My Lamb in Wolves' Clothing: Advice for bipolar partner

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Lemondrops

Guest
#1
#1
My boyfriend recently was diagnosed with bipolar. I am really struggling with how to help him. So many people don't understand mental illness and discourage me from staying with him. I know the success statistics for marriage with someone who is bipolar are below 20%. But, I catch beautiful glimpses of the true Christian man behind the anger and depression that others see. How can I help others see this? And any advice on helping him would be welcome, as well. Thank you in advance.
 
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OnThisRock

Senior Member
#2
Jan 20, 2011
353
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#2
God shows you this beautiful side in this man because that is what He sees. Prayers are absolutely powerful. As you know, most mental health disorders are from deep wounds left unhealed and/or chemical imbalances that have not been fully healed YET. Keep praying for others to see what Jesus sees, but also, take care of yourself and EXPECT in FAITH that he will be healed.
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#3
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
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#3
Does he go to church? The word is great for renewing the mind. Also if he will let them pray for him:)
Jesus gives us a new heart :)
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#4
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
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#4
OnThisRock said:
God shows you this beautiful side in this man because that is what He sees. Prayers are absolutely powerful. As you know, most mental health disorders are from deep wounds left unhealed and/or chemical imbalances that have not been fully healed YET. Keep praying for others to see what Jesus sees, but also, take care of yourself and EXPECT in FAITH that he will be healed.
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God can heal anything, this is true. However, if he has bipolar, he needs medication and probably therapy. Pray, by all means pray, but he needs to have his mental illness dealt with. No where in the bible does it say that God will heal someone if they just believe enough. With all due respect, that's just painful and bad doctrine.


Lemon, encourage your boyfriend to get the help he needs and fully expect him to NOT stay on his meds if he'll take them at all. Trust me. I have quite a bit of experience with psychology, diagnosis, and medicine. He needs a good doctor and a psychiatrist.
 
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Lemondrops

Guest
#5
#5
OnThisRock said:
God shows you this beautiful side in this man because that is what He sees. Prayers are absolutely powerful. As you know, most mental health disorders are from deep wounds left unhealed and/or chemical imbalances that have not been fully healed YET. Keep praying for others to see what Jesus sees, but also, take care of yourself and EXPECT in FAITH that he will be healed.
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I do pray every day that God heals him. I know God can and I try to expect that He will heal him. I will pray for others to see what I see. I never thought to pray that. Thank you.
 
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Lemondrops

Guest
#6
#6
damombomb said:
Does he go to church? The word is great for renewing the mind. Also if he will let them pray for him:)
Jesus gives us a new heart :)
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He was going to church. He stopped because he disagreed with some things the church was doing. He says churches now make him angry and he feels like he can't trust them. I have been looking for a church to encourage him to go to with me. I haven't found one though. I go to church with his parents on Sunday so he knows it is important to me. He reads the bible and prayer books on his own. And we pray together every day. Still, I find it necessary to find a good church.
 
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Lemondrops

Guest
#7
#7
DuchessAimee said:
God can heal anything, this is true. However, if he has bipolar, he needs medication and probably therapy. Pray, by all means pray, but he needs to have his mental illness dealt with. No where in the bible does it say that God will heal someone if they just believe enough. With all due respect, that's just painful and bad doctrine.


Lemon, encourage your boyfriend to get the help he needs and fully expect him to NOT stay on his meds if he'll take them at all. Trust me. I have quite a bit of experience with psychology, diagnosis, and medicine. He needs a good doctor and a psychiatrist.
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I understand and agree. I am praying for healing but I tell him in the meantime, while we are waiting for God to heal him, he needs to take care of himself like any other sick person. And yes, he is really struggling with the fact that he has to take medication but he is accepting the fact that he needs it to function in society. He wants to be a strong husband and father one day. Why should I doubt that he will stay on his meds?
 
