i'm getting way beyong frustrated.

[sarah10101]

i don't know if doing this public post thing is the best idea
but i guess i could give it a shot and see if anyone has any ideas on my situation

i've been dating for years now and many guys later i still haven't ever had a serious serious relationship.

it's really hard for me to genuinely like someone for more than a short period of time, but when i do they always seem to be the ones who leave (the others stick around begging for my attention). i honestly don't understand why life works that way, maybe it's just my "type" . i like guys who are bold and independent (because i do like my space haha), but it seems to be tough to get THAT without getting a jerk at the same time.

i'd like to say that i'm looking for a christian guy, but i'm not. maybe i should be, but i've given up on that. it seems like there are NO christian people (let alone dateable guys) left and if there are they are TOO nice. it's horrible for me to say that and i hope you all understand what i mean by too nice. i don't want a guy to wait on me hand and foot or agree with EVERYTHING i say and most of the typical church guys i meet are like that. i just want a guy who is genuine and a good person. i've dated a couple of "christian" guys and they actually ended up being worse than some of the others.

i'm just really fed up with getting physical attention and that being it. it seems as though i get persued as a challenge or a hook up and when i either start to genuinely care for the person or refuse to hook up with them they don't give me the time of day anymore. it's so hard to find a guy who isn't just in it for physical gratification anymore!! it seems like it's the societal norm to sleep with someone within the first month of dating. it's crazy.

so to end this very long post i just wanted to see what everyone thought. anything i can do? etc.
if anything thoughts on my last paragraph would be great. i don't really have anyone to talk to about sex seeing as all of my friends seem to be part of that societal norm. thanks

 

[Max_RC]

Shalom Sarah....Hey...You don't worry about partner of your life.....Cause God Is love....He already gave you a partner of your life since before you came to this world....So you just wait....1day he(the guy) will come....I'll sure about that cause God will give HIS children What's HE thought good....And if you lives in him...HE also will lives in you....And you'll not suffer of what HE has gave you.....God know you before you know yourself......Cause God created you......Thats all.....I'm sorry if this reply hurting your feeling....So forgive me.........May God less you &your family......

 

[Johnoble]

Well you ask what you can do...Maybe you should take a long break, find more of yourself, read a novel or two, get your mind off the dating game you seem you have been experiencing. Take a trip to the country, read the bible and pray, meditate, get your mind out of our disgusting society for a while.
You seem like a pretty girl, and therefore you're gonna get hit upon a lot. You have the advantage, and must use it. Not to satisfy the fools desires, but to seek someone you find interesting, academic, intelligent, compatible, spiritual. It's hard, takes time, patience, you must be very discerning. I know how it is having more than one person being interested in you not necessarily because of what you offer internally, and yet I've distanced myself from those girls and have had no regrets about it. And remember, look for guys who are willing to wait for you.

 

[sarah10101]

Thanks that really helps. It's very true also! Especially the part about using it to my advantage and not for some fool's desires. Thanks for the support

 

[Sharp]

If you're a Christian you shouldn't be looking for a relationship with anyone who isn't a Christian. You say you get pursued alot by guys just wanting to hook up, yet you say that you're not necessarily looking for a Christian. BAM that's your problem right there. A true Christian guy wouldn't just be looking to hook up. You said you've given up on finding a Christian guy. How looking have you been looking? You're only 18...sheeeeeesh there's plenty of time.....some people have been looking for 20 years. Don't settle for someone who isn't a Christian just because you can't find a Christian guy right now, that's my advice.

 

[J0Y]

Umm yeah...Sharp...Im one of those who have been looking/waiting for about 15 years now! HAHAHA!
Girl you are YOUNG and beautiful! Get out and ENJOY life!!! Jesus came to give life in all its fullness! Dont worry about stinky boys at the moment!! HAHAHA. I will give you permission to start stressing when you are my age LOL.
But seriously....SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD....make JESUS the number one priority....ENJOY time with your chick mates....go on adventures... dont let life be dictated by having a significant other...sometimes we gotta be comfortable in our own skin first!! Also...make it your chief aim to settle for NOTHING LESS than a God fearing, bible believing, Jesus loving, guy...the benefits of having someone who shares Christianity with you will be a huge blessing!

 

[chrisman]

Sarah, I do not claim to be an expert on this subject (as I have never dated a girl in all my 19 years of life), but I wish to share with you the biblical principles that I've learned from my pastor concerning this subject. I've been meditating on this subject and trying to learn all I can since I graduated High School (2 years ago), so I'm going to tell you (1)what I am looking for in a godly woman and (2)what I believe a godly man should be like so as to be a suitable husband & father. Although these are my personal views, they are based on scripture, and I hope that they will be helpful to you as you try to find your significant other.

