I originally posted about something I've been struggling with in the ladies forum, but now a new problem has developed so I think it's time I talked about it here too and get advice on what I should do.
Very recently I was hanging out with a friend and he stopped by his place before taking me home and gave me a drink. The drink was spiked, I don't know with what, but he drugged and raped me. Ever since that night I've been fighting to keep my life together and not let it destroy me. It's been a nightmarish blur of doctors, tests, stress, pain, medications, and fears. I've been down a road similar to this before because I was molested at 14, so a lot of the pain is familiar, but since this was more brutal than what happened last time it's been significantly more difficult to move on from, but I've been doing the best I can and taking the steps I need to to keep myself healthy and sane.
But while I've been devoting a lot of my attention on myself and making sure I get through this as quickly and safely as possible, I've noticed I've been leaving someone behind. My fiance. If there was anyone as torn up as I felt after that night, it was him. He held me while I sobbed, has been supportive and been there during the weak moments or even the moments when my temper flares up and I start lashing out at everything. I know I wouldn't be doing as well if he weren't beside me through this, and it's definitely made me know that when we are married I will be with a man who will look after and take care of me and his family.
But I can tell he's hurting. He told me that it's not that I'm a burden, it's that someone hurt the woman he loves and he feels there's nothing he can do about it. I've tried telling him that everything he's done for me and how him being there beside me has been more helpful than he could understand, but I know deep down he wants revenge and I'm afraid he won't move past this or that he'll finally snap and do something stupid. I'm glad I have a man willing to fight for my honor, but him going off the handle and getting himself in trouble is the last thing either of us needs right now.
I need advice on what I can do to make him feel like he is making a difference and is helping me through this, and that being here for me does far more good than him hunting this animal down. It really hurts me to see him like this, and I don't feel right moving on from this if he's still hung up on it. We're a team, we work through these things together. While I've never been a particularly feminine person, there's still some things about men I don't understand which is why I'm posting this here. I think I need a male's perspective on how I can best support him.
Very recently I was hanging out with a friend and he stopped by his place before taking me home and gave me a drink. The drink was spiked, I don't know with what, but he drugged and raped me. Ever since that night I've been fighting to keep my life together and not let it destroy me. It's been a nightmarish blur of doctors, tests, stress, pain, medications, and fears. I've been down a road similar to this before because I was molested at 14, so a lot of the pain is familiar, but since this was more brutal than what happened last time it's been significantly more difficult to move on from, but I've been doing the best I can and taking the steps I need to to keep myself healthy and sane.
But while I've been devoting a lot of my attention on myself and making sure I get through this as quickly and safely as possible, I've noticed I've been leaving someone behind. My fiance. If there was anyone as torn up as I felt after that night, it was him. He held me while I sobbed, has been supportive and been there during the weak moments or even the moments when my temper flares up and I start lashing out at everything. I know I wouldn't be doing as well if he weren't beside me through this, and it's definitely made me know that when we are married I will be with a man who will look after and take care of me and his family.
But I can tell he's hurting. He told me that it's not that I'm a burden, it's that someone hurt the woman he loves and he feels there's nothing he can do about it. I've tried telling him that everything he's done for me and how him being there beside me has been more helpful than he could understand, but I know deep down he wants revenge and I'm afraid he won't move past this or that he'll finally snap and do something stupid. I'm glad I have a man willing to fight for my honor, but him going off the handle and getting himself in trouble is the last thing either of us needs right now.
I need advice on what I can do to make him feel like he is making a difference and is helping me through this, and that being here for me does far more good than him hunting this animal down. It really hurts me to see him like this, and I don't feel right moving on from this if he's still hung up on it. We're a team, we work through these things together. While I've never been a particularly feminine person, there's still some things about men I don't understand which is why I'm posting this here. I think I need a male's perspective on how I can best support him.
