I'm Dead Inside

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vannah43

Guest
#1
#1
My mom died in 2011, and ever since I've had trouble with my faith. I used to trust God so much, and when my church fell apart, I would sit alone and pretend to give a Sunday School lesson since everyone else was 70+ and I was about 8! But when Mom died, my life fell apart. My Dad started drinking and became violent, and the next month my Grandmother was diagnosed with Altzimers. I moved in with my Aunt and Uncle, and I'm thankful they took me in, but they tell me they think of me as another daughter, but then the hold me to seperate standards. They're 8 year old daughter can get away with hitting her sister and yelling at her parents and cussing with her friends and being just horrible. If I forget to put away the dishes, I get a lecture about how irresponsible I am. I'm trying my best. So right now, I'm really discouraged, not just with my faith but with life itself. I've been unable to sleep or even eat lately. I feel like life will never get better. I've started self-harming. I didn't think it was self-harming, cause I just scrape myself with a key, but I read an article that said causing pain purposefully was self-harm rather it broke skin or not. I don't know what to do, and I WILL NOT talk to my family. I don't want them to worry. I just don't think things can go on like this.
 
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jkalyna

Guest
#2
#2
THE FATHER MADE YOU TENDER. IT WILL TAKE TIME TO HEAL FROM LOSING YOUR MOM. YOUR MOM IS NOT DEAD, AND THE SCRIPTURES SPEAK ABOUT" IF ONE GIVES SOMEONE A GLASS OF WATER, THEY WILL NOT LOSE THEIR REWARD", YOUR MOM HAS DONE MORE THAN THAT, AND WILL BE HONORED BY THE LORD. IT WOULD BREAK HER HEART TO SEE YOU IN SUCH DESPAIR. HOPE IN THE LORD, WE ALL GET TO FEEL LIKE WERE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL, AND THAT THEIR IS NO WAY OUT, CAUGHT BETWEEN A ROCK, AND A HARDPLACE. THERE IS A VALLEY, THERE IS A RIVER OF PEACE, FROM THE MASTER WHO KNOWS ALL ABOUT PAIN AND HURTING. THAT'S WHY HE CAME. HE IS THAT LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS, EVERYONE GETS DISCOURAGED EVEN THE PROHETS, BUT THE LORD MAKES A WAY IN THE WILDERNESS. PSALM 46 SAY " THE LORD OF HOST IS WITH US THE GOD OF JACOB IS OUR REFUGE. VERSE; 11. READ THE PSALMS DAVID KNOWS ABOUT SORROW, HE LOST HIS SON, WITH BATHSHEBA, HE REPENTS AND WRITES ABOUT THE GREAT VAST LOVE OF OUR GOD, LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS. IT SAYS " WHAT CAN SEPERATE US FROM THE LOVE OF GOD, NEITHER DEPTH NOR HEIGHT, NOR WIDTH. WHEN YOU READ THE SCRIPTURES, PRAY, AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE LORD ASK HIM TO REGIN AND INVITE THE HOLY SPIRIT IN TO DWELL WITH YOU, AS YOUR CLOSET FRIEND AND COMFORTER. THERE IS ETERNAL LIFE FOR YOUR MOM, ACCORDING TO THE WORD ONE DAY YOU WILL BE ALSO REUNITED, IT SAY'S. FATHER IN JESUS NAME TAKE AWAY THIS LONLINESS AND PAIN. TURN HER EYES TO YOU LORD, FOR YOU ARE OUR ONLY HOPE. I ASK IN JESUS NAME. AMEN. MY WHOLE LIFE SEEMED TO END WITH I WAS 15, LIVING ON MY OWN AT 17, I FELT DEAD, WAS DENIED FOOD FROM MY OWN FAMILY. I FELT DEAD, BUT JESUS IS THE RESSURECTION, AND THE LIFE, REMEMBER, PUT YOUR FAITH AND BECOME A SECURE TEEN, AND WOMEN. I BELIEVE THE LORD WILL GIVE YOU A CHRISTIAN MAN, AND WHEN YOU HOLD YOUR OWN CHILDREN YOU WILL LOOK BACK AND BE THANKFULL.:p:)
 
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GOD_IS_LOVE

Senior Member
#3
Mar 16, 2009
306
4
18
#3
What is really bothering you inside? Do you get along with your aunt and uncle? Maybe in a way they feel more responsible for u, holding u to higher standards. Do u have friends? You had to go through much for your age, but try and see the good things in your life. God takes care of u. May He put His arms around u and wrap u in His blanket of love!<3 Keep ur head up, girl! God bless u!
 
