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Well, the actually words "courting" and "dating" are equally absent from scripture.
So regardless of what "word" you want to use... it's pretty obvious from scripture that a man is to treat a woman with respect, and that solves most of the problems doesn't it?
Instead of words and semantics, I would prefer to focus on general bible principles.
Semantics get very confusing, and principles do not.
: )
So regardless of what "word" you want to use... it's pretty obvious from scripture that a man is to treat a woman with respect, and that solves most of the problems doesn't it?
Instead of words and semantics, I would prefer to focus on general bible principles.
Semantics get very confusing, and principles do not.
: )
Overall, if someone is marriage minded then when the dating/courting process starts, that should probably be talked about. Personally, I don't want to date someone unless they think they could marry me. Now for others, if randomly dating people works for you, then whatevs.
Oh! And seek counsel. The person you're interested in may be crazy or somethin.
Oh! And seek counsel. The person you're interested in may be crazy or somethin.
I think I understand where you're coming from, Galegria, but I think Maxwel pretty much nailed it..
It seems like by the "in" thing, you're referring to the phenomenon of recreational dating for the sole purpose of casual sex and maybe a temporary fix for loneliness. I know there's a variety of how modern or old-fashioned of an approach people on this forum have to premarital relationships, but I'm pretty sure the majority of the people here don't follow the "in" mindset.
I think dating can and should be marriage minded, but it really is all about word choice. The term courtship tends to just make it more obvious that the end goal is marriage. Courtship varies widely depending on culture and generation, but one very common trait is the involvement of accountability. Some people are fine with accountability to God and God alone, and others want accountability from parents, pastors, mentors, community, etc. Another common trait of courtship is the establishment of very clear and typically conservative (by modern standards) boundaries.
For me personally, after some really scarring situations that occurred in my late teens, my heart and mindset regarding relationships changed drastically and now I have a deep appreciation for courtship. I told my parents that should God ever bring a man into my life, that I wanted their participation in the process. Some people think it's weird, but for me and my relationship it has yielded nothing but beautiful blessings.
It seems like by the "in" thing, you're referring to the phenomenon of recreational dating for the sole purpose of casual sex and maybe a temporary fix for loneliness. I know there's a variety of how modern or old-fashioned of an approach people on this forum have to premarital relationships, but I'm pretty sure the majority of the people here don't follow the "in" mindset.
I think dating can and should be marriage minded, but it really is all about word choice. The term courtship tends to just make it more obvious that the end goal is marriage. Courtship varies widely depending on culture and generation, but one very common trait is the involvement of accountability. Some people are fine with accountability to God and God alone, and others want accountability from parents, pastors, mentors, community, etc. Another common trait of courtship is the establishment of very clear and typically conservative (by modern standards) boundaries.
For me personally, after some really scarring situations that occurred in my late teens, my heart and mindset regarding relationships changed drastically and now I have a deep appreciation for courtship. I told my parents that should God ever bring a man into my life, that I wanted their participation in the process. Some people think it's weird, but for me and my relationship it has yielded nothing but beautiful blessings.
J
If the women you have been speaking with are telling you that the "in" thing or norm among Christians who date is to have sex, then I am wondering what type of guys they are dating. Are they not dating Christian men? Are these Christian women you have been speaking with? I dated before I married and have been dating for the 8 years that I have been widowed and it is definitely not the norm for Christians to expect to have sex with one another while they are "dating".
I don't know about anyone else, but I don't know how I could ever separate someone's behavior (courtship/wooing/whatever you want to call it) from dating them. If someone does not behave like a gentleman, I surely would not date them.
I really do not understand this courtship thing at all. Is this something that has been covered in some new Christian self-help book for teens?
I don't know about anyone else, but I don't know how I could ever separate someone's behavior (courtship/wooing/whatever you want to call it) from dating them. If someone does not behave like a gentleman, I surely would not date them.
I really do not understand this courtship thing at all. Is this something that has been covered in some new Christian self-help book for teens?
J
Can you tell me the difference between courting a gentleman and dating one? That's the part I'm having trouble with.
I hope no one thinks I am intentionally trying to be difficult here. It's just that I hear these words tossed around a lot and no one ever seems to really know. I think I'll do some googling haha
That's the part I'm having trouble with.I hope no one thinks I am intentionally trying to be difficult here. It's just that I hear these words tossed around a lot and no one ever seems to really know. I think I'll do some googling haha
Can you tell me the difference between courting a gentleman and dating one? That's the part I'm having trouble with.
