-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
So what you're telling me is that you're 22 and you've been 'married in heart' (whatever that means) for 6 years?
So if we break it down, you moved in with some guy at age 16 and that makes you married? I don't even know how anyone is able to make a rational decision about something as important as 'marriage' (much less fully understand what it means) at age 16.
You can choose to call it whatever you want, but the fact remains that if you are living with someone you're in a romantic relationship with, and living as though married (as in having sexual encounters with that person) and you are not 'LEGALLY' married, then I'm sorry you are not married at all...you're just living in sin. '
In terms of legal rights and such, yes unfortunately the sad fact is that our world has degraded the institution of marriage (which, might I add was instituted by God himself)...don't believe me, read the bible. Anyway, back on topic, yes it's tragic nowadays de-facto couples/civil unions/ whatever you want to call them have the same 'rights' as legally married couples. That's because the world has distorted the meaning of marriage. However, have you ever heard the saying 'two wrongs don't make a right?"...well just because the world says 'sure it's okay to live together, sleep together and not get married'....doesn't mean it is. So actually legally it makes not an ounce of difference (to the rights you have if the relationship fails), it does however makes a HUGE difference to God.
Your original post referred to how God views this 'marriage in heart' thing (honestly- I've never heard that term before- was it made up on this thread?) well if you read your bible, you'll have your answer.
The thing is, if you're a Christian and you love God, you make choices accordingly. You make sacrifices and do things differently. Things the world might consider weird or out dated. Why? Because you love God, and as your relationship deepens with Him, so does your desire to want to do what is right, what is holy and pleasing to Him. You do not want to be conformed to the ways of the world. Romans 12:2. As Christians, we are called to be the LIGHT of the world. That point of difference that makes people take notice.
The world sees Christianity as this list of rules of do's and don'ts but that's simply not the case. We aren't bound by rules and laws, we live under a grace and we have free-will, but because we know this, understand it, value it and LOVE our God, we choose to remove the junk from our lives. We willingly choose to rid our lives of worldly values and replace them with Godly ones. We have to realise it's not about us, it's all about God. While we do have free-will, we use that will (freely) to make God-honouring choices in our lives.
I do not mean to upset you, nor do I profess to assume what you believe about faith or Christianity, but I hope this has given you some insight into things. I encourage you to take the time to evaluate your situation. Seek God earnestly, allow Him to speak to you. When He does, don't be afraid to answer His call. His answer may not be what you want to hear, and it might seem a tough choice to make, but it will be the right one. God doesn't always give us what we want...why? Because most of the time what we think we want, is the complete wrong thing for us, and He knows this! If you step out in faith and place your trust in Him (and it's by no means an easy task) you will see Him move mountains in your life! I guarantee it.
If you get the chance, please read the following scriptures (I already mentioned Romans 12:2) but also check out:
Matthew 5:13, Matthew 16:26, Jeremiah 29:11, Joshua 1:9, Deuteronomy 31:6 and James 4:17
Blessings.
So if we break it down, you moved in with some guy at age 16 and that makes you married? I don't even know how anyone is able to make a rational decision about something as important as 'marriage' (much less fully understand what it means) at age 16.
You can choose to call it whatever you want, but the fact remains that if you are living with someone you're in a romantic relationship with, and living as though married (as in having sexual encounters with that person) and you are not 'LEGALLY' married, then I'm sorry you are not married at all...you're just living in sin. '
In terms of legal rights and such, yes unfortunately the sad fact is that our world has degraded the institution of marriage (which, might I add was instituted by God himself)...don't believe me, read the bible. Anyway, back on topic, yes it's tragic nowadays de-facto couples/civil unions/ whatever you want to call them have the same 'rights' as legally married couples. That's because the world has distorted the meaning of marriage. However, have you ever heard the saying 'two wrongs don't make a right?"...well just because the world says 'sure it's okay to live together, sleep together and not get married'....doesn't mean it is. So actually legally it makes not an ounce of difference (to the rights you have if the relationship fails), it does however makes a HUGE difference to God.
