Is legal marriage the only way?

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Missachu

Guest
#1
#1
Me and my fiance have been together for 7 years and moved in together earlier this year, despite my protesting and commitment to my Lord. I was in a toxic environment for 5 of those years that almost literally killed me which is why I decided to move in with him without getting married.

Thing is, we didn't have the financial means to get married. Luckily he got a job at Wal-Wart (Praise God!) and we are slowly moving our way to a legal,paper marriage(that's all we can afford) and we are doing this ASAP so hold on the judgement please.

My question is "Is marriage that is legitimate in God's eyes has to also be government legitimate or is it ceremonial?"

Because we can only afford to do one or the other :c
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#2
May 29, 2013
9,166
1,797
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#2
Missachu said:
Me and my fiance have been together for 7 years and moved in together earlier this year, despite my protesting and commitment to my Lord. I was in a toxic environment for 5 of those years that almost literally killed me which is why I decided to move in with him without getting married.

Thing is, we didn't have the financial means to get married. Luckily he got a job at Wal-Wart (Praise God!) and we are slowly moving our way to a legal,paper marriage(that's all we can afford) and we are doing this ASAP so hold on the judgement please.

My question is "Is marriage that is legitimate in God's eyes has to also be government legitimate or is it ceremonial?"

Because we can only afford to do one or the other :c
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How much does a marriage license cost?

In the Old Testament, to get married to a virgin, a man had to give the bride's father the bride price. Then they were betrothed and if he decided he didn't want to, it would require a divorce. Some time after that, there would be a feast and after that they would live together as husband and wife.

If a man seduced a virgin who was betrothed to another man, they were both to be stoned to death for adultery. If he seduced an unbetrothed virgin, he had to marry her and could never divorce her. If her father refused to give her to him as wife, he could not marry her, but still had to pay the bride price for virgins. It was up to her father.

It doesn't cost that much to get married. He could ask your father for your hand. You could have a pastor perform a very small ceremony with family only present. My guess is you could do everything with registering with the government and any blood tests for $50 to $100. Parties, meals, and Honeymoons cost money.

You can debate the merits of legal marriage and church weddings all you won't. If you skip over these, people consider you to be in fornication. Society doesn't recognize it, or at least church society generally does not. It's a bad witness. And he can dump you without much legal protection for you. It doesn't show much commitment. That's my opinion at least.

If you don't think you are married, then your conscience is defiled and you would be sinning to sleep with him.

This is when he leaves father and mother and cleaves to his wife. This is when the bride's father gives her away. Do things in a way that your church, family, and society will recognize as a real marriage.
 
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Nick01

Senior Member
#3
Jul 15, 2013
1,272
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#3
I don't think marriage in the eyes of God has to equal a state recognised marriage, no. BUT I think marriage has to be a commitment, and there has to be something on the table to show that you are in it for the long haul. It used to be dowries, or name changes, or buying a house, etc. I don't think there's a hard and fast rule for what that commitment should look like, and divorce is pretty easy to do, at least legally, these days, which undercuts it a lot, but I think there has to be an expressed commitment. So I'd really explore how much it costs to actually have an on-paper marriage. The other expensive stuff (party) is neither here nor there, but I think the basic church ceremony and the legal marriage certificate are really easy ways of expressing and understanding the gravitas of marriage in concrete ways.

So, fundamentally, I think to be married you need to
a) have that commitment, and both people express that in a hard and fast way beyond simply saying "I'm going to be married to you." How do you SHOW that in a sacrificial way?
b) have oversight from your church community. Is your minister in on it? Is your church family in on it? Will they support you, love you, and protect you as a married couple?
 
RedTent

RedTent

Banned
#4
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
182
0
#4
I think there are times that God sees a marriage when it isn't made legal. God sees the heart, but in our world our actions always follows the heart. So it is rare that a Godly marriage is not followed through with a legal one. Usually it is one partner, at least , pulling the wool over another.

Only God knows the heart of both of you. God wants you to live in comfort and abundance. By abundance, God means it in the widest sense, not only abundance from money.

