Would you rather see someone's flaws right away or later on?

[Kizzy]

[h=5]To me, it seems as though the people who are obvious with their love, are more obvious with their flaws. And those who are subtle with their love, are more subtle with their flaws. Yet, both have equal amounts of love and flaws.

My question for you: do you prefer to see someone's love/flaws right away, or later on in a friendship?[/h]I personally hide just about everything. I don't openly show affection towards people and I don't like my flaws to be out in the open, and I show them (my flaws) to the select few that I choose to be close with. I tend to like and value the friendships I have a little more with those that do the same as I do. I feel much closer to someone who shares their flaws with just me or a select few. So I would prefer to see them later on in the friendship. I also find that when I see their flaws later on I'm less likely to judge them for the things they tell me and I respond with more understanding and love because I've known this person for a while so their flaws don't matter so much.

 

[William_Torn_Asunder]

It just depends for me honestly.

I enjoy when people are open about their flaws if they are trying to cope and better themselves because of them.

And I find when people are subtle about them, then they -tend- to be ashamed about them.

For me, their flaws and their love don't hold any more or less value against any other person. It's their intent.

I would rather be friends with someone who is okay with learning from their flaws, and attempting to become better from them.

Thats just me though.
And I keep in mind, people are WEIRD. Im the perfect example, so I understand.
Reaching out for help in dealing with their flaws can come in many different forms. So I keep a lookout for that.

 

[allaboutlove]

A friendship is a compicated thing an its alwsys ongoing an un folding its really impossiblr to see all a persons at any point in time diffrent situations bring diffrent outcomes an people constantly change... i thought i knew my bestfriend realy well till he got married now he is almost a diffrent person.... an really i prefer it this way i like getting to figure people out along the way instead of them just telling you there flaws.... much love an god bless

 

[MissCris]

People who are very open with both love and flaws scare me to death. When I meet a person for the first time, I'm nervous. I'm pretty shy. I have a hard time finding things to say. So if someone is all...up in my grill...with their personality and their love/hate/psychosis/whatever, I don't know how to respond to it. I usually think they are over-bearing and annoying, or even just attention-seeking.

That's not very fair, I know. But they totally. Freak. Me. Out.

I like to get to know people before I find out they're completely insane

 

[Nuns_n_roses]

I'd rather them be up front.

I became friends with my high school best friend after she listed all her flaws to me. When I continued to hang out with her she asked why and I said "I admired your honesty!"

 

[Stuey]

Early please, but, I don't think this necessarily means you display it in public. Just when you are getting to know each other.

 

[clee356]

For me, I don't have a problem with waiting to see someone's flaws, if they choose to show them later on. But I prefer seeing their flaws as soon as possible. I'm a walking contradiction- I hate opening up too much too early, and I'm always worried that I might end up doing that. But I love it when other people do that with me.

 

[Kizzy]

People who are very open with both love and flaws scare me to death. When I meet a person for the first time, I'm nervous. I'm pretty shy. I have a hard time finding things to say. So if someone is all...up in my grill...with their personality and their love/hate/psychosis/whatever, I don't know how to respond to it. I usually think they are over-bearing and annoying, or even just attention-seeking.

That's not very fair, I know. But they totally. Freak. Me. Out.

I like to get to know people before I find out they're completely insane

Hahaha I love your response! Sounds like you and I think quite a bit alike when it comes to this topic. People like that freak me out too and aren't exactly the kind of people I prefer to spend my time with.

 

[Kizzy]

For me, I don't have a problem with waiting to see someone's flaws, if they choose to show them later on. But I prefer seeing their flaws as soon as possible. I'm a walking contradiction- I hate opening up too much too early, and I'm always worried that I might end up doing that. But I love it when other people do that with me.

When I met you I could tell you were similar to myself in that we prefer to let our guards down at a pretty glacial pace. I feel as if that may have been part of the reason why we hit it off so well as friends.

 

[Kizzy]

Thanks for the feedback everybody! I loved reading all of your responses.

 

[WhiteWolfOfTheBlackForest]

I feel a lot of my 'flaws' come in on a more personal level - I am very good at hiding these away and if I do open up to someone, it is usually when I know them very well and then can connect with them on a deeper level. On some occasions I have opened up like a book to a few people and have not regretted it at all. It is an enlightened and amazing feeling when you put such things aside in friendship for who the person really is. But the answer to the question, is I would rather them open up when they feel it is the right time for them to do so, whether is is sooner or later, it does not matter unless they feel the time is right in their heart to do so.

 

[Tandemtruths]

I don't know how big of an issue flaws are for me at all. If they come up, they come up. The expectation that someone is without flaws just because you don't know about them yet seems foreign to me. I'm very realistic and detail oriented, and there are even things that are sensed better rather than a systematic approach. There are too many variables to keep track of at any time. So having a system where we're comfortable earlier, or later just doesn't ring true for me personally. It's sort of placing a metric on something that isn't measured. You can get to the point where you're thinking, "This person has more flaws than I thought", or " They have bigger flaws". It's the expectation that betrays us, not the person. We all do it too. I do it a lot, and then have to apologize for it later. I think it affects those that are steered by their imaginations more as well. I have that issue. So, even though I'm aware that traits aren't measurable, I still do it as it overwhelms my reason in that instance. In regards to the initial question, I don't think it matters either way. Most of the problems stem from our own expectations.

 

[twill]

To me, it seems as though the people who are obvious with their love, are more obvious with their flaws. And those who are subtle with their love, are more subtle with their flaws. Yet, both have equal amounts of love and flaws.

My question for you: do you prefer to see someone's love/flaws right away, or later on in a friendship?

I personally hide just about everything. I don't openly show affection towards people and I don't like my flaws to be out in the open, and I show them (my flaws) to the select few that I choose to be close with. I tend to like and value the friendships I have a little more with those that do the same as I do. I feel much closer to someone who shares their flaws with just me or a select few. So I would prefer to see them later on in the friendship. I also find that when I see their flaws later on I'm less likely to judge them for the things they tell me and I respond with more understanding and love because I've known this person for a while so their flaws don't matter so much.

It depends. If it's just a friendship, I don't mind taking time to learn about them, flaws and all (though I'll say this has come back to bite me badly in the past…). If it's a potential "relationship" I don't want the person to be a " too-easy-read" as I've noticed those types to be a tiny bit dull, but I want to learn all of their flaws as quickly as possible so I can determine whether or not I want a bf/gf relationship with them.

 

[Tandemtruths]

It depends. If it's just a friendship, I don't mind taking time to learn about them, flaws and all (though I'll say this has come back to bite me badly in the past…). If it's a potential "relationship" I don't want the person to be a " too-easy-read" as I've noticed those types to be a tiny bit dull, but I want to learn all of their flaws as quickly as possible so I can determine whether or not I want a bf/gf relationship with them.

Have them fax you back a prepared checklist