Relationship Help

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T

TD14

Guest
#1
#1
Ok. Nothing wrong with the relationship as it's going great. However here is the background information and then i'll explain the tiny problem.

I'm 17 going to be 18 in roughly a month. I may be young but i have seen a lot and feel a lot older then what i am mentally so that's why i'm posting here. I'm dating a girl who just turned 16 in May and she still is a bit of a kid but i can't blame her and i wouldn't make her grow up to quick, i had to and i couldn't put her through that. So she is just starting her Junior year of highschool and i'm starting college for diesel mechanics. It's a two year program then i plan to move up to Wisconsin where she lives from Ohio.

So here is the issue. She is really worried that i will find some college girl and break up with her. Now i'm telling her i won't because i won't. I have put too much on the line for her. I drove 3 hours to work with her dad who i never met so he could size me up and see if i was good enough for his daughter. I drove 7+ hours and 700 miles to visit her when her dad said i could. I hurt like i never had when i had to go home. The girl is my life, she is my other half and i love her to death. We have been together since April and talking since February.

So how do i help ease her mind? I know she knows deep down in her heart that i would never leave her but she is 16 and she can't help she has that nagging fear. It's natural. I'm beginning to think all i can do is just keep showing her my love and let her see over time that "Hey, he went to college, got through a semester, and hasn't left me so he won't". Sortof learn by epxerience? Make any sense? Give me your input please. I'm praying on it and what have you but having input from others helps.

Dan
 
grace

grace

Senior Member
#2
Sep 8, 2006
1,064
11
0
51
#2
Dan, as a woman, let me just tell you that women need security. It will not be something that will be resolved with this one issue. It is something in us that needs to know continually that you would choose us all over again and that you still love us. We can't explain it...sorry. ;)

I know your girlfriend is only 16...but all that tells me is she is a young lady well on her way to being a woman....the heart does not change much...just matures. The emotions are very much the same..we just process them a bit differntly as we age.

I would like to reccomend a book to you. It is called For men only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhaun. I have read the book called For women only, and it was quite good.

This is a season for you two....seek Him constantly as you go through it. :) Take care
 
T

TD14

Guest
#3
#3
Thanks. Oddly enough i have heard of that book. Forget which one of my friends read it but they said it was good. I'm going to give that a try. Thankfully i have some understanding on the woman needing security thing, my life has been up and down a lot so i sortof am the same way. Just never thought of it being similar. Thanks for the input. :)

Dan
 
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alwaysunsure

Guest
#4
#4
If you have always been committed remind her of that, also ask her way shes worried you will cheat if your not worried about her cheating and kiss her hold her hand tell her how much you love her and how close to perfect you think she is ( I would say tell her shes perfect but no one is lol)
 
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BellaFlor

Guest
#5
#5
alwaysunsure said:
If you have always been committed remind her of that, also ask her way shes worried you will cheat if your not worried about her cheating and kiss her hold her hand tell her how much you love her and how close to perfect you think she is ( I would say tell her shes perfect but no one is lol)
Click to expand...
I am afraid to mention that for every husband, their wife will always be perfect to them. ;) :)

Insecure young ladies might not always beleive it at first, but though we as persons have our little flaws, still one can be perfect as a wife/woman to the chosen and right husband. :)
 
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BellaFlor

Guest
#6
#6
I suddenly thought it would be nice putting some colour in what I write too ;) Lol :)


Dan, your girlfriend is still in a very young age, and I beleive insecurities like this is very normal during that time. Like Grace said, she is on her way becoming a woman, though it is different from girl to girl when they really feel or can call themselves to being fully young women.

You just continue being you, taking all contact with her in every possible way, keep on telling her she is the only one you want, need and love. Most of us girls/women truly needs to hear how much we mean to our boyfriend's/men. Just keep the faith alive and the love flaming up in your relationship, and keep on showing her all your affections for her, also reminding her that if you wouldn't have cared so much for her you wouldn't either spend so much time and money on her, even though it might be a day or weekend just being together with her. She is your most precious one, let her feel and realize this. :D

At least this is what my husband reminds me of, since we were living a bit over 3 years in different countries before marrying, and we sometimes had to wait some months before we could see each others. But we kept still in touch in the meantime, through msn, phone, letter writing, e-mails, etc...