All through scripture you find protection God gives for women. It sounds as if you went to this place because of a need for protection.

A marriage, to God, is two becoming one. Mostly, in todays society, a mockery is made of marriage.

Please remember that we have Christ, who will always wipe us clean, completely clean, forgetting what lays behind. He only asks that we give our lives to Him, and walk within the narrow path he sets for us to walk in. If we wander off, even though we try, and we repent, God cleans us off, wipes the dirt off our knees, and sets us upright on the path again.
 
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Mammachickadee

Guest
#5
#5
Marriage in the eyes of the state= a measure of accountability and security and stability
Marriage in the eyes of God alone= a legitimate commitment... but one that a partner can turn his back on and get out of in one sentence "I want to break up". No lengthy court case; no chance to object; no proof anywhere that he ever meant anything to you or you to him. Though God designed marriage... He meant for it to be more than a simple word or thought. He meant it to be binding.
 
sandtigeress

sandtigeress

Senior Member
#6
Apr 29, 2013
526
16
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#6
The marriage that is legitimate in gods eyes is the one in your hearts.
So either one will work.

You may even be married for 7 years now, in gods eyes :)

The marriage that will give you the feeling of beeing married, that will be the right one.
 
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kenisyes

Guest
#7
#7
Everyone has answered correctly. In God's eyes, it is the commitment and promise to each other, not the paper that rules. However, as you get older, you will want that paper. You need it for survivorship rights and other legal procedures. I have ministered to people who did not have it, and lack of it is not a pretty thing when you get involved with legal things.
 
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woka

Guest
#8
#8
The Lord tells us to obey the laws of the land we live in. So a marriage generally is not legal until the paperwork is signed. I must confess that I lived my hubby before we got married, and also thought Hey we are married in our hearts. It robbed me of so many things, the moving in together after the marriage, the carrying over the threshold, the cute idea of choosing things together as we went along, not me moving into his place or he moving into mine.

As redtent said, the Lord God loves you no matter what, he knows you heart. We too had no money and our pastor offered us the church, his services, and a singer, with flowers free of charge. He even arranged for us to use the church hall for a little glass of champaigne and a slice of cake afterwards, free of charge.

My mom suprised us and rented a room for the night in a nice hotel, so the Lord provided, once our hearts were set to do what we thought was right.

God Bless You
 
C

Cino

Guest
#9
#9
Missachu said:
Me and my fiance have been together for 7 years and moved in together earlier this year, despite my protesting and commitment to my Lord. I was in a toxic environment for 5 of those years that almost literally killed me which is why I decided to move in with him without getting married.

Thing is, we didn't have the financial means to get married. Luckily he got a job at Wal-Wart (Praise God!) and we are slowly moving our way to a legal,paper marriage(that's all we can afford) and we are doing this ASAP so hold on the judgement please.

My question is "Is marriage that is legitimate in God's eyes has to also be government legitimate or is it ceremonial?"

Because we can only afford to do one or the other :c
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If you are not married, you are living in sin.... end of story. God does not condone living in sin. You say you are a Christian, yet it is confusing, because Christians don't live together in sin, sorry. You cannot have it both ways. You should get married. But you also need to repent for living in sin. God is not pleased with this, or your drug addiction or whatever substance it is. You must repent.
 
Christianrkchk89

Christianrkchk89

Senior Member
#10
Aug 27, 2005
1,282
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#10
You need that "piece of paper" because otherwise you or him could decide that its over and walk out without any consequences at all.. because there is nothing legally binding so nothing was "official."

The idea of married at heart is a new liberal idea for people who want to sleep together and pretend they are married without actually doing anything about it. We then end up with lots of unmarried at heart people living off the government because their fake ex husbands/wives left them. It makes me sick honestly.

Its not hard to get a marriage license. And you don't need a dress or flowers or bridesmaids or cake to make it official to God. But I think you should make that commitment.. with that license.. in a church in front of a pastor. (Many times if you're regularly attending and/or a member of a church your pastor will do the officiating for free!)
 
