An Unfaithful Wife

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J

J-Kay

Guest
#21
This is from Hosea and Gomer.... She was unfaithful to Hosea. Hosea is
Israel and Gods love and forgiveness to an unfaithful nation....however
it can be used for us today. This is just a little from a Blog. I am posting
it, but will bring the link to you to read the entire teaching. God bless you.

From Hosea and Gomer:
Sometimes it’s just the little slights and daily agitations that need forgiveness, the occasional sharp word or angry accusation. But we harbor it, let it eat at us, and build up bitterness and resentment which erodes our relationship. Maybe it’s a major offense, like Gomer’s, and we can never forget it. We stew on it and fret over it, and we keep bringing it up in a subconscious attempt to punish our mates for the hurts we have suffered. We try to forgive, but a few days later it’s right there again, preying on our consciousness. Big wounds sometimes take longer to heal. They will come back to our minds. There is no way to avoid it. But every time they do, we must first remind ourselves that we really did forgive, then rehearse how much God has forgiven us, then ask Him to take the destructive, unforgiving thoughts out of our minds.
Forgiveness does not necessarily mean that we must suffer in silence. The need for open and honest communication would demand that we share what we think and how we feel, what the wrong has done to us, and how our mates can help us get over it. God tells us how much our sin grieves Him. Gomer certainly knew how her affairs were tearing at Hosea’s heart. What we say must be said lovingly and kindly, but we have both the need and the obligation to share what is on our hearts.
Neither does forgiveness necessarily mean we cannot take positive steps to guard against the sin recurring. That might require some extended counseling; it might demand an honest reappraisal of our personalities or habit patterns; it might mean a change in our life-style or a relocation. God takes positive steps to help us want to please Him. That is what divine discipline is all about. We do not discipline each other, but we can discuss steps that will help us avoid these same pitfalls in the future.
Forgiveness does mean, however, that we will pay for the other person’s offenses. We will refuse to retaliate in any way to make the guilty person pay. We will absolve him of all guilt. God can use that forgiving love to melt hardened hearts and change callused lives quicker than anything else in this whole wide world. That is the lesson of Hosea and Gomer, the lesson of forgiveness. God’s love and forgiveness pervade Hosea’s entire prophecy. Please do not misunderstand it. God hates sin; it grieves His heart; He cannot condone it; His perfect righteousness and justice demand that He deal with it. But He still loves sinners and diligently seeks them out and offers them His loving forgiveness.


Undying Love— The Story of Hosea and Gomer | Bible.org - Worlds Largest Bible Study Site ( This will take you to beginning)
 
J

J-Kay

Guest
#22

yac11

Senior Member
Mar 24, 2013
580
19
18
#23
I didn't actually get custody of the children - I lost my job with 40 other employees last September when the company went bankrupt and then retired in November. Prior to September she had been looking after them during the week and I looked after them at the weekend from Friday 5pm to Monday 7.30am. She was able to work shifts at the weekend. It was in August she first told me that she wanted to send them to the Philippines for a year. She was having trouble with controlling the boys on her own. I tried to instill some discipline in them so they were not too much to handle for her but I was not there to reinforce my authority as it were. My analysis is she couldn't control them and wanted a get out of the situation. So when our eldest son had a Transition meeting at his school in September (he was moving from a special school back to his old school nearer to me) I decided to front up and oppose the suggested Philippine solution. She was so surporised to see me there and at the end of the meeting a form was sent round the table of the 15 parents or so and it came to me before her. So I filled in the details of the school he had been at before and she was furious! Out of the meeting she was swearing and carrying on and saying heatedly that she might as well go to the Philippines herself. Remember that this was before my unemployment/retirement was known about. But my unexpected unemployment followed quickly by retirement offered a better solution - I look after them 24/7! She gets out of jail and I have to be mother and father all the time. It is an agreement that I have no option but to accept.
Last year she claimed she had never loved me. I said you can learn to love me. Love is a choice. I believe she sees our relationship in terms of how much money she can make out of it, hence the immediate running off to prostitution as soon as we had that funds problem in April 2011. She was in effect saying to me, "Take that!" ie payback.
I pray frequently for her and her welfare but I am not intending to remain single for the rest of my life.
Dear Father,

We pray that as Kenny comes to you in prayer that you give him clarity to understand who needs his love. That it's the children who are the real victims in a troubled marriage. They suffer because the parents are too busy trying to fix what has been damaged for years. Please give Kenny clarity and wisdom to teach his sons how to walk in your love, even after heartbreak.