It might be a bit hard once you start college, but if me and my husband made it fine through, then you both can do the same too. ;) Also when you put your trust in God with this as well. :)

-God Keep Blessing You-
 
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TD14

Guest
#7
#7
Thanks. That's what i really needed to hear. The reinforcement that i am doing the right thing. I know she is at a very tender time right now because it's almost funny because you can see the child in her show through at times but to be honest that's when i love her the most. When she can act mature one minute and have that playful spirit. I'm going to keep doing what i'm doing. I hope i can handle college and possible working on top of her. Though she knows i am going to college and looking for a job so i can pay off my loans and be able to maybe put back money to buy land up there. Thanks for the input and i'll keep doing what i can. I know if i lived closer it would help but it is what it is. Atleast i know there is a chance i get to see her at Christmas. I don't want to spend Christmas with my family, i have sortof adopted hers. lol.

Dan
 
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Ricke

Guest
#8
#8
I agree with always to reinforce her Love and Security in you.

When I was young I had two Relationships go bad of insecurity from my Girlfriends.

Story#1 I met my first love at a Dance when I was 16. She was younger, but we just Fell in Love as Soul mates. My Parents thought it was just "puppy love" Her parents knew it was for real, I was at their house more then at mine.

Time went on, we talked about getting married later on, because we were both very young etc. We just were woven to each other. A year and half into our relationship, my Dad's Company transferred and gave him a job promotion 300 miles away. I was having a fit over this but kept assuring her, our plans were on go...I even refused to go to My Prom because she could not come, so I turned down 3 offers to take others.

Now, keep this in Mind..there were no cell phones, no text, no e-mail. It was landline phone, and snail mail back then. So I wrote her st least a 3-4 page letter everyday...I get out of High School that June. Go back to visit her for 3 weeks with my parents a vacation. Everything looking positive. I tell her I want to Join the Navy.
Get my Military obligation over with ( draft was still in effect) learn a great skill, then get married when I got out in 4 years she thinks it is a great idea.

Was 2 weeks from graduating from Navy Boot Camp, and get a "Dear John" letter from her she met someone e else, he was starting college there, etc etc. I felt like somebody shot me, I was weak and heart broken. Took me about 2 years for me to move on after that. She married the Guy she left me for, and is still with him, so I am grateful for that, but I was thrown under the bus...it hurt me.

#2 so a little over 2 years after my first love and I broke up, I meet a girl while home on leave from The Aircraft Carrier I was on. I am over half way through my enlistment. We start dating, and she and I fall in Love as well. She tells me she was engaged to a guy in The Marines who dumped her when he was discharged and went home. I told her no problem with me, I would settle down right there when I got out.

Well I am on a 9 month deployment to the Mediterranean Sea, she and I are writing snail mail everyday, looking forward to me getting home in December and being together during the Holidays. 3 months before we get back, my.Dad again gets transferred this time to Florida and Linda, my girl isLiving in Rhode Island. So stupidly write her tell her what my Dad has to do, but don't Worry I'm going to live there so we can be together and get married. I should have waited until I got home and saw her in Person.

A four of weeks later, she also sends me a "Dear John" letter it was Deja Vu all over again with her and The Marine who left her, and me and my first Love Donna. Man, I should have told her in Person because I only had 8 more months to go when I got back from The Med Cruise....too late....two broken romances in 4 years. Kind had flashbacks of what The Marine did, and she beleived, I guess I would pull the same thing.

Moral of the stories; make sure you give it all you got Bro. Think God for Cell phones, texts, and e-mails...
 
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TD14

Guest
#9
#9
Thanks everybody. Believe me Ricke i do. When she lost all internet privileges and her mom snapped her phone in half i was still writing her letters. Granted not every day because with stamps being .44 cents a piece i would be broker then what i am. But we still even now having her phone back and whatnot still write each other letters because there is so much more we can say in letters and whatnot. So good lord willing i'll do whatever i can to communicate with her. I just hope the next 2 years of college goes quick. I hate being 700 miles away from her.

Dan
 
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Ricke

Guest
#10
#10
Dan
I wish you guys all the best...
 
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