Need advice from the Filipina ladies..

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Telcobilly

Guest
#1
#1
Hi everyone, I've had an account here for awhile, but haven't posted too much.
I have a question, but first I must give the background, I'll try to keep it short.
I first discovered the Filipina culture in 2012 while working nights. Long story short, I met a lady in Manila, very spontaneous and we clicked very well. We had an online romance for 2+ years and then I visited her in Nov 2014. There were some red flags & issues but we honestly loved each other.
Fast forward to March 2015. We split up and I found someone else. I've now been with this girl for over a year and visited her in February 2016. We get along great, no issues. She has a good career there. Where I'm struggling is the connection, conversation and romance aspect is much less than with the first lady. I found out that the first one is getting married and it has hit me hard. She texted me at 2am to make sure I knew..
My head tells me that I'm with the right one now, my heart misses the first one terribly. I know that ship has sailed though.
How do I draw out the girl I'm with now? I'm sending her romantic tagalog phrases & pictures. Our conversation hasn't advanced past a superficial level.
In her defense, she has a heart of gold and has made very good decisions with her life. I don't think she has a lot of relationship experience, she had one heartbreaking relationship and then focused on her career. She is a Proverbs 31 woman.
I guess I'm still battling to get the other one of of my head...
 
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tjogs

Senior Member
#2
Jun 28, 2009
323
18
18
#2
Im not filipono and not a lady but your story reminds me of my own past and experience i gained from that.
Everything happens for a reason. Certain people are put our path to teach us and raise us as better people.
I don't have much advice for the current one but the lady you met first. What positive the knowing that person gave for you?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
youre convinced the current woman is who you 'should be with' yet you can't stop thinking how she's not as good as the previous woman. Let's face it, that's essentially what you're thinking. You don't sound all that content with the woman you're with now. You are trying to 'draw her out' but maybe this is just who she is. You have to accept her for what you see, not for what you hope you can get her to be. If you feel like things need to change then that's a bad sign.

You aren't over the first woman and have already gotten involved with someone else. Bad idea. And not only that you're trying to change the situation with the current woman to be more like the original. You are.
Perhaps it's time to recognize that the previous woman had red flags. Red flags are Warnings and should not be discarded over emotion. Connection is great, but it's only one part of a relationship.
So I suggest make some genuine effort to get over this red flag you were with in the past and if you can't you shouldn't do the disservice of being with someone else.
And stop trying to make your current relationship something it's not. Everyone is different and you have to accept them 'as is' or move on.
 
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Telcobilly

Guest
#4
#4
Ugly, wise words. I've been reaching that conclusion about trying to remake someone into someone else. I think I need to celebrate the unique traits of the current one and clear my head of the past. It's mostly emotion, nostalgia & some guilt. Not a good place to be when you are committing to a new relationship.
Thanks
 
J

Jho

Guest
#5
#5
I think you just misses the first one, because you loved her and she had a special place in your heart.
 
EmilyNats

EmilyNats

Senior Member
#6
Jul 28, 2016
1,374
204
63
#6
If you are both Godly, if you two being together is in God's will, and if you both really want to make it work, then it will work. That's pretty much the story don't parent's romance. My mother was a Filipino who could hardly speak English, was so awkward and unaccustomed to being romantically associated with a man that she wouldn't even sit next to him on the bus when he went to visit her, and didn't even really love him until months after they were married. But dad knew it was God's will,and the both of them stuck with it. They've been married nearly twenty years now. They still have communication problems at times, but they're still going.
 
fredoheaven

fredoheaven

Senior Member
#7
Nov 17, 2015
4,025
940
113
#7
EmilyNats said:
If you are both Godly, if you two being together is in God's will, and if you both really want to make it work, then it will work. That's pretty much the story don't parent's romance. My mother was a Filipino who could hardly speak English, was so awkward and unaccustomed to being romantically associated with a man that she wouldn't even sit next to him on the bus when he went to visit her, and didn't even really love him until months after they were married. But dad knew it was God's will,and the both of them stuck with it. They've been married nearly twenty years now. They still have communication problems at times, but they're still going.
Click to expand...
Yes, this is true, no language or culture is able to stop God's will... what a good and godly example are your parents despite cross cultural differences on their marriage relationship. Syempre proud kami sa mga Filipina!

God bless!
 
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