How to be christain and not have bad thoughts or feelings tied to sex?

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PHYSIKA73

Guest
#21
#21
Well I will say this. I am not one to quote scripture, in fact I am honestly still tentative on Christianity, but I will say that I know one of the 10 commandments is thou shall not commit adultery, and adultery is sex with anyone but your wife. So by that logic if you don't have a wife you shouldn't have sex. Again I'm not really one to talk. I am still not really what one would call a Christian. I just have a hard time believing. I do know certain scripture, and things though. I was raised in church.
 
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Galahad

Guest
#24
#24
PHYSIKA73 said:
Well I will say this. I am not one to quote scripture, in fact I am honestly still tentative on Christianity, but I will say that I know one of the 10 commandments is thou shall not commit adultery, and adultery is sex with anyone but your wife. So by that logic if you don't have a wife you shouldn't have sex. Again I'm not really one to talk. I am still not really what one would call a Christian. I just have a hard time believing. I do know certain scripture, and things though. I was raised in church.
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I sure hope nayaw understands that adultery is sin.

Adultery occurs when at least one of the two is married. The marriage relationship is adulterated by the spouse who has sex with someone other than his or her spouse.

If both people in the sexual relation are single, and to keep this simple, have never been married there is no adultery. It is fornication.
 
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Galahad

Guest
#25
#25
PHYSIKA73 said:
Well I will say this. I am not one to quote scripture, in fact I am honestly still tentative on Christianity, but I will say that I know one of the 10 commandments is thou shall not commit adultery, and adultery is sex with anyone but your wife. So by that logic if you don't have a wife you shouldn't have sex. Again I'm not really one to talk. I am still not really what one would call a Christian. I just have a hard time believing. I do know certain scripture, and things though. I was raised in church.
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Physika,

What do you find hard to believe? Hope you don't mind me asking.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#26
Mar 26, 2014
4,442
2,426
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#26
nayaw said:
Hey everyone I'm new to this site I've been trying to find a place to ask my questions and find some kind of clarity. About a week ago I decided to try and abstain from sex with my bf I've been feeling god tugging at my heart telling me I'm not doing right. But now my issue for a while now is sex is supposd to be this gift to married people a way of them renewing their vows and promises over and over and I understand that and I understand why god wants us to wait ao we don't use and abuse it am end up with damaged emotions and pregnancy or stds. But the way the church talks about sex makes it feel like it's dirty or bad and they send us out to the world with all these negative feelings toward sex so how are we supposed to enjoy it once we are married if we were conditioned to have all these bad thoughts attached to it how can sex truly be a gift when we are married.

I read this article last summer because I was also considering being abstinent then and it was on this girl who was born and raised in a baptist church and all they preached to her was don't have sex it's bad it's a sin you will go to hell so she waited till marriage and now she struggles with sex she can't enjoy it with her husband she has to go to therapy and now she is completely against the teachings of second in a church because they damaged here when she thought of sex even while married she only remembered evil and all the other things that she was taught to keep her abstinent. Now I'm a preachers kid and I was raised in the church but my church kind of just avoided sex I just don't like the teachings of sex in the church I'm pretty sure that's not how god wants is to be taught or to feel and carry that feeling into marriage. After reading that article I completely changed my mind about waiting but now I want to try I just don't want to end up like that poor girl. How can I prevent that how can I change the image of sex in my mind without lusting for it is scaring us the only way to ensure we stay abstinent ?
I'm sorry it's so long I just feel like in the times we live in now this topic is so big
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Yes, in many churches the teaching for singles on sex and sexuality seems to be "Don't. It's wrong." Churches being silent on the subject instead of really discovering and promoting a godly view of it leaves Christians only hearing the world's side of the story. The good news is you sound like you have a decently balanced view regarding the topic. That sex is for marriage and is a way for them to form an (in God's design) unbreakable bond. I would recommend the book Your Single Treasure for further discussion on the topic.

I also want to say good for you for wanting to obey God's prompting and start practicing abstinence. Get a strategy in place (and your boyfriend will need to be in agreement on this) to make sure the two of you succeed. It's not an easy thing to stop doing; it wasn't meant to be easy to quit.

I don't think you need to worry about not being able to enjoy sex once you are married. You seem to have a decent understanding of its proper place and abstinence isn't going to negatively affect your future marriage. It's much more likely to help you develop a good foundation for it because there's more to marriage than sex. The girl in the article you read didn't have problems because she was abstinent, she had problems because she internalized ideas about sex that weren't true (even if she was taught such things in the church). Obey God's commands to wait, and get some good teaching so that you know why you are waiting. In the meantime use the desire to be in a sexual relationship as motivation to work on yourself to become good wife material so that when the time comes you will be able to strengthen your marriage in every way.
 
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pwrnJC

Banned
#27
Dec 1, 2014
1,430
27
0
#27
Another thing about the BIBLE...if it DOESN"T say something about a specific topic, it means that it does say something. For example..."IF a man cannot control his passion, and the woman is in the flower of her youth, let them marry. IT is not a sin." Look at what this is actually saying. Let them marry, when the passion, love and lust is hard to hold back. Both parties are involved and they are 'grown up' to realize where they stand with each other, and GOD (lets not leave HIM out of the equation)..LET Them marry. SO, what is the sin here? IT is obvious...NOT being married and carrying out the Passion (sex). DUH!!!!!
 
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