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AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#8
#8
I've had a friend like that once. He had to take lithium and who knows what else. Most of the time he was manageable but what would happen is he would stop taking his medication(s) after moderate periods of normalcy and then he would go completely off the rails.

A couple memorable events include making the national news for running a work vehicle into Sean and Madonna's house, back when they were married, leading to a freeway pursuit to Malibu at which point Sean Penn tackled him and made a citizen's arrest which was touted on political television shows like the comedy DC Follies that had Sean jumping out of airplanes and landing on conservative politicians making citizens arrests on them.

Another memorable event included him going bat crazy on a roommate and cooking all of his valuables in the oven "to purify them from the devil." Then there was the time he ran a corvette up to a scientology cult complex to find the aliens. I could go on but you should be getting the gist by now.

99% of the time normal. 1% of the time bat alien freeway crazy.

It's a package deal with these ones.
 
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Lemondrops

Guest
#9
#9
Wow Age, I hope I never have any stories like that to tell but 99% normal time is encouraging. :)
 
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AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#10
#10
He had some crazy episodes. The trick for these people is to work their program religiously. Their program will include healthy living (e.g. good diet, exercise, etc...), maintaining a healthy spiritual life, taking their medicine, learning to relax and stay in a normal state, etc... and it's especially important for them when they are swinging manic or depressive of center.

And you have to watch your own behavior around them too. I used to joke with my friend like I was Sean Penn in Fast Times at Ridgemont High on occasion and when he flipped out on Sean Penn in real life he was looking for me. The wires got crossed. Then there he was on the news, in court, with a court ordered psychologist. He had to pay a fine and pay for damages to Sean's gate but it could have been much worse.

I watched what I said to him after that one.


Lemondrops said:
Wow Age, I hope I never have any stories like that to tell but 99% normal time is encouraging. :)
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phil36

phil36

Senior Member
#11
Feb 12, 2009
8,345
2,159
113
United Kingdom
#11
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Lemondrops

Guest
#12
#12
Thanks for the encouragement, Phil. My boyfriend spends a lot of time praying but sometimes his illness clouds his thinking. He cannot see goodness around him or in his life, even if I point it out to him. For this preacher's method to work, the victim of the illness must have some motivation to look for good. And when my boyfriend is depressed or angry, he just doesn't have the energy to hope.
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#13
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
63
#13
The reason he is likely to go off his meds is the same reason people stop taking antibiotics too soon. They feel better. However, there is another common reason. When someone is bi-polar they get used to the highs and lows of the illness. Something like lithium is supposed to balance the patient out, but most of the time it leaves them blah. They're instead of black and white, they now only have gray. Some patients readily comply with their physician's orders, but most do not.
 
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AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#14
#14
That's a really good point. I observed that. They get months and months of normalcy and then just stop taking their meds. A week later there are people living under couches.


DuchessAimee said:
The reason he is likely to go off his meds is the same reason people stop taking antibiotics too soon. They feel better. However, there is another common reason. When someone is bi-polar they get used to the highs and lows of the illness. Something like lithium is supposed to balance the patient out, but most of the time it leaves them blah. They're instead of black and white, they now only have gray. Some patients readily comply with their physician's orders, but most do not.
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Share55

Guest
#15
#15
Lemondrops said:
My boyfriend recently was diagnosed with bipolar. I am really struggling with how to help him. So many people don't understand mental illness and discourage me from staying with him. I know the success statistics for marriage with someone who is bipolar are below 20%. But, I catch beautiful glimpses of the true Christian man behind the anger and depression that others see. How can I help others see this? And any advice on helping him would be welcome, as well. Thank you in advance.
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Your faith in God is lukewarm and if yours is lukewarm how do you expect him to cope?

God said There will come a day when man shall have no more need of preachers, teachers, and ministers for I will write my Word upon his heart and he shall know me.
He later says, I laugh because man still needs to be taught my word so I will give them preachers, teachers...

What you two need is a deeper relationship with God. I advise you to both tell God that you are seeking a deeper relationship and for Him to guide you in His Word and in your walk.
Regular attendance at church for those that know God is for fellowship but be wary of the serpent who seeks to steal your soul.

