Cath,
I hardly know you, but the fact you have friends who care for u here is so much more than many others or i have right now. I just passed by ur note, but like what i read from many faithful and older believers here, it's all worth it when you are with the Lord. Will u take one day at a time? And dont grow weary while doing good, for in due season there's the promise! Cant say much now, just call out from ur heart, seek while He may be found.