My main goal in finding a girl is to find a godly wife & mother who will be my helper and partner for the rest of my life, it is not to find a cute girlfriend (Genesis 2:18). I want to find a girl who is known for being pure, discreet, obedient to her parents, who greatly desires the things of the Lord, who demonstrates kindness, mercy, and generosity. Granted, no girl does these things perfectly, but the general concept is that when people talk about her, they will mention these characteristics. If I find such a girl, I'll get to know her and be her friend, and of course, pray pray pray some more. If I believe she could be a possible wife, then I'll ask my parents and her parents for permission to court (or date) her, especially her father because he is her current provider & protector as well as the head of the household. This is because I believe that parents should be involved in relationships for the sake of maintaining the purity of the couple. If and only if both my and her parents give me permission, then I will ask the girl to court (or date) me.

I strongly believe that the reason why so many marriages and relationships fail is because there is a serious overflow of boys and a scarcity of men. Before a boy even thinks about dating, he should grow up and pursue being a godly man. Godly men seek to be like Jesus, since he is the manliest and most godly man ever. Men are to be industrious, providers, protectors, and prophets (they must know scripture very well and teach it to their household). Men are called to be leaders, that means they must embrace responsibility, do honest hard work, and be ready to make tough, life-changing decisions. Men should embrace chivalry and display proper manners for the purpose of honoring and respecting women, even with their mothers and sisters.

I would encourage you to look for these characteristics in a man, and do not consider dating anybody who just wants to have a girlfriend. Biblical dating should be solely for the purpose of finding a possible husband/ wife. I know these may seem like very high standards, and that you may be tempted to believe that no guy will ever come close to these standards, but then again, nothing is impossible with God. I am convinced that if you pray, seek the Lord, and refuse to settle for less, God will bless you with a godly man. I hope this has been helpful.

 

[sorry]

hi dont know if i can help or not but maybe if the answer you seek is out there i am sure it will come to you.

 

[Remmy]

Sarah, I do not claim to be an expert on this subject (as I have never dated a girl in all my 19 years of life), but I wish to share with you the biblical principles that I've learned from my pastor concerning this subject. I've been meditating on this subject and trying to learn all I can since I graduated High School (2 years ago), so I'm going to tell you (1)what I am looking for in a godly woman and (2)what I believe a godly man should be like so as to be a suitable husband & father. Although these are my personal views, they are based on scripture, and I hope that they will be helpful to you as you try to find your significant other.

My main goal in finding a girl is to find a godly wife & mother who will be my helper and partner for the rest of my life, it is not to find a cute girlfriend (Genesis 2:18). I want to find a girl who is known for being pure, discreet, obedient to her parents, who greatly desires the things of the Lord, who demonstrates kindness, mercy, and generosity. Granted, no girl does these things perfectly, but the general concept is that when people talk about her, they will mention these characteristics. If I find such a girl, I'll get to know her and be her friend, and of course, pray pray pray some more. If I believe she could be a possible wife, then I'll ask my parents and her parents for permission to court (or date) her, especially her father because he is her current provider & protector as well as the head of the household. This is because I believe that parents should be involved in relationships for the sake of maintaining the purity of the couple. If and only if both my and her parents give me permission, then I will ask the girl to court (or date) me.

I strongly believe that the reason why so many marriages and relationships fail is because there is a serious overflow of boys and a scarcity of men. Before a boy even thinks about dating, he should grow up and pursue being a godly man. Godly men seek to be like Jesus, since he is the manliest and most godly man ever. Men are to be industrious, providers, protectors, and prophets (they must know scripture very well and teach it to their household). Men are called to be leaders, that means they must embrace responsibility, do honest hard work, and be ready to make tough, life-changing decisions. Men should embrace chivalry and display proper manners for the purpose of honoring and respecting women, even with their mothers and sisters.

I would encourage you to look for these characteristics in a man, and do not consider dating anybody who just wants to have a girlfriend. Biblical dating should be solely for the purpose of finding a possible husband/ wife. I know these may seem like very high standards, and that you may be tempted to believe that no guy will ever come close to these standards, but then again, nothing is impossible with God. I am convinced that if you pray, seek the Lord, and refuse to settle for less, God will bless you with a godly man. I hope this has been helpful.

well said !couldnt be better

God bless

 

[Tootles_1]

As mentioned before - you are young. I'm sure you get tired of hearing that at times but there is no need to rush - especially when God still has work to finish in you. Some people have given you advice to find yourself and that's good advice. I challenge you further. Find yourself in God. Trust me - I KNOW how hard this is. When it seems like everyone around us is doing the complete opposite you wonder what's wrong w/ you. But the truth is they're the ones in the wrong - the worldly dating game yuck! When you learn more and more who God is and how He is revealing Himself in you, you won't worry so much about NEEDING a guy in your life. You'll be happy and fully able to enjoy all the life God wants to lavish upon you.