In Jesus name Amen.
 
J

J-Kay

Guest
#24
Please check my introduction to get my brief background.


My wife was unfaithful to me in April 2011.
I was giving her $100 per week and she was sending much of that to the Philippines for her younger sister to learn a skill and be able to find work as a qualified nurse.
I was self employed and I had to pay my own tax and found that, due to some reduction in my work areas, I was finding it difficult to pay both my quarterly tax bill and my Mastercard Bill. So I discussed my situation with my wife and informed her that I would have to temporarily stop the $100 until I was back to normal working scenario.
She, unknown to me, went out and did some prostitution and followed that with having a boyfriend and bringing a sexually transmitted disease into the house and infecting me. Of course I had noticed her strange behaviour and was concerned.
I now have full care of both the children after she told me last year she wanted to send them to the Philippines for a year.
Many many things have happened since then but fairly recently I invited her to church and informed my pastor who knows the full story. She attended on three occasions.
This is my concern. I had expected someone in the church to be able to speak to her as a friend/concerned member/pastors wife/elder/helper and say lovingly something along the lines of, "....I see you are attending church which is great but you are still separated from your family. Is there anything I might be able to do to help you?"

Do you see my desire to have my wife back in the family and my desire to see just one church official/friend do something to assist? Is it unreasonable to want to have my wife back in the family and being the mother of her two sons? Can the church members not bring themselves to assist me when my wife turns up there three times?
Isn't it Satan who wants to destroy the family? Should Satan not be resisted?
Should I not expect any help from the church I attend to try to rebuild a bridge?
Personally I think she came there hoping for some loving person to have a meaningful chat with her but she was bady disappointed. Now she has not responded to my last couple of invites.
Perhaps I should change churches.
Please go to page 2 for the Hosea and Gomer.
 

yac11

Senior Member
Mar 24, 2013
580
19
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#25
S

silverdollar

Guest
#26
she just went out and became a prostitute.
i wouldn't have this woman back.
that's just my thought on it.
i dont even date any more since i became a christian i found out the girls cant be trusted.
 
J

jerusalem

Guest
#27
many times the hurts that we recieve or the neglects we percieve drive people away from the church and sometimes away from God.....have you asked for assistance with this.....if not others may not want to interfere or intrude thinking it none of their business and assuming if you want the help you will ask. if you have asked and still you recieve no help it may be time to consider moving to another congregation. either way keep your eyes on Jesus for the answer to your problems. He always has the answers.
 
May 9, 2012
1,514
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#28
she just went out and became a prostitute.
i wouldn't have this woman back.
that's just my thought on it.
i dont even date any more since i became a christian i found out the girls cant be trusted.
Awwwww, it's saddening you feel this way. I know you how you feel though. I used to have a hard time trusting men who had this habit of hurting me...BUT, we are all human and prone to fail sometimes :) I have learned that since I am to put my trust in Christ, he will entrust my life to people he KNOWS I can trust. I am sorry you have been hurt though. Since I have learned though, not all men are not in a position to not be trusted. There are some men and women in general worthy to be trusted :) I can most certainly understand where you come from though. "My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness."
 
S

silverdollar

Guest
#29
Awwwww, it's saddening you feel this way. I know you how you feel though. I used to have a hard time trusting men who had this habit of hurting me...BUT, we are all human and prone to fail sometimes :) I have learned that since I am to put my trust in Christ, he will entrust my life to people he KNOWS I can trust. I am sorry you have been hurt though. Since I have learned though, not all men are not in a position to not be trusted. There are some men and women in general worthy to be trusted :) I can most certainly understand where you come from though. "My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness."
hi i haven't met any christian girls yet.
that's why i don't date the girls like i used to. they're all txtg and wanting to hook up
for a while i did but it turned out bad and i did stuff i felt bad about after. like concerning the Lord.

i dont like it when they ask for my number anymore.
old girlfriends still trying to get to me.
just drama, i dont care for it.
they're okay girls, but i dont like all tht anymore.
 