Your original post referred to how God views this 'marriage in heart' thing (honestly- I've never heard that term before- was it made up on this thread?) well if you read your bible, you'll have your answer.
The thing is, if you're a Christian and you love God, you make choices accordingly. You make sacrifices and do things differently. Things the world might consider weird or out dated. Why? Because you love God, and as your relationship deepens with Him, so does your desire to want to do what is right, what is holy and pleasing to Him. You do not want to be conformed to the ways of the world. Romans 12:2. As Christians, we are called to be the LIGHT of the world. That point of difference that makes people take notice.
The world sees Christianity as this list of rules of do's and don'ts but that's simply not the case. We aren't bound by rules and laws, we live under a grace and we have free-will, but because we know this, understand it, value it and LOVE our God, we choose to remove the junk from our lives. We willingly choose to rid our lives of worldly values and replace them with Godly ones. We have to realise it's not about us, it's all about God. While we do have free-will, we use that will (freely) to make God-honouring choices in our lives.
I do not mean to upset you, nor do I profess to assume what you believe about faith or Christianity, but I hope this has given you some insight into things. I encourage you to take the time to evaluate your situation. Seek God earnestly, allow Him to speak to you. When He does, don't be afraid to answer His call. His answer may not be what you want to hear, and it might seem a tough choice to make, but it will be the right one. God doesn't always give us what we want...why? Because most of the time what we think we want, is the complete wrong thing for us, and He knows this! If you step out in faith and place your trust in Him (and it's by no means an easy task) you will see Him move mountains in your life! I guarantee it.
If you get the chance, please read the following scriptures (I already mentioned Romans 12:2) but also check out:
Matthew 5:13, Matthew 16:26, Jeremiah 29:11, Joshua 1:9, Deuteronomy 31:6 and James 4:17
Blessings.
Last edited:
K
I feel like my first post in this thread said everything perfectly. I do not understand what is so hard to grasp about this concept. I always said that I was not LEGALLY married. I realize the difference. Legally, there are benefits to getting married. You and your partner can share the same insurance, etc... I'm not going to waste time talking about that. What I meant right from the start is that the rules/laws this earth makes up and invents, have little to nothing to do with God and His will. I believe He absolutely would recognize the love you have with your partner, (despite making it legal in a worldly sense) and He would acknowledge your "spiritual marriage". There is a big difference between spirituality and the legal system.
K
^^ you are saying that God does not recognize love unless it's done legally in a court system? Lol.
EDIT
Marriage is an abstract thought. It's a state of mind. Not everyone that marries in a church or in a courtroom is ACTUALLY married. Understand my point? It's entirely where you heart and mind is at. 2 could marry in a church, but if the love is a lie, it's not a real marriage. 2 could never legally become married. But if the feelings are real, among other things, it's real.
EDIT
Marriage is an abstract thought. It's a state of mind. Not everyone that marries in a church or in a courtroom is ACTUALLY married. Understand my point? It's entirely where you heart and mind is at. 2 could marry in a church, but if the love is a lie, it's not a real marriage. 2 could never legally become married. But if the feelings are real, among other things, it's real.
Ummm okay. I gotta say I'm a little confused. Your post implies that the institution of marriage is a man-made law or a rule made up by the world and therefore of no significance?
My post said the exact opposite of that. The reason it's so important to get married is because it's a God-ordained institution. The bible is VERY clear about Gods views on marriage and what is/isn't acceptable in Gods eyes.
Clearly you've not read my post at all, or you have, and are just choosing to twist my words. That's fine. You have made up your own mind.
However one point you have made, which I must touch on:
Yes, there is a difference between worldy unions and Godly marriages. Many non-Christians get 'legally' married and theres no sign of God anywhere in their relationship. But they still 'get married'. If you are in a committed relationship, let me ask you this...what's the big deal about getting married? Why are you so against it?
