [SUP]27 [/SUP]and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. [SUP]28 [/SUP]In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [SUP]29 [/SUP]After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— [SUP]30 [/SUP]for we are members of his body. [SUP]31 [/SUP]“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[SUP][c][/SUP] [SUP]32 [/SUP]This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. [SUP]33 [/SUP]However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Actually wives respecting their husband is commanded without condition just as much as a husband loving his wife is commanded without condition. If a man is not worthy of respect then a woman should not marry him in the first place. If he begins to act in a manner that is against his role (according to scripture) after the fact then she should take it to the elders of the church just as much as if she had an issue with another believer.

Do I demand that my wife respect me? Absolutely not, that would go against the command for me to love my wife as Christ loved the church (without condition). Do I have reasonable expectation that she be respectful of my God ordained position as head of the house? Absolutely, since it was commanded of her by God. Do I lord that position over her? Absolutely not since that too would go against God's command to me to love my wife unconditionally.

Do I have this down perfectly? Absolutely not, ask my wife.

 

[GaryA]

Simply stated, respect is EARNED, not expected or demanded. Period. Case closed.

Ephesians 5:25-33 NIV

[SUP]25 [/SUP]Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [SUP]26 [/SUP]to make her holy, cleansing[SUP][b][/SUP] her by the washing with water through the word, [SUP]27 [/SUP]and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. [SUP]28 [/SUP]In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [SUP]29 [/SUP]After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— [SUP]30 [/SUP]for we are members of his body. [SUP]31 [/SUP]“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[SUP][c][/SUP] [SUP]32 [/SUP]This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. [SUP]33 [/SUP]However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Actually wives respecting their husband is commanded without condition just as much as a husband loving his wife is commanded without condition. If a man is not worthy of respect then a woman should not marry him in the first place. If he begins to act in a manner that is against his role (according to scripture) after the fact then she should take it to the elders of the church just as much as if she had an issue with another believer.

Do I demand that my wife respect me? Absolutely not, that would go against the command for me to love my wife as Christ loved the church (without condition). Do I have reasonable expectation that she be respectful of my God ordained position as head of the house? Absolutely, since it was commanded of her by God. Do I lord that position over her? Absolutely not since that too would go against God's command to me to love my wife unconditionally.

Do I have this down perfectly? Absolutely not, ask my wife.

The word 'respect' has more than one definition - each is like a different 'facet' of the same 'core' thing...

1 ~ In the military, a soldier is commanded to follow the leadership that he has been placed under according to rank. He MUST respect that leadership - in this sense - by following orders when they are given ( he has no choice ).

2 ~ At the same time, that soldier may or may not have respect for any particular member of that leadership - in this sense - by believing or not believing that that particular member of the leadership should be worthy of the respect that is due him because of the position of responsibility that he holds.


Ephesians 5:

[SUP]33[/SUP] Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.


In this verse:

~ The husband is commanded and instructed to love his wife.
~ The wife is commanded and instructed to reverence her husband.

By the will of God, the husband has been given authority over the wife. ( Period. Case closed. )

( Why? )

"Because that is they way God wants it."

This is in the same sense as [ case #1 above ].

It is 'demanded' by God.

It is 'expected' by the husband ( in the sense of "believing it should be that way because God said so" ).

The kind of 'respect' that is earned is in the same sense as [ case #2 above ].

However - notice in the phrase above - 'should be worthy of the respect that is due him' - that - whether or not he is worthy - the respect is still due him ( the kind of respect illustrated in case #1 ) - because of the position of responsibility that he holds.

Now -- in a marriage -- it is a bit different than it is in the military. ( I was only using the military as an example to make an illustration. Please do not suggest that I have implied that a marriage should operate like the military. I am not saying that. )

In a marriage, there exists a "special balanced mixture" of different "positional arrangements" where authority is concerned:

~ There is an "over-all" leadership responsibility and authority that God has given to the husband.

The husband should 'exercise' it [ properly ], and the wife should 'respect' it [ properly ].

~ There is also a 'partner' equality that exists between husband and wife -- they are "equal" with regard to those areas of the marital relationship where responsibility is equal between husband and wife.

Both husband and wife should 'exercise' it [ properly ] and 'respect' it [ properly ].

Here is a biblical example:


1 Corinthians 7:

[SUP]3[/SUP] Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. [SUP]4[/SUP] The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.


Simply stated...


~ The husband, as an individual, must submit to God.

~ The wife, as an individual, must submit to God.


~ The husband, having been commanded by God to do so, must love his wife [ unconditionally always ].

~ The wife, having been commanded by God to do so, must reverence her husband [ unconditionally always ].


~ In as much as the husband truly submits to God, he will love his wife.

~ In as much as the wife truly submits to God, she will reverence her husband.

 

[Roh_Chris]

I think everybody is explaining the same point but from different points-of-view.

 

[blue_ladybug]

I think everybody is explaining the same point but from different points-of-view.

