Virginity

[presidente]

I always wonder how single Christian men view women who are no longer virgins. Do they seek and/or value these women more?

I've never dated a Christian man before, so this is all new to me.

It depends on the man. A lot of Christian men don't care if woman they date or marry is a virgin. Sometimes a man who is not himself doesn't care. I was, and I did care. If I knew a woman was not a virgin, she was not in my consideration set, and I would not ask her out and avoided a romantic-type relationship with her. I had feelings for one woman, but just did not pursue it. She was always dating one boy or another, and seemed to show a bit of interest when one boy wasn't showing her attention one time, and I did not jump at the opportunity. Aside from the virginity issue, there were some good reasons not to.

 

[presidente]

Teachman had an academic study back in the 90's that indicated that a woman who'd had multiple sexual partners was much more likely to divorce than a woman who'd only slept with her husband.

 

[GreenNnice]

You ever wonder why sexual sin is not brought up frequently in the bible? Or when why it is brought up it's typically compiled in the middle of other sins and the most in depth discussion on it is when Jesus says lusting for someone in our heart is considered adultery? As a friend of mine once said, issues that the bible keeps silent on, we would do good to be silent on. Did you know along with Alcoholics Anonymous there is also a Sex Addicts Anonymous? I spoke with someone who regularly went to SAA meetings, eventually he had to quite going because the more he went there the more he realized that these people were solving nothing for themselves, they were talking about sex, recounting their slip ups from the past week, and rather than anyone recovering, they were getting off by hearing each other recount their stories and it would propel them into action later in the week.

The more time we spend thinking and hearing and reading up on these matters, the more our mind is fixed on sexual matters. Good or bad intentions, whether to get free of a sexual addiction, or abstain, dwelling on it keeps it on our mind, and becomes our focus and the longer it's on our mind, the more the temptation is there. The longer it stays, the longer it has the ability to attach itself and feed.

I don't typically comment on something like this without having any personal experience. Don't call me wrong, and don't call me a fool. I am not an idiot, and I am well aware of what is biblically sound in this matter, and what isn't. The people reading this I'm sure are also very well aware of what the bible has to say on this matter.

I hear what zaoofmen says and it's truth. I agree, talking about things festers things into fruition, can, anyway, but the Spirit of God in us (He is in YOU if you have chosen Him and received Him simply by faith) will lead us to His Truth and understanding of things, too. God is Love, His Spirit is Love, and, Jesus is Love. Virginity is something the Enemy uses to his needs but we need to remember that God is greater than he in the world.

The Bible is very clear on fornication, but it is also very clear about God's grace and mercy. We are not defined by our past, but who we are in Christ.

You may never be completely free of your sin (mentally, at least) but there is always a new beginning in Christ.

I know, for example, that I am a woman of worth, integrity, and character and that has nothing to do with any mistakes I might have made in the past. I would not want to be judged or labeled because of past mistakes, but by what I do now that I am child of God.

It troubles me that more Christians do not see their brothers and sisters in that light.

I agree, aliaprincess, with a lot you say. I hear exactly where you come from for God looks at our heart, not at what we've done, we've all sinned. Consequences go to us all for that, but I'm not trying to harp on anyone for their sins. I am speaking in Love, trying to, anyway. And, the Lord leads, and, certainly, 'His mercies are new every morning,' for ALL the past sins we've done, for they are THROWN into the sea of forgetfulness , as Scripture states, and, states too, it's as soon as we confess them sins to Him lper 1 John 1:9

You are judged by your present, your past was 'tossed' seaward by Him

It is your responsibility to raise your kids in a way consistent with the teachings of Jesus.

I think regeneratedLife is a good guy, a peaceful guy, he is like your dad, and, your dad wants you to follow God's ways and he is going to be brash and bold and unyielding in his presentation to his daughter in so telling her to remain a virgin, a Christian dad following after Him, that is, and, even non-Christian, for that matter, can, too.
It's just a good thing to do, logical and smart, especially in these AIDS days and all that stuff.