If you are Christian and you believe God's word then you must get married. You don't just agree together with one another and say 'oh let's agree we're married' ok-cool' and leave it at that. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work that way. If it did, then your post above would be null and void, because that kind of relationship is no different to the worlds view and you've just told me there's a difference between the worldly view and the spiritual view of marriage.
I realise this argument actually has nothing to do with the legal system, I only touched on it in my last post because you mentioned it. I wanted to clarify that legality has nothing to do with it. God wants us to get married. We're instructed to. NOWHERE in the bible do you see people just saying 'Oh by the way God, we decided we're married now, ok?'.
Does anyone say 'Ok God, we're baptised now' and then just stand there? No! There is a symbolic meaning to the ceremony, just as there is with marriage. You're making a public confession before God and before other people, it has meaning. It's also an accountability thing.
I'm not gonna sit here and banter back and forth with you about this, but your posts are very contradictory, thus making your argument extremely weak.
If you have a true understanding and knowledge of God's word, you would recognise this, or perhaps you do but are just struggling with the battle of self (wanting what you want as opposed to letting go of those things and allowing God to show you what HE wants). If that's the case, I really encourage you to surrender it over to God.
Anyway, I'm not here to fight. Have a good day.
My post said the exact opposite of that. The reason it's so important to get married is because it's a God-ordained institution. The bible is VERY clear about Gods views on marriage and what is/isn't acceptable in Gods eyes.
Clearly you've not read my post at all, or you have, and are just choosing to twist my words. That's fine. You have made up your own mind.
However one point you have made, which I must touch on:
Yes, there is a difference between worldy unions and Godly marriages. Many non-Christians get 'legally' married and theres no sign of God anywhere in their relationship. But they still 'get married'. If you are in a committed relationship, let me ask you this...what's the big deal about getting married? Why are you so against it?
If you are Christian and you believe God's word then you must get married. You don't just agree together with one another and say 'oh let's agree we're married' ok-cool' and leave it at that. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work that way. If it did, then your post above would be null and void, because that kind of relationship is no different to the worlds view and you've just told me there's a difference between the worldly view and the spiritual view of marriage.
I realise this argument actually has nothing to do with the legal system, I only touched on it in my last post because you mentioned it. I wanted to clarify that legality has nothing to do with it. God wants us to get married. We're instructed to. NOWHERE in the bible do you see people just saying 'Oh by the way God, we decided we're married now, ok?'.
Does anyone say 'Ok God, we're baptised now' and then just stand there? No! There is a symbolic meaning to the ceremony, just as there is with marriage. You're making a public confession before God and before other people, it has meaning. It's also an accountability thing.
I'm not gonna sit here and banter back and forth with you about this, but your posts are very contradictory, thus making your argument extremely weak.
If you have a true understanding and knowledge of God's word, you would recognise this, or perhaps you do but are just struggling with the battle of self (wanting what you want as opposed to letting go of those things and allowing God to show you what HE wants). If that's the case, I really encourage you to surrender it over to God.
Anyway, I'm not here to fight. Have a good day.
Now THIS is an interesting point.
I was married for 7 years. Turns out the guy I married was a total jerk and not who he said he was. I stood at the alter and made my public confession of undying love to him and I MEANT IT!
I vowed to love him, honour him, cherish him and all of that, and I MEANT IT. I LOVED HIM!
Before my God, my family and friends, those I love most in this world, I made this public declaration of commitment. Only to have him rip my heart out years later.
Now, are you saying because our relationship failed (because he choose infidelity, affairs, pornography, emotional abuse etc) over loving me, that we 'weren't actually married'. I beg to differ! We were married alright, he just didn't value it. Years down the track he tells me he never loved me and he 'never should have/wanted to marry me'. I'm left there saying 'well, um WHY DID YOU ASK ME TO MARRY YOU?'.
Sure, my experience of marriage was less than stellar, and was certainly NOT the kind of marriage God intended for me to have, but I was still married. Sure, he lied to me, and I fell for it. My heart was in the right place though... it was REAL for me. I meant every word of my vows, and let me tell you if we wanna get all super-spiritual about it, there were many times during the marriage where (according to the bible) I could have walked out on that relationship, but I didn't. Why? Because I loved him, I WANTED it to work. I valued the commitment we had made to one another.
