Meeting the one for you

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Michaelagrace

Guest
#1
Hey so can someone give me advice (preferably a guy)...
I don't know what to do, I'm at a crossroad, I feel like I'm just not good enough for a guy. I've never been in a relationship and no one has ever really taken interest in me. I have prayed about it and I know that I just need to wait because God has perfect timing but I'm just stuck...
 
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Michaelagrace

Guest
#3
I'm a freshman and 14...
 

JimJimmers

Senior Member
Apr 26, 2012
2,589
74
48
#4
No one my age took an interest in me when I was 14, it's probably a good thing looking back on it. Try to make some good friendships at your age. Not quantity, but quality. And take everything to God in prayer.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#5
If you're waiting on Gods timing and trusting God then why are you stuck?
You really aren't. Because you can't say 'i'm waiting on God' and then say 'i'm not worthy because no ones interested'. Those two statements are in direct conflict with one another. So if God hasn't brought you someone, then it's God keeping you where you are, not guys.
So what do you really believe? You're waiting on God? Or you're trying to figure out how to get a man yourself?
Perhaps this dual thinking is why God is keeping you single. You are of two opposing thoughts on this issue.
And you don't give your age anywhere, so we can't really even be sure how valid this concern is.
The vast majority of people coming to this site convinced they'll 'never find anyone' are only a few years out of high school at best. And some are still in high school. It's hard to take it as a valid concern when people who are barely old enough to get married think they won't ever find anyone because they haven't already.

But back to the original point, yes, you obviously have two differing thoughts and they are in conflict. My advice is compare the idea of 'waiting on God' to coming here to ask advice about.. well, i'm not even sure, really. You didn't ask anything.

And really it's not an issue of 'good enough'. It's an issue of 'am i ready?'. Sounds to me like no, you aren't ready. You're insecure, overly focused on finding a guy and while you say you're waiting on God, this post clearly shows you aren't doing this as much as you think. Otherwise this post wouldn't be here.
If you feel you aren't 'good enough' that is an issue of self worth, not dating. You should ignore the concerns about being good enough for a man and start working on feeling good enough as a woman in Christ. Not good enough for a man, but as a woman of Gods grace and His adopted daughter. Once you are Truly (not just telling yourself you are) comfortable with yourself and stop doubting your worth to yourself or if you're good enough for a man, then you will be in a better position to find someone and be good for them.
If you feel you aren't good enough, then it greatly increases your chances of convincing yourself the 'right guy' has come along, just because he takes notice of you. And usually this leads to bad marriages because you don't have the self esteem to use real wisdom when entering a relationship. Many times this leads to being mistreated or worse in a marriage. Because your lack of self esteem will be obvious to a man that will mistreat his wife.
Right now you're a bad marriage waiting to happen. Find some belief in yourself. Find your identity. Stop worrying about being 'good enough' and focus on being who God wants you to be. And if God sees fit one day to bring you someone, great. And if not then at least you will not have wasted your life trying to live up to some perception you have built up in your mind of what you 'should be' and chasing after things God never intended.
 
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Michaelagrace

Guest
#6
I have to say that is one thing God has shown me this past year is to have quality friends. I was in the popular group and had a lot of friends but I always felt alone And over the summer I got to know an amazing group of girls and they r just amazing! So I now have a quality group of friends
 

NateDaGrimes

Senior Member
Jan 7, 2013
445
4
18
#7
I see, give yourself some time, you are still too young to be worrying bout this.
But hey if you got more questions, seeing you are new feel free hitting me or randoms a question... or just ask away.

Pstt, dont be afraid to hang out with us as well :p
 
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Michaelagrace

Guest
#8
Ok this is where I'm at. I have had guys not interested in me for my heart and my spirit but for my body. They have look at me as some kind of toy and have said inappropriate and demeaning things to my face. And I don't wear seductive clothing either. I am very modest in what I wear. So yes I am self conscious because I feel like I am nothing but an object to men. I know with all my heart that God has perfect timing so please don't tell me i'm lying . They are two different statements that head but each other . And another I know who I am in Christ:) I have struggled with that for so long but he has shown me especially with all my trials who I am in Him
 
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Tintin

Guest
#9
Hi Michaela. The best advice I can give you is to learn to love yourself as Christ sees you. To learn your identity and purpose in Him. It's also important to surround yourself with people who build you up and help you to grow in Christ. I'm 31 years old and no girls/women noticed me up until I was around 30 (that or they didn't make it plain enough for me to see). It was very difficult at times (especially my early 20s) but I had to get to the point where I looked to God and not a girl/woman to complete me. I had to get to the point where I was okay with being single and realise that my single status didn't define me, but that Christ defined me. Recently I got into my first relationship and it's been wonderful. So there's plenty of time for you. Just look to Christ, find a good Christian community and share in life with them. When the right time comes (and I recommend a time well into the future) you'll be ready, and as cliched as this sounds, it probably will happen when you least expected it. God bless you, my sister. :)
 
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Ugly

Guest
#10
I didn't accuse anyone of lying, but of being of two minds. There is a big difference.

If you know who you are in Christ, then how can you think you're not good enough for a man?

And this being a teen issue, well, you aren't dealing with men anyways. You're dealing with people whose minds aren't even fully developed. You're dealing with guys whose hormones are still running wild.
And i'm assuming most or all of these guys you are describing aren't Christians. And if that's the case then what do you expect from them? Of course they treat you that way, because that's how most of them are. And if they are claiming to be Christians, well, they're full of crap.
So you aren't really dealing with men. Or Christian men. So yes, you are just an object to them. But to lay this accusation to all men because the boys you're around, isn't really a valid thought process. You're young and there is a lot of the world you haven't experienced. Your view is limited. It skews your perspective.
 

NateDaGrimes

Senior Member
Jan 7, 2013
445
4
18
#11
welp michele, just stay away from those guys, sad enough most guys are pervs anyway soo best you hangout with the girls... Find a christian guy just be a friend with him, but keep besties with the girls side unless the christian boy is legit legit of all legits in the world of legit people
 
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Michaelagrace

Guest
#12
The sad thing is I go to a Christian private school...most of them are Christians
 

NateDaGrimes

Senior Member
Jan 7, 2013
445
4
18
#13
if they are behaving like that, they cannot really be christians... Just saying.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#14
Sadly, Christian private schools often have few real Christians. Many aren't Christians, some act the part and others are legit. I attended a Christian private school. While it was steeped in Christ and teaching the Christian faith, most students weren't Christians and I was bullied regularly for many things, amongst them, being a Christian. What I'm saying is there's no guarantee that the students attending a Christian private school are themselves Christians.
 
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Riv

Guest
#15
Hi Sister!

If your 14 you shouldn't be even remotely worrying about this wait until your older, put all your focus on god and becoming like Jesus.

But for future preference don't run into a relationship to fast choose someone for their godly character and a heart for jesus someone who has a true fear of lord and has wisdom so that the relationship is built with a strong godly foundation. Get to know them and see that their words match up with their actions for god so you know his character is steady and you should get to know his family, choose a husband with your children in mind and his family will not only be an indicator on what sort of farther he might make but the influnce his family will have on your children.

If you have godly character and you follow Jesus with your whole heart the man who finds you will be very blessed.

god bless, Riv

Proverbs 31:10
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.