Please pray for me....I absolutely in no way want to remain married!

[QuietCaptiveFreed]

Wally, I decided to reread your original email to see if I came on too strong. And,, I have lived in your life. The difference was that I was the wife and my husband was you. For twenty years he tried to figure out what was wrong with me, why couldn't I be thrilled with what a "wonderful" husband he was. He sent flowers, wrote beautiful notes, held hands, and said ALL the right things. But the bottom line was that he felt he was "above" me. He knew more, understood more, and he believed his mission as a Godly husband was to take me (one from a dysfunctional home) under his wing, provide me with love and shelter and all the emotional needs that were not given to me in my family of origin. And he was a sex addict. Which meant that he needed to diagnose why I wasn't excited about dressing and acting like a whore in the bedroom to keep him faithful. In seminary he spent most of his electives on sexuality and sexual dysfunctions. Guess why? Does any of this sound familiar? Do you tell her how to clean? Do you recommend what utensil to use when stirring something in the sauce pan? Do you insist she fold you socks and underwear the "right" way? I'm not sure who started the rumor but women (Yes, Godly women) do not enjoy or thrive under conditions where they are treated like children. Even spoiled children. Your wife is rebelling against your desire to make her into something she is not. I would say at this point that I've changed my mind about recommending you stay in the marriage. For her sake I suggest you leave immediately. I stayed with mine for over two decades before friends, family, Godly counsel, and a few dozen of his "other women" allowed me to see the truth and got me out. Don't ruin her life. If you continue to do what you describe in your first letter, you will drive her to a place she may not recover from.

 

[SophiaAthena]

Hi Wally. I might be coming late to this party, but I think I have something to add.

I'm sorry you are feeling so unhappy in your marriage at the moment; I totally understand how miserable an unhappy marriage can be. Having said that, I think it's important to really understand that love isn't just a lovely feeling, love is a decision, a commitment. Our American culture doesn't really treat it that way, but that's what it is. The feelings can be cyclical. They will wax and wane in the best of marriages, but it is commitment that holds those marriages together in the hard times. You took a vow, you made a commitment, and now you need to figure out how to make it work.

I have a book that is probably the best book I know of to address and solve the kind of marital unhappiness you are describing. It is called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman and it could be an answer to your problem. It is a very simple, interactive Christian book that you should read with your wife. Commit to a few months of what this book suggests and you might see miraculous changes in yourself, your wife, and your relationship. It is THAT good and it really works! You can find it at the bookstore or online.

This is just a suggestion, but from my own personal experience, and knowledge of the experience of others, I think this could be EXACTLY what you need. Prayer, of course, should also never be neglected.

God bless you, Wally.

 

[hope36523]

my advice to you is tell her how attractive she is,cook her dinner,buy flowers try to rekindle the fire that once was there my husband and i had a simular case except he is 7 yrs older than me,but mariage isn't easy if you fall out of love find a way back,god will be with you.i wish i could talk to her so i can give her advice it would be easier,but i hope i am a little help,god made mariage to be forever,have yall ever watched that christian love story fire proof watch that together,it may help

 

[Wallly]

Ok & thank you.
But ma'am I won't say you're completely wrong because I may be being super arrogant and uncaring I also know that I try not to be like that & God keeps tabs on that stuff so I'm going to take 'inventory' on myself concerning that. I will say tho that no I honestly do not treat my Wife like some child or slave. The way I see it is we are two equal people and must work as a team in order to succeed, we don't, so whenever I feel like our team is hurting I want to get it resolved. Believe it or not, again I love the woman I married, I just think we have much not in our favor, and I know that yes I have alot of pride that I have to get straight or not only will this fail my chances of me entering Heaven will fail. So I came on this Christian site with absolutely NO intent emotion on blasting or like hurting anyone (truthfully) I'm just seeking help, for our already hurting marriage the only way I can think of without talking about it to everyone who knows us.....if that makes sense.
BTW I have taken in everything said by prayer and checking 'Me' and have already been seeing the growth in myself and this my marriage.
I think the healing must start with myself in order to help heal my wife, that starts with my will to remain faithful to my Wife and to God.

I am truly sorry if anyone on here was offended, was never my intention, truly.
I'm glad that God is showing me even thru you all that my marriage can be restored.

 

[MrHonest]

Hopefully I'm not too late to post

Marriage isn't just about having fun you know? Its starting a family and growing up we all had problems with family right? Mom, dad, brother, or sister we all fought. Family life becomes a challenge because its meant to be. As examples of faithful sons and daughters of God, its hard to believe, but we should not take problems as a mere obstruction.
A family should instead face these challenges together and faithfully communicating whatever occurs using The Word of God. Count it all joy when we face times of hardship because that means God is with you, especially when you are faithful!
God is molding you to be the mature Christian man, woman, son or daughter.
Everything is vain and having the gift of lacking the physical desire to be with one another is a rarity.

I know that when I have a problem I get really impatient and I talk to my fiancee a lot about whatever it is but when I'm weak she is strong and when she is weak I'm strong and when we are both weak God is always strong. We pray together and read the Bible together. All the time we share moments throughout our day where we felt God speaking to us. We ask each other to pray for one another even for small things.

Our relationships with each other, especially as a blessed marriage, should always involve God. We can't say we've tried everything and decided we are done when we didn't even ask God,"Ok what's the plan boss? Everything is getting difficult I don't know what to do please show me what to do."

Our Father protects and guides us through EVERYTHING. Communication is KEY Prayer is KEY. Communication in family is KEY! Please don't give up without consulting with God: Together and recognizing that love is long suffering.

 

[reject-tech]

Praying for you and everyone else in your situation every day.

 

[RedTent]

It sounds to me like the routine, every day pickle our world leads us to. You didn't obey God so you never had real sex in the first place, but secular sex that is a distortion of how sex was created. So "the two shall become one" was a sort of laugh. Now neither of you are doing anything to live a life that follows the narrow path God says leads to happiness and eternal life.

I don't think breaking a vow you took is going to help you gain that joy in the Lord you seem to know is available.

If you see your wife being miserable, wondering if she is loved enough that you can manage the women who watch you, it might help your happiness to supply her with assurances and help her trust in the Lord to help her through.

You could go ahead with all you think and plan, but it would be one step in the Lord's direction before you go. Might even actually help you grow.

 

[RedTent]

Ok & thank you.
But ma'am I won't say you're completely wrong because I may be being super arrogant and uncaring I also know that I try not to be like that & God keeps tabs on that stuff so I'm going to take 'inventory' on myself concerning that. I will say tho that no I honestly do not treat my Wife like some child or slave. The way I see it is we are two equal people and must work as a team in order to succeed, we don't, so whenever I feel like our team is hurting I want to get it resolved. Believe it or not, again I love the woman I married, I just think we have much not in our favor, and I know that yes I have alot of pride that I have to get straight or not only will this fail my chances of me entering Heaven will fail. So I came on this Christian site with absolutely NO intent emotion on blasting or like hurting anyone (truthfully) I'm just seeking help, for our already hurting marriage the only way I can think of without talking about it to everyone who knows us.....if that makes sense.
BTW I have taken in everything said by prayer and checking 'Me' and have already been seeing the growth in myself and this my marriage.
I think the healing must start with myself in order to help heal my wife, that starts with my will to remain faithful to my Wife and to God.

I am truly sorry if anyone on here was offended, was never my intention, truly.
I'm glad that God is showing me even thru you all that my marriage can be restored.

Right on Wally! You are a strong man, strong in the Lord! You and God will win.

Perhaps others in your position will read and be strengthened, and you will be the instrument to many saved marriages.