I feel messy from suicidal thoughts.

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Jan 18, 2019
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#1
If God didn't exist, I'd rather kill myself than go through pain of life. Because of that, I won't ever kill myself because I know he exists and trying something is just way to risky.
On bad times where I forget about how valuable God's love is, I fear of Hell if i kill myself and that's the biggest thing holding me back.

I guess I'm just upset at times of how fragile I feel still being alive. I used to go in distractions so much in the summer because I felt like I wasn't good enough to be with him, and I wanted to try to distract myself so much to get away from the pain. Sometimes I get so mad and insecure, and i get frustrated at God because i am alive. I'm figuring out things in life with God, but sometimes I get so scared and mad because I am filled with so many problems because I am weak, and unstable having suicidal thoughts. (sorry if this is worded weird, I wrote this in a bit of a panic)
 

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
Oct 23, 2018
4,715
4,406
113
#2
Dear M1chael, The Bible says God knew us in our mother's womb and each one of His children He loves. He left us His Word, the Bible, that is filled with good/positive news. That is what we as Christians live by, not by our feelings which are fickle.
Believe what God says about you and don't think on negative ideas. We all have to take control of our thoughts and only mind God's truth, not what the world is pushing.
God put us here for a purpose, no matter how big or small, when we do what we can we are pleasing God.
2 Corinthians 10:4-15 King James Version (KJV)
4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
6 And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.
7 Do ye look on things after the outward appearance? if any man trust to himself that he is Christ's, let him of himself think this again, that, as he is Christ's, even so are we Christ's.

Only believe what God says about you and you won't go wrong. He is our Heavenly Father and truly cares for us. 'Ask and you will receive, if you believe'. God bless and keep you brother:)!
 

EliBeth

Senior Member
Dec 5, 2013
587
319
63
#3
Hi, Michael. 🙂🙋🏻‍♀️

This thought/temptation to kill yourself is not from God. God is not pleased with this thought. It needs to go- for good. I understand you are experiencing negative emotions; and I sympathize with you! But giving in to these feelings and negative thoughts will probably only lead you to even worse hopelessness. You have to pick up arms and FIGHT! And you have the Advocate to enable you to do this.

God has a purpose for your life on this earth. If you are a believer, you have the Holy Spirit within you. Do you believe God is omnipotent? Do you believe He can empower little ole you? Because He most definitely can. And He will if you sincerely, faithfully ask Him and depend upon Him.

We have an enemy, Satan. And he wants to do anything and everything he can to distort our view of God (and ourselves, and others, our situation, etc) and render us useless to God. We have to know the truth and the truth will set us free (John 8:31,32).

You said you didn't feel like you were good enough to be with Him. Brother, nobody is! It is only by His awesome grace that He enters into relationship with any one of us mortals. We cannot earn His acceptance. It is only because of His grace that we are able to believe in Christ and be accepted and adopted by Him.

Now, sin does grieve Him and interrupt our relationship with Him (I am not saying we lose our salvation). Sin has consequences. And we do have to be vigilant to repent of any known sin in our life. But when we repent and ask for His help from a genuine heart, He hears and comes to our aid."If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

Instead of focusing on your fragility, I encourage you to focus on His power. Instead of dwelling on your desire to die, focus on what His mission for you is in this life.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." John 10:10. Name your blessings and practice praise whether you feel like it or not.

LIVE in the Word. Force yourself to read it over and over. Wash your thoughts and heart with the Bible every day. It will strengthen you. It will equip you. It will "set you free" and cause you to dwell on that which is best.

Never forget this: "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." 1 Corinthians 1:27 (Please read verses 25-31)

Brother, be strong. Look to your Lord and fight the good fight of faith. Never give in. Never give up!

"But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15:57

❤️
 

Whispered

Well-known member
Aug 17, 2019
4,354
2,102
113
www.christiancourier.com
#4
The Book of Colossians chapter 3
2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. 5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry
 

Aerials1978

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2019
1,125
657
113
#5
Hello Michael,

You by far are not the only one to feel this way. Elijah whom was probably the greatest Prophet, God’s go to guy for His people was so depressed that he literally sat underneath a tree and waited to die. I myself has been so ruined by my struggles and failures, I couldn’t see my end coming fast enough. The truth is Jesus cares for you more than you know. How is this true? You’re still here. You cannot let darkness, worry, anxiety rule you. You cannot let Satan reduce you nothing. You’re a Child of God. If the Creator of the universe sent His Son to take your punishment, what does that say about how our Father loves us? It will be hard and difficult at times. The battle will rage on, but brother the war has been won. I will pray for deliverance for you!


