Being hypocritical

[Kerry]

About a year ago, my wife confessed that she sent an inappropriate pic of a body part to someone of the opposite sex. At the time that it happened, she said it was an accident and even asked me to use her phone and tell him it was sent by accident (yea right). Having had unquestionable trust in her I did as she asked me to do and typed the text because she said she was too torn up to do it.
Months later, she truly confessed that she didn't do it by accident. She did it because the guy asked her to. She claims to this day that she had no feelings for the guy. I have struggled with this for over a year, trying to put it in perspective. Still I cannot rationalize why anyone would do it. To me it is adultery. I am hurt but I really shouldn't be if she knew the truth about me. I have been harsh and hurt by her actions but truly I shouldn't be.
Since the second year we were married, I have been unfaithful to her. At first my relationship was more of an emotional affair but three years in, we had sex and did so many times after that. I always felt extreme guilt but I've never truly cut ties with the other woman. We have not had sex or seen each other in a couple of years but still text on a regular basis. I have never told my wife but the last 13 years have been built on lies.
Should I tell her what I've done or should I say nothing and simply forgive her and continue on with the marriage? I will gladly stop the other relationship and stay with her because we do have two children together. I don't know what is right about the situation or whether I truly love my wife. I know I don't love my mistress but our relationship has gone on for almost as long as my marriage. Any guidance would be appreciated but please be kind in your judgement of me. I believe I am a Christian but I have a very twisted life and God knows I am ashamed of how my life has turned out to this point.

My first question would be are you saved. Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your savoir? Secondly is your wife saved? The main reason for divorce is the main reason for the problem of humanity and that is sin. Rest assured, I am not a so called qualified counselor, the world would reject me in 5 seconds or less. I have been married faithful and true for 22 years and my wife has been faithful and true. Have any one of us committed sins? Yes we have, but not of adultery. I will tell you that the main reason you and your wife are in trouble is because of and not putting your faith in the cross of Calvary.

The devil comes to kill, rob, and destroy. When our faith is placed outside of the cross, the door is open for destructor to destruct.

We have to get to the heart of the problem, Clearly you love her and she loves you It is just all this mess that has gotten in the way. Adultery is a very difficult thing to overcome, But I serve a big God and He can do any thing if we allow Him too. God is bigger than adultery. As a fact He told one of His prophets to go and marry a harlot and he did and her feet did not stay at home. This was symbolic of God's love for us even though we have committed spiritual harlotry against him.

So what am I saying, One of you must take the initiative and get on your knees before God and plead with Him that you want this thing to work. If your faith is placed in the redeeming work of the cross. IT WILL BE HEALED.

This the heart of the matter. If you have not accepted Jesus Christ, then you have no hope. Because the destroyer will rule.

 

[lcerveny]

my wife confessed that she sent an inappropriate pic of a body part to someone of the opposite sex.

Does this mean she sent a pic of your body part to a male? If so that is very strange. Either way it is strange but to send your body part to other male is very strange.

This is no marriage. You need help from a pastor...NOW!

 

[Sorrowfulone]

It was one of her body parts, not mine.

 

[Sorrowfulone]

I don't have the courage to tell her. Adultery is painful no matter what side you're on. I pray constantly and try to figure out what I should do. I've lost 30 pounds from worrying and loss of appetite. If anyone ever thinks of doing it, don't. It's not worth it no matter what the devil leads you to believe.

 

[Mammachickadee]

Sorrowfulone, most of your conflict is from the devil tempting you to not confess. He loves to stir that pot and watch you squirm, and it sounds like you are a field day for him. Break the cycle!

 

[Sorrowfulone]

Sorrowfulone, most of your conflict is from the devil tempting you to not confess. He loves to stir that pot and watch you squirm, and it sounds like you are a field day for him. Break the cycle!

I know what you mean

 

[Sorrowfulone]

I typed a lot more than what posted. All I ask is for everyone to keep praying for me. I feel the love in my heart.

 

[Mammachickadee]

That's wonderful

 

[ChristianGuy0]

Tough one. I think it's your husbandly instincts of wanting to protect your wife that makes you think it's better to keep it as a secret until death rather than cause your wife the pain of telling her.

The problem is, she could find out another way. And that would probably be more painful and humiliating than hearing it from you.

I trust God, and you can too... The truth will set you free. Maybe you should tell her (She will understand sexual/adulterous temptations as she has gone through them herself), so maybe you should confess it to her and tell her in full honesty, like "My wife, I know you've made mistakes, but I've made worse ones... I've always loved you, I just have had sexual temptations and fell into them- over the last 13 years I've had an affair with someone who I do not love. I'm sorry, I know nothing I do or say could ever repair this- but I've learnt my lesson and I will never be with anyone else ever again- I do love you and I want to be with you and I want us to forgive each other for any wrongs we have done. If you have done anything, tell me and I will fully forgive you, and I ask for your forgiveness.. You don't have to forgive me, you are within your rights to walk out and never see me again, but if you are willing to forgive me, we can have a clean slate and put our sins in the past and just move on. 1 Corinthians 13 says that love doesn't keep record of wrongs... With God's mercy, grace, love and strength in our lives, we can live that out."