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Moe

Guest
#4
#4
Can you give me some information, such as, how old are you, what church did you attend, do you go to school and do you have any other relatives? Before I get into the Bible and scripture, it really helps to have facts. Then we can work together and see if we can sort things out. I'll be praying for you and hope that you can give some information soon...Cheers
 
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violakat

Guest
#5
#5
Moe, are you referring to her church her church denomination, when you ask what church she attended.
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And to Vannah, I lost my dad when I was about 12, and felt like my world fell apart. It takes a long time to heal. Your father is dealing with his pain in a way that could possibly hurt him more, just as you are. However, your father makes his own choices and you can't change them. But you can deal with the choices you make. You realize you are harming yourself, and that's the first step in healing. I'm going to suggest that you talk with your aunt and uncle about what's going on with you, and possibly go and see a therapist. If your afraid to let them know what's going on inside, then write them a note, or just let them see what you wrote on this forum. You really need to talk with someone else, and a therapist is trained to help people deal with their grief. Also, try and talk with older adults that you trust. They have gone through a lot of what you've gone through, and some have lost parents as well.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#6
#6
Moe said:
Can you give me some information, such as, how old are you, what church did you attend, do you go to school and do you have any other relatives? Before I get into the Bible and scripture, it really helps to have facts. Then we can work together and see if we can sort things out. I'll be praying for you and hope that you can give some information soon...Cheers
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Look in the top right of every post and it lists the posters age. The OP is 15.


To the OP. You boldly declare 'i'm not telling my family!'. Well, you don't shoot yourself in the foot then complain you can't walk, which is what you just did. You're going to need professional counseling, and thats going to come through your family seeking to help you. And your family needs to be there for you as well. I suggest if you REALLY want help, you drop that 'no family' idea. All you're doing is making things worse for yourself.
 
shemaiah

shemaiah

Senior Member
#7
Jan 28, 2011
2,233
30
48
29
#7
I believe true peace and joy can only be found in a relationship with God. Even though things in life seem messed up, through Christ they wont matter, coz He will give you all you need through it all coz He is the love in the midst of war. My only advice is make Jesus your friend, talk to Him about everything and He shall lead you. God bless
 
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loveme1

Senior Member
#8
Oct 30, 2011
8,086
190
63
#8
Pray and ask Yahvah God and Yahshua the Messiah to comfort you, guide you and keep you strong.

Remember at 15 more will be expected of you than an 8 year old.

They must love you a lot to take you in to care for you my friend.

Peace and Blessings in the name of Yahvah God and Yahshua the Messiah always and forever.
 
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Moe

Guest
#9
#9
I was trying to gain some information, so that we may be able to help. One's denomination gives an idea on how to relate and talk to a person. In helping people one must know something about them and their problem. The more information we have, the more we as a group can be of help.
 
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violakat

Guest
#10
#10
Moe said:
I was trying to gain some information, so that we may be able to help. One's denomination gives an idea on how to relate and talk to a person. In helping people one must know something about them and their problem. The more information we have, the more we as a group can be of help.
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I wasn't trying to criticize you, just wanted a little more clarification. We do have people on here who would actually try to get personal information, and some who could misinterpret what you said. I figured you meant denomination, but just wanted to make sure.
 
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Bethgodsgirl

Guest
#11
#11
I am so sorry to hear about your mum, you must be going through a tough situation at the moment... I would love to help as I have once been there also. Although I still have my mum here, I was physically hurt by my dad for years. Although it actually took me until he left our household for me then to tell my mum what had been going on, only then it effected me and I had started having panic attacks and self harming.
I felt alone, but although I felt like I was I now know that god was always there for me. God will never leave you, He stood by me and he will stand by you through everything.
I will pray for you tonight and I will continue to pray for you until you feel a little better, please tell me your name?
 