So, I hope this perspective is seen and understood as a compassionate response from Him . The Lord leads. Blessings to you all for your insightful words to help us all understand Him better in our lives

 

[greenguy23]

Virginity. Yes, it's wonderful to remain a virgin until married. I understand what the Bible says on the subject.

However-

A lot of times, when our young ones are taught that virginity is the most precious thing, that it makes them special or set apart/above others who are not virgins, I think one of two things tends to happen:

1. They then set extremely high, impossible standards for a potential spouse to meet, at the same time setting themselves up on a pedestal- "I'm a virgin, therefore I deserve perfection from my future spouse" sort of thing. Being a virgin often becomes a major source of pride; and that's also a sin, is it not? So they may be sexually pure, but who wants an arrogant man/prideful woman? What good has their remaining a virgin done them at that point? Not that I'm saying fornication is fine- absolutely not. I just think that emphasizing the whole virginity thing like some people do isn't helping matters.

2. Unmarried couples will often take things as far they can without *actually* having sex, thereby remaining virgins. This is not sexual purity. Their hearts and minds are in the wrong place (and probably their hands, too). People can be promiscuous without ever "going all the way", and then still turn around and say, "But I'm still a virgin" to their future spouse. That's misleading. Yes, they've never had intercourse. But no, they are not sexually pure, as they imply by using the term 'virgin'.

So, it's all well and good to teach youngsters that it is best to remain a virgin until they marry, but wouldn't it be even better to teach them to remain pure of heart and mind? If they are both of those things, the physical/sexual purity naturally follows.

Its not the most precious thing in the world but when the media are making it out that the guys who have the most sex are the best and girls flock to them. I think its a resposiblity to give people props for doing a good thing. I drink and stuff but I'm not going to dismiss a non drinker I'm going to give them props for being able to do that. I'm convinced that being a virgin is a bad thing and I'd rather not be one. So when one person says something good about being one its refreshing and you defending a sin isn't doing anyone any good. You've sinned so have I in different ways so get over it a sin is a sin. If you want props go to a porno site.

 

[greenguy23]

The thing is though people that are non virgins can still do good for our society even more then virgins. When a Virgin like me says having sex is bad it sounds like sour grapes but if you non virgins talked more about how them doing it with some random person was a mistake I think more people would be willing to listen. However that will never happen because they are too proud of their conquests to say it might have been a mistake.

 

[greenguy23]

Thank you for sharing, Resurrection.

God forgives and heals us all, no matter what mistakes we've all made. Even those who have managed to preserve their virginity still fall to temptations.

God bless.

I could repeat exactly what you said using all 10 commandments you want to see. "God forgives and heals us all, no matter what mistakes we've all made. Even those that manage not to kill someone fall into temptation." See what I did there I could say that sentence with different examples all day. I don't get what your trying to do here. That guy explained that this topic was for Virgin and yet you feel the need to butt in because you've lost it and try to sway other people that it isn't a big deal. Its not a big deal, stealing a piece of candy from the store is no big deal but I'm not going to tell everyone to do it.

 

[zaoman32]

Its not the most precious thing in the world but when the media are making it out that the guys who have the most sex are the best and girls flock to them. I think its a resposiblity to give people props for doing a good thing. I drink and stuff but I'm not going to dismiss a non drinker I'm going to give them props for being able to do that. I'm convinced that being a virgin is a bad thing and I'd rather not be one. So when one person says something good about being one its refreshing and you defending a sin isn't doing anyone any good. You've sinned so have I in different ways so get over it a sin is a sin. If you want props go to a porno site.

Number one, this response made little sense if any. But from what did make sense...seems a little hypocritical to be slamming somebody about sin by being insulting, judging, and using sarcasm. She wasn't defending sin, neither has anyone else. No one said being a virgin was a bad thing. But again, keeping our minds on sexual matters good intentions or not, can easily breed sexual immorality. You do an awful lot of judging for someone who is so self righteous, especially in this case. Did you ever think that the majority of us on here who aren't virgins either are, or have been married? And if you did, I'd be curious to know whether or not you just jumped to the conclusion that most, if not all, of us lost our virginity before we were married. You do an awful lot of judging and finger pointing for someone who is so righteous.