0E7DD3B5-ABB0-43E8-A7BB-61421CBD14E4.jpeg
 

bojack

Well-known member
Dec 16, 2019
958
473
63
#7
If God didn't exist, I'd rather kill myself than go through pain of life. Because of that, I won't ever kill myself because I know he exists and trying something is just way to risky.
On bad times where I forget about how valuable God's love is, I fear of Hell if i kill myself and that's the biggest thing holding me back.

I guess I'm just upset at times of how fragile I feel still being alive. I used to go in distractions so much in the summer because I felt like I wasn't good enough to be with him, and I wanted to try to distract myself so much to get away from the pain. Sometimes I get so mad and insecure, and i get frustrated at God because i am alive. I'm figuring out things in life with God, but sometimes I get so scared and mad because I am filled with so many problems because I am weak, and unstable having suicidal thoughts. (sorry if this is worded weird, I wrote this in a bit of a panic)
Hi Mike, You sound like a great guy .. I went through a time like that when I was younger and I run across a few others .. Are you physically able to join an aerobics class, if so exercise of any type is wonderful natural therapy and most of the time the scenery ain't that bad either .. You may just be in a rut, go to a church that has lively music, I prefer the Israeli lively upbeat type music myself .. Rebuke those thoughts in Jesus name every time they attack even if it's 70 times a minute , do not dwell on them , you will gain control so be patient , change your daily routine if you can or even friends if they cause you a negative vibe .. And don't get consumed with what you think you lack or what others might seem to have that you want .. I would say Jesus has got something special for you, maybe a ministry in His name to be witness to those who suffer like you have, you may be key to them after you've gone through it .. May our Lord Jesus deliver you from your despair and turn it into joy and thanksgiving .. Expect the devil to return until you've defeated him in Jesus name , that's what that lying devil does .. I'd read Job , he caught hell for a while but he come out pretty good in the end .. Proverbs are good and sobering as is Psalms .. You can beat this mess .. God Bless Bro and take the victory in Jesus name .. If you can't do anything but go fishing, go and fish in Jesus name and learn to meditate on the wonders of His creation, renew your mindset .. Be patient and wait on the Lord to answer your prayers , sometimes He must prepare you to receive them .. Live for today and don't let tomorrows trouble or naysayers drag you down today .. Easier said than done but it's do-able when you catch that Jesus vibe and with the Word it begins to become you anew .. Whatever you fill yourself with is what comes out . God Bless
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
28,792
7,273
113
#8
Hello Michael,

You by far are not the only one to feel this way. Elijah whom was probably the greatest Prophet, God’s go to guy for His people was so depressed that he literally sat underneath a tree and waited to die. I myself has been so ruined by my struggles and failures, I couldn’t see my end coming fast enough. The truth is Jesus cares for you more than you know. How is this true? You’re still here. You cannot let darkness, worry, anxiety rule you. You cannot let Satan reduce you nothing. You’re a Child of God. If the Creator of the universe sent His Son to take your punishment, what does that say about how our Father loves us? It will be hard and difficult at times. The battle will rage on, but brother the war has been won. I will pray for deliverance for you!


View attachment 211034


Proverbs 3:5-6 :)
 

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2016
3,695
1,150
113
#10
If God didn't exist, I'd rather kill myself than go through pain of life. Because of that, I won't ever kill myself because I know he exists and trying something is just way to risky.
On bad times where I forget about how valuable God's love is, I fear of Hell if i kill myself and that's the biggest thing holding me back.

I guess I'm just upset at times of how fragile I feel still being alive. I used to go in distractions so much in the summer because I felt like I wasn't good enough to be with him, and I wanted to try to distract myself so much to get away from the pain. Sometimes I get so mad and insecure, and i get frustrated at God because i am alive. I'm figuring out things in life with God, but sometimes I get so scared and mad because I am filled with so many problems because I am weak, and unstable having suicidal thoughts. (sorry if this is worded weird, I wrote this in a bit of a panic)
Philippians 1:21-26 New International Version (NIV)
21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24 but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. 25 Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, 26 so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.

Paul may not of had suicidal thoughts or the same type of emotional problems you are dealing with but he himself knew that death would be much easier than living. BUT he also understood Jesus Christ had given him a command to reach the Gentiles with the Gospel. His work is still in progress even after his death. So he had a mission commanded by God all the way up until it was time for his life to end. Not by his choice but by Roman authority. Paul's life by remaining with us created half the New Testament and saved who knows how many souls.