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GodLovesTyra97

Guest
#12
#12
Hey i'm 15 as well but i can't say i know how you feel and what you've been through but honestly 3 of my friends parents died within the last year. I try to help them as best as I can, to comfort them and all. You need a good friend right now, you do have God yes but you do need someone to talk to who is close with you. You are in my prayers! if you ever need anyone just message me or whatever. i'm new to this :p I don't tell my family anything, we argue too much it hurts to even see them. Listen to this song called SMILE by Kirk Franklin. I'm going through stuff right now and my stomach growls for food but i just can't eat not sleep as for you too. I know how that feels but this song that I am currently playing put's love in my heart, tears in my eyes yet a smile on my face. I was kinda all over with that haha but dude all I can really do is pray for you and your family <3
 
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AdorableNoel

Guest
#13
#13
God feels the pain that you feel hon. If their daughter doesnt get disciplined but you do, it might be because they care about you more. they know their child is a wreck. See God punishes us because he loves us, so parents do the same out of love. They dont want you to grow up and misbehave, children who have gone through things tend to turn to bad things.
I dont thtink you should harm yourself, but i cant control you. Im an ex cutter (although youre not breaking skin, it's the same as cutting), and i understand it feels like it's helping you, but it's not. Hurting yourself wont get you anywhere. Be stronger than that. You can use your story to minister to other kids going through rough times, God wants you to use your story.
I'll pray that everything gets better. God Bless <3

vannah43 said:
My mom died in 2011, and ever since I've had trouble with my faith. I used to trust God so much, and when my church fell apart, I would sit alone and pretend to give a Sunday School lesson since everyone else was 70+ and I was about 8! But when Mom died, my life fell apart. My Dad started drinking and became violent, and the next month my Grandmother was diagnosed with Altzimers. I moved in with my Aunt and Uncle, and I'm thankful they took me in, but they tell me they think of me as another daughter, but then the hold me to seperate standards. They're 8 year old daughter can get away with hitting her sister and yelling at her parents and cussing with her friends and being just horrible. If I forget to put away the dishes, I get a lecture about how irresponsible I am. I'm trying my best. So right now, I'm really discouraged, not just with my faith but with life itself. I've been unable to sleep or even eat lately. I feel like life will never get better. I've started self-harming. I didn't think it was self-harming, cause I just scrape myself with a key, but I read an article that said causing pain purposefully was self-harm rather it broke skin or not. I don't know what to do, and I WILL NOT talk to my family. I don't want them to worry. I just don't think things can go on like this.
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becausehefirstlovedme

Guest
#14
#14
God loves you very much and he is the best and perfect Father. If you go to him with your troubles he will heal you and show you the right answers. God I ask that you would impart wisdom and strength and show your daugther your love. That you would heal the wounds in her heart from missing her parents and from the way that she is treated in her home now. God you are a vindicator. But note that God also disciplines those he loves and your parents might be trying to better your behaviour even though your sister is not quite as mature as you are yet, she will take time but in the mean time focus on the instructions you are given and not the ones she is given. Remember God is your vindicator but if you try to vindicate yourself then where have you left room for God to do it? God is a gentleman and he will wait until he has been given the invitation to do anything...but believe me he is the best vindicator! God loves you so much and it hurts him to see you in so much pain and hurting yourself. He doesn't want you to suffer nor do you need to because he already sent Jesus to suffer for you. So don't undermine the cross by harming yourself instead of letting Jesus take the hurts for you. It is actually insulting to Jesus because it is like saying what he did isn't enough...when it most certainly was enough. ...anyhow I am so terribly sorry for what happened to your parents and for the pain you went through, and I am sorry that you feel compared to your sister by your caretakers and mistreated. But I know that God is just waiting to step in and fix everything and to love and guide you safely in his arms.
 
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becausehefirstlovedme

Guest
#15
#15
oh and remember that God is always there to listen if you need someone to talk to so don't be afraid to talk to him about things...because he is waiting for you to ask so that he can do ....and he already knows everything about you so there is nothing to be concerned about ;)
 
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