 

[Amy81986]

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL! reading you post was like one i could have written myself. But for me dating isnt a priority right now. Sure i would love to be dating someone but i havent found that person and i wont settle for something less then who was made for me. I have been single for a while and for me i just havent has that feeling that i have met the right one. I understand the Sex aspect to. I wont be intimate with a person, which can cause problems but my thinking is if he isnt willing to care about my beliefs he isnt right for me. If you ever want to chat let me know!

 

[MercyinTruth]

Hi Sarah. I think sometimes the best way to find something is to stop looking for it. Keep your heart in the Lord and let him be the joy of your heart. Do not worry about tomorrow, the days worries are sufficient for the day.
I pray the Lord brings peace into your heart my sister in Christ

 

[Narn]

i don't know if doing this public post thing is the best idea
but i guess i could give it a shot and see if anyone has any ideas on my situation

i've been dating for years now and many guys later i still haven't ever had a serious serious relationship.

it's really hard for me to genuinely like someone for more than a short period of time, but when i do they always seem to be the ones who leave (the others stick around begging for my attention). i honestly don't understand why life works that way, maybe it's just my "type" . i like guys who are bold and independent (because i do like my space haha), but it seems to be tough to get THAT without getting a jerk at the same time.

i'd like to say that i'm looking for a christian guy, but i'm not. maybe i should be, but i've given up on that. it seems like there are NO christian people (let alone dateable guys) left and if there are they are TOO nice. it's horrible for me to say that and i hope you all understand what i mean by too nice. i don't want a guy to wait on me hand and foot or agree with EVERYTHING i say and most of the typical church guys i meet are like that. i just want a guy who is genuine and a good person. i've dated a couple of "christian" guys and they actually ended up being worse than some of the others.

i'm just really fed up with getting physical attention and that being it. it seems as though i get persued as a challenge or a hook up and when i either start to genuinely care for the person or refuse to hook up with them they don't give me the time of day anymore. it's so hard to find a guy who isn't just in it for physical gratification anymore!! it seems like it's the societal norm to sleep with someone within the first month of dating. it's crazy.

so to end this very long post i just wanted to see what everyone thought. anything i can do? etc.
if anything thoughts on my last paragraph would be great. i don't really have anyone to talk to about sex seeing as all of my friends seem to be part of that societal norm. thanks

Hey I hear your frustration. I'm 20 years old never had a serious relationship and I have gotten really frustrated because it seems that most girls I know are just flaky. Patience though pays off I believe. Recently I have met a few that are not flaky that do care about the important things in life.
The other thing I discovered was I'm only 20 I have time. Why rush it? I totally get wanting it and it will come in time. I believe God is and has been preparing that person for me, as he has been preparing me for them. Weather I have met them yet or not is not the point.
By the way thank you for being in the minority and not "hooking up" as you put it.

 

[Tehillah]

Being a Christian is not a simply task. Now that you r one of His desciple ..It requires complete obedience and surrender on His Lordship over all areas of of ur life including ur lovelife.. It would be very diffciult for u to give it up but through Gods grace and mercy , He can help u overcome it. Only HIM would fill it up whatever is ur longing right now.And God sees our hearts, Sometimes, We won't really find the real love, because God knows exactly that we r not yet prepare for the real love.And that's why we nid His Guidance on this area of our life.

DELIGHT YOURSELF WITH THE LORD AND HE WILL GIVE U THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART!

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hi. I have to be honest here and chime in and say that I dont think its a good idea to be looking for a serious relationship at eighteen. The reasons being that 1) guys your age are still very much slaves to their hormones and 2) most are not yet mature enough to handle a serious relationship. I mean guys who are looking for a relationship at that age are often trying to fill some kind of emotional void in their life and end up being either possessive and controlling or needy and "smothering". And 3) most - maybe ALL guys that age are looking to experience sex with an attractive woman. Its just something that is hard-wired into our genes. Society's emphasis on sex as a simple, basic need or great way to enjoy life, along with sex in advertising only fuels that primal desire even more. I suggest waiting until you're at least 21 before wanting a serious relationship. For now I guess you should enjoy the attention. There are many women out there who would give anything just to have the type of attention you are getting.

