You do notice the contradiction right? Not pointing it out to be mean, but to bring to light that there is something wrong. You can't stop thinking of death, out of fear of what is after, then saying you know what is after. Then go on to say how much you love this world, but are thinking of killing yourself. So your response is to do the thing you're afraid of and leave behind all that you want to stay with. This is evidence that your thoughts are not health.
We don't know all the details of heaven, true. And i understand your reluctance due to that. But we do know that whether houses or mansions or whatever, Jesus has gone ahead of us to ensure we all have amazing places to live. We know that we will be surrounded by people we love. Surrounded by angels and the light and love of God Himself.
For myself, one thing that helps my anxiety of what heaven is like, is the lyrics to this song...
Bring them to life
Without hate, without pain
Without suffering insane
Without death, without fire
Without lies that feed the liar
Without war, without games
Without fear to take the blame
Without fame, without power
Without drugs that heal the coward
Without violence, without rape
Without sickness, without plagues
Without judgment, without crime
Without hope, without time
Without two, and without three
Without torture over belief
Bring us love
Let us see
Set us free