If she is a true Christian, which it sounds like she is, she may very well be able to fully forgive you.

I can tell you that I would forgive my wife for adultery. I know you can never know for sure until you've been through it, but I am so overwhelmed with God's love and forgiveness of us sinners, and the story of the unforgiving servant and the story of Hosea, that I simply could forgive my wife if she did what you did. Would it be easy? Maybe not. Would my worldly self want to forgive? No. But the fact is, God is so real to me that I truly believe that when the Bible says that love keeps no record of wrongs and that love always trusts, love always forgives- it's reality. I could live that, not by my own strength but by the strength of God.

I bet your wife could do the same. Imagine you confessed, and she confessed to anything she's hiding, and you told her that you just want to forgive each other and start again, and you did, and maybe you even got re-married or re-did your vowels to each other, and you actually put the past in the past and even totally trusted each other!

Would that not be amazing? Would that not be a WONDERFUL move from God, to restore your marriage?

He can do it. When the Hebrews were stranded, and Pharaoh's army was about to descend on them and KILL them all, what do you think their chances of survival were? That situation looked IMPOSSIBLE. They were dead. Game over. There was no possible naturalistic way that they were going to escape that situation. Anyone looking on that situation who doesn't have faith in an all powerful God would have said "Those Hebrews are dead meat, I will bet everything I own on it."

But God exists. He SAVES people! He IS all powerful! And when someone trusts in Him, and steps out in faith, He shows up- sometimes in ways that will send a chill down your spine because you know the Creator of the universe just took action right in front of your own eyes. That's how the Hebrews must have felt when God parted that sea and MADE A WAY WHERE THERE WAS NO WAY.

So I have full faith that God can restore your marriage to total purity. It might seem impossible to human eyes, but that's irrelevant to God. Maybe He just wants you to step out in faith so He can show you that He is your hero?

I'll be praying with all my heart today that He will part your red sea and restore your marriage. And I'll check back here in the future hoping to see a God-praising testimony!

 

[Sorrowfulone]

Is it possible that God is warning me today? The mistress sent me a text saying that she withdraws her loyalty, friendship and love as of now. I would consider that a threat. I felt like responding and saying depart from me devil but I figured that would expedite my doom. Is it a sign that I should confess sooner rather than later or else face someone else telling?

 

[MissCris]

If you are the one to confess to your wife, there is a far greater chance of reconciliation than if she hears it from someone else- particularly if that 'someone else' is the other woman.

I know how hard it is. I do. But you have got to tell her.

 

[RickyZ]

Is it possible that God is warning me today? The mistress sent me a text saying that she withdraws her loyalty, friendship and love as of now. I would consider that a threat. I felt like responding and saying depart from me devil but I figured that would expedite my doom. Is it a sign that I should confess sooner rather than later or else face someone else telling?

It's not a threat, it's an opportunity

 

[DuchessAimee]

Honestly, it sounds like you're looking for the easy way out. There isn't one. It also sounds like you're fishing for someone to tell you it's okay to not tell your wife. Here's the thing, you need to tell her. It doesn't matter if you don't want to. You need to tell her.


In my opinion, you're using her indiscretion as a reason to keep your mouth shut. She's apologized, she's begged for your forgiveness, and you let her dangle. Part of you must be enjoying this because you let it continue. Are you punishing her? Are you dragging this out because you think she's going to leave you when she finds out? Because she will find out. And if you let this continue, and if you let her find out from anyone besides YOU... God help you.


Have you ever read Euripides play Medea? "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." is the most famous line. It's my prediction that if you don't tell your wife, you and Jason would be in similar situations.

 

[ChristianGuy0]

Just do it. The truth will set you free. It will hurt for a while but with time you will both be able to move on, maybe together even if God wills it.

 

[Share55]

Is it possible that God is warning me today? The mistress sent me a text saying that she withdraws her loyalty, friendship and love as of now. I would consider that a threat. I felt like responding and saying depart from me devil but I figured that would expedite my doom. Is it a sign that I should confess sooner rather than later or else face someone else telling?

Is she a vindictive cruel type if so then I wonder why keep a mistress for so long!? but you would know her better than any of us so you decide but her withdrawing them is a good thing because temptation is no longer within reach.

It is strange how we spurn what is ours and then we hurt when it is withdrawn or threatened by truth meaning your wife of course.

Worry is not a God virtue for if God be for us who then can be against us. Seems not many people have enough faith in God and your anxiety is going to kill you anyway so why try to save what you are going to lose anyway and more?