If you still desire a serious relationship at this time then there is only one thing to do and that is to pray to the Father and ask him in Jesus' name to send you one that is worthy of your love.

 

[Londonguy]

Hi Sarah,

Myself and my wife both choose to totally trust God in this area and seek first his kingdom when we were both single. The advice of going on a retreat sound great as this is something I regularly practiced when single, it is so important He is first in our lives, and not the desire for a partner.

I understand your frustration, but be encouraged God has set trusted principles in his Word that we can follow

I would advise 2 life changing and sound books in this area:

God is a matchmaker - by Derek Prince
Matchmade in Heaven - by Sunil and Janeene Chothi

both should be available at Amazon
Godbless
LG

 

[SonofPeter]

Hi Sarah. I think the best way to find what your looking for is to be patient and trust that you need only concern yourself with being the best person you can be, for God and yourself. You are still young and have a whole wonderful life ahead of you. All things in God's time.

 

[Narn]

Hi. I have to be honest here and chime in and say that I dont think its a good idea to be looking for a serious relationship at eighteen.

I don't know how you can blanket every person with this we are all in different places in our lives

1) guys your age are still very much slaves to their hormones

You don't always find someone the exact same age as you. And yet again I think this is an insult to young guys who are not slaves to their emotions.

and 2) most are not yet mature enough to handle a serious relationship.

I agree

I mean guys who are looking for a relationship at that age are often trying to fill some kind of emotional void in their life and end up being either possessive and controlling or needy and "smothering".

Lets say the guy is financially ready to enter into a serious relationship does that mean he is controlling because he has not hit his 20s yet? Does this not apply to all guys at any age then?

And 3) most - maybe ALL guys that age are looking to experience sex with an attractive woman. Its just something that is hard-wired into our genes. Society's emphasis on sex as a simple, basic need or great way to enjoy life, along with sex in advertising only fuels that primal desire even more.

What? I agree that all men struggle but to say that they all want is to have sex with every pretty girl then I think you are just stereotyping young guys and giving them no chance at all. There are those who do not follow the norm. More than seems obvious.

I suggest waiting until you're at least 21 before wanting a serious relationship. For now I guess you should enjoy the attention. There are many women out there who would give anything just to have the type of attention you are getting.

If you still desire a serious relationship at this time then there is only one thing to do and that is to pray to the Father and ask him in Jesus' name to send you one that is worthy of your love.

I agree guys and girls at 18 should not be looking to find a serious relationship right off the bat. But I am speaking about Christian people so some of the stereotypes you used are not valid I do not believe.
However you should be financially ready to go into a relationship. College also gets in the way of that too you need to focus on that if you are planning on going to college a serious relationship will distract from that.
Also Patience is key

 

[zeroturbulence]

I don't know how you can blanket every person with this we are all in different places in our lives

You don't always find someone the exact same age as you. And yet again I think this is an insult to young guys who are not slaves to their emotions.

I agree

Lets say the guy is financially ready to enter into a serious relationship does that mean he is controlling because he has not hit his 20s yet? Does this not apply to all guys at any age then?

What? I agree that all men struggle but to say that they all want is to have sex with every pretty girl then I think you are just stereotyping young guys and giving them no chance at all. There are those who do not follow the norm. More than seems obvious.


I agree guys and girls at 18 should not be looking to find a serious relationship right off the bat. But I am speaking about Christian people so some of the stereotypes you used are not valid I do not believe.
However you should be financially ready to go into a relationship. College also gets in the way of that too you need to focus on that if you are planning on going to college a serious relationship will distract from that.
Also Patience is key

All I can say is that I've been that age and all my friends and guys that I knew were always interested in who is "hot", where to meet "hot" girls, and how to meet them. We were all single and dating. I don't know what its like where you are but I think my experience is probably pretty common among guys in their late teens / early 20's.

The reason I mentioned the hormones is because biologically men are at the peak of their sexual drives when they are around that age. Its the age where they are discovering their sexuality, and they don't have to sneak around behind their parent's back to do so. Its the age when they get their own cars and feel like real men for once in their lives. Its also the age when they go to college and are free from their parents' and can "go wild" if they choose to. All of it helps to drive their libidos and that is the type of thing a serious, God-fearing christian girl would be wise to stay away from.

 

[zeroturbulence]

(Continuation of above post)

As far as your comment about finances, having money does not make someone a good partner. In fact, a christian should not even care how much money someone has. The most important thing is that the person honors God, honors her and loves her.