What is wrong with the fact that I'm mad? What is wrong with cutting my wrist just to stay happy? What is wrong with not being able to laugh at something funny anymore? What is wrong when I put all the pain inside of me and keep there? What is wrong with my school work? What is wrong with my grades when they are bad and I can't bring them up? What is wrong that my life isn't fair? What is wrong when I would druther attempt suicide because it seems like noone cares? What is wrong with me not being able to stay awake in class when I go to bed on time? What is wrong with my world? Why do i feel like I'm trapped in a big dark room and no where to run. What did I do wrong? Why do I deserve to be treated like I'm nothing? Is it me that can't do anything right? Why do I have to live in this and this world of hurt? Why can't I be normal like everyone else? Why do I consider myself as a failure? My life stinks and I don't know why
Firstly, Tinker
It’s important to realise that self-harming is getting some relief from extreme mental anguish when you inflict physical pain on yourselve. self-harm usually follow a build-up of pressure – pressure from unbearably strong feelings which don’t seem able to be resolved. The pain helps to reduce the emotional turmoil, providing an effective distraction.
There are consequences to this destructive behaviour tinker. At this point you need professional christian counselloring. Instead of turning your anger on yourself, you need to find safe and effective ways to express and deal with emotional pain & difficult feelings. self-punishment and self-hatred will lead to a serious psychological disorder.
Secondly,
Pain is a warning that something is wrong, the pain & emotions you feel, that effects your view point on life and the world is buried very deep within you. Christian counselling can help by starting to unravel what lies behind the self-harm, self hatred, bewilderment, despair, hopeless and unbearable frustration ect ect! Are you apart of a church?
Also it would help you to start talking about things that may be buried very deep. Once you start talking about your feelings, honestly and openly, there will be less need to seek relief from them in such a destructive ways.
Try to keep your self doing constructive activities, regular exercise, and spending as much time as possible with others who care for you, especially family or close friends.. you must ignore any feelings of self-hatred and loathing, dont listen to the negative thoughts, telling you that you are pathetic, useless and worthless.
Instead, you need to fix our eyes on Jesus, and upon the love that He has for you!
"Jesus treasures each of us so dearly that He wants us to share our lives with Him for all eternity.
He died for us so that, whether we are awake (on earth) or asleep (in heaven), we may live together with him. 1 Thessalonians 5:10"
Seek him Tinker..