advice

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scgirl311

Guest
#1
#1
ok here this goes, im not sure where else to turn.

I have been with my serious boyfriend for close to 8 months now. We have been long distance for close to 3 of them now. We dont argue that often and really our relationship is really good. I love this boy with all of my heart. Here lately he has been acting funny towards me. I dont know what to do. He hasnt been the same person.

Here is the kicker. My best friend, he is a guy too. He has been there for me for 7 years through thick in this. held my hand through every good, bad, ugly, and messed up thing i have ever experienced. He and i have tried being together, but i guess the timing never worked out. Somehow no matter how many times i find a serious boyfriend though, he is still there, to hold my hand when my heart gets hurt, or when i have really good news.

I am starting to wonder if God has a plan that might be bigger for us? I have been praying a lot about it, and I honestly dont know. I have prayed about this for maybe a month or so now, and im not going to quit. I wouldn't ever cheat on my boyfriend, and i am still madly in love with him, but i am just starting to wonder why he is still there, and no matter what, i can turn to him with anything.

Any advice, good, bad, nice, or mean, would be appreciated.

Thank you :)
 
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Nicabella7

Guest
#2
#2
I recommend that you pray. God has a specific person and plan for each of us. Ask Him if it is His will before you even think about yourself. Trust in God and choose wisely. Don't rush your decision. Remember that a relationship with someone should lead to marriage. So keep that in mind! God bless you!
 
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Umbra

Banned
#3
Apr 27, 2013
17
0
0
#3
The question is, who do you want?

This guy who's always there for you, if he isn't the one, you need to tell him. It sounds like your leading him on, albeit, unintentionally. It sounds like he hasn't accepted the fact that he's been friend zoned. Tell him you don't have intimate feelings for him, so he can stop chasing after your heart and start looking for someone else. Don't let him waste time chasing after you if he isn't going to get you, because that time can be spent finding someone else who is right for him. This is all assuming you choose the boyfriend you are with over him.

If you do choose the guy who's always been there for you, then you need to break up with your current boyfriend (don't try to cheat).

Just, whatever you do, stop leading this guy on.
 
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scgirl311

Guest
#4
#4
I think this is the hard thing. My best friend and i have a past. We have been down that road before. So i dont know what to do. I really dont.
 
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scgirl311

Guest
#5
#5
I just wish someone would make the choice for me. I love them both, in different ways. One is my best friend, and one is the person I have been dating for the past eight months that I am in love with. I can't hurt either one of them. I don't know which path to take.
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#6
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
138
63
#6
scgirl311 said:
I just wish someone would make the choice for me.
Click to expand...
Girl, we can't make that choice for you. :( But hopefully we can shed some light on the situation.

What do you mean that your boyfriend has been acting funny towards you lately? He hasn't been the same person... how has he changed?
 
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scgirl311

Guest
#7
#7
He has just been very distant. Very "physical" even with the distance. Not caring about the love part, but just wanting to talk about the physical things. He works 3rd shift, and I work at a hospital 12 hours and work 8a-8p so we only get to talk on the phone for about an hour to an hour and half each night until I am able to move out there with him. But he doesnt even take advantage of that time. Just like tonight. I called him at 8 his time, and he told he to call him back at 9:15 and he would talk to me for the 15 minute drive to work. I don't know...
 
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Umbra

Banned
#8
Apr 27, 2013
17
0
0
#8
scgirl311 said:
I just wish someone would make the choice for me. I love them both, in different ways. One is my best friend, and one is the person I have been dating for the past eight months that I am in love with. I can't hurt either one of them. I don't know which path to take.
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You are aware, the more you avoid hurting the feelings of one of the two men you love, the more you end up hurting them in the future, right?

You need to figure out who YOU want to be with. Don't worry about what the other two want. Just make your mind, so the guy you don't choose can move on with their life and you can stopping leading them on.
 
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Chezz

Guest
#9
#9
PRAY! God will tell you...
 
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scgirl311

Guest
#10
#10
Thats the thing thought. I am NOT leading my best friend on. We have always been this way. I keep praying and I get no where. I don't know anymore.
 
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Chezz

Guest
#11
#11
Well think which one will you be happy with?
 
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scgirl311

Guest
#12
#12
i dont know. I look at it, that one has been my friend for 7 years, and we have never been more through those 7 years - so why give up the happiness i have with my boyfriend i love, to see if there is something there? You know?
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#13
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
138
63
#13
Do you think your boyfriend loves you? Or is he more focused on what he can get out of you?

It's also possible that you need time away from both guys for a while, just to figure out where you are and seek God more.
 
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Chezz

Guest
#14
#14
Yeah I know! Just trust in God with this one...Give it time and put it in Gods timing
 
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scgirl311

Guest
#15
#15
I don't know at this point. i just want answers, and i wish that they were given to me. i guess im not very patient at all.
 
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Chezz

Guest
#16
#16
It can be hard to be patient... I will prey for you!
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#17
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
138
63
#17
Okay. This might help... but keep in mind that I'm not positive that it applies to your situation, okay? I'm just going by what I've understood so far.

If he's focused on the physical, in a crude way, then that is NOT a good sign. At all. It shows you where his mind is and what his goals are.

If you're going to move out there "with him", as in, live with him... that's not a God-honoring situation. Please don't even consider that.

Can you take some time off to just gather your thoughts? A month or two at least? There's really no great hurry to move, or take either relationship further, is there? Things may become clearer while you're waiting. My $.02.
 
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scgirl311

Guest
#18
#18
OH no, not to live with him, although that is what he wants. but he is very controlling as well, so im sure even with me having my own place, it would be that i would have to spend a specific amount of time with him.

I think im going to talk to him tonight, get some more of his feel on things...make some choices from there.
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#19
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
138
63
#19
If he wants you to move in with him, that's another really bad sign. He's not considering what God wants, and I'm sure this won't be the only thing that you two will disagree on. I also think you're right, that it will probably get worse if you're living near him. You won't have your family or friends around, which will make it easier for him to control you.

Can I make the decision for you? Please don't get any deeper with this guy.
 
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Umbra

Banned
#20
Apr 27, 2013
17
0
0
#20
scgirl311 said:
Thats the thing thought. I am NOT leading my best friend on. We have always been this way. I keep praying and I get no where. I don't know anymore.
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I don't know, it sounds like you are. If you aren't going to go out with him, you need to tell him you're not interested in him.

If he thinks he has a chance to be your man, and you haven't told him 'no', then you're leading him on. If you told him you're not interested in being anything more than friends, and he's trying to be your man, then I stand corrected.

Regardless, you need to think for yourself.
 
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