Compliment debt?

[PopClick]

I'm not an effusive person. But when I meet someone who is, it's hard not to feel like I have to "return" compliments. The thing is, if I only said something because I felt like I had to, then it would be fake, you know? So here's a question for the effusive people. When you're talking to someone who isn't returning your compliments, do you just assume that they aren't effusive, or do you think that they're purposefully taking compliments and never repaying them?

Just to clarify, I'm not the type to fish for compliments (unless they're for my goldfish ). And, for the sake of discussion, I'm not talking about flatterers or manipulators who say things that they don't really mean. I'm talking about people who are being genuine.

 

[Liamson]

I give a lot of compliments and I have no expectations. I feel like if the truth is an expression that could be delivered to positively impact someone then I say it.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I give compliments but never give much thought to any being returned. In fact, if they were returned like-for-like, I'd probably assume they were just "repayment" and that would make me kinda sad.

 

[jctraveler]

i'm 54 years old and, i confess, i had to look up the word effusive. haha

 

[kenthomas27]

ok...effusive.... Hang on a minute.............ok i'm back but the theranasaurus thing just came up with vociferous and something else, hang on.........ebullient? Stand by a second please .............................................................................................................Ok.

Thanks for your very thoughtful and intelligent question PopClick! Speaking for my own self, I'm not awfully ebullient or vociferous when complimenting another. Often I am the antonym of it or, what ya call, reserved and I do not seem to have any reservation for that ....um...part.

 

[GRA]

A true compliment neither desires nor deserves to be "returned" -- it is not meant to be traded - only given ...

 

[seoulsearch]

Hi Pop,

Great thread!!! I try to be an encouraging person (you'd probably never guess it from some of the things I post here! ) but also feel a little strange if someone is giving me a compliment and I haven't thought of something to say. (Sorry, I'm writing this more on the side of when someone gives me a compliment, which is definitely more awkward for me.)

Genuineness is always at the forefront for me--whatever I say has to be genuine, so I won't say anything unless it's truly what I believe.

But in some cases... I've honestly believed God is telling me I'm either reaping what I'm sowing (NOT in a boastful way because I'm sure much of it is very undeserved), but it's like God is there reminding me that He sees every small little thing we do for others, even if it's just a word of kindness.

There are also times as well when I believe God is telling me... Sometimes we are just meant to receive, and not do anything in return except practice being a gracious receiver. God Himself hands out things all the time that we can neither repay nor respond to in the magnitude that the action might deserve... So I genuinely believe that sometimes God may lead someone to say something kind to us just to remind us that He gives out His unmerited grace, blessings, and favor on a continuous basis... and sometimes, all He wants us to do is receive in love, just as we have done our best at times to give in love.

I think that the majority of people here give compliments as a genuine expression of their heart... not because they're hoping for something in return. But God, being who He is... often gives us something back many times over anyway.

 

[MissCris]

I feel super uncomfortable around people who deliver compliments in every other sentence. Because I say "thank you" every time, and after the second one, I sound like a broken record, and they're still on a roll, saying totally different things and being all...nice...

And sometimes I try to return compliments, like, if someone says "Hey, you know, I really love your hair" I'll be all, "Thanks! I really like the way you...tied...your...shoes."

And then I turn bright red and duck and run for cover.

It's not that I can't tell someone something nice, it's just that I can't do so under pressure. I gotta think about it a while, and then sneak-attack them with it.

 

[Jullianna]

If I see something about/in someone that I appreciate, I tell them so, without expectation. I don't accept compliments well (they embarrass me for some reason), so I don't expect repayment.

 

[zaoman32]

I'm with Jullianna. I don't compliment nearly as often as I should, but I will when it's something that really stands out, and especially if I feel like it's something that's being overlooked or undervalued. But typically I don't give them often and feel like and uber jerk face when I get complimented and all I can think of to say is "uhhh....yeah...thanks?"

 

[CatHerder]

Compliments can be dangerous. The following happened to me, all in a two-week period:

I had had a minor conflict with my church's then choir director. That and being fed up with being in the music ministry in general had me telling God that I wasn't going to do church music anymore.
I didn't want to, but God had me compliment the choir director on how well the choir sounded one particular day, because they really did. The director then asked me to lead the orchestra.




So the moral of the story is to never compliment people or else God may have you doing something you told him you wouldn't do...ummm....yeah.


True story.

 

[kayem77]

I give compliments if I feel like it, and if the occasion calls for it. I think we should express positive feelings when possible, but I never really expect a compliment in exchange. I feel awkward when I receive compliments, especially if they are expressed in public ...though I do appreciate the feeling.

 

[LightningClap0002]

I give a lot of compliments and I have no expectations. I feel like if the truth is an expression that could be delivered to positively impact someone then I say it.

...
/agree

 

[Gary]

If I see something about/in someone that I appreciate, I tell them so, without expectation. I don't accept compliments well (they embarrass me for some reason), so I don't expect repayment.

Jullianna, I'd like to compliment you on your straight to-the-point post!

 

[Ugly]

I give compliments but never give much thought to any being returned. In fact, if they were returned like-for-like, I'd probably assume they were just "repayment" and that would make me kinda sad.

Though some people are not accustomed to, or don't know how to handle being complimented, and do to that may be unsure of how to respond. So the most obvious response is to give one back.



Also, though a compliment may be a 'payback' for your compliment, that doesn't make it insincere. Just because a person isn't naturally the type to give compliments doesn't mean they don't have positive thoughts about you. Only that they don't express them.

I know this as i am a person who has a hard time accepting compliments and giving them. I have been trying to be better about it, but some days are harder than others.

 

[KJV15John11]

I would gladly give you a compliment on Tuesday for a compliment today.

 

[Tintin]

I'm no stranger to offering compliments and I expect nothing in return but I do get annoyed when people are suspicious of my intentions and think I'm trying to 'butter them up'. Flattery's not my game, I hate that nonsense.

 

[GreenNnice]

I'm not an effusive person. But when I meet someone who is, it's hard not to feel like I have to "return" compliments. The thing is, if I only said something because I felt like I had to, then it would be fake, you know? So here's a question for the effusive people. When you're talking to someone who isn't returning your compliments, do you just assume that they aren't effusive, or do you think that they're purposefully taking compliments and never repaying them?

Just to clarify, I'm not the type to fish for compliments (unless they're for my goldfish ). And, for the sake of discussion, I'm not talking about flatterers or manipulators who say things that they don't really mean. I'm talking about people who are being genuine.

I think, you owe me some compliments, popclickety. 'Likes' are always acceptable trade value too


Seriously, nah, I don't think about that stuff, especiallly, not that I need a 'like' but, sometimes, OK, maybe, often, someone says something they are expecting me to respond to or compliment them back and I don't even know they have said anything to me because I misss it. Giving me a 'like' if you compliment me and not just do a post writing compliment will get me to click on the post more likely than not and respond.
Gotta remember, this is a social network and things are always moving, so, are our lives, which are in REAL TIME and christianchat.com , unless you are in the chatroom or PMing with someone, is not real time in the forums.
So, people got to realize we are not in real-time here and so when you compliment someone, who knows, maybe, they have to go to work right after you post, or, church, or , eat dinner, or, who knows, worst case scenario would be they are going somewhere where there is no internet ,like camping or, maybe, they lose power in there area for a day or two. like if you were in, think it was Louisville, on Sunday, people were taking a boat through that town because of the flooding and worrying about the christianchat.com experience was likely not high on their agenda .

 

[zeroturbulence]

I'm not an effusive person. But when I meet someone who is, it's hard not to feel like I have to "return" compliments. The thing is, if I only said something because I felt like I had to, then it would be fake, you know? So here's a question for the effusive people. When you're talking to someone who isn't returning your compliments, do you just assume that they aren't effusive, or do you think that they're purposefully taking compliments and never repaying them?

Just to clarify, I'm not the type to fish for compliments (unless they're for my goldfish ). And, for the sake of discussion, I'm not talking about flatterers or manipulators who say things that they don't really mean. I'm talking about people who are being genuine.

I see your compliment and raise you two compliments, so there!

 

[Tintin]

I don't take compliments well either. Obviously, it's nice to acknowledged but I get so embarrassed. Not sure why. I even get embarrassed when, for example, it's my birthday and family and friends are singing to me.