I hope no one thinks I am intentionally trying to be difficult here. It's just that I hear these words tossed around a lot and no one ever seems to really know. I think I'll do some googling haha
That's the part I'm having trouble with.I hope no one thinks I am intentionally trying to be difficult here. It's just that I hear these words tossed around a lot and no one ever seems to really know. I think I'll do some googling haha
Courting is boring!
Dating is fun!
Anymore questions???
(P.S. I think a light-hearted "Courting vs Dating" thread should be formed!!!).
Well If I was dating someone, I would call her my girlfriend we would go hiking, exploring, volunteering and have fun maybe play video games, shoot Youtube videos making fun of MBTI and people on CC. etc.
But If I was courting her we would have another person with us at all times, it would be like 18th century COS-play.
We would find some garden to sit in where we could exchange awkward glances and have long awkward walks, tailed by the person we were dragging along with us for accountability purposes.
"Would you fancy a walk, or does Mr. Scrumplebottom have a headache still?"
But If I was courting her we would have another person with us at all times, it would be like 18th century COS-play.
We would find some garden to sit in where we could exchange awkward glances and have long awkward walks, tailed by the person we were dragging along with us for accountability purposes.
"Would you fancy a walk, or does Mr. Scrumplebottom have a headache still?"
Can you tell me the difference between courting a gentleman and dating one? That's the part I'm having trouble with.
I hope no one thinks I am intentionally trying to be difficult here. It's just that I hear these words tossed around a lot and no one ever seems to really know. I think I'll do some googling haha
That's the part I'm having trouble with.I hope no one thinks I am intentionally trying to be difficult here. It's just that I hear these words tossed around a lot and no one ever seems to really know. I think I'll do some googling haha
It is the gentleman who courts the lady, and not the other way around. He initiates, but not before receiving permission from an authority figure (or just someone who was looking out for her best interest). This was often her father, but in other circumstances it could also be another relative, a good friend, a mentor, a pastor, etc. This person would hold the gentleman accountable to the highest standards of purity and honor during the time he was courting the lady. During that time, the gentleman and lady would get to know one another, but always under the watchful eye of the person holding him accountable. Courtship was different than arranged marriages, as the "courting" means he is trying to win her heart. If it became clear to the the authority figure that this man was worthy of the lady, the blessing would be given and it is the lady who makes the final decision.
All that said, in the context of a modern dating relationship, if the man is a true gentleman (and marriage minded), there is not much difference, aside from the level of accountability and the amount of boundaries. Courtship usually implies minimal time spent alone together, where dating is more flexible. In the case of a grown woman who does not have parents available/around to hold a suitor accountable, I would think it would be rare for a man, even a gentleman to seek out the blessing and approval of her pastor/mentor/friend/brother/etc. before dating her. However, in courtship, this would be expected.
Note: I'm just explaining this from a traditional, historical perspective. I'm not trying to connect any of this with biblical examples.
But If I was courting her we would have another person with us at all times, it would be like 18th century COS-play.
We would find some garden to sit in where we could exchange awkward glances and have long awkward walks, tailed by the person we were dragging along with us for accountability purposes.
"Would you fancy a walk, or does Mr. Scrumplebottom have a headache still?"
We would find some garden to sit in where we could exchange awkward glances and have long awkward walks, tailed by the person we were dragging along with us for accountability purposes.
"Would you fancy a walk, or does Mr. Scrumplebottom have a headache still?"
My dad courted my mom back in the day in the Philippines. At first my dad thought it was weird to have a chaperone, but they didn't sit in gardens and stare awkwardly at eachother. Plus, the person "chaperoning" was usually a close friend of hers or one or several of her many brothers. They went hiking, biking, island hopping. She took her all around to some of her favorite places and they had a blast.
Courtship is when the guy and the girl hang out with their friends.
Dating is when the guy and the girl try to get rid of their friends.
Courtship means you have the parent's permission to date.
Dating means you're not sure if you want your parents to meet this one.
I think a middle of the ground approach is best, if you have self control.
I like to get to know people in group settings, but I don't like to waste everyone's time, so if I like a girl, I just invite her to hang out, we both find out real quick if there is any synergy and chemistry. However, I don't recommend hanging out alone at your home, but maybe like a coffee house to chat.