May 17, 2013
175
1
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#30
she just went out and became a prostitute.
i wouldn't have this woman back.
that's just my thought on it.
i dont even date any more since i became a christian i found out the girls cant be trusted.
This is a lonely, harsh place to be, and the only thing that seems to help is being proved wrong; that there actually ARE some girls out there who think the way you do about things and see all the little instances of malice and spite and manipulation that go undetected to a lot of people or that society says is okay. It's tough being an idealist and I totally understand it; some of us are made for a different time, but if we weren't here then the people around us would never have a vision instilled toward something new.

If you'd like to talk, I certainly might be able to offer some insight. Do yourself a favour though, spend time out engaging the world on a casual basis and enjoy the fresh air. Don't think too much and don't stay in too much. If you're anything like me, you cease to exist after a while and go into hyper-analytic mode.
 
S

silverdollar

Guest
#31
This is a lonely, harsh place to be, and the only thing that seems to help is being proved wrong; that there actually ARE some girls out there who think the way you do about things and see all the little instances of malice and spite and manipulation that go undetected to a lot of people or that society says is okay. It's tough being an idealist and I totally understand it; some of us are made for a different time, but if we weren't here then the people around us would never have a vision instilled toward something new.

If you'd like to talk, I certainly might be able to offer some insight. Do yourself a favour though, spend time out engaging the world on a casual basis and enjoy the fresh air. Don't think too much and don't stay in too much. If you're anything like me, you cease to exist after a while and go into hyper-analytic mode.
i'm doing okay, i work a lot and have lots of hobbies.
i'm not too bad off that way, but i dont trust any girls ive met especially lately.
even one from work i thought would be okay, but she like showed up at my place at night.
i dont like the games they play at all.

i know there will be a good woman someday who is normal, even not a christian just
like a girl that hasnt already slept with a million guys or whatever.
thanks man
 
May 9, 2012
1,514
25
0
#32
hi i haven't met any christian girls yet.
that's why i don't date the girls like i used to. they're all txtg and wanting to hook up
for a while i did but it turned out bad and i did stuff i felt bad about after. like concerning the Lord.

i dont like it when they ask for my number anymore.
old girlfriends still trying to get to me.
just drama, i dont care for it.
they're okay girls, but i dont like all tht anymore.
I trust that God will put the right woman (not a girl) in your path that will help you understand we are not as cruel :)
 

yac11

Senior Member
Mar 24, 2013
580
19
18
#33
Awwwww, it's saddening you feel this way. I know you how you feel though. I used to have a hard time trusting men who had this habit of hurting me...BUT, we are all human and prone to fail sometimes :) I have learned that since I am to put my trust in Christ, he will entrust my life to people he KNOWS I can trust. I am sorry you have been hurt though. Since I have learned though, not all men are not in a position to not be trusted. There are some men and women in general worthy to be trusted :) I can most certainly understand where you come from though. "My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness."
I apologize for being harsh but I think your response to another just derailed the thread. I know you don't appreciate those that derail as I have seem some of your posts. I think we need to get back to the individual who started the thread, thank you. :)
 
S

silverdollar

Guest
#34
I trust that God will put the right woman (not a girl) in your path that will help you understand we are not as cruel :)
thanks. im not in a big rush right now. i feel like i need time to focus on my work and my life
as a christian. sometime the right woman will be there.
i have two homes and all the things i need for a family but i dont want any of the things like
i read on here. i just want a clean woman who wants to have some kids and a good life
 
May 17, 2013
175
1
0
#35
thanks. im not in a big rush right now. i feel like i need time to focus on my work and my life
as a christian. sometime the right woman will be there.
i have two homes and all the things i need for a family but i dont want any of the things like
i read on here. i just want a clean woman who wants to have some kids and a good life
And that's exactly why you'll find her. I respect you. You're all set for marriage financially and mentally and you're willing to wait for someone who thinks just like you do. That's a fantastic notion. Well done.
 
