New Friend vs Best friend: Dating and Relationships

[Shouryu]

I Think about the Differences between having a new friend and having a best friend.

*shrug* Haven't made any new friends in months, perhaps even a years, save for the people I'm starting to get to know here.

With a new friend you are eager to explore each other's cool stuff and learn about who they are.

I prefer the word eager to learn, rather than explore, whatever cool stuff anyone is willing to share on a public, faith-centric message board. ^_^

But a best friend is always there and wants to take on the world or the next thing.

Really? My best friend and I are generally content to sit on the couch and eat chicken wings and watch episodes of Community and Arrested Development. If we REALLY get fired up about accomplishing something...we get out our clarinets and play duets and make fun of each other when we make mistakes.

Without really getting poetic and into all the differences between a new friend and a best friend, I feel like dating and relationships in the west are about the novelty of meeting someone new. When really if we are being honest we are looking for a best friend.

...that will also have sex with us and go to weddings and funerals and quinceneras with us and do mundane chores and tasks with us and put up with us at our worse possible moments when other best friends would say, "He/She just needs some space, some time alone."

A new friend might seek to earn trust but, with new friends we still want to impress them and make them like us.

I dunno. At only 35, I'm just about done trying to make people like me. I be just who I be, and I try to be a more Christ-like me, and if that me who be suits a single woman of faith, then blessed am I. If not, then God's will be done. Do I want people to like me? Do I want potential mates to like me? Do I want all my new chums here on CC to like me? Sure. But I'm not going to change who I am or how I act to accomplish that. Because if I try to be something different in order to get people to like me, then they're not liking ME, they're liking a phantom that I think they want.

See me for who I am: faith, fears, humor, music, flaws, snarkiness-n-sarcasm, capability for love, capability for anger, nerdiness, wordiness, unworthyness, genki-ness, grouchy-ness, seriousness, and silliness. New friend, old friend, best friend, true friend...and if Jehovah sees fit, one day, a mate. See me for me, and accept me, and accept how Christ is working in me...and I must do the same for you.

Best friends trust each other simply because it works. They know each other's scars and they keep each other's secrets as if they were their own.

It's time spent together, true. The more time you spend with someone, the more you know them. But everyone starts at zero.

So really we shouldn't be looking for a new relationship but, a Best Relationship.

Yesh! But who's to say that your best relationship doesn't come from a new relationship? After all...every relationship, at some point, be they an acquaintence, friend, colleague, confidant, bromance, or romance...all starts with some form of "Hi..." *extends hand* "Nice to meet you. Friends call me Shour."

I'm not saying you're wrong, Liamson. In fact, you and I see eye-to-eye on a lot of the things that you post, though I don't say much. I'm just trying to play adversary's advocate here a little, to show some truth from a different perspective. ^_^

 

[Stuey]

Is this the part where I say something like...

So, who wants to be just friends? PM me!

 

[Stuey]

And now everyones quiet! Bahahhahahaaaaaa.

 

[sandtigeress]

There is one downside on being married (in a marrige like relationship) with your best friend.
When he leaves, you may lose both and you have a difficult time talking to your best friend
about the husband / boyfriend.
But on all other occations, go for it

 

[DuchessAimee]

Liamson, Shouyru... I think you both are great guys. I'm glad that you both speak your mind and that it's not nonsense that spills out. Someday you both will make excellent spouses. I'm quite sure of it.

 

[Powemm]

I agree with you Aimee.. I'm sitting here going ( what's wrong with those two? ) (I don't see anything that says
"serial murder over your head or see anything that might indicate you have people hidden in your basement ) look pretty regular to me (shrugs )

 

[Shouryu]

Liamson, Shouyru... I think you both are great guys. I'm glad that you both speak your mind and that it's not nonsense that spills out.

Uh, have you SEEN some of the stuff I post in other threads? *smirk* I specialize in nonsense! I even added another line to my sig a few days ago just because I realized how bad I've gotten!

And look, I did it again!

 

[Jullianna]

MsCris is absolutely right. Connecting with someone as a friend first and then connecting with them intimately (in every way) as a spouse is incomparable.

My issue with dating a very close friend is that I worry about losing a friend if things don't work out.

 

[zeroturbulence]

View attachment 47727

Bad day at the office?

 

[Liamson]

MsCris is absolutely right. Connecting with someone as a friend first and then connecting with them intimately (in every way) as a spouse is incomparable.

My issue with dating a very close friend is that I worry about losing a friend if things don't work out.

You are talking about Gender here right?


Cause if dating a potential spouse is some incredibly foreign and different thing than being a woman's best friend and falling in love with her...

I am literally never getting married.

I believe that Love should be a friendship set on fire, where the being close simply runs out of boundaries as time goes on.

That is sort of what inspired the thought behind this thread. Why would you want to date someone else when you so deeply care about someone who is already close to you?

Its like saying... "I love you and because I love you so much, I have to try and fall in love with this other person. Because I don't want to lose you. I don't really love them but, they could never be you, but I have to try."

Nonsense. Absolute nonsense.

Thats like worse than the Volvo Settlers thing.

 

[Jullianna]

You are talking about Gender here right?


Cause if dating a potential spouse is some incredibly foreign and different thing than being a woman's best friend and falling in love with her...

I am literally never getting married.

I believe that Love should be a friendship set on fire, where the being close simply runs out of boundaries as time goes on.

That is sort of what inspired the thought behind this thread. Why would you want to date someone else when you so deeply care about someone who is already close to you?

Its like saying... "I love you and because I love you so much, I have to try and fall in love with this other person. Because I don't want to lose you. I don't really love them but, they could never be you, but I have to try."

Nonsense. Absolute nonsense.

Thats like worse than the Volvo Settlers thing.

Yes, I was talking about the difference between a friend of the same gender and the sort of intimate "friendship" we can have with a spouse, who should be the best friend you have. That was the context of the situation.

HOWEVER, I am willing to take it a step further and say that it is also far different from a friend you may have of the same gender. I am very close to my male friends, but not one of them has ever been there for me and known me to the extent my husband was or did. Friendship is only the beginning of a relationship like that. It should grow into something on a much higher level. You are right to desire it. Personally, I don't plan to settle for less.

 

[violakat]

Liam, I can't think of a woman who doesn't want their husband to be their best friend.

 

[DuchessAimee]

Uh, have you SEEN some of the stuff I post in other threads? *smirk* I specialize in nonsense! I even added another line to my sig a few days ago just because I realized how bad I've gotten!

And look, I did it again!

Yes, I've seen the stuff you've posted. Have you seen some of the stuff I've posted? Have you noticed the people I bother to interact with and whom I don't? Not that my friends on this site hold the same opinion, but I've been told by my friends from church, school, etc, that it's a big deal to be friends with me. I'm picky about who I associate with. I'm careful in who I share things with. I do not make friends with people because of who I am, but instead I make friends with people because of who they are. I think you're a cool guy. Deal with it.