 

[seoulsearch]

I could repeat exactly what you said using all 10 commandments you want to see. "God forgives and heals us all, no matter what mistakes we've all made. Even those that manage not to kill someone fall into temptation." See what I did there I could say that sentence with different examples all day. I don't get what your trying to do here. That guy explained that this topic was for Virgin and yet you feel the need to butt in because you've lost it and try to sway other people that it isn't a big deal. Its not a big deal, stealing a piece of candy from the store is no big deal but I'm not going to tell everyone to do it.

Why yes, Greenguy.

I am not a virgin, true, nor am I perfect in any way. But I would not that having sex with one's spouse is a good excuse for no longer being a virgin. In any situation, purity is a struggle for anyone.

By the way, I'm guessing that at the time, my husband was GLAD I didn't stay a virgin when I married him (impressively, he was a virgin even though he had been in long-term relationships and was not a Christian), or else it would have been an even more difficult marriage than it already was!! So yes, when I was 23, I was married, and SHOCK!!! NOT a virgin because I was daring enough to have sex... with my husband, who married me as a virgin.

I like to know a little bit more about people's stories here... that's why I encourage people to share about themselves. And, my husband went on to leave me and marry someone else. I'm not sure if you've ever been in a situation where the church tells you how wonderful marriage is and other Christians basically say, "When you marry, you can finally have sex!"

So you marry, and have sex with your spouse, and your spouse decides he'd rather be with someone else, and leaves for her. So then everything you know, the marriage, the companionship, and yes, the intimacy, get ripped out of your life all at once and there are no "legal" outlets. I didn't go wild by any means--I pretty much locked myself away from the world--but I've experienced a bit of the struggle from several different angles.

And yes, citing your example, I've spoken to men in prison who have murdered (for one in particular, it was his own parents), and, yes, God does forgive their sins as well.

I am by no means glorifying or trying to polish up sin. I never said AT ALL in my post that people should go out and have illicit sex. I simply asked the OP what his own experience was because I like to know where people are coming from.

But, as others have said, being a virgin isn't the brass ring of Christianity, nor does it mean that staying one guarantees a happy marriage. I grew up in a church that basically worshipped virginity, as others have said, and it can set people up for a lot of very high, unrealistic expectations that lead to disappointment, disillusionment, and, divorce. Some people also feel they are better than others because they've kept their virginity, which is also untrue. They've done a wonderful thing by keeping God's command, but that doesn't mean they have a right to look down on others, either.

Of course I believe in following God's commands. Have I followed them perfectly? Of course not! But I also believe in being realistic about life, and that means things are going to go wrong, which is an opportunity to also remind people of God's grace.

 

[seoulsearch]

The thing is though people that are non virgins can still do good for our society even more then virgins. When a Virgin like me says having sex is bad it sounds like sour grapes but if you non virgins talked more about how them doing it with some random person was a mistake I think more people would be willing to listen. However that will never happen because they are too proud of their conquests to say it might have been a mistake.

I'm not a virgin, as stated above. I was married for 2 years before he left for his girlfriend.

And I've never had sex with a random person, so it's not something I can speak about from experience, sorry. But yes, I am a non-virgin. Sorry to disappoint you. As I said, I've had struggles and mistakes as well. I had one other guy I was engaged to (at a different time in life, of course!!) whom I was with for 4 years and yes, it was challenging.

I was also in 3-year relationship (again, at another time) in which he became abusive, and I left because he didn't listen when I told him I was NOT interested in what he kept asking for. I got to a point where I was filled with so much hate I couldn't stand it anymore.

But, I never "conquered" anyone... nor would I be proud of it. I'm not condemning anyone who may have been in that situation--I can only speak from my own experience--I've had friends from all walks of life, and always try to remind anyone, from any background, that yes, God forgives and heals.