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reject-tech

Guest
#11
#11
"Is marriage that is legitimate in God's eyes has to also be government legitimate or is it ceremonial?"
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Doesn't need to be on paper and doesn't need any ceremony except a lifelong promise and sex.

You could look at it this way about the paper, that if you don't have it, then you have no protection on money and children if you split later.

But that would be an unbelieving way of looking at the future, with doubt and a paper to back up the doubt.
A contract of doubt.

A hundred people might say you should be careful anyway and do the paper marriage, but those hundred people would be challenging the concept of faith and the promise.

Do both you and the fiancee have faith that it will never end?
Anyone in love would answer yes and make the promise. But how many really know what they are talking about?
And how can a person ever trust the other?
They both have to sell out to the idea that they will not separate, even if things get unbearable.
They both have to sell out and stick it out and do everything possible to fix a problem.
Tough one isn't it.
Know this, in the last couple generations, extremely few have seen it through.
 
Miss

Miss

Senior Member
#12
May 18, 2013
115
5
18
#12
Isn't common law marriage recognized in some states, I do recommend you at least be married by your pastor in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy spirit, with witnesses present and recorded somewhere like a family Bible.:)
 
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retro

Banned
#13
Jul 14, 2013
49
0
0
#13
Keep the government out of your marriage as much as possible.
Whenever you register something you hand over legal ownership to the government.

Have a private ceremony with family and friends ,make your promises before God and record in a family bible.
 
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AmberGardner

Guest
#14
#14
From my google search it costs around 60-80 bucks to get married at a court house. People aren't married just because they claim they are or because they're sleeping together. I know a couple who was married and divorced decades ago but they kept in contact. Both being single now, he refers to her as his "wife", but when hard times hit her he was nowhere to be found.

If you really want to know what God thinks, you'll find it in HIS word, the Bible, not in people's opinions.

1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.
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1 Corinthians 7:8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
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Christianrkchk89

Christianrkchk89

Senior Member
#15
Aug 27, 2005
1,282
12
38
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#15
I'm really not understanding why everyone here is telling this girl that as long as you promise to love each other and you consummate it with sex then she is "married." And I'm sorry (I'm in a mean mood, I apologize) but being together 7 years doesn't mean much to me when the first year was when she was 13. How serious are 13 yr olds about love? How serious are even 15 yr olds about love? And common law marriage is like after 7 yrs of living together not 7 yrs of "dating". They've only lived together 1 year.

So pretty much every form I casting couple is married.. because they love each other and they have sex! We should inform them.
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#16
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
128
0
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#16
Missachu said:
Me and my fiance have been together for 7 years and moved in together earlier this year, despite my protesting and commitment to my Lord. I was in a toxic environment for 5 of those years that almost literally killed me which is why I decided to move in with him without getting married.

Thing is, we didn't have the financial means to get married. Luckily he got a job at Wal-Wart (Praise God!) and we are slowly moving our way to a legal,paper marriage(that's all we can afford) and we are doing this ASAP so hold on the judgement please.

My question is "Is marriage that is legitimate in God's eyes has to also be government legitimate or is it ceremonial?"

Because we can only afford to do one or the other :c
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Two people should marry before they have sexual relations with each other. They can marry in a church, or let the government marry them.
 
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kenisyes

Guest
#19
#19
Christianrkchk89 said:
I'm really not understanding why everyone here is telling this girl that as long as you promise to love each other and you consummate it with sex then she is "married." And I'm sorry (I'm in a mean mood, I apologize) but being together 7 years doesn't mean much to me when the first year was when she was 13. How serious are 13 yr olds about love? How serious are even 15 yr olds about love? And common law marriage is like after 7 yrs of living together not 7 yrs of "dating". They've only lived together 1 year.

So pretty much every form I casting couple is married.. because they love each other and they have sex! We should inform them.
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Please post one Scripture where any two people are married before any authority. Or find any Scripture where anyone is told or suggested they do this.
 
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AmberGardner

Guest
#20
#20
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
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Don't listen to your heart. Listen to God's. Your's will mislead you.
 
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