If you don't have self control, get a roommate or a really obnoxious dog. Or live with your parents.
Dating is when the guy and the girl try to get rid of their friends.
Courtship means you have the parent's permission to date.
Dating means you're not sure if you want your parents to meet this one.
I think a middle of the ground approach is best, if you have self control.
I like to get to know people in group settings, but I don't like to waste everyone's time, so if I like a girl, I just invite her to hang out, we both find out real quick if there is any synergy and chemistry. However, I don't recommend hanging out alone at your home, but maybe like a coffee house to chat.
If you don't have self control, get a roommate or a really obnoxious dog. Or live with your parents.
P
There are Christian men out there who do desire courtship instead of dating. I am not interested in dating. I am looking for that woman to court. The woman who has the same desires, the same hopes, and ambitions. Amos 3:3 tells us that to walk together the people need to be agreed. I am looking for the woman who will be my wife, my helpmeet, and my ministry partner.
Eve was created from Adams rib, and the woman's place is right beside the man in that close confines. She is not to feel inferior, but she has her place as the weaker vessel. I am looking for that woman to walk beside and with me. Dating just satisfies cravings. What I desire will satisfy my whole being: spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical (at the right time. S of S lets us know not to awaken or stir up love until the right time).
If someone is requesting lust/sex before marriage you need to get out of there as quickly as possible. Run like Joseph did. A man should respect you and not want to do something like that before marriage. If they don't, that's not the type of man you should be interested in. At your Church, you should be able to find men who are interested in courting you. If not, you can search elsewhere. There will be someone who will court you and make you there bride.
Eve was created from Adams rib, and the woman's place is right beside the man in that close confines. She is not to feel inferior, but she has her place as the weaker vessel. I am looking for that woman to walk beside and with me. Dating just satisfies cravings. What I desire will satisfy my whole being: spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical (at the right time. S of S lets us know not to awaken or stir up love until the right time).
If someone is requesting lust/sex before marriage you need to get out of there as quickly as possible. Run like Joseph did. A man should respect you and not want to do something like that before marriage. If they don't, that's not the type of man you should be interested in. At your Church, you should be able to find men who are interested in courting you. If not, you can search elsewhere. There will be someone who will court you and make you there bride.
J
I have been reading about it online and the only differences I'm finding between "courtship" and the way I was raised to date as a Christian lady is the possibility of a chaperone. If I cannot trust myself to be alone with a man or vice versa, then I really have no business dating him.
When I was younger, I would not date without the approval of my father. Now, there really is no one with whom a man could discuss this, unless it was my son. That would be kinda weird. I do have to say, however, I would not consider marrying a man without soliciting my son's opinion.
I can see how it might be helpful for young women to familiarize themselves with some of this. My only reservation is that they might somehow romanticize "courtship" a bit too much and have this play a large part in their decision making process. It is very important that marriage be entered into with eyes wide open rather than with stars in our eyes. Reality eventually bites very hard.
When I was younger, I would not date without the approval of my father. Now, there really is no one with whom a man could discuss this, unless it was my son. That would be kinda weird.
I do have to say, however, I would not consider marrying a man without soliciting my son's opinion.I can see how it might be helpful for young women to familiarize themselves with some of this. My only reservation is that they might somehow romanticize "courtship" a bit too much and have this play a large part in their decision making process. It is very important that marriage be entered into with eyes wide open rather than with stars in our eyes. Reality eventually bites very hard.
1
By nature many like to harken back to a more innocent time where purity and virtue flowed like bacon grease in a ma and pa diner in a cozy nook of town. In our quest for such we dig through our antique shop of semi-archaic words. In this case we scrounged up the word courtship, and discovered the appraisal price is just right, so we use it.
So now days when Christians tell us they court, all they're saying is that they're trying to be more pure, because that modern word "dating" has so much baggage attached.
I honestly don't care which term you use.
Just make sure you're following God's will.
No need to go to the etymology antique store and scrounge up a word.
So now days when Christians tell us they court, all they're saying is that they're trying to be more pure, because that modern word "dating" has so much baggage attached.
I honestly don't care which term you use.
Just make sure you're following God's will.
No need to go to the etymology antique store and scrounge up a word.