Sadly, you cannot make someone do something they don't want to do. There are people out there who will do whatever please them (and give into their selfish desires) with no regard to the feelings of others. My heart was crushed, but I can move on from that.
I see your point about state of mind. Everything is a 'state of mind'.. we have to make conscious choices daily about numerous things, often having to do things we'd rather not do. But we still do them, and they're still 'real things'. I made a conscious choice to stay in that relationship, but there comes a point where when a person says 'I don't want you anymore, there's the door - get out of my life' you kinda realise, it's not up to you anymore.
Yes, I look back and say that he lied to me. My marriage was based on a lie.. but it was still a real marriage, just not one set on the right foundations.
Last edited:
K
I never said I had a problem with marriage. I don't have a problem with it at all, actually. And I plan on getting married. We are just choosing not to until....26 I believe it is? that's when we would be officially off of our parents insurance (which is a great plan). We are in school and just don't see the rush. We already feel married anyway and we do not cheat or anything. We have a great relationship.
Look at what you said in paragraph 8. I quote "Does anyone say 'Ok God, we're baptised now' and then just stand there? No! There is a SYMBOLIC meaning to the ceremony, just as there is with marriage..."
You just admitted the symbolism in the whole thing, yet when I am admitting and realizing that it's symbolic, you attack me. I'm just cutting out the symbolism in it. In the same sense, I don't think you actually HAVE to be baptised. Catholics think you do. But I believe that if you are a good christian and believe God's teachings, love him, and everything else, you will get into heaven. Even if you were never baptised. Baptism is PURELY a symbolic thing. It's not necessary. I understand what The Bible says about marriage. I don't think The Bible is 100% literal either. I understand the beauty of marriage. But that beauty is made up between these two people. It's not done by anyone else. Just these two people with God. I don't believe that is living in sin at all. All of a sudden, you marry, and now you are not living in sin? That doesn't make any sense. It IS, as you admitted, a symbolic thing. It has meaning only in a sentimental and emotional way (again, lest you are talking legal). Marriage is a union you make within your soul, heart, mind, and body. You don't need anyone else but God for that.
I mean, another example is church. I don't believe you HAVE to go to be a great christian. I would question why you wouldn't want to go, but God is understanding. If you are handicapped and you cannot get to church, who cares? You pray. And that is all that matters. You have a relationship with God. You don't need to be in some building to prove your love for God. You either love him or you don't. He knows.
Sorry, I tried to add this to my last post, but my timeframe for editing has expired...
My point is.. Marriage is real, whether or not the people lie to each other?
If I wasn't married, and went out tomorrow and slept with a guy, then said... ' oh you know what, my heart wasn't really in that' does that make it okay? Does that mean I 'never actually slept' with him?
NO! Of course not. But that's what you're saying with this ludicrous argument. A marriage is real if people stand up and make their vows to one another. If they don't adhere to those vows, or honour that commitment, well that's a shame, and a lot of people end up very hurt, but it doesn't make that marriage any less 'real'. Get my point?
I have heard many say that we are to abide by the laws of the land. However, I say to you that one should only do so if it does not cause them to be disobedient to God.
Think of those that preach the gospel in countries where it is not legal to do so. Are they in error or in obedience by going out and preaching the gospel to every creature? Does God not honor the blood of these that are martyred for the sake of the word of God?
Do not say then that we are to obey every law of the land. Didn't the three Hebrew boys break the laws of the land by not bowing to foreign gods? Did God not honor their obedience in this?
Just some things for us all to consider.
Think of those that preach the gospel in countries where it is not legal to do so. Are they in error or in obedience by going out and preaching the gospel to every creature? Does God not honor the blood of these that are martyred for the sake of the word of God?
Do not say then that we are to obey every law of the land. Didn't the three Hebrew boys break the laws of the land by not bowing to foreign gods? Did God not honor their obedience in this?
Just some things for us all to consider.