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I met my current "partner" at 20, he was 38 told me he was 30 and I was naive enough to believe him but he did look younger than his age. He pushed me into having sexual intercourse with him, insisting on this for over3 months until I gave up. But I was really unhappy about it as I didn't want to do it until I was married, but I was so confused and he told me he'd leave and I loved him. I wish I had the knowledge back then that I have now... After that he told me he couldn't have kids and we don't need to use protection and in a few months I get pregnant. Instantly he tells me he's married with 2 kids. I can't describe how I felt. I was devastated,with no one around to help me, and he telling me that he doesn't live with his family anymore and that its just typical marriage etc. So, we got back together as I saw no other option for me. He took care of me and even came to stay with me by the end of my pregnancy. After having my baby we officially moved in and I told my parents (who live in another country) we've had civil marriage and felt miserable lying to them... and still do until today. He soon got a divorce. I later found out that it was true they were only together on papers. But I've been living with guilt since and I still feel guilty in the eyes of God...
I have been very unhappy for most of the time. He never married me as he was obviously using me and never really loved me as he was also seeing other women in the meantime. I kept forgiving him for the sake of my child and closing my eyes to his behavior, praying and asking God to change him, but nothing. He's gambling and using psychological violence against me. I was depressed feeling abandoned and empty, and the only thing that helped me go through this was praying to God as it filled my life with light and warmth. We have no sexual contact for some time now cause I don't want him to touch me, he disgusts me... I can't forget all the bad things he's done to me, even though I forgive him. He blames me for everything, seeing other women and gambling. I don't love him, all I live is constant disappointment, I try as much as I can to live a Christian life and make up for my sins, but its hard with a person like that next to me, he doesn't change... I am so tired and unhappy, he hasn't been a good dad to my child either. He's just been paying for everything and living his separate life, that's all.
I don't know what to do, I really want to leave. I never felt loved in my life. I'm 28, I know I can find someone to love and respect me, but I don't know if that complies with God's rules. Shall I stay and carry my cross until the end or does God allow people like me to have a new start and be happy all over again?
I am so unhappy and its affecting me and my child so much...
Please tell me your opinion on this, please help.
Thanks a lot!
I have been very unhappy for most of the time. He never married me as he was obviously using me and never really loved me as he was also seeing other women in the meantime. I kept forgiving him for the sake of my child and closing my eyes to his behavior, praying and asking God to change him, but nothing. He's gambling and using psychological violence against me. I was depressed feeling abandoned and empty, and the only thing that helped me go through this was praying to God as it filled my life with light and warmth. We have no sexual contact for some time now cause I don't want him to touch me, he disgusts me... I can't forget all the bad things he's done to me, even though I forgive him. He blames me for everything, seeing other women and gambling. I don't love him, all I live is constant disappointment, I try as much as I can to live a Christian life and make up for my sins, but its hard with a person like that next to me, he doesn't change... I am so tired and unhappy, he hasn't been a good dad to my child either. He's just been paying for everything and living his separate life, that's all.
I don't know what to do, I really want to leave. I never felt loved in my life. I'm 28, I know I can find someone to love and respect me, but I don't know if that complies with God's rules. Shall I stay and carry my cross until the end or does God allow people like me to have a new start and be happy all over again?
I am so unhappy and its affecting me and my child so much...
Please tell me your opinion on this, please help.
Thanks a lot!