How to debate without getting personal?

[RickShafer]

How do we engage in bible discussions without it getting personal?
How do we do that?
I've seen it happen over and over to others, and it happens to me as well.
How can we make our point without jabbing in the lance?

Face to face we would be much nicer to each other.
We all like to be right.
But what good is it is if all we are doing is offending each other?
What are some good ground rules to remember?

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
- O.K. , now how do we put that into action on this site?

Is it a matter of just being nice?
Can we be nice and right?
Can we be nice and wrong?

Is it possible to make a cogent argument without offending the other?
It must be possible, lawyers do it all the time.
But we arn't lawyers. True, we are held to a higher standard.

I'm just wondering if it's possible?

 

[jerusalem]

i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me........it is more than possible. successful communications happen all the time.

 

[RickShafer]

Amen jerusalem!
That's the attitude we have to take.
"I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me."
Who strengthens me? (Not my own backbone)
But Jesus does to love , even over and above having to always be right.
Now that we know that, it's putting it into practice that is the issue.
- "But I'm right!!!" (we say)
- - "So what??" (God says)
- - - "Can you give a cup of water to one of these little ones without cutting their head off?" (God asks)
- - - - (We are All little ones to God.)

 

[resurrection33]

How do we engage in bible discussions without it getting personal?
How do we do that?
I've seen it happen over and over to others, and it happens to me as well.
How can we make our point without jabbing in the lance?

Face to face we would be much nicer to each other.
We all like to be right.
But what good is it is if all we are doing is offending each other?
What are some good ground rules to remember?

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
- O.K. , now how do we put that into action on this site?

Is it a matter of just being nice?
Can we be nice and right?
Can we be nice and wrong?

Is it possible to make a cogent argument without offending the other?
It must be possible, lawyers do it all the time.
But we arn't lawyers. True, we are held to a higher standard.

I'm just wondering if it's possible?

In the beginning we are imperfect. One of our imperfections is that we are rude. In other words, we like to insult people who don’t say what we want them to say. Sooner or later we grow out of that.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

I've never understood why people "jab in the lance" while debating. Is the debate worth being rude, mean, critical and down right attacking the other person.

Were grown up's people, not just that, but were christian grown up's.
Treat others like you want to be treated.

 

[Tethered]

I can propose a couple of methods:
Brain-storm behaviors, motives, language and perceptions that incite or qualm 'getting personal'
Look at existing conversations, identify how conflict grew or dispelled and why others discussions on sensitive topics didn't and make note of differences.

Most of the time, when I forum-talk, I ask myself 2 questions: how does will this be perceived? and what is the goal here? I find it rare that 'jabs' are the best answer.

The other side of the coin is; when in the presence of provocative talk, what ways of handling it are there, and what effect does it have? eg. Options in the presence of people using Ad-homonims directly or indirectly (I believe there is a time and place for each one of these responses):
Appeal that the behaviour reinforces negative stereotypes, so that other community members can join in.
Attack the other person for doing so
Point out the offending logic (A) make a big deal out of it, (B) state as a passing comment.
Ignore
Parry the ad-hom by trying the understand the feelings behind it, but acknowledge that it doesn't help the conversation (use the 'I' pronoun, avoid the 'You' pronoun).
Guilt the other party; accept the ad-hominim as possible, but declare how it feels and that it's unfair.

 

[Grey]

Avoid ad hominem attacks? Its hard though for everyone including myself.

 

[homwardbound]

How do we engage in bible discussions without it getting personal?
How do we do that?
I've seen it happen over and over to others, and it happens to me as well.
How can we make our point without jabbing in the lance?

Face to face we would be much nicer to each other.
We all like to be right.
But what good is it is if all we are doing is offending each other?
What are some good ground rules to remember?

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
- O.K. , now how do we put that into action on this site?

Is it a matter of just being nice?
Can we be nice and right?
Can we be nice and wrong?

