Massages

[rachelsedge]

I am pretty sure there was a thread about something similar to this a while back, but instead of resurrecting an ancient thread, I'm going to *gasp* make a new one!

A guy friend, after seeing me give one of my female friends a shoulder massage, asked me if I could give him a massage (which I said yes but then managed to steer the topic towards something else and it was forgotten and I didn't do it) but I didn't really want to because I think massages are personal and intimate. I'm also pretty reserved when it comes to touch in regards to the opposite gender.

However, I realize that not everyone thinks that way. My sister thought it would have been fine if I had given him a massage; no big deal for her.

Obviously, we have different opinions her and I, so I am coming to CC to see what your perspectives are on opposite-gender massages. Is it a big deal to you? Do you think it's okay or do you think that should be reserved for a relationship?

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

A proper massage from any sex should never feel sexual in any way. But I know many people who prefer same gender massages. I think there's a big difference in one you may give your spouse compared to one you'd get from a proffesional...but if it bugs you,stick with same gender...easy peasey.

 

[Shouryu]

Depends on the context. I went on an eight mile hike by the Hoh River in Olympic National Park today, and it wouldn't matter if it were Jeffery Tambor or Alice Eve were giving me a calf massage right now...there would be absolutely no sexual connotations involved whatsover.

That's NOT to say that sexual connotations are impossible. I don't blame you one bit for being cautious, and reality is, you don't have to massage anyone you don't want to, nor does anyone have to accept a massage from anyone they don't want to. If someone is uncomfortable, then they have a reason to feel so, and that should be honored.

 

[TigerScent777]

...I would say that you need to feel 'comfortable' with the person of the opposite sex; and possibly some kind of attraction on some level with them - to give them one, even if just an admiration as a friend...; otherwise 'don't do it' as a connection will occur on some level, as does with massage...

...saying that; I TOTALLY avoid being massaged by males as there is always an 'energy connection' that you feel, at least I am sensitive that way, and I just 'don't like it' with regards to males that way, having their hands all over me...I go 'out of my way' to be massaged by a nice woman who I feel some kind of rapport with, and feel balanced and quite good afterwards - In addition: I just don't like that 'gay element' that lurks around with a number of men these days - which is another reason...(I guess it must be different with women in general due to their feminine nature being massaged by each other tho...)

...the same goes with going to see a doctor if it involves errrrr...., other possible areas we wont elaborate on...I always see a female one...Its just more 'normal' and natural feeling - to me anyway ...

...the 'only exceptions' I make is when it comes to chinese massage...Some of those guys from China and Asia are phenomenal with regards to massage - acupressure etc techniques...

 

[Rose_of_tranquility]

Rachel, you can give me a neck massage anytime.

 

[Nautilus]

ahh the closeted homophobia is strong...

yeah massages are great, i get professional ones sometimes, and it could be a guy or girl doesnt matter. Personal ones I prefer from people i know. I dont really care who does it though getting a shoulder rub feels good either way.

 

[DuchessAimee]

For me, it depends on the person. There are some guys I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole because everything is sexual to them. But the same goes for women.


Here's what it comes down to. What are you comfortable with? If you don't want to touch a man you're not married to, then don't! I see absolutely nothing wrong with your preference.

 

[zeroturbulence]

It's not the massage that's sexual, its what comes after.












and yes that was a joke.

 

[SeatBelt]

I was once inclined to give the opposite of this answer, but that was me then, this is me now.

To address the issue in general, one should never engage in physical contact (giving or receiving) with a member of the opposite gender that they are not 100% comfortable with. PERIOD.
With specific regard to massaging: I can see potential for lots of loophole & grey area if one was to begin to try to define appropriate versus inappropriate beyond how comfortable one feels with the situation.
I think that a person's level of comfort is far from being a useful measure of what is appropriate, but do like the notion of asking oneself, "What would my spouse's mother feel if they walked in and saw this?"
I think this leaves only a very Puritanical amount of acceptable... but is still an imperfect measure.
I've been around a lot of sex addicts of both genders at my 12-step, and have learned how people Can think about some things...
Erring on the side of caution is not being a stumbling block to others, and saying no is a right that all should have.
Of all the people in my life right now, I don't think that I could currently name anyone, ANYONE, of the opposite gender that I think I would be completely ok with them giving me or me giving them a massage, because of the level of intimacy associated with it in my mind.
I don't judge anyone for having an answer different than mine, either. Though I do think that the motivation behind my answer is something worth considering.

