How To Ditch a Stalker ("Casual Surveyor")?

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#1
May 23, 2009
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#1
Hi Everybody,

I know MusicalMe posted a great thread about the let-downs we've all heard and had handed to us... but she and I were talking--what do you do if you REALLY need to get someone to leave you alone? Especially as a Christian (because I know some people who would say, "Just cuss them out really bad!") but we know that's not exactly an option for us of the faith...

You probably know what we're talking about... the person who calls you 12 times a day, texts another 40, and then calls another 12 times asking why you haven't answered their calls and texts yet. And it all starts over again the next day. So... if you've experienced anything like this... What did you say or do (and how many restraining orders did you have to implement) in order to get someone to understand that you don't want QUITE so much attention... especially from them...???

Take it away, everyone!

P.S. Musical, please quit calling me every 10 minutes and I'm sorry I haven't answered your texts yet, but I was too busy counting all the times you've called and texted me and lost track of time so I wasn't able to call you back... ;)
 
above

above

Banned
#2
Jun 29, 2009
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#2
Isn't there a law against stalking in corea? In Germany it's a felony, even if you don't threaten somebody.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#3
May 23, 2009
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above said:
Isn't there a law against stalking in corea? In Germany it's a felony, even if you don't threaten somebody.
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Hi Above,

Thanks for your post... I'm actually not in Korea so I'm not sure what the laws are there (but my sister-in-law is native Korean so I'm going to ask her the next time I talk to her--that's a good question.) I was adopted and have lived in the US for all but the first six months of my life...

This is a little different but I once befriended an older male co-worker--he had some mental issues (I don't think he would have been classified as mentally handicapped but he was one of those very nice, kind of naive, childlike people whom others often took advantage of.) Anyway, he used to work for an older woman who apparently drove by and saw the two of us talking in the parking lot--then promptly called my bosses to tell them they had better "keep her (meaning me) away from him" or else she would wait by my car and either shoot me or "put a knife through her (meaning my) heart." My bosses promptly called the police and I was escorted down to the courthouse in order to file a restraining order against her (she apparently had a long and well-known history of threatening people like this.) I didn't have any further problems with her but I'm thankful my bosses took it seriously and were so quick to act.

Anyway... I'm sorry to get off track here!! The kind of circumstance I'm talking about in this thread would be in a possible dating or social situation when someone you only like as a friend or are not interested in at all kind of latches on to you and won't let go... or take no for an answer--do you know what I mean?
 
above

above

Banned
#4
Jun 29, 2009
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#4
I know what you mean. Well in that case there is only one way to settle this: you have to talk to the person and be very clear about what you want/don't want. I think those people only "stalk" you because they have the feeling that you might also feel something for them. Just be brutally honest with them. That should do the job. And if they don't accept that... well then you have a problem.
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#5
#5
I know you ladies like to 'be nice', but that doesn't mean failure to put your foot down. I see this often as a moderator. A gal will PC me informing me that a guy won't stop pcing her. I'll ask, "Have you asked him to stop?" Often the answer is ,"No...." To which I think "Well how is the guy supposed to know you don't wanna talk?"

I think MOST guys are reasonable enough that if you ask them to quit talking, texting, calling or communicating they would oblige. Often you may feel stalked, because you've failed to let the other person know you're not interested. Yeah I know it's not nice to say, "Hey bucko, go away." But you ladies have enough female charm and tact to say it nicely.:)

And if a guy still keeps it up after bein told, call the police. :)
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#6
#6
Seoulsearch, why haven't you called me back? Why haven't you answered my texts? I know you had time while you were sitting on the couch earlier, I saw you look at your phone and roll your eyes. My binoculars pick up everything!!

Seriously though... stalking stories:

In high school, there was a guy that was crazy about me (it wasn't creepy but he was definitely more into me than I was into him). He asked me to be his date to homecoming and I told him I would hang out with him for a little while but I didn't want to be his date. Which he apparently didn't hear, and bought me the biggest mum you can imagine (sorry if you're unfamiliar with the small town theatrics of homecoming). He also asked me to sit on his lap once and I'm soooo not a lap-sitter. But anyway, at this point in time, my parents didn't want me dating yet and his mom ran into my mom in the grocery store and said something about the mum and I got in trouble. And I wasn't even dating him! ugh!

I think in true 14-year-old fashion, I wrote him a note and told him I just wanted to be friends.

I just realized that I've been a heartbreaker a lot longer than I thought. Sorry, boys!
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#7
#7
1still_waters said:
I know you ladies like to 'be nice', but that doesn't mean failure to put your foot down. I see this often as a moderator. A gal will PC me informing me that a guy won't stop pcing her. I'll ask, "Have you asked him to stop?" Often the answer is ,"No...." To which I think "Well how is the guy supposed to know you don't wanna talk?"