Is it possible to make a cogent argument without offending the other?
It must be possible, lawyers do it all the time.
But we arn't lawyers. True, we are held to a higher standard.

I'm just wondering if it's possible?

[h=3]Proverbs 15:1[/h]King James Version (KJV)

15 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

I can post and if angry, grievous words will be noticed, and is of the flesh. We all have this wired in our unredeemed bodies
So when one starts it whether they mean to or not, the ripple effect grows and it takes trust in God's way of God's love, not to overlook it, rather how to answer it.
I know that I can say to my dog I love you in a hateful voice and the dog does what? Cringes, just as humans do or attack, Fight or flight is the flesh's answer.
maybe asking God for God's words to flow through you, might change the tones, and we all just might learn some Gold nugget from each other. Is not this why this site was created for?
1 Corinthians 3:3
For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men?

Avoiding the above verse or better yet overcoming that verse from Paul above, I think would for each of us that do believe that we start considering ourselves dead to flesh sin, carnal nature by the death of Christ and then alive to God in the resurrection of Christ, and just maybe God will show us each how to renew our minds to God's way of thinkng
Hmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is this possible?
I think so, I know I have learned a lot here, whether it was someone going against or for. It matters not to me, because I know by God's way of thinking, God will and does discern truth in me as to what to say or not say, as in what to do or not do.
You know just as Christ was led, by the same Holy Ghost that was upon Christ before the ministry of God just love you came to be shown. So can one recieve this type of love of God best described in 1cor 13:4-13, in our unredeemed flesh? Is it possible? Okay and 1 cor 13 is usually used for to convict right and feel quilty over and over right?
When in truth God wants to spread this love of Him throughout our new self, that God gives us by the resurrected Chirst
[h=3]Romans 6:4[/h]King James Version (KJV)

[SUP]4 [/SUP]Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

Maybe then we might be able to:
Lesson our judgement of others. We never see the whole picture. Never.
there are 1,000 reasons a person can behave a particular way. We don't know what is going on in their movie that motivates them to act in that way. I never know how I'd behave if I were in the other shoes. Today little by little, it would be good to learn to be more forgiving. Learn to where we can come from a place of help, rather than Judgement.

Judgements are only based on what one sees, from their owns thoughts. From their own experiences. There is truly only one that knows all. that one would be and is the creator of all.
If one learns to listen to the creator as Jesus Christ revealed to all mankind. (Christ taught us, to do nothing or say nothing w/o Father's instruction first and foremost), we would make the right judgements, with out condemnation. ( coming from the one listening),much less likely
The ones that argued would reveal their true selves, as was done in the day of visitation from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Steer clear from arguements, seek the truth in all things and one shall be free from the world and it's traps.

 

[homwardbound]

i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me........it is more than possible. successful communications happen all the time.

So maybe just plant and water trusting God to give the increase to us as well as others, holding ourselves accountable whenever we know we are wrong, and if we don't hold our wraths, Is that so hard. Come on all lets grow in this amazing grace God has suplied to all of us through Christ.

 

[Stephen63]

How do we engage in bible discussions without it getting personal?
How do we do that?
I've seen it happen over and over to others, and it happens to me as well.
How can we make our point without jabbing in the lance?

Face to face we would be much nicer to each other.
We all like to be right.
But what good is it is if all we are doing is offending each other?
What are some good ground rules to remember?

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
- O.K. , now how do we put that into action on this site?

Is it a matter of just being nice?
Can we be nice and right?
Can we be nice and wrong?

Is it possible to make a cogent argument without offending the other?
It must be possible, lawyers do it all the time.
But we arn't lawyers. True, we are held to a higher standard.

I'm just wondering if it's possible?