If God can cure cancer of the lung then God can cure bipolar as it is called and when mankind has lost all hope God says I will.

Pray before you read the Bible for God's guidance to open your eyes to your heart to glean the wisdom and knowledge He wants you to see.
I keep a notebook when I read and write down what I find out, what I assume and my questions. He is right there with me and lets me know when my assumptions are right/wrong and corrects what needs to be corrected and He answers my questions.
Not all in one swoop and sometimes days/weeks/months later but it comes. Everything comes in His divine plan so be patient. Faith is seeing what is not yet...
Try this Bible study on the lower right hand side: Bible Study Outlines | Center for Evangelists

God still talks to mankind it is mankind who has busy ears to hear Him. Listen He will guide you and you will learn when it is Him speaking or Satan trying to deceive you. If it doesn't match up to His word in your spiritual eyes not the fleshly eyes then it is not God and God said I am not a God of confusement.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#16
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#16
Praying for you both...I know a person with a similar problem and they are unpredictable and hard to get along with. Bless you for sticking by him! What an opportunity for learning love and patience...you must have a lot of both :).

In regard to how other people treat him..... I've noticed that most of us at church take our cue on how to treat our bipolar church member from observing how his wife treats him. Why this is, I don't know. Maybe we think 'we'll she knows him best and loves him so we should too' (?). Of course, Christ tells us to love everybody, regardless of how 'unlovable' they may seem.

If he's around people enough they will have the chance to see his good points. Maybe you can convince him that he doesn't have to agree with everything at church in order to receive some benefits from worshiping as a group.

Praying for you both...love and understanding friends :).
 
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Lemondrops

Guest
#17
#17
I understand now, Duchess. It is a scary thought. Your explanation makes a lot of sense, though. If medication makes him feel "blah", shouldn't there be another medication that can keep his mood stable without dulling his emotions? Or do you think mood stabilizers always dull emotions for people with bipolar?
 
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Lemondrops

Guest
#18
#18
Share, I appreciate some of your advice but to be clear, I do believe in God's ability to heal. My boyfriend and I pray together every night we are together. These prayers always include begging for his healing. He always insists we pray before we read Scripture. Your advice is good. But we do these things. Getting to church is a problem that is due to the illness; not his or my lukewarm faith in God. The people, the music...overwhelms him right now. And, it is true that God is not a God of confusement so, I trust Him to give me or lead me to the answers I seek.
 
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kenthomas27

Guest
#19
#19
DuchessAimee said:
God can heal anything, this is true. However, if he has bipolar, he needs medication and probably therapy. Pray, by all means pray, but he needs to have his mental illness dealt with. No where in the bible does it say that God will heal someone if they just believe enough. With all due respect, that's just painful and bad doctrine.


Lemon, encourage your boyfriend to get the help he needs and fully expect him to NOT stay on his meds if he'll take them at all. Trust me. I have quite a bit of experience with psychology, diagnosis, and medicine. He needs a good doctor and a psychiatrist.
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Way to go Duchess. Your faith has healed you....
 
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Lemondrops

Guest
#20
#20
Lucy, thank you. I just want to also be sure I don't paint him as a burden. He is so patient with me too. Just the other day, he was struggling with obsessing about something he found very frightening. My "patient" self was tired of listening and could only focus on the day I was having. I broke down and told him I just couldn't listen to his problems at that moment. He stopped immediately and said, "I'm so sorry that I was selfish. I can wait. Tell me about your day." Then he drove an hour and a half from his house to be with me and prove he would always be there for me. I'm not always the patient one. But, I am ALWAYS the blessed one, as long as I can be with him. I just want everyone to see that part of him. And I like your idea about not having to agree with everything in order to worship with other Christians. I will talk to him about that. And you make a great point about the partner setting an example of how to treat their loved one. Thank you so much for your prayers!
 
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