None of that would of happened if he had given up. You my friend have a similar calling, a similar mission, commanded to you, me and every Christian including the Apostles. It reads as this...

Matthew 28:18-20 New International Version (NIV)
18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

God created you. Which by design means you are uniquely created allowing God to work in your individual strengths and weaknesses. God can easily work in your strengths but even your weaknesses are just as fertile for the rise of fruit when dealing with a perfect, powerful loving God.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 New International Version (NIV)
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

In Christ you have the power to be strong regardless of the status within your flesh. God can use you at any time. Your testimony alone can help others who struggle with the same problems.

Souls are a stake. We need you in the fight.
 

Belka

Junior Member
Aug 24, 2017
161
143
43
#11
Don't give up, Michael! (beautiful name, by the way! Sorry if that's not your real name).

GOD will never give up on you and He has already done everything He could possibly do to set us free from demonic strongholds, including depression and suicide. We just need to believe it and receive it. Sometimes, deliverance is needed, that's when we gotta take authority over the spirit in the name of Jesus and cast it out. Or have someone cast it out of us.

I hope you are able to talk to someone about this in real life, be it a family member, pastor, or friend. I encourage you to find a good fellowship and spend time with people who can minister to you and support you through your struggles.
And definitely spend time talking to the Lord, talk to Him like you'd talk to a friend; write to Him if you want to... or even record yourself talking (I do that sometimes!).

You are WORTHY and this is NOT the end for you! You don't have to live your whole life like this, I promise! There is freedom in Jesus.
Much love to you Michael and if you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to send me a message.

May the Lord be with you. In Jesus' name! <3
Please give us updates if you're around.
 
Jan 25, 2015
5,049
398
83
#12
God will not allow us to be tested with more than we are able to bear. The upside of difficult tests are that God is trusting you to face difficult circumstances. Trust in Him without fear. He is amazing and will never let you go :)
 
Jan 18, 2019
49
36
18
#13
Thank all of you for caring enough to reply to me! I've been learning more with God about life and I've been getting better! Having more and more trust in him and surrendering my life all to him has helped so much with anxiety! Even though i've been mad at myself for my decisions and scared of temptations, God has been helping me choose him and not feel so helpless. Even though I get stuck feeling so sinful, i'm so happy he always helps me turn away from my sinful ways! Thank all of you again for replying!

 

Belka

Junior Member
Aug 24, 2017
161
143
43
#14
Dear @M1chaeL , Thanks for giving us updates, I am so glad that you are moving forward with the Lord and learning so much.

If I may, I encourage you to watch this video by pastor Dan Mohler, it will be a blessing to you:


Blessings <3
 

WithinReason

Active member
Feb 21, 2020
643
63
28
#15
If God didn't exist, I'd rather kill myself than go through pain of life. Because of that, I won't ever kill myself because I know he exists and trying something is just way to risky.
On bad times where I forget about how valuable God's love is, I fear of Hell if i kill myself and that's the biggest thing holding me back.

I guess I'm just upset at times of how fragile I feel still being alive. I used to go in distractions so much in the summer because I felt like I wasn't good enough to be with him, and I wanted to try to distract myself so much to get away from the pain. Sometimes I get so mad and insecure, and i get frustrated at God because i am alive. I'm figuring out things in life with God, but sometimes I get so scared and mad because I am filled with so many problems because I am weak, and unstable having suicidal thoughts. (sorry if this is worded weird, I wrote this in a bit of a panic)
May this bring some peace to the troubled waters of your heart:

 
Jan 18, 2019
49
36
18
#17
How are you doing today?
I've had some trouble with distractions, and i've been upset because i've been stuck running away from problems instead of going to God. I want to get over the addictions of my old life, and even though i've had slow progress, i have hope that God will hel me get over this. Thank you for caring enough to ask!
 

WithinReason

Active member
Feb 21, 2020
643
63
28
#18
I've had some trouble with distractions, and i've been upset because i've been stuck running away from problems instead of going to God. I want to get over the addictions of my old life, and even though i've had slow progress, i have hope that God will hel me get over this. Thank you for caring enough to ask!
"Love you", M1chaeL.

Maybe this will help you, consider these three chapters, and listen in a quiet place, with the lights down, and just focus on the words:



 

WithinReason

Active member
Feb 21, 2020
643
63
28
#20
Victory, M1chaeL. Victory. God is going to give it to you as a gift. Receive it.