I think MOST guys are reasonable enough that if you ask them to quit talking, texting, calling or communicating they would oblige. Often you may feel stalked, because you've failed to let the other person know you're not interested. Yeah I know it's not nice to say, "Hey bucko, go away." But you ladies have enough female charm and tact to say it nicely.:)

And if a guy still keeps it up after bein told, call the police. :)
Click to expand...
Haha, this is so true. I know a lot of girls who complain that someone won't leave them alone but they never tell them to stop.
 
M

missy2shoes

Guest
#8
#8
1still_waters said:
I know you ladies like to 'be nice', but that doesn't mean failure to put your foot down. I see this often as a moderator. A gal will PC me informing me that a guy won't stop pcing her. I'll ask, "Have you asked him to stop?" Often the answer is ,"No...." To which I think "Well how is the guy supposed to know you don't wanna talk?"

I think MOST guys are reasonable enough that if you ask them to quit talking, texting, calling or communicating they would oblige. Often you may feel stalked, because you've failed to let the other person know you're not interested. Yeah I know it's not nice to say, "Hey bucko, go away." But you ladies have enough female charm and tact to say it nicely.:)

And if a guy still keeps it up after bein told, call the police. :)
Click to expand...
....enough female charm and tact......now if I can just find where I put those....... ;)
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#11
#11
MusicalMe said:
Hey, that's stereotyping and I'm offended. I keep mine in my purse, next to my nail polish.
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Most women keep their lipstick and hair dryer on the dashboard where it's more handy. :p
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#13
May 23, 2009
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#13
*taking notes* How to confront a stalker... 1. talk to him about it. 2. charm him with lipstick (perhaps by writing, "PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE" on his car with said device). 3. threaten him with the hair dryer? *am learning quickly!* Ah, the joys of being a girl.

Everyone and anyone is welcome to keep posting here of course... but I'm curious... how do you guys handle someone who won't say no? What kind of masculine communication skills and charm do you use? (And where do you hide it? Behind the swinging soap-on-a-rope in the shower?
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#14
#14
seoulsearch said:
What kind of masculine communication skills and charm do you use? (And where do you hide it? Behind the swinging soap-on-a-rope in the shower?
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Seoul, you know I love you, but we've GOT to update your male stereotypes! They hide their charm in the sports section of the newspaper or next to the (root)beer in the fridge!
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#15
May 23, 2009
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#15
MusicalMe said:
Seoul, you know I love you, but we've GOT to update your male stereotypes! They hide their charm in the sports section of the newspaper or next to the (root)beer in the fridge!
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*thwacks herself on the head* NO WONDER it's the guys old enough to be my Dad and Grandpa who are hitting on me... have to start updating myself on some "youthful" male stereotypes and generalizations and I'm sure I'll start attracting them like flies...
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#16
#16
seoulsearch said:
but I'm curious... how do you guys handle someone who won't say no? What kind of masculine communication skills and charm do you use? (And where do you hide it? Behind the swinging soap-on-a-rope in the shower?
Click to expand...
Most gals I know seem to take no as no. I think the not taking no as no is more of a guy issue than a girl one....
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#17
May 23, 2009
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#17
Now I can TOTALLY see why Kakashi chose YOU, Musical... ;) (Just kidding, Kakashi!)

Sorry! Back to topic!! How have you all dealt with a smitten significant other wanna-be who just won't take a hint, no matter how charming, polite, straightforward, and/or stereotypical you've been?
 
1

1still_waters

Guest
#18
#18
seoulsearch said:
Now I can TOTALLY see why Kakashi chose YOU, Musical... ;) (Just kidding, Kakashi!)

Sorry! Back to topic!! How have you all dealt with a smitten significant other wanna-be who just won't take a hint, no matter how charming, polite, straightforward, and/or stereotypical you've been?
Click to expand...
Are we talking 'hint' or a blatant declaration that you're not interested?
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#19
#19
1still_waters said:
Most gals I know seem to take no as no. I think the not taking no as no is more of a guy issue than a girl one....
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I always tell guys who are trying to get rid of a persistent girl, "Don't say 'maybe someday' or leave a thread of hope - she will latch on to that like a promise. Just leave it as a firm, clean NO."
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#20
May 23, 2009
16,761
5,660
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#20
I'm having this problem right now... a good guy friend who keeps asking me to spend time with him. He's single, I'm single... he figures I have plenty of spare time... and should spend it with him. I've tried telling him over and over (and over) that I only see him as a friend (he's asked me a couple times now about dating/a relationship/possible marriage) and I always tell him, "You're a great guy, but I think it works best that we just stay great friends... if my feelings ever change, I will be the first to let you know."

And then he proceeds to continuously ask me, "Hey, if you're not doing anything... Tuesday... Friday... Saturday...Sunday... Monday morning, Monday afternoon, Monday evening..."

I'm running out of the number of times I can tell him I'm washing my hair (and it's starting to fall out a bit as it is! Or was that me yanking it out and yelling, "PLEASE!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

It makes me want to not talk to him at all... let alone spend time with him... and heavens no!! when it comes to the thought of dating him. In fact, I just got a message from right now before this post, saying, "If you have a day off next week, I was wondering..."

Help!
 
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