Do looks matter?

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lynda

lynda

Member
#1
Jan 28, 2010
31
0
6
#1
I have been called so many things before, especially on this site. One of the many things has been the phrase 'you are so superficial' or anything synonymous with that: materialistic, vain etc. If this happens again I'll probably snap, usually I just ignore it and laugh it off, because I don't care too much about what people think. But I wanted to open the forums, even though I know it has been discussed before (I just cant be bothered to look through all the threads).

This is a little portion of my ideals/checklist:
I prefer that a guy is well groomed and looks after himself physically.. (and all the other "ally's")
I must be attracted to him (physically)
He needs to be able to be responsible and educated in order to care and look after me.

I would hope that whoever my husband is also is seeking those same things in me as well.
And I am being very honest here - I know this is not right, so I am working on it, and I know that plenty of you do the same - I often find that I make more effort to talk to and make friends with people who I think are 'pretty' or 'attractive'. Maybe I just think all my friends are aesthetically pleasant, but I do find that I will be more inclined to talk to a attractive person than I would a not-so attractive person. I am working on this, so don't bite my head off because of that - I know it's wrong, but maybe this happens to you too?

I wanted to open this opportunity for you guys to tell me what you think about looks and physical appearances. I don't want people to just say the right things "I don't care about looks" cause that’s a load of rubbish. If you are going to say that, don't reply to this thread because I know that argument. I know about "looks are fleeting" and "God looks at the heart", I am well versed when if comes to the scriptures concerning this stuff.

Generally, I think that looks do matter. However, there are a lot of things that matter more, i.e. spiritually secure and solid in their walk.
 
NoahsDad

NoahsDad

Senior Member
#2
Oct 30, 2006
594
6
0
#2
kid , you need to worry about what you want in a relationship and not worry about what everyone else thinks about what you want in a relationship. The bottom line is this ,You're the one who has to live with the person you have the good fortune to fall in love with and spend the rest of your life with , not everyone else.
 
lynda

lynda

Member
#3
Jan 28, 2010
31
0
6
#3
haha thanks NoahsDad. For sure, i agree with you. It would be interesting to see what people suggest though and if anyone agree's with me...
 
JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#4
Apr 26, 2012
2,592
76
48
#4
I for one would never marry someone I wasn't attracted to, that would be unfair to the lady. However, what I am attracted to isn't always what people think it is.

I think you know why people don't like to hear about looks too much, there is potential for feelings to get hurt. Like if I told you I am not attracted to you, your feelings would probably be hurt. If you were rejected time and again by people who told you they found you unattractive, you would probably be in the "looks are fleeting" camp much more solidly.

The way I look at it is, we have nothing we were not given. None of us made our face, so we shouldn't feel above others who don't look the same. So as you can see it's not that attractiveness doesn't matter, it is more that we should want our sense of attractiveness to match up with God's, as much as possible. I hope I answered your question!
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#5
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
48
#5
It's sad to admit ... but yes, they matter. I spent most of my life morbidly obese. Now, I am in the obese category, working toward a healthier me, but all the time I have known that I didn't want an obese man as my husband. I wanted him to be fit and in shape ... and I still do! Did it matter back then that I was far from fit and in shape? Nope. I knew what I wanted physically in my husband. I also know what features I'm attracted to. So, yes, looks matter. Is it possible to fall in love with someone who doesn't 'fit the bill'? Of course. :)
 
lynda

lynda

Member
#6
Jan 28, 2010
31
0
6
#6
interesting thought. thanks! =]
 
R

Richie_2uk

Guest
#7
#7
How about trusting in God's will for what he wants? Sure God gives you the desires of your heart. but only according to God's will. I heard many people go on and on, and even have list as long as there whole body, and still not happy, when all the list is complete. Because once you are in a relationship, the more you want from it, and the more you want from the relationship, God is left out. Not only that. it comes to a point were you both has to leave each other because you can fulfill everything you both want.

So maybe as a suggestion? Put God first, seek his will, if its his will? follow his will. Because he knows what's right. There is a saying here. goes like this: I want, don't always get. But trust in God. He will provide everything you need.
 
lynda

lynda

Member
#8
Jan 28, 2010
31
0
6
#8
I appreciate your contribution Richie, thanks.
 
R

Richie_2uk

Guest
#9
#9
lynda said:
I appreciate your contribution Richie, thanks.
Click to expand...
You welcome Lynda. looks should not matter, but in todays society, its everything. many people say they looking for a heartful person, but those many spoil it, for looking for looks first. then what happens? they don't find what they really looking for. lol So Looks shouldn't be an issue. though sadly, looks has been drummed into the minds of the young, and old, before social networks and computers started to be all the rage. also a guy or a girl can look at a person, and say wow she or he looks really nice, then they automatically get upset, because they may feel rejected before they make the first step. They will feel that they are not worthy to be going out with such beauty person. there are lots of avenue's, were Looks is more of an issue. and sadly people are looking for looks rather than what they really want deep down, which is love, commitment, true partnership.

