HELP PLEASE!!

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
S

Sunflower

Guest
#1
#1
I will try yo keep this short :)

I have been married for 16 years we have 3 children ages 16, 11, and 2. I ask my husband to leave 2 days ago. I have lived with domestic violence the entire 16 years. Most of the abuse was emotional some physical some sexual. After 16 years I just could not take it anymore. He agrees that he should be gone right now and being very compliant.
I have 4 very very wonderful christian friends and 1 set of our friends has taken him in. I have been given very wonderful advice the thing is as bad as this is going to sound I am so sick of hearing how God can fix this God fixed my marriage he can do anything. Just get deeper in your bible study, get christian counseling, pray and through all this God can make you love him.

Am i wrong to be thinking I am so sick of hearing what God can do......is that bad?:confused:

I am a christian I am actually a leader in my church...........this news has blown away the few that know.

Help please tell me what you think!
 
C

CristenJ

Guest
#2
#2
I think...that after dealing with something like that for so long, it can be very difficult to keep hearing the same advice repeated over and over. What you've been wanting, I suspect, is for someone to tell you that it's ok to end the marriage and the abuse, that God would condone that.

I can't say what God would actually want you to do in this situation, aside from trusting in Him to take care of you. But I do believe that even if you've made the wrong choice in asking your husband to leave, God will forgive you for it.

God's forgiveness isn't a free pass for Christians (or anyone) to just do as they please and they'll say they're sorry later, but it's there for us when we falter. Or when something gets so bad we'll do anything to make it stop.

Maybe now that your husband is gone, you'll be able to figure out what the Lord wants you to do. I can only imagine how hard it must be to live in constant fear, and because of that, it has probably been difficult for you to make any kind of decision. It's probably been a lot of wondering, "Am I strong enough to leave? Am I strong enough to make him leave? Am I strong enough to stay and live like this?"

As a woman, I applaud you having the strength to stand up for yourself.
As a Christian, I'll be praying for you and hoping that God will show you the next step from here.

It may turn out that being separated from your husband for a while gives you both some breathing and thinking space. Just because you've asked him to leave doesn't mean that the marriage has to be over; you may be able to work it all out still, and probably better than if you are under the same roof, fighting.

I don't know if that helps.
 
S

Sunflower

Guest
#3
#3
Thank you very much for taking the time read and give your advice I appreciate it.
 
B

BLC

Banned
#4
Feb 28, 2009
711
4
0
#4
The cross of Christ does not represent God fixing man but rather represents death so that man can have a resurrection in a new life. We all have a history with our old nature. In that history there are many things that we conformed to in this present world system. You and your husband took on many different impressions from the world and they ended up as part of the makeup of your soul. How you think and respond to the details of life come from the makeup of your soul. That is why you may respond one way to a set of circumstances and your husband responds in another way and that produces a conflict. I am not saying who is right and who is wrong but I am saying that we respond differently because of the makeup of our souls and what we have been exposed to in this life.

There is no way that these things can be fixed and God is not interested in fixing them either. What He wants to do is to get you to realize that His plan is to crucify those things so that life can come forth out of death. Every Christian couple at some point in their marriage have to be crucified to one another so that they stop knowing each other in the flesh. Sometimes it gets downright ugly and fleshy and there is lots of finger pointing and all the rest of it. What God wants to do in the midst of the turmoil and conflict, is to bring a cross in the marriage. God wants to crucify the makeup of your soul and the makeup of your husbands soul so that you are crucified to each other. God doesn't want you to know him according to how he responds to you, or his failures and weaknesses. But he wants you to know your husband according to what God has made him to be as a new creature in Christ. That means that you walk by faith and stop treating him according to what he is like in his old nature and start treating him as a new creature in Christ. Your husband does the same with you. If he fails you give him grace and if you fail he gives you grace. You even treat him this way when his temperament is not right.

If your husband is a Christian, God is working in his life as He is working in yours. When God does a work of reconciliation in an individual or marriage He does it through a cross. To be reconciled to God we had to believe upon the death, burial and resurrection of Christ. And when we did God did not impute or hold us liable for our sins but rather crucified them to get them out of the way so He could have a relationship with us. If both parties of a marriage have no fellowship with God, He has to crucify that marriage and resurrect it with a new life. There needs to be cross in the marriage and not a fix. A fix is temporal but the cross is for good. Go before God and tell Him that you want the kind of reconciliation that comes through a cross. And you want that cross to work in your marriage and that you are available for whatever it crucifies in your life and the life of you husband. The only way you can do it is by faith and to trust Him with all your heart.
 