I have a history of being a very affectionate person. Contrary to that, someday someone may judge me as being distant, based on a lack of intimate touch. It is my intention to not have much in the way of physical touch with a woman I am not married to. I have come to hope to someday have the opportunity to be very affectionate, to a spouse, but think that this will take some gradual warming up to.

and by now, I am probably rambling enough to have missed my point, but whaddaya expect when i just spent an hour asleep in my chair and now am foolishly attempting to respond to what i think is a serious thread, while teetering on falling back asleep.

 

[agirlandherguitar]

Honestly if I was lying on a bench naked with only a wee towel covering my butt and Sven McMuscleton walks in and says, "I WILL MAKE YOU LOOSE"... then yeah, I'd be pretty uncomfortable. BUT HEEEEYYY, that's just me.

When it's between friends I avoid it. One time during a camping trip almost the whole group joined in a shoulder massage conga line. I excluded myself because I didn't really want to get massaged in the dark by some guy in my bible study group.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Me and a girl I used to work with would give each other massages at work all the time. We weren't dating or fooling around. We are both just really touchy feely people. As long as your comfortable with it I don't see any harm

 

[Ritter]

Like punches and tickles and hugs there are many different kinds of massages.

Without use of graphic imagery, there are many different ways and...places to touch people.

 

[dashadow]

For me, it depends on the person. There are some guys I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole because everything is sexual to them. But the same goes for women.


Here's what it comes down to. What are you comfortable with? If you don't want to touch a man you're not married to, then don't! I see absolutely nothing wrong with your preference.

Couldn't agree more. Although, I wouldn't touch a guy with any type of pole.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

I think it would really depend on how comfortable i was with the guy. I try as a rule never to let strange men touch me.

I have no idea where this is going sooooooo.....

 

[Loveneverfails]

I don't think there's anything wrong with your preference, Rachel.
personally, I generally avoid opposite gender massages. I make exceptions for family or for a very select few of my male childhood buddies that maintain a sibling-like relationship with me.

I just prefer to avoid situations that could be a stumbling block or could give someone the wrong impression about my relationship with whomever I was massaging/receiving a massage from.

 

[MissCris]

I don't touch anyone, if at all possible. People are disgusting.

But for real, back before I got all married and whatnot, giving/getting massages from guy friends was a no-go for me. Massages release happy chemicals into the brain, and sometimes they make a person confused in regards to the person who caused the release of those chemicals...

Um. I wish I knew what I was talking about, so I could explain that.

To summarize: I've never felt comfortable with massages, period. I'll get outta here and stop messing up your thread now...

 

[TigerScent777]

Actually I rather enjoy a massage from a nice person of the opposite sex - in fact I would go so far as to say I rather 'encourage them' - so complimentary bio-energy polarity and balancing for ones health and general well-bee-ing

 

[TigerScent777]

Actually I enjoy a massage from a nice person of the opposite sex - in fact I would go so far as to say I rather 'encourage them'

(then there is the mutual response element)

 

[SeatBelt]

I don't touch anyone, if at all possible. People are disgusting.

But for real, back before I got all married and whatnot, giving/getting massages from guy friends was a no-go for me. Massages release happy chemicals into the brain, and sometimes they make a person confused in regards to the person who caused the release of those chemicals...

Um. I wish I knew what I was talking about, so I could explain that.

To summarize: I've never felt comfortable with massages, period. I'll get outta here and stop messing up your thread now...

This is SOOOOO spot on... now where's the Duchess with the sciencey words for us???

 

[SeatBelt]

Tiger, why's you gotta be peppering this with just a little bit of creep factor that makes me want to retract some pictures I posted?