You never truly knew Him. You were never of Him. You never really surrendered to Hm or understood what it is to follow Him. But just know one thing.
There is nothing hidden from the creator of the universe. Christianity isn't a thing. It is a relationship with the Creator. I can tell you had no understanding since you viewed it as rules and regulations. But no one can force you to follow God. Not even God Himself. Sin will only satisfy you for a season, that is what it did for me. I haven't found the fulfillment I find in the promises of God, and the incredible accuracy of His prophecies that are being fulfilled to this day.
I will warn you though, that if you choose this path, it will lead you to eternal separation from God. And once this happens there is no point of return. There will be no time to repent then.
Hebrews 10:26-31
26 For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27 but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries. 28 Anyone who has rejected Moses’ law dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29 Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of grace? 30 For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. And again, “The LORD will judge His people.” 31 It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
It saddens me to read what you said. You don't understand what eternal separation from God is. I wouldn't wish for anyone, even the vilest sinner to face it, but that all would repent.
Ezekiel 18:23-24
Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?” says the Lord GOD, “and not that he should turn from his ways and live?
24 “But when a righteous man turns away from his righteousness and commits iniquity, and does according to all the abominations that the wicked man does, shall he live? All the righteousness which he has done shall not be remembered; because of the unfaithfulness of which he is guilty and the sin which he has committed, because of them he shall die.