LOL!! AMEN brotha!! For ME, respect is earned. AS for Oncefallen's comment, if a man begins to act in an unrespectable manner AFTER marriage, but exhibited good as gold behavior BEFORE marriage, that negates the respect factor for the woman. How was she to know he'd turn different after marriage? And WHY should she continue to respect him, given his disrespectful manner?

 

[SoulWeaver]

~ The husband, as an individual, must submit to God.

~ The wife, as an individual, must submit to God.

~ The husband, having been commanded by God to do so, must love his wife [ unconditionally always ].

~ The wife, having been commanded by God to do so, must reverence her husband [ unconditionally always ].

~ In as much as the husband truly submits to God, he will love his wife.

~ In as much as the wife truly submits to God, she will reverence her husband.

I agree with you on everything except for the bold, and would also add the woman is also supposed to love her husband unconditionally... is it an eternal covenant or not? At least that goes for me...

I do not agree with you that a wife should submit unconditionally to an ungodly or abusive husband, unless in rare cases she is led by God, because she knows he is to get saved or such situation. That does not mean that she would run her mouth against him or otherwise be disrespectful, just that she would remove herself from the evil and abuse. You can love abusive people from a distance and God wont hold you accountable you for it. He doesnt keep evil people close to Him, either.

The Biblical example of Abigail - she breached the authority of her ungodly husband and was commended for it.
She did not ride with the wrong just because he was her husband. God's authority is above men's.

 

[Hoffco]

Post 50 has stated the truth very clearly. Good job fellows. I see your balance very clearly. I will add, that as soon as you meet some one and have a brief conversation with them, you can sense if they are a respectful person or not. But it then takes a lot of work to mature that relationship. My closest friend, at this moment, has a lot wrong with his theology but he is a very mature person and friendly in all his ways, and his children are very respectful to me. His wife is openly respectful, but the both of them say thing bad of me ,behind my back; But , I can live with that, when they are open and friendly to my face. I can miss interpret things that others say to them of me. I always approach the person on a level ground, no pre-judging, innocent until proven guilty. Love to all. Hoffco

 

[Kaycie]

We all have bad habits, but if he hadn't already earned my respect I would marry him in the first place. No one is ever going to be pErfect. I don't want a robot or a slave, I want a relationship with someone who loves me.

 

[micki73]

Thank you for your post. I think you are right about this dangerous trend and that commercial is sickening. However, it sounds as if the burden for the relationship is being placed completely on the wife. You give examples of men who turned to porn because their wives didn't respect them. The wives, in return, found their respect for the husband diminished. But their disrespect is the thing that finishes the marriage? I think there are men who indulge in porn because it is so easily accessed and widely socially acceptable. It is also demeaning and disrespectful to women. At some point, don't these men reap what they sow? I just feel that is placing too great a burden on a human wife. What about a man who is constantly belittling his wife and children? How is she to be intolerant of his behavior, but still respectful? Sometimes, despite her best efforts, he will see any disagreement as disrespectful. I don't know what the solution is for this problem.

 

[Sirk]

Sounds like a man with no spine....pretty tough to respect someone who doesn't respect themselves.

 

[GaryA]

Thank you for your post. I think you are right about this dangerous trend and that commercial is sickening. However, it sounds as if the burden for the relationship is being placed completely on the wife. You give examples of men who turned to porn because their wives didn't respect them. The wives, in return, found their respect for the husband diminished. But their disrespect is the thing that finishes the marriage? I think there are men who indulge in porn because it is so easily accessed and widely socially acceptable. It is also demeaning and disrespectful to women. At some point, don't these men reap what they sow? I just feel that is placing too great a burden on a human wife. What about a man who is constantly belittling his wife and children? How is she to be intolerant of his behavior, but still respectful? Sometimes, despite her best efforts, he will see any disagreement as disrespectful. I don't know what the solution is for this problem.

"God does..."

 

[kaylagrl]

Keep seeing this thread pop up and I have to comment on it.Its just wrong to say a husband doesn't have to earn respect.When I met my now husband he earned my respect.If he had acted the fool,if he had been abusive to me,if he had no regard for my feelings,if he was lazy he wouldn't be my husband today.We respect each other.If he earned my respect before we married why should he not have to after? Respect is a two way street and imperative in any relationship.I dont believe that husbands should be respected if they are acting in a manner that doesn't deserve respect.How will he know he is doing something wrong in the relationship if you aren't honest with him? I dont think the majority of Christian wives act the way the OPs article says.If a man marries a woman who is disrespectful and mocks him the fault is his own.You have to be careful who you choose.Someone mentioned in a post here that the Bible doesn't say anything about leaving a marriage in cases of abuse.That is just so wrong.The Bible doesn't condone spousal abuse and no one should ever,ever stay in that kind of harmful relationship.The Bible doesn't say take your hand off a hot burner either but common sense would tell you to do sf course your husband should WANT to earn your respect.If my husband is doing something to lose my respect he'd want me to be open and tell him.Ignoring these issues and staying silent does not make a happy marriage.It does the opposite.Choose your partner carefully and respect each other.

 

[blue_ladybug]

it's impossible for me to respect someone who doesn't respect me OR themselves.. jmo