We should try to make the best choices possible but if life goes a different route, God doesn't turn His back on us.

 

[seoulsearch]

Sorry for the triple post, but one other thing, Greenguy.

Hopefully you won't find yourself in this situation ever, but I can tell you that when you grow up in church being told to keep your virginity like it's gold, then marrying someone and being able to have "legal" sex, then having that all taken away because he wants to have sex with someone else, and having to go back to living life alone, it's a special, and very difficult challenge of purity all in its own.

Because all you want is to find someone to love you (especially after rejection) and have that closeness again. Many people in this forum were married and cheated on, left behind, or widowed, and yes, therefore, non-virgins.

I had two long-term relationships after my divorce was finalized in which I had struggles, issues, and failures. After that, I've pretty much avoided anything except friendship because I never met anyone I could see marrying and because I was trying to avoid any temptations.

I know this probably won't count on your scale of purity as being worth anything, but I haven't had sex in over 10 years, and that was during the time (age range) when most people are "living it up". It's been tough, and sometimes very sad and lonely.

This is a simple example, but it's almost like finally getting your license and then suddenly being told you have to stop driving and can't drive again until you get married. In fact, you can't even get into a car with anyone until then.

Believe me, I can sympathize well with the struggles people go through over purity, and at many different stages in life.

 

[MissCris]

Its not the most precious thing in the world but when the media are making it out that the guys who have the most sex are the best and girls flock to them. I think its a resposiblity to give people props for doing a good thing. I drink and stuff but I'm not going to dismiss a non drinker I'm going to give them props for being able to do that. I'm convinced that being a virgin is a bad thing and I'd rather not be one. So when one person says something good about being one its refreshing and you defending a sin isn't doing anyone any good. You've sinned so have I in different ways so get over it a sin is a sin. If you want props go to a porno site.

I don't know if you just didn't read what I wrote, or if you simply misunderstood, but I was not "dismissing" virgins, and I do not condone sleeping around.

You'll have a better time on this site if you tone down the assumptions and judgy, angry sounding stuff.

 

[resurrection33]

The thing is though people that are non virgins can still do good for our society even more then virgins. When a Virgin like me says having sex is bad it sounds like sour grapes but if you non virgins talked more about how them doing it with some random person was a mistake I think more people would be willing to listen. However that will never happen because they are too proud of their conquests to say it might have been a mistake.

This is a great post. However, there are a some of us who are willing to admit to our mistake.

 

[rachelsedge]

Here's my take on it.

I'm a virgin. I'm waiting until marriage to give that gift to my husband. I also want to stay sexually pure as a whole: Watching my thoughts, setting boundaries, not "seeing how far I can go", etc. Purity is more than virginity. THAT is what I'd look for in a partner. What are their thoughts on sexual purity as a whole, as well as waiting until marriage? Are they flippant about it or is it important to them? How do they view modesty? What kind of boundaries do they think is appropriate?

I don't really care for the phrase "Mistakes happen". Is it true? Yes. But, to me, it sounds like a cop out of sorts and almost like an excuse to do it again (i.e., "mistakes happening" with every boyfriend/girlfriend). I think it should be followed with a "but". "I made mistakes in the past, but I have now vowed to be committed to keeping myself pure, in more than just the physical sense." Not just a shrug of the shoulders and "Eh, mistakes happen." I'm not saying that's the attitude of anyone on this thread, just a personal thing with me and that phrase.

Point being, think I'd care more about someone's thoughts on sexual purity now rather than focus on mistakes they've made before. Maybe they did push limits with a girl before. Maybe they have slept with someone before. But what is their character now? Have they repented or does it not matter much to them? I'm not saying they have to be in a constant state of self-pity and sorrow at their past actions. But I think their attitude about their past actions could definitely be an insight to their attitude about sexual purity now. If they don't care that they weren't sexually pure in past relationships, it's likely they won't care to respect your boundaries, either.

