My brother in Christ...i feel for you. I've been there...it's not easy. I've struggled with it for most of my life. It's hard to give up, 'coz when you're caught up in it, you feel this unspeakably pleasurable high. But once that high is gone...it leaves you feeling unspeakably damned...
When i first joined here at CC just a few months ago, it was one of the things i shared here. By my own will, i would never want to let anyone know about that past...i was deeply ashamed of it. I am a girl, after all...it's terrible how a sexually messed up girl is seen by those who wouldn't understand the struggle. It's so easy to be judged as a whore or nympho...i thought of myself that way for years. But GOD's Spirit compelled me to speak and share my testimony. HE has set me aflame, and i couldn't be silent for everything HE has done for me.
I started at a young age myself. 12 or 13. Out of boredom and curiosity. I lost my innocence then, and i never really cared 'coz i was caught up in enjoying the act. I was heavily addicted. Being non-Christian then, i felt no guilt nor shame.
But at 14, HE came into my life, in a night when my world came crashing down on me. Desperate and not knowing what to do, being blamed for the mess in the family...feeling so lost and weak, i prayed to GOD, who i barely believed in and doubted would listen and save me. But i had no choice...HE was my only recourse. And HE answered and took it all. I was changed that very night. Set free. All my burdens lifted. My heart sang HIS praises, and i loved HIM for the first time.
But i was an idiot. Thinking i would not fall, i tempted myself...and fell into this all-too familiar sin. I was sucked in again, and this time, it would not let go, it seemed...how could i choose bondage once again after HE set me free?
I felt so bad, so ashamed and guilty...the walls have risen up between HIM and me, it seemed. I couldn't go to HIM...i tired so hard! Whenever i prayed, i really didn't believe HE was forgiving me. I begged for cleansing, said i'll never do it again...but it was hopeless then, i thought. I just couldn't stop...so i stopped trying to pray. I moved even further away from GOD. Tried to fix myself up. But of course, i couldn't...
I wanted to just die...coupled with relationship issues, i was at my worst. Brokenhearted and empty, living seemed so pointless...but HE came and rescued me, once again. HE revived my spirit, and reminded me of my calling. To serve HIM. To reach out to the lost. To edify the brethren. HE took my eyes off of me, and helped set them upon HIM. Upon all that truly mattered.
Brother, don't be afraid to come to HIM and pray. HE is waiting for you. There are no walls separating you from HIM. That is the major lie that Satan is implanting in our heads every time we sin. SEEK HIM. It's the first thing you should do.
[h=3]Matthew 6:33[/h]King James Version (KJV)
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Now, when you seek HIM, cast aside everything else. Don't think of what you want or need to be done in you, just think of HIM. HIS attributes. HIS holiness. HIS righteousness. HIS goodness. HIS love. Set your eyes completely upon HIM, not your concerns. Everything else will follow. This first step has liberated me in ways i cannot describe. For when we look at ourselves and our concerns, it consumes us. What we keep thinking of consumes us. So think of HIM. Let HIM consume you. Let your everything acknowledge that HE is GOD. Your GOD. Praise and worship HIM with your all!
If you are having a struggle with faith, thinking you don't have enough or have so little, ask HIM for faith. Don't think that you have to muster it, or be the one who increases it. No, that is another thing you have to know. I have struggled before 'coz i thought i couldn't have enough faith to believe and trust in HIM and HIS Word. The truth is, it is HIM who enables us to have faith. It is a gift from GOD. Here is a link to understanding Faith. It has helped me a lot, so read it and be blessed as i was
Faith...a gift from God and not something generated by people
If you question your worth before GOD, tainting your ability to have confidence that HIS promises for freedom from this sin is applicable to you, i want to share to you this chapter that has destroyed the lies that has imprisoned me for so long. After asking for faith to enable you to believe, read this chapter slowly and prayerfully. By GOD's grace, i pray that you will see just how much GOD loves you and has set you free from sin and death when you placed your life in HIS hands.
[h=3]Romans 8[/h]King James Version (KJV)
8 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.
3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh:
4 That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
5 For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.
6 For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.
7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.
8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.
9 But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.
10 And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.
11 But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you.
12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh.
13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.
14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.
15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:
17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.
18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
19 For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God.
20 For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope,
21 Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.
22 For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now.
23 And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body.
24 For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?
25 But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.
26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.
30 Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.
34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Dear brother in Christ, HE has set you free. HE wants you to surrender it all to HIM. HE loves you, and longs to have a deep relationship with you. Don't be afraid. Once you embrace HIS Word and HIS truth, this struggle will be as nothing! And when your heart is broken in awe of HIM, you will say in your heart that you love HIM so much! And that love will keep you from falling away. Draw near to HIM. Abide in HIM. Pray without ceasing. Desire HIM and HIS righteousness. HE is so faithful, and more than able to break all your present bondages. I will pray for you here, continually. GOD bless you, my brother in Christ!!
<span id="en-KJV-28156" class="text Rom-8-39"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><font size="2">[video=youtube;_2nBOGA6X2g]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2nBOGA6X2g[/video]
