Standards

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GeorgeGordon

Guest
#1
#1
I think that part of the reason no one is able to find an appropriate boyfriend/girlfriend has to do with judgement.
If you believe that there are no good christian men left, you are right, but there never were any good christian men to begin with... this is because the word "good" is a description of an attribute of God, who is perfect. So there are no good men becomes there are no perfect men...
I can't believe that people would be so concerned with "soul mates" the perfect boy or girlfriend or something like that.. these are ideas that are false, don't exist and ultimately lead to disappointment.
Relationships that are perfect don't exist, people who are perfect don't exist (except one in Christ)
The problem with finding no suitable men or women is not the problem of legions of men or women, it is your problem.
What do you think?
 
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Malcyboy

Guest
#2
#2
You have very interesting point, however I feel you are a bit too extreme in saying soul mates refer to perfection, no it doesnt refer to perfection as a trait as not one person is perfect, however I strongly believe God has ordained one person to suit you "perfectly" in the sense that they are made for you and you for them, I have witnessed this with friends, in relationships and though they have challenges they compliment one another entirely.

People put too much onus on emotions and feelings, "I dont FEEL love" or "I dont FEEL special" and thats why many relationships break down, because people become selfish, where as, as one preacher put it, marriage is designed to kill you, it is designed that you will die to self and live a life of servitude to your spouse, each partner constantly giving to each other and that is when true unity in marriage comes about when they live for each other rather then themselves
 
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clare81

Guest
#3
#3
I think you are right to an extent but there can get always be someone who is good for you. There may not be an atypical good Christian man but there will be a man (or woman) who is good for you and to you. I think looking for what is good for you is far more important than seeking a good Christian.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#4
#4
I have no standards. I like to really keep my options open.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#5
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#5
Most of what I think of when I think of someone Who looks good, is that they are healthy.

In the same sense, If someone is healthy spiritually.

Healthy Emotionally.

Healthy Financially.


This way, its not a matter of, oh she has a strange hair line or funny ears or oddly shaped finger nails. Nope she's simply healthy or not.


A person can be healthy and smoke or not healthy because they smoke. A person can be chubby and healthy or skinny and unhealthy. All this in the same way that a person can irregularly go to church and be healthy and someone can always go to church and be unhealthy.



Ugh, I'm going to throw myself off a bridge if I type healthy one more time.
 
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Malcyboy

Guest
#7
#7
wisebeardman said:
I want that dog in the avy
Click to expand...
I come to post a thought provoking response and but im utterly distracted with your picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head :O :p
 
A

arwen83

Guest
#12
#12
I have standards (or preferences as I would rather call them), but they are not perfection. Some preferences I am willing on wavering, some I am not.

If the preferences that I not willing on wavering are causing my singleness, so be it. Those are attached to deep personal values and standards that I set for myself.

In other words, I rather be single then settle for someone that is against those important preferences. Because I could see it causing a conflict in the relationship down the road, if we're too divided on our values, and what I truly want in a man.
 
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Powemm

Guest
#13
#13
Sorry but me "NOT" having standards? got my
Sternum broke .. So I can tell you, don't go that way..
 
A

arwen83

Guest
#14
#14
Powemm said:
Sorry but me "NOT" having standards? got my
Sternum broke .. So I can tell you, don't go that way..
Click to expand...
Just so you're clear, Powemm, I'm liking your advice, not that you had your sternum broken :s
 
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arwen83

Guest
#15
#15
*Hears echos of Ugly's reply* "There's is no such thing as soulmates, it's a pagan belief". Beat you to it, Ugly! HA! :p
 
R

Relena7

Guest
#16
#16
GeorgeGordon said:
I think that part of the reason no one is able to find an appropriate boyfriend/girlfriend has to do with judgement.
If you believe that there are no good christian men left, you are right, but there never were any good christian men to begin with... this is because the word "good" is a description of an attribute of God, who is perfect. So there are no good men becomes there are no perfect men...
I can't believe that people would be so concerned with "soul mates" the perfect boy or girlfriend or something like that.. these are ideas that are false, don't exist and ultimately lead to disappointment.
Relationships that are perfect don't exist, people who are perfect don't exist (except one in Christ)
The problem with finding no suitable men or women is not the problem of legions of men or women, it is your problem.
What do you think?
Click to expand...
Having standards is nothing to be ashamed of. As long as they are realistic ones, it's a good idea.

What people really mean when they say they want to find their "perfect" mate is not a literal perfect person with 0 flaws. No. That is impossible.
What they really mean is they want to find someone who has faults that are compatible with their own faults.

This isn't judgmental in the way that judging someone you know nothing about is judgmental. It's more like evaluating how the two of you will do at tolerating each other in the long run, and you pick up clues as you slowly get to know them (at least it has been this way for me). This is something that people should take seriously.

I don't believe in trying to change other people. The better alternative is to find someone that YOU can tolerate (and still be able to see the good in them) on one of their worst days. If you pass, then congrats! You've got your *soul mate.



*Replace with whatever term you prefer to use for person that clicks well with you on a deeper unexplainable level for a season and/or for life. :p
 
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FireWire

Guest
#17
#17
Everybody has faults. There is no perfect person for anybody because something about them is going to drive you to madness.

People need to learn to love unconditionally. This can only be done by the grace of God.

This whole thing about I want this or that or I can't tolerate this or that is really annoying. Either learn to love another person unconditionally if you want to get married or forsake it altogether.
 
error

error

Senior Member
#18
Oct 23, 2009
1,244
10
38
#18
arwen83 said:
*Hears echos of Ugly's reply* "There's is no such thing as soulmates, it's a pagan belief". Beat you to it, Ugly! HA! :p
Click to expand...
bahahaaaaaaaaaa.
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#19
#19
arwen83 said:
I have standards (or preferences as I would rather call them), but they are not perfection. Some preferences I am willing on wavering, some I am not.

If the preferences that I not willing on wavering are causing my singleness, so be it. Those are attached to deep personal values and standards that I set for myself.

In other words, I rather be single then settle for someone that is against those important preferences. Because I could see it causing a conflict in the relationship down the road, if we're too divided on our values, and what I truly want in a man.
Click to expand...
That's a really wise way to put it I think. I never liked the word "Standards" myself. Putting it like that kind of implies that if a person doesn't meet your "Standards" then they are somehow lesser than you and not a person that has a good enough level of value. Sometimes a person just isn't my cup of tea and I can't see myself hanging out with them or doing anything remotely boyfriend/girlfriend like with them......doesn't mean that I'm too good for them or they are a lesser person.

On an unrelated note, did you ever finish that essay that you seemed to be working on for like 2 months straight?
 
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arwen83

Guest
#20
#20
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