 

[presidente]

You ever wonder why sexual sin is not brought up frequently in the bible? Or when why it is brought up it's typically compiled in the middle of other sins and the most in depth discussion on it is when Jesus says lusting for someone in our heart is considered adultery?

There are some lengthy passages on it. Leviticus 18 talks about it. Compared to other passages on other subjects, the passages on the penalty for losing virginity and getting married off as one was reasonably long enough in the Old Testament. Paul spends half a chapter or so on fornication in I Corinthians 6, after chapter 5 says to not keep company with a fornicator. It comes up quite a bit in Paul's letters. Matthew 19 talks about adultery in the context of divorce, and that passage is several verses. The topic does keep showing up quite a bit.

I spoke with someone who regularly went to SAA meetings, eventually he had to quite going because the more he went there the more he realized that these people were solving nothing for themselves, they were talking about sex, recounting their slip ups from the past week, and rather than anyone recovering, they were getting off by hearing each other recount their stories and it would propel them into action later in the week.

Hearing passages of scripture on not fornicating never got me excited. I could see how a detailed account of a sex addicts escapades could tempt another sex addict. I wonder if men go to the meeting to pick up women.

The more time we spend thinking and hearing and reading up on these matters, the more our mind is fixed on sexual matters. Good or bad intentions, whether to get free of a sexual addiction, or abstain, dwelling on it keeps it on our mind, and becomes our focus and the longer it's on our mind, the more the temptation is there. The longer it stays, the longer it has the ability to attach itself and feed.

When I was in my 20's and single, I would hang out with a brother who was quite a bit older than me, a seminary student who liked to teach scripture. We'd talk about the Bible and various related topics. I mentioned something about sex and change the subject quickly. He said he remember being like that, before marriage, not wanting to talk or think about sex. He said after marriage, it was not such a big deal. It was a part of life, and something he wasn't as scared to talk about.

God had Moses reading the Law to everyone, including babies, children, singles, and married adults. There are laws in there about circumcision, menstruation, not committing adultery, the penalty for losing virginity before marriage, how to handle seduction of a virgin, laws against homosexual behavior, bestiality, and incest. There is a lot of that in the Torah. Yet the children were supposed to hear it from a young age. Ezra read the law to the people, also.

 

[GreenNnice]

God is our judge, and, He's just. What others say to you, on the large scale of things, even, small, shouldn't matter much, if they are criticizing you about virginity or any other sin. Those are folks, the Lord leads, you probably don't want to be associating with. Job had friends and they began judging him and God was not pleased with these friends then of Job.

Just trying to say here that God Loves us and others who judge us of any sin are just not doing what the bible says we should do, and, it's Love one another. God convicts us inside our heart of things we do wrong, and, He does not want us to do the same to our friends, or, enemies, for that matter.

We just can't be God, only God can look at the heart of man, or, woman, we can try as we might but we will ONLY get as far as looking at outward appearances. We just can't see in to someone's heart and thoughts and ideas, and, this is especially the reason why we are not to judge others. Plus, Scripture says, quit worrying about the sawdust spec (of sin) in your brother's eye when you got a board in your own eye.

I think, there's much wisdom in that . When you are telling others that they have made mistakes becuase of having sex before marriage you are often with something in your own life that you made a mistake on that's even bigger.

We should Love God with all our heart, mind, soul, and, He wants us to live our lives with understanding that He will handle everything of sin that is done, we are not to brood contempt and blame on someone for something they've done. We are to come up beside them and let them know that we all sin all the time, and, we all need to bring our sins to the throne of grace, where God gives mercy to us all for bringing them to Him

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I think regeneratedman is just saying a general statement, he is not intending to bring acccusation to anyone, it might sound like it, but he's not bore judgment on anyone, he's just mentioned a way to go through life that will have one in a good way of doing things .

 

[resurrection33]

God is our judge, and, He's just. What others say to you, on the large scale of things, even, small, shouldn't matter much, if they are criticizing you about virginity or any other sin. Those are folks, the Lord leads, you probably don't want to be associating with. Job had friends and they began judging him and God was not pleased with these friends then of Job.