B

BLU

Banned
#5
Jul 26, 2009
153
0
0
#5
Sunflower said:
I will try yo keep this short :)

I have been married for 16 years we have 3 children ages 16, 11, and 2. I ask my husband to leave 2 days ago. I have lived with domestic violence the entire 16 years. Most of the abuse was emotional some physical some sexual. After 16 years I just could not take it anymore. He agrees that he should be gone right now and being very compliant.
I have 4 very very wonderful christian friends and 1 set of our friends has taken him in. I have been given very wonderful advice the thing is as bad as this is going to sound I am so sick of hearing how God can fix this God fixed my marriage he can do anything. Just get deeper in your bible study, get christian counseling, pray and through all this God can make you love him.

Am i wrong to be thinking I am so sick of hearing what God can do......is that bad?:confused:

I am a christian I am actually a leader in my church...........this news has blown away the few that know.

Help please tell me what you think!
Click to expand...
i do not know why you just didn't go out on your own way back when, some old story, right?
Curiously, what kind of Church leader are you? I need to have more info to get at the root of the problem.
Research is the key to any solution.
 
loveschild

loveschild

Banned
#6
May 21, 2009
3,955
25
0
#6
Lord some people just give mean answers. Sure shows no love of God in them. Sad. I think 16 yrs is long enough. Yes God can fix all people that want to be fixed. It may take another 16 yrs of praying. You have to believe he can fix for it to work. Once you finally do learn that he can fix means you have gone thr the the mountain that is blocking you. God wants you happy and safe. There comes a time to protect your children and yourself first. You can live a happy life with no man around to torment you and still pray for him. Put God first. And don't look back. With God you can take care of yourself and your children. Good bless you, Love
 
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#7
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#7
My mom allowed my father to divorce her mainly because of the abuse to her and my bro. sis. and I. She honored her marriage till she died. Many told us to pray for our dad and he would be healed and come back to us. As a child I believed this and when it did not happen my heart was broken and I felt let down by God. Hind sight now I know that to hold our lives in hope of his return was wrong. But my mom bore witness to the Love of God by her faith. The love she gave and shared in faith brought healing to many. I know now that wether my father is healed is in God's hands, but my mothers faith blessed him in every way. My hope is that in the last few moments of my fathers life he called on Jesus, in fact I often sence that he is with God. I do know that you must continue to live your life wether he is with you, healed or not. Your life, your childrens must continue to grow in Jesus. If your husband is healed is in Gods hands now, but for your sake and your childrens to wait for him can be heartbreaking. Continue to pray for him, but also continue to live your life. If he is to be healed he will work to win you back. But to work for one that is not is futal. You are all in my prayers, God bless. pickles
 
B

broken

Guest
#8
#8
Marriage takes three. You, your spouse and god. If you are praying seeking god, etc and he is not, you are unequally yoked. Of course scriptures in this matter refer to marrying an unbeliever. I think the same can apply.Obviously if he's been beating you for 16 years he's not obeying scripture concerning his wife. In the end, we can't change other people. We cannot be the holy spirit, only God can do these things. I'm not going to give you advice as to what to do, just know that you cannot change him. Its not bad to be mad and sick of hearing what God can do. You are human. Even Christ questioned God on the cross. THe issue here is NOT 'God can make you love him.' The issue here is that your husband needs to be loving you like Christ loves the church.

I don't want to cast stones at anyone, but I'm inclined to be very concerned about the motivations anyone might have who would tell a person to stay in an abusive relationship.
 
B

broken

Guest
#9
#9
BLU said:
i do not know why you just didn't go out on your own way back when, some old story, right?
Curiously, what kind of Church leader are you? I need to have more info to get at the root of the problem.
Research is the key to any solution.
Click to expand...

WHat is wrong with you?
 
B

BLC

Banned
#10
Feb 28, 2009
711
4
0
#10
loveschild said:
Lord some people just give mean answers. Sure shows no love of God in them. Sad. I think 16 yrs is long enough. Yes God can fix all people that want to be fixed. It may take another 16 yrs of praying. You have to believe he can fix for it to work. Once you finally do learn that he can fix means you have gone thr the the mountain that is blocking you. God wants you happy and safe. There comes a time to protect your children and yourself first. You can live a happy life with no man around to torment you and still pray for him. Put God first. And don't look back. With God you can take care of yourself and your children. Good bless you, Love
Click to expand...
Do you disagree with the cross and the death it represents to our old sin nature and all that we were in Adam? For as in Adam all die, even so, in Christ all shall be made alive (1Cor 15:22). Do we believe that or do we continue in the flesh of Adam? A marriage does not dissolve the old man Adam and needs a cross so that they can have the life of Christ in their marriage. You can pray and you should, but if each one does not take up a cross there is going to be much trouble in the flesh. If only one takes up a cross there will also be trouble, but they will be the one God uses to sanctify the spouse that does not, whether they are an unbeliever or not. Read (1Cor 7) and come to your own convictions.