To live is to die and to die is to live.
You could tell your wife that you had been unfaithful to her without going into great detail and seek her forgiveness. It isn't lying but then she could ask you more and then if she is persistent you would have to out with the whole story but on the bright side you will have set your conscience free. Forgiveness is a beautiful peace that surpasses understanding.
If I were in your shoes I would tell her to stop seeking forgiveness as you have already forgiven and that you are to blame also. God tells us to hold fast to the love of our youth.
When you fall in love and marry the one of your dreams it doesn't spell an easy road of life together because we get mixed emotions, expectations, and too commonly the feeling that we now have the ownership papers.
When you seek what is in God's will, pray and RECEIVE.
God says Let no man put asunder what I have joined together. Common in marriage and it is God's will. Come clean and trust in God that He will make things right.
You will have a far better marriage than you have ever experienced and your soul will be at rest. You got yourself into it but with God's help you can get yourself out of it. God has been saving us from our mistakes since time began.

 

[Sorrowfulone]

Here comes my hypocritical side again. I have had ample time to tell her and face her wrath but have chosen not to. Besides the already posted failures, there isn't any glaring issues within the marriage. In fact, from the outside looking in, people think we have close to a perfect life.

I often wonder what the ultimate benefit would be to confessing. I envision her anguish from hearing that I have failed to a greater (much greater) degree than her. I then look at her when she is happy and think is it really worth it. I think getting forgiveness from God is all I need and since I quit committing adultery then then she doesn't need to know.

I realize it is the devil taking to me but in the back of my mind I think it could be God saying this is the path to take even though I've read many passages over and over that says to get forgiveness you need to tell the person you foresake. It's a constant battle.

I have even thought about making the mistress mad enough to tell her because I haven't felt compelled so overwhelmingly to do it myself. I am the most passive, easy going person you could know and I don't like conflict of any kind. I guess I am still weak. Please keep praying for me. I know God is working on me but I need everyone that will to pray so that I do the right thing.

 

[yac11]

I have prayed for you and I bet my life the others have....but like they say on that show "Shark Tank".....I'm out.

 

[J-Kay]

[h=1][/h]

[h=3]James 5:16[/h]American Standard Version (ASV)


[SUP]16 [/SUP]Confess therefore your sins one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The supplication of a righteous man availeth much in its working.




When one has been involved in an affair any length of time, it becomes a habit. It takes prayer
and asking God to take away this desire first. I believe he doesn't want to tell her because it means
he has to give up the other woman.

He can be telling the truth about being in a small community and not wanting to share w/ Pastor
or anyone from Church... Gossip spreads like wild fire. But if the Fire gets started, it means it has
to be put out. Hence, no more affair.

Nothing is too difficult for the Lord. We make it difficult for Him. May this issue be dealt with and
marriage.

 

[DuchessAimee]

Here comes my hypocritical side again. I have had ample time to tell her and face her wrath but have chosen not to. Besides the already posted failures, there isn't any glaring issues within the marriage. In fact, from the outside looking in, people think we have close to a perfect life.

I often wonder what the ultimate benefit would be to confessing. I envision her anguish from hearing that I have failed to a greater (much greater) degree than her. I then look at her when she is happy and think is it really worth it. I think getting forgiveness from God is all I need and since I quit committing adultery then then she doesn't need to know.

I realize it is the devil taking to me but in the back of my mind I think it could be God saying this is the path to take even though I've read many passages over and over that says to get forgiveness you need to tell the person you foresake. It's a constant battle.

I have even thought about making the mistress mad enough to tell her because I haven't felt compelled so overwhelmingly to do it myself. I am the most passive, easy going person you could know and I don't like conflict of any kind. I guess I am still weak. Please keep praying for me. I know God is working on me but I need everyone that will to pray so that I do the right thing.

You know what I've been wondering? Why you've posted in this forum. You never had any intention of telling your wife about your cheating. I doubt you even feel guilty. If you still have a mistress, you haven't quit cheating. And honestly, I think you never had the intention of stopping. I also think it's entirely possible that you're not who you say you are and you're not married.

For the record, God doesn't contradict himself. He wouldn't say in his word to gain forgiveness from the person you've sinned against, and then tell you, "Hey, it's okay. YOU don't have to. YOU'RE special." Nope. God is not a man that he should lie, or a son of man that he should change his mind. You're a hypocrite, but HE is not.

You have no remorse. You are a coward. And it's unfortunate any of us have wasted time on this thread.

 

[Sorrowfulone]

I am offended to be honest. Do not judge me or call me a liar. I have told the whole truth about the matter and you should not be making implications or casting stones. I assure you that I have given you nothing but facts.

I am a coward and a hypocrite but I believed that through the power of prayer that I can overcome my failures and finally get this behind me. If you can't pray for someone and give advice without pointing fingers, perhaps you also need prayer as well. I also like James 5:20.

I have read several books of the Bible over the past week and I've prayed throughout the day and night for strength, guidance and courage to do the right thing. Walk a mile in my shoes before you decide you are holy enough to judge me.