Just trying to say here that God Loves us and others who judge us of any sin are just not doing what the bible says we should do, and, it's Love one another. God convicts us inside our heart of things we do wrong, and, He does not want us to do the same to our friends, or, enemies, for that matter.

We just can't be God, only God can look at the heart of man, or, woman, we can try as we might but we will ONLY get as far as looking at outward appearances. We just can't see in to someone's heart and thoughts and ideas, and, this is especially the reason why we are not to judge others. Plus, Scripture says, quit worrying about the sawdust spec (of sin) in your brother's eye when you got a board in your own eye.

I think, there's much wisdom in that . When you are telling others that they have made mistakes becuase of having sex before marriage you are often with something in your own life that you made a mistake on that's even bigger.

We should Love God with all our heart, mind, soul, and, He wants us to live our lives with understanding that He will handle everything of sin that is done, we are not to brood contempt and blame on someone for something they've done. We are to come up beside them and let them know that we all sin all the time, and, we all need to bring our sins to the throne of grace, where God gives mercy to us all for bringing them to Him

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I think regeneratedman is just saying a general statement, he is not intending to bring acccusation to anyone, it might sound like it, but he's not bore judgment on anyone, he's just mentioned a way to go through life that will have one in a good way of doing things .

When we resist the temptation to sin, we save ourselves a lot of trouble.

 

[sanglina]

I should have proofread. I meant do they value virgins more? Virginity is important and sex is an intimate and Godly gift, but I don't think virginity should be valued over character when seeking a mate.

I don't know how's it in the west or other parts of the world but where I come from, the two (virginity and character) are not exclusive of one another.

The ability to resist the flesh (in this case, fornication) reflects part of one's character and you can tell a lot about someone by virtue of him/her being able to resist the flesh. For instance, a godly man/woman is likely to fornicate. If I may generalize, majority of the people that fornicate (in the context of where I come from) are usually people that live for the moment without cares about the consequences, least about God's kingdom.

So, yeah, virginity reflect part of one's character and hence like I said before the two are not exclusive of one another, atleast in the context of where I come from.

 

[Chainhand]

If you had a daughter, would you try to exert some influence over her, and if so, would you encourage her to date virgins or would you encourage her to date non-virgins?

Not being a parent, I wouldn't tend to think I would try to exert any additional influence over my children, over what is natural as head of a family unit. Love them, care about them, be there for them, correct them if they need it, and most importantly, introduce them to Jesus as soon as possible. Absolutely emphasize to them the importance of abstaining until they marry.

But I wouldn't encourage them to date anyone other than who they think God would have them date, no matter what is in that person's past. Be vigilant of course, and if you see someone you think they are making a mistake in seeing, tell them by all means.

I honestly don't really think God uses ground rules such as that to decide who to match up with whom. Last time I tried telling God what His plan was for something, I got smacked so hard you wouldn't believe it.

I'm not disagreeing that it is important to abstain before marriage. I just think a lot of folks sound slightly judgmental towards those who haven't. Jesus told the lady at the well to go and sin no more... once someone repents and asks forgiveness, there isn't anything they can do besides move on. They are not second class Christians or in any way inferior, that is for God to judge. (I'm not saying you think that, but I think a lot of them get that impression by the way this issue is often handled.)

 

[mystdancer50]

Wow.

Here's my take (lightly) on virginity: No, it does not make you more valuable or special than those that do not wait for marriage. However, those that wait for marriage do have something special that those that did not wait do not have. It is not some flippant topic that can be tossed around to justify our past. I think that we, as Christians, have gotten caught up in the mentality of covering ourselves in fig leaves, hoping God won't notice.