But I hope you find the right answer to your question. As I know you are only asking for people's views, points and comments. Trust God, trust your inside information. and you will find your true answer. God bless Lynda............
 
Last edited by a moderator:
JesusChica1991

JesusChica1991

Banned
#10
May 9, 2012
1,514
25
0
#10
This post is conflicting to answer for me personally. The Christian side of me wants to say that looks do not matter because we are to look at the heart. But, my cursed nature wants to say that looks matter to me. The first thing I look for is if they are a Christian and how strong they are in their faith. The length of time for being a Christian isn't pertinent to me because I know people who have been Christians for years and are still weak in the faith; whereas, those who are young in the faith tend to be stronger and yearn for that relationship with God. The next thing I look for is how attractive they are to me. From my experience, I do not pursue guys who people always find excessively attractive because most of the time, they are arrogant because they KNOW they are attractive. I know it's not true for ALL people but that's just my personal experience. The next thing that I go for is personality. Humor and I tend to be best friends. If you can make me laugh, then you've made a good impression on me. The next thing I look for is how clingy they are. If they call me a million times/text me a million times when I'm busy, that's a big turn off because I find it annoying when I have other things to tend to. For me, money isn't that important to me. I'm not an extravagant person. My love and affection is not won with gifts. It's won with how the man spends his time with me on dates which I prefer simply just being at home watching movies and making dinner together. That's just ME though. Yes, they matter to me; but they are weighed with other important factors as well.
 
lynda

lynda

Member
#11
Jan 28, 2010
31
0
6
#11
I take confidence in that my idea of beauty may not be everyone's standard of beauty. I do care about looks, but It is definitely not the most important, nor is it the only thing I care about. Its difficult to find a steady medium, but I am getting there. Thanks. And thank you JesusChica. i appreciate the honesty, and I relate a little with what you said! =]
 
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U

Ugly

Guest
#12
#12
Looks matter to me. If that makes me fleshly or less spiritual because I want to enjoy looking at who I'm with, then fine. I don't get why this is so freaking complicated. People are attracted to both the inside and outside of a person. It doesn't make you less of a person, or less spiritual, or more fleshly or any of that. Why is it so bad to want to be attracted to a person in more than one aspect? This who subject is ridiculous.
 
lynda

lynda

Member
#13
Jan 28, 2010
31
0
6
#13
I suppose there always needs to be one. Thanks for taking time to reply to such a 'ridiculous' thread.
 
RockinMan2010

RockinMan2010

Senior Member
#14
Nov 17, 2009
331
23
18
41
#14
I been told it's based on personality not the way the person looks I guess it depends on who you ask god bless you
 
lynda

lynda

Member
#15
Jan 28, 2010
31
0
6
#15
yeah. I've been told that too. Thanks Rockingman.
 
J

Jesusismyrock

Guest
#17
#17
lynda said:
I have been called so many things before, especially on this site. One of the many things has been the phrase 'you are so superficial' or anything synonymous with that: materialistic, vain etc. If this happens again I'll probably snap, usually I just ignore it and laugh it off, because I don't care too much about what people think. But I wanted to open the forums, even though I know it has been discussed before (I just cant be bothered to look through all the threads).

This is a little portion of my ideals/checklist:
I prefer that a guy is well groomed and looks after himself physically.. (and all the other "ally's")
I must be attracted to him (physically)
He needs to be able to be responsible and educated in order to care and look after me.

I would hope that whoever my husband is also is seeking those same things in me as well.
And I am being very honest here - I know this is not right, so I am working on it, and I know that plenty of you do the same - I often find that I make more effort to talk to and make friends with people who I think are 'pretty' or 'attractive'. Maybe I just think all my friends are aesthetically pleasant, but I do find that I will be more inclined to talk to a attractive person than I would a not-so attractive person. I am working on this, so don't bite my head off because of that - I know it's wrong, but maybe this happens to you too?

I wanted to open this opportunity for you guys to tell me what you think about looks and physical appearances. I don't want people to just say the right things "I don't care about looks" cause that’s a load of rubbish. If you are going to say that, don't reply to this thread because I know that argument. I know about "looks are fleeting" and "God looks at the heart", I am well versed when if comes to the scriptures concerning this stuff.

Generally, I think that looks do matter. However, there are a lot of things that matter more, i.e. spiritually secure and solid in their walk.
Click to expand...
I think looks do matter, but it would never marry someone that had a mean personality. Personality is mainly what I'm interested in but of course I care what they look like because if I'm not attracted to them, I think it would be wrong to marry them. The attraction wouldn't be fully dependant on their apprehend though. Their behaviour hugely affects it. I agree with you
 
Cee

Cee

Senior Member
#18
May 14, 2010
2,169
473
83
#18
Rule #528 Looks get 'em in the door, but personality, character, and most of all fire for Christ keeps 'em in there.

C.
 
J

Jesusismyrock

Guest
#19
#19
So true! ^
 
lynda

lynda

Member
#20
Jan 28, 2010
31
0
6
#20
awesome! yess! i like this! thanks guys!
 
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