Is it okay to side hug when you have a boyfriend?

[AAAPlus]

God bless everyone!

I'm having a little bump with my boyfriend.
I am 21 years old and have been with him for a year.
He is awesome and I love him and I know and feel he loves me as well.
With our spiritual lives we think things a little differently at times, he is more strict than I am. A lot of the times we do agree.
But sometimes I don't know if I'm wrong or he's overdoing it.

In the beginning he told me he wouldn't like me hugging other guys because I have to becareful with myself and my testimony. And also because he doesn't like it. He also doesn't like me giving cheek kisses to strangers. I believe that girls should absolutely be careful but if the person is your friend I don't see how a side hug is bad.
Last night in our youth service a friend that I hadn't seen in a while came by and I gave him a side hug. I told my boyfriend this because he asks me how I say hi to people and he wasn't to happy. He said I did it because I didn't care that he doesn't like that I do that. I told him I didn't feel bad or wrong in giving my old friend a side hug.
I don't know if it's him being a boy and being jealous or what.
But my question is this:

If I know he doesn't like it when I give hugs (no matter if it's a side hug),
If I do have a boyfriend
If I am a Christian,

Is it wrong for me to give a side hug to a male friend knowing all of those things?

These folks are right in that it's probably a jealousy thing. But is that just the tip of the iceberg? Well, that's for you to decide. In a Christian relationship, it's a man's job to lead the couple spiritually. That means it's paramount for you to decide if this is a man who you trust to guide you spiritually. By what he has done so far, do you think he is going to lead you the best that he can for your benefit, or will he be selfish and petty? If he will just make you miserable later on, you need to evaluate if it makes sense to be with him anymore.

None of us can tell you what's right. But it's important for you to figure that out.

 

[Edson]

As stupid as this may seem to many, this is a very relavent question to ask. I myself find the lines of 'Yes babe, you may do that' or 'No babe, please don't do that.' all a bit overstated at times. But, I love my girlfriend and she loves me. What we do to our best is: strive for a relationship with two individuals both contributing to the flurishment of the relationship in the Christ like manner as much, and as best we can.

Hope this helps.

Blessings
Edson Klaassen

 

[reject-tech]

Unfortunately, it all comes down to this -
Which is more important, making him happy, or being able to side hug another guy friend?

And, is he as willing to sacrifice such things for your comfort?

The reality is, it will either come to a head, or you will silently sacrifice for his comfort, whether he appreciates it or not.
There's also the possibility that he will change his opinion. I'll pray along with you for that.

 

[cmarieh]

GET OUT!!!! I know it may sound harsh, but this is a signal that he is controlling and has the tendancies of abusive behavior. He may be good to you and everything else is great, but this is a giant billboard that you can still get out of. You deserve someone who will trust you in being with friends and giving hugs to others. Although we need to be careful when we hug someone of the opposite sex, but what he is doing is despicable. See when things get a little more serious, he will have you stop spending time with your friends and family. If you value their relationship you need to do what is best. I am sorry if this upset you and that was not my intention, but you need to take a step back and look at your relationship with him objectively.

 

[Groovy_Dan]

I never hug my male friends. Most of my friends are male. I don't even kiss 'em on the cheek. Oh, I kissed one of them on the cheek because he was a bit feminine
My ex did kiss his female friends on the cheek, maybe that's why we broke up lol

Really.....get a grip - Hugging/cheek Kissing etc was common place in Judea just as it is in a lot of places on earth today. Its an outward sign of friendship, welcome and care and above all respect.

Seriously though - get a grip....Jesus encourages the fellowship of friends, it's what encourages ministry.

I wish people would stop fussing over seemingly pointless minor hang ups and simply walk with Him in our lives with each other just as we are commanded.

 

[respekt]

Really.....get a grip - Hugging/cheek Kissing etc was common place in Judea just as it is in a lot of places on earth today. Its an outward sign of friendship, welcome and care and above all respect.

Seriously though - get a grip....Jesus encourages the fellowship of friends, it's what encourages ministry.

I wish people would stop fussing over seemingly pointless minor hang ups and simply walk with Him in our lives with each other just as we are commanded.

Well, unfortunately I live in Indonesia and we just don't get used to that sort of fellowship. People would think I was trying to flirt. If you come here, then you realize what it is like.

 

[Balletlover]

Personally I think even hugging the person you are dating shouldn't be done. Have you read "I kissed dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris? It's a really good book that explains on how anything from hugging to kissing can eventually lead to more. It's not that hugging in and of itself is wrong but it can lead to other things. Let us say you hug today and tomorrow you hug for a longer amount of time and you kiss. Then you kiss for a longer amount of time and you start touching each other on the third day. Physical touching of any sort can excite the body and make you more susceptible to compromising your values. It's just better to be safe than sorry.


Also I would tell your boyfriend that if he thinks it is wrong for you to be hugging other guys, then he and you need to stop hugging as well. Since you all are not married yet you shouldn't be hugging if he doesn't want you hugging others. Obviously he feels that hugging (even side hugs) are not to be given freely. So since this guy is not your husband yet you shouldn't hug him either. He does seem a bit controlling though so I would watch out for that. No, I don't think hugging is something to do with everyone of the opposite sex, but he doesn't need to be so controlling about it.


I believe that the more you wait for, the better the marriage will be. I've never even danced with a guy! LOL I want to give that to my one and only someday.
This is just my opinion. I am very conservative so you might think it's strange but that's OK. Talk to God about it and see how you feel personally. God bless!

 

[TheKringledOne]

Is he afraid that a side hug is a gateway hug?

 

[Anna20fAustralia]

"Side-hugs" seem a bit weird to me to be honest. However, I do wonder if it is fair on the guys. I know its not the thing to say, but guys to have very strong feelings and perhaps girls are not aware of that. A hug might just be a hug for me, but if it drives a guy crazy it is perhaps better not to tease him. A guy's perspective on this would be intereting.

 

[Stuey]

Depends on the situation and the person. I prefer real hugs, but side hugs are ok as well. To me it does send the message that I'm keeping my distance from you.