Yes, we are new creations in Christ and yes, our pasts do not define us, however, there are consequences from our pasts and reaping from what was sown. So, do virgins until marriage have something special that God admires? Yes they do indeed. Do those that didn't wait for marriage have something special that God admires? Yes, of course they do. We are all equal in His eyes. Consider this, though. With any sin, there are consequences and damages that come. Yet, the Bible does say that sexual sin is greatly damaging. It says in 1 Corinthians 6:6-20 (The Message):

There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

I get it. We all have made choices in our lives that we regret. We have all rebelled. We have all sinned. We all need grace. However, don't downplay the importance of saving yourself for marriage because it makes someone feel better about not waiting. There is truly a beauty to waiting for marriage. Fornication was not an accident or a slip, it was a choice, just like all our sinful rebellion is a choice.

I think we enter a dangerous place when we attempt to make people feel good about their pasts. As we said, our pasts do not define us, so why justify, excuse or make it better? Leave it there. It's the past. Bring, instead, the truth to the forefront and declare, "Yes. It is good to be a virgin. It truly is a sacred gift to be given only to one person: your spouse. Once you give this gift away, be it all at once, or in little pieces here and there, it's gone forever. There is no going back."

 

[greenguy23]

Why yes, Greenguy.

I am not a virgin, true, nor am I perfect in any way. But I would not that having sex with one's spouse is a good excuse for no longer being a virgin. In any situation, purity is a struggle for anyone.

By the way, I'm guessing that at the time, my husband was GLAD I didn't stay a virgin when I married him (impressively, he was a virgin even though he had been in long-term relationships and was not a Christian), or else it would have been an even more difficult marriage than it already was!! So yes, when I was 23, I was married, and SHOCK!!! NOT a virgin because I was daring enough to have sex... with my husband, who married me as a virgin.

I like to know a little bit more about people's stories here... that's why I encourage people to share about themselves. And, my husband went on to leave me and marry someone else. I'm not sure if you've ever been in a situation where the church tells you how wonderful marriage is and other Christians basically say, "When you marry, you can finally have sex!"

So you marry, and have sex with your spouse, and your spouse decides he'd rather be with someone else, and leaves for her. So then everything you know, the marriage, the companionship, and yes, the intimacy, get ripped out of your life all at once and there are no "legal" outlets. I didn't go wild by any means--I pretty much locked myself away from the world--but I've experienced a bit of the struggle from several different angles.

And yes, citing your example, I've spoken to men in prison who have murdered (for one in particular, it was his own parents), and, yes, God does forgive their sins as well.

I am by no means glorifying or trying to polish up sin. I never said AT ALL in my post that people should go out and have illicit sex. I simply asked the OP what his own experience was because I like to know where people are coming from.

But, as others have said, being a virgin isn't the brass ring of Christianity, nor does it mean that staying one guarantees a happy marriage. I grew up in a church that basically worshipped virginity, as others have said, and it can set people up for a lot of very high, unrealistic expectations that lead to disappointment, disillusionment, and, divorce. Some people also feel they are better than others because they've kept their virginity, which is also untrue. They've done a wonderful thing by keeping God's command, but that doesn't mean they have a right to look down on others, either.

Of course I believe in following God's commands. Have I followed them perfectly? Of course not! But I also believe in being realistic about life, and that means things are going to go wrong, which is an opportunity to also remind people of God's grace.

Sorry if I came off harsh it was just I thought people were trying to dismiss it like it didn't matter. I think it matters but like you said God forgives mistakes. I just think the kids these days and the media and doing everything they can to make it seem like the person that has the most sex rules. Yes a lot of it is sour grapes if I was more successful with girls I most likely wouldn't be a virgin. However I know that if I would have accomplished what I wanted I might have caught something or got a girl pregnant and might be worse off. However I don't feel better off I feel like a virgin that can't get girls. So I can just imagine how highschool kids are meant to feel when everyone is telling them its no big deal and the coolest guys have the most sex. I just wished their were more positive voices to steer us in the right path instead of half the people saying "the coolest guys have the most sex" and the other half are saying "its no big deal"

Also when I brought up killers I was just talking about how I can use that sentence to say anything. However my other comparison is how I actually feel about it. Its like shoplifting a candy bar its not a huge deal and its not really going to do any harm. However I'm not going to tell kids to do it.