S

silverdollar

Guest
#36
I apologize for being harsh but I think your response to another just derailed the thread. I know you don't appreciate those that derail as I have seem some of your posts. I think we need to get back to the individual who started the thread, thank you. :)
im sorry about that.
 

Lucy68

Senior Member
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#37
We can be disappointed in the lack of spiritual help by some church leadership. Some church leaders can be great at Bible lessons but not have great people skills. Maybe a Christian counselor would be more help?

I admire your determination to save your marriage and the forgiveness you have for you wife! God honors this type of behavior and attitude :). Just look at the OT story of Hosea and Gomer.

Since she went to church with you, I think she is open to God's leading. If you don't see any support or help coming from your present church then visit around. There's no rule that we have to attend just one church; although we will definitely be pressured into it. If you leave your church, make sure you leave on good terms. She may find a group of mature Christian women that could guide her.

But still, your marriage should be led mainly by the Holy Spirit...and you both seeking Christ together will provide the BEST help.
 
Mar 15, 2013
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#38
This is a link to an awesome teaching of Hosea and Gomer. She was an unfaithful wife.
The book of Hosea is intended to teach us what being unfaithful is as a Country and God
but also used for a 'husband and wife' relationship... Awesome love for his unfaithful wife.
God Bless...
Undying Love— The Story of Hosea and Gomer | Bible.org - Worlds Largest Bible Study Site
You should be able to click on link.
That was a picture of how long God endured with Israel and Jerusalem, but yet God is clearly shown in the scriptures to have divorced her.

So what it proves is not that we cannot divorce, but that it had not better be before do everything possible to salvage our marriage.

But a harlot for a wife is not a wife that is trying to kill you. And when a man beats a woman up or a woman tries to poison her husband to collect on a life insurance policy, that is a totally different situation.

You must be reasonable as God is reasonable. I shudder to think that you see God as such a tyrant.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,166
1,797
113
#39
Kenny,

What does she say when you talk to her and tell her you want her to come back home?

My wife is from Asia, too. I think she'd rather starve than be a prostitute, but I can relate to the obligation to give in-laws money. Fortunately, the cost of living is much cheaper there. It can be difficult. Her loyalties are stretched between you and her side of the family, and she wanted to help her relative get through school. So I can understand that. But that's no excuse for prostitution or adultery.

Maybe you can discuss the financial issue with her. Maybe you should have 'kicked the can down the road' on the credit card bill to help her pay for her younger sister's education. If she graduates, that's one more person the family can call upon to ask for money. If you helped her get set up as a nurse in the US, then she'd have some real money to send back. Credit card debt is nothing to play with, but if you can make getting her siblings educated, that may mean less pressure on your wife to have money down the line. You can also get your wife set up with some kind of marketable job skill that she can do on and off-- maybe selling something in the flea market or farmer's market or something she could do from time to time when you are in a pinch.

If you get back together, you may need to monitor her friendships and encourage her to meet with better friends. There are a lot of God-fearing people from the Philippines around here. Maybe a visit to a Tagalong-speaking church would help her form friendships. If her friends are the ones getting her hooked up with prostitution or encouraging that to send money home, you don't want that. Moving to another city may also help.

You don't want your wife to be more loyal to her folks than to you. On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with your being a bit more collectivist and committing more to keep some help going to her family. It might be worth interest on a credit card for a month or two. You don't want to get into heavy credit card debt, but a little more commitment to her family's needs may take some of the pressure off of her and help keep her from temptation.

That's assuming she reconciles. You could mention upping your commitment to her family's needs when you talk of reconciliation.
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,888
613
113
#40
That was a picture of how long God endured with Israel and Jerusalem, but yet God is clearly shown in the scriptures to have divorced her.

So what it proves is not that we cannot divorce, but that it had not better be before do everything possible to salvage our marriage.

But a harlot for a wife is not a wife that is trying to kill you. And when a man beats a woman up or a woman tries to poison her husband to collect on a life insurance policy, that is a totally different situation.

You must be reasonable as God is reasonable. I shudder to think that you see God as such a tyrant.
I am just curious where do you get these thoughts from as this person is viewing God as a tyrant?