It is possible under normal circumstances. As you know, not all debates on here are normal. Some aren't debates at all. Some are person A getting poked constantly by person B until person A pokes back. Then person A is labeled by B & C as "immature", "shallow", "fake", etc., etc. It is a ploy, a setup. You see, when B & C can't win the arguement properly, they resort to defamation of character & reputation to make their opponent "unbelievable". That is the only way they can win. It is sinful, out of the pits of Hell. Their fruit lacks love, nuturing, & support. Just because they use the Bible doesn't mean they know the Author.

 

[SarahM777]

It is possible under normal circumstances. As you know, not all debates on here are normal. Some aren't debates at all. Some are person A getting poked constantly by person B until person A pokes back. Then person A is labeled by B & C as "immature", "shallow", "fake", etc., etc. It is a ploy, a setup. You see, when B & C can't win the arguement properly, they resort to defamation of character & reputation to make their opponent "unbelievable". That is the only way they can win. It is sinful, out of the pits of Hell. Their fruit lacks love, nuturing, & support. Just because they use the Bible doesn't mean they know the Author.

But you also at times have person A "seeing" person B & C as attacking them at times when B & C have not done that. We have to remember this is the internet not face to face. One can not tell the inflection of what is being when one can only read what is being said.

 

[maxwel]

"How to debate without getting personal?"


I'm not sure I even like this topic...

and I'm starting to take it kind of personal.

: )

 

[Stephen63]

But you also at times have person A "seeing" person B & C as attacking them at times when B & C have not done that. We have to remember this is the internet not face to face. One can not tell the inflection of what is being when one can only read what is being said.

Matthew 7:16-20 (KJV)
[SUP]16 [/SUP]Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? [SUP]17 [/SUP]Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. [SUP]18 [/SUP]A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. [SUP]19 [/SUP]Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. [SUP]20 [/SUP]Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

 

[RickShafer]

Stick to scripture.
But then again different interpretations of the same lead to exclamation points.

So if I say "thus and thus", and you say "this and this",.....and the 'this' and the 'thus' disagree;........it tends to fall into the category of "vain disputations".

 

[Jordache]

I'm not sure if it will ever happen in such a large venue as this. We can control what we write but we cannot control how its received. We all have filters and we can overcome them but its nearly impossible in an online forum where you cannot read tone of voice or body language.

 

[homwardbound]

So let us all maybe pray this:
[h=3]Ephesians 3:16-18[/h]New King James Version (NKJV)

[SUP]16 [/SUP]that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, [SUP]17 [/SUP]that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, [SUP]18 [/SUP]may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—

 

[Jeshuvan]

Hi.it is possible to discuss without it getting personal,its quite easy if u let Gods Word do all the work 4 u.What ever the subject may be,open gods Word to the scripture and ask the person 2 read it out loud so u can hear also.The Bible states that faith comes by hearing and hearing of Gods Word.So whats happening is the person is getting a double whammy and they dont even know it,Amen.U r sowing the seed of Gods Word into their life,by them seeing it gets deposited into their spirit and as they read aloud they hear Gods Word,that produces life and its no longer your opinion its Gods Word ,amen GBU John.Works 4 me all the time.Jesus even used the Word.

 

[Jordache]

Jeshuvan I politely disagree. Yes YOU can debate without it getting personal. YOU can control your responses, but YOU have no control over the responses of another. Even using scripture doesn't change this. Scripture is personal. It was written that way. It was meant to be that way. You can't separate your personal response to scripture and scripture itself.

 

[homwardbound]

Jeshuvan I politely disagree. Yes YOU can debate without it getting personal. YOU can control your responses, but YOU have no control over the responses of another. Even using scripture doesn't change this. Scripture is personal. It was written that way. It was meant to be that way. You can't separate your personal response to scripture and scripture itself.

But Sister you can separate your personal response to others, even when others do not do this themselves, and this is done by us being led by God
I know what you say, about getting under our skin, and this is nothing more than the flesh being in the way of our responses. I am still learning this as well.
Thanks for the post

 

[Jordache]

I agree, but my point is there are multiple people involved and the only one you can control is you.