There is trouble in the marriage because of sin, the flesh and being unequally yoked. You don't counsel a young woman to scrub her husband when you have no idea what God is doing in the heart of each one concerned. If they have to separate they do it with consent for a period of time and then come back together less Satan take advantage. Above all things reconciliation is to be considered and sought out, not divorce or an extended separation.
 
B

BLU

Banned
#11
Jul 26, 2009
153
0
0
#11
broken said:
WHat is wrong with you?
Click to expand...
Nothing wrong, I just cannot go into a conversation half cocked. To tell you and her the bold truth, then this is it: Could be that the teaching of H. Camping is correct, that the church did come under judgment in 1988. and ever since then Satan has been ruling there. (2Thes 2:4) Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, shewing himself that he is God. The church is a lie and the cause of her breakup and abuses from her husband, who does she love, the church or her husband, or the bible or what? ONly the bible is true. \That is the problem in her marriage, not her husband, she is the problem by holding onto a dead horse and your husband is tired of that, and needs for you to find some truth. God will help those who obey His commandments. and they are.
(Rev 18:4) And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.
(Mt 24:15) When ye therefore shall see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by Daniel the prophet, stand in the holy place, (whoso readeth, let him understand:)
(Mt 24:16) Then let them which be in Judaea flee into the mountains:
The mountains are representative of Christ!
There, now you provoked me into speaking the truth. I wish her good luck if she is a true believer and wishes for God to help her, She should Go to familyradio.com and listen to Open forum, or not.
 
Last edited:
B

broken

Guest
#12
#12
I provoked you into nothing. You choose to respond as you choose to respond. The responsibility is entirely your own.
 
B

BLU

Banned
#13
Jul 26, 2009
153
0
0
#13
broken said:
I provoked you into nothing. You choose to respond as you choose to respond. The responsibility is entirely your own.
Click to expand...
OK! I misunderstood you. I thought you wanted me to stop beating around the bush as most of seem to do to spare a person feelings.
(Heb 10:24) And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:
 
Last edited:
D

Deane

Guest
#14
#14
God made woman from man's side to be a helpmate, not from his feet to be walked on,not from his head to be lorded over. He is to love his wife as God loves him. A lot of men abuse their spouses because of abuse in his family growing up and they imitate that abuse later in life. I do not believe that God wants us to stay in a marriage to be abused and not loved or respected. Your husband needs help with good christian counseling and your continued prayers. You need to forgive him, although it will be hard,I know from experience,and go on walking with the Lord day by day and let him heal your spirit. As you forgive you will not forget but do not dwell on past life. Look ahead to a new life and take it one day at a time as I said holding on to the Lord. The Lord still loves your husband though not his sin. As time goes on the hurt will fade and you will reap the benefits of the forgiveness. Let the Lord be your constant companion and guide. He promised He would not forsake us not matter what. May the Lord bless you with peace in the days ahead.
 
L

lisav

Guest
#15
#15
Hello sunflower, i am gonna tell you some of my testimony because some where in the bible it says it will encourage others!!

I asked my husband to leave after 18yrs of marriage and 4 children! It was a difficult decision but i really really needed to do it... I had wanted to do this 8 yrs earlier i felt God had told me to 'throw him out of the nest and watch him fly' I felt that he needed to leave and that God was saying he would teach him to fly however I was encouraged by church leaders and other christian friends to let him stay HOW I WISH i had listened to God and not them they quoted scripture and i judt didnt have the confidence to stand up to them as well... they honestly meant well and wanted the best for us they weren't being cruel and i have learnt now to take advice but know that i do often know the voice of God!

Anyway 10years on and i asked him to go again and this time i couldnt be persuaded i had lifted my judgements i had pressed in honestly i had given it my all... so he went i lost soooooooooo many friends and my heart was broken my husband tried everything to get me to have him back leaving me an two inch thick dossier on jezebel... threats... mailing anyone and everone telling them all sorts about me totally untrue but part of his paranoia! he camped outside my home and watched me he bought me flowers oh my gosh all sorts but no apology! ... all the time I had pressure from others to have him back, to forgive him and let God work and to everyone I said the same if God tells me then i will... i knew i would see such a transformation in this man and i would know for sure ot let him back in... i wasnt fooled by the amazing dreams he told us he was having i encouraged him in seeking the Lord but tested him just by resisting letting him back too soon and he didn't/ hasn't changed towards me... I eventually heard the lord tell me to let him go so i started divorce proceedings...i have met and married someone else i have a new baby and my other four kids are thriving. they see their dad regularly and i have been careful to be respectful about him and teach them to honour him but they don't have to put up with his bad behaviour... and they to their credit have all found ways to relate well to him... they also all embrace my new husband and the baby and God has truley bonded us together as a family... the road to this was hard and i certainly had some growing up to do and god did alot in me but inever once thought i had made a mistake and the growth in my childrens confidence from the off confirmed to me i had done what needed to be done...

I still pray for my ex but i thank God for delivering me from that place and for the things i learnt and the strength i found in him... i honestly believe if my ex would've come under the Lords authority our marriage could have been healed but thats not what happened... I broke my heart over my marriage but God has built me up again i carry some scars and even some wounds which he uses everyday situations to highlight them and as i am willing and surrender to him he heals them... My life is good the marriage i have now is as marriages should be we have our ups and downs but its healthy and we gain from them now my children see a better way! My daughter was choosing awful controlling boyfriends they were honestly so like her dad now she chooses kind and caring people to hang around with and the unhealthy need for a boyfriend has gone my eldest son has learnt to control his temper and now treats me and those around him with respect the little ones also have learnt so much... [i to was a leader a worship leader]

you are on a tough road and i just want to say keep your eyes on the Lord he does have good plans for you... none of us is perfect and i made mistakes in my marriage but God is for us and he loves us. Please please hang in there i wish i could come and give you a big big hug i wish to i could really explain how amazing my journey was even in all the pain and the journey continues of course!

lots of love to you all i will be praying for youxxxx
 
L

Lauren

Guest
#16
#16
BLU said:
\That is the problem in her marriage, not her husband, she is the problem by holding onto a dead horse and your husband is tired of that, and needs for you to find some truth.
Click to expand...
What are you talking about? Perhaps your comments were meant for another thread (?) because to blame her for the abuse is beyond unChristian, it's just cruel and sick. I am hoping that I am just totally reading this wrong.
 
L

Lauren

Guest
#17
#17
To the OP, I pray you find some peace and direction from God on what you need to do. Keep praying for your husband -- we just never know when God will work in someone's heart.

~ lauren
 
B

BLU

Banned
#18
Jul 26, 2009
153
0
0
#18
Lauren said:
What are you talking about? Perhaps your comments were meant for another thread (?) because to blame her for the abuse is beyond unChristian, it's just cruel and sick. I am hoping that I am just totally reading this wrong.
Click to expand...
Do not misunderstand me If i said it wrongly , then allow this restatement clarify the matter.

I say that the church is the problem, and if she does not come out of it then her problem will be on her own head for no obey ing God. Which may make her the problem!

(2Thes 2:3) Let no man deceive you by any means: for [that day shall not come], except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition;
(2Thes 2:4) Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, shewing himself that he is God.

(Rev 18:4) And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.


The problem with ppl today is that they do not really try to find out what God is doing today, Progressive revelation. The church is under judgement (1Pet 4:17) For the time [is come] that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if [it] first [begin] at us, what shall the end [be] of them that obey not the gospel of God?
 
Last edited:
L

Lauren

Guest
#19
#19
Thank you BLU for restating that and clarifying what you meant.

I think that you make the assumption though that she hasn't fully sought God in this, and I don't know how you can assume that from what little information she provided us.
 
D

dustmite30

Guest
#20
#20
Sunflower said:
I will try yo keep this short :)

I have been married for 16 years we have 3 children ages 16, 11, and 2. I ask my husband to leave 2 days ago. I have lived with domestic violence the entire 16 years. Most of the abuse was emotional some physical some sexual. After 16 years I just could not take it anymore. He agrees that he should be gone right now and being very compliant.
I have 4 very very wonderful christian friends and 1 set of our friends has taken him in. I have been given very wonderful advice the thing is as bad as this is going to sound I am so sick of hearing how God can fix this God fixed my marriage he can do anything. Just get deeper in your bible study, get christian counseling, pray and through all this God can make you love him.

Am i wrong to be thinking I am so sick of hearing what God can do......is that bad?:confused:

I am a christian I am actually a leader in my church...........this news has blown away the few that know.

Help please tell me what you think!
Click to expand...







Aww sunflower, Thats really really tough. Its tough for everyone. I know how you feel, I know how much pain your in right now. Sometimes pain blinds us from God's Goodness, but we just have to rest assured that things will get better, even though thats the hardest thing in the world to do. Job, in the Bible, was having a hard time to believe God was with him because of all the horrible things that were happening to him, and even though his friends were unsupportive, he stuck through it. I know you feel like your alone, and thats how Satan wants you to feel. He wants you to feel isolated, and upset, and like theyres no hope. But keep praying to Jesus. In the bible somewhere... ( oh, im horrible with verses) It says don't be impatient for the Lord to act. He will rescue you. I know your struggling, but keep listening, keeping waiting for Jesus. He hears your cry, and he will meet you wherever you are.

I know you are tired of hearing that, but dont let Satan win this battle. I'll pray for you, and you're kids. It will all be okay soon.


oh yeah one more thing. Have you ever heard of Dawson Mcallister Live? It's a hopeline that you can call, and a Christian person that you can talk to, and can pray for you. The number is : 18003944673.

God Bless
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.