Son issues - help

[Fenner]

What do you do when your college freshman son who has been raised in a Christian household (Catholic) has turned away from God and the bible? In addition, he looks at gay porn on his computer, uses foul language, lies, and thinks he is either gay or bisexual. What is so sad is that he has everyone fooled. He grew up being a very kind, intelligent, trustworthy, talented person. I use to say he was the only person I knew who wouldn't or couldn't tell a lie. He was definitely Christian growing up - believing in the church, bible, and god. I feel like I woke up one day find him saying he is an Atheist, bisexual, who cusses (not around family only friends), and lies. I blame friends he hung out with, internet, tv, media, etc... There is just too much bad stuff out there for these kids to be influenced by. Now, we are totally paying for his education at a prestigious university. He does make good grades (right now) but how do I go about dealing with all this side stuff. I feel he it will all catch up with him and his career goals will go down the drain. Since we are paying for his education - do we have the right to tell him what he looks at on his computer, etc...? Just confused? BTW our family only believes in heterosexual marriage so this is again very disheartening. Please help and give me some direction. I also have spoken with priests about this with no help from them at all

If he lives on campus at the school I'm sure they have some sort of rule about the internet. You are paying the bill for his college which is generous of you. Ask him not to use that language in front of you, I"m sure you already have. He's out there on his own trying to figure things out. Try to be open to talking with him, not at him. Let him know that you are ready to listen and pray. God Bless.

 

[Nautilus]

If he lives on campus at the school I'm sure they have some sort of rule about the internet. You are paying the bill for his college which is generous of you. Ask him not to use that language in front of you, I"m sure you already have. He's out there on his own trying to figure things out. Try to be open to talking with him, not at him. Let him know that you are ready to listen and pray. God Bless.

the only internet rule your average college has is dont illegally download. they cant really control other aspects

 

[JimJimmers]

I have but one thing to add, that I didn't see anyone else mention. You said

I blame friends he hung out with, internet, tv, media, etc... There is just too much bad stuff out there for these kids to be influenced by.

That is not a Biblical view. Bad influences are out there for pretty much everybody on the planet. Before you ever blame anybody, you should first prayerfully search your own heart.

Having said that, a lot of kids who get into Pastafarianism and similar philosophies are ones who had a bunch of religous rules growing up, but never had a relationship with Jesus. If all they heard was what you're not allowed to do, they never found the freedom that is in Christ. I'm not saying that is the case with your family, but I thought the insight might be valuable.

 

[notuptome]

Boy this is a tough situation. There are two possibilities. First this person is simply experiencing freedom for the first time and is going against the norms to test the validity of their life experience or a much more sinister problem has revealed itself. It is possible that the young person was Christian only because they felt compelled to be Christian. It was not a genuine God purposed belief. Now that they are out of the house they feel free to express how they really feel.

The only positive thing I can say is what has already been said. Pray for this persons soul. I doubt that it will correct itself. Only direct intervention by God is going to bring the change needed. If the priests won't pray then find some Christians that will. It is a hard thing for a parent to bear but if we trust the Lord and place the child in His hands we can be at peace.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[Inquirer]

So I feel like I have to say something to this because I can relate to having serious family issues with my Mom, only the roles are reversed and I'm no longer in College and have a job and all that. I'm not gay, mind you, but I have genuine intellectual reasons for believing what I believe. I'm not the same as your son, and he's only 18, so maybe he hasn't really thought this through, but you need to have a genuine sit down with him. This won't change his mind, but as long as you sound like you actually took him seriously when he told you the reasons why he wasn't a believer anymore, then he might not hate you later on.

As for the gay thing, if he told you he thinks he's gay, then it's ok to say he thinks he's gay. But if he told you he's gay, it's probably not good to address it like "he thinks". It will come across as condescending to anyone who you tell that you know them better than they know themselves.

As for the porn, yeah, that stuff needs to go.

 

[Alicia]

First of all DON'T PANIC! What your son is going through is not unusual. He's been in a strong Christian family probably doing most of his activities with other Christians and now he's been exposed to people unlike any he's met before. Your son is finding himself, he could be talking to gay people and finding out they are nice people not demon spawn they're just gay that's all so he's questioning the values, your values, that he's grown up with. I wouldn't worry about the swearing he probably just thinks it's cool to do this and the shock you're registering is making him all the more determined. The parent child bond is the only relationship that grows further apart as it's meant to do, going from a baby totally dependent on the parents to an adult with their own ideas and values. From what you say he's not experimenting with drugs so I just think he's trying hard to fit in with the other students and doesn't want to be seen as a prude, he's gone overboard trying to impress them. I've been through this with one of my sons and I do sympathize with you, we were terrified that he was going to end up in major trouble. Now he's married with a family so we did all survive but it wasn't easy. Whatever you do don't criticize his new friends other than tell him you won't tolerate bad language in your home or allow porn to be viewed on your computer. Don't be drawn into discussing the homosexual marriage thing either he's pushing your angry buttons there! You're not alone in this so many parents with freshman college students are wondering who the heck this kid is who used to be their little boy. Welcome him with open arms, love him but set limits as to what you are comfortable with in your home. You've given him a set of values growing up and they're still there. Pray for him and love him unconditionally, the young